Veer Bhogya Vasundhara. Not.

What can one think of violence, sometimes it is necessary, but only sometimes. I imagine walking with my band of brothers with a rifle in my hand, cigarette in mouth cracking lewd jokes ready to wreak havoc on whatever it is in the front, there was once time for this and that time is not now. The time now is of glorified and validated mercenaries who themsleves don't know they are mercenaries. Those were the times of honour. The times when lewd jokes and honour went hand in hand. People don't know the whole truth, and so they think war is an option, it is not. It was once, and when it was the case those who rule above people failed them. And failing is still okay, but they sold them too. Now it's just badges and stars and insignias and flags that don't mean anything and if you feel rage on hearing this, I understand, you are a good person but you don't know the whole truth. It's a raid for resources, it has always been and those who are into self-defence get cucked invariably. Here is the trick, you see anyone doing self-defence know that they are fraud because those days when honour meant something are gone, they are just weak, they are cucked. When light of truth will dawn on you you'd realise that the biggest fraud is "ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." The little kids in village schools saluting the flag don't know that the same country will consume most of them, and since they are village children probably all of them. Reconnaissance is a fraud, only reconnaissance is for what you have in your pockets and those who employ the delusional band of brothers chanting war cries and raid your pockets and even your dignity and they don't even have gall to send the mercenaries to raid targets outside, told you they are cucked. The band of brothers is a fraud, it wasn't once. There is nothing special in special forces and it's heartbreaking. Freedom is a mirage, and while it does a sortie in front of your eyes, all it is doing is an airshow where all spectators are going to be the victims of the tragedy that's going to unfold slowly. 

Vidhaan

It's been quite some time I have realised that writing is meaningless in absolute totalitarianism but narratives make people's lives better and reading and writing provides people with narratives that they can adopt. With my experiences with psychiatry I have realised that only proper cure of mental disorders which are not neurological in nature but psychogenic are education and knowledge, this realisation came after the realisation of the fact that mental health issues are a political entity and it is at the same time I realised that a lot of people live in absolute totalitarianism at the psychological plane and it's sporadic so it looks like those who are not living in totalitarianism have merit. This realisation was the end of meritocracy as I knew it, and I finally realised that it's just the money that matters and not college degrees, though education and knowledge are of supreme importance for being able to know yourself and for maintainance of mental health and college degrees help in social survival which is the only form of survival in an absolutely totalitarian political setting. Reading is everything and I prefer fantasy because reality can become unbearable, but the unfortunate thing is that the reality of people too is absolutely orchestrated. In places like Purvanchal, where I belong from, it's a setup of straight-up exploitation and there are various methods that are used for it. At a professional level the most commonly used method is inducing imposter complex and one has to have knowledge of their subject and of themselves to counter that. Once I realised the level at which the totalitarianism is present, it became easy to decode the setup. It's as simple as a bunch of megalomaniacal, egomaniac and self-assured assholes and rapists employed by them exploiting people based on blueprints of morality, social conventions, religion and law. If you have noticed this country, you would easily see that it's only the good people that suffer, I have been seeing this pattern since childhood and it is justified as God loves good people more so he puts them to tests which is a standard religious justification. The real truth is however that this country is run by entitled psychopathic criminals and so good people are natural enemy to them and so they are tortured and exploited the most. It's funny that things are this simple but they are and there is nothing that can be done about it because the control is at a level where it can't be countered and have no doubt about it, it is all political and economic, there is no greater truth to it. Build your fortress of comfort and happiness and be sure that it will be eventually raided by criminals who run this nation but build it nevertheless. Do the best you can, it's the best you can do. 

Hoodie Warming

It was snowing. They were together in the blanket. The snow covering the trees was visible from the glass windows. It’s been so long since they’ve been together and today was the day, society can go to hell, it’s a mutual conclusion. She keeps her head on his chest slowly breathing making the fabric on his hoodie warm. Have they come here together just for cuddling? no one knows that, even they don’t know. But it feels good, after ten long years when they had chosen each other instinctively. The unconscious can identify soulmates in a snap they say and it happened to both of them and back then there was no time for courting, neither time nor the privilege so they decided to fuck, hard and dirty. It’s been ten years since that chance meeting after which their paths diverged. True love still has to live under the balls of society. Genuine self-expression is a no no in this world of whoring out yourself for performance. He runs his fingers on her hair. Luscious hair. It’s still snowing and they are comfortable. He runs his finger on her lips. She is a few years older than him, but he likes to play daddy and she is kind enough to let him play. Time passes slowly but fast for them as fast as when you are writing an exam where you know all the answers. No hard fucking, no dirty tricks. It’s all they want. It’s a shame that cleanliness has to hide in fear of filth. The purity of something is now just a brand name and does not indicate the true nature of the product.

Dunhill Blues

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Broken Dreams Expressway

The car glides down the highway. A vulture swoops down and hits the windshield. It's dead. You don't see vultures anymore and it was probably the last of its kind. They used to eat carrion and keep the environment healthy but they got consumed. Journalists being called vultures is an insult to vultures but they don't exist anymore to feel bad about it. You got to know the whole story to make sense of things and whole story is only known by God who got buried long ago. People commit adultery, and then they are punished by rapists. Which good man or woman bothers about punishing a man or woman committing adultery? I mean their life, their choice. Mediaeval torture has just become untraceable giving the illusion that it has ceased to exist, it has actually become even potent and it has latched itself to your life. The entire life. The car has resumed running, a few feathers, last remnants, last evidences of the last vulture that there was still sticking to the bonnet. It's an endless highway. There are no songs on the stereo, just the wind whistling through the windows. The driver driving on the endless highway had lost love, and now he has killed the last vulture on the planet. Both love and vulture are never coming back. And he thinks that probably the ones committing adultery know that, that love is never coming back and so they seek thrill, they seek excitement of cheating their spouses. Though it backfires when the videos of them in bed with someone other than their spouses starts circulating on WhatsApp, and their spouse comes and does the much needed drama and people record videos giving birth to the viral whatsapp sensations. The driver decides to put songs on the stereo, so he pulls the windows up. He has the collection of songs from his college days burned in a flash drive. He plugs the drive in the stereo and pushes play. A temporal shift takes him back to his college days, where love and pussy were different things. They still are but love is extinct and pussy sells with a side of brain. The more sophisticated the brain the more expensive the pussy. The highway is endless and the sun has started to set. He is literally driving into the sunset with his college playlist playing on the stereo and he plans to keep driving forever. 

Phallic

You see the preteen boy with posters of beautiful Indian models on his wall. There are school books kept in shelves made in cement walls, deep shelves with books kept haphazardly. The television is on with a bollywood movie playing, the main character an alcoholic drinking from his steel flask every once in a while, the boy watches him, it is intriguing because the flask looks cool, it wouldn't have if he has seen a rickshawala doing the same with country liquor in a plastic pouch. An 8-bit videogame console is kept under the tv covered in a pillowcase to save it from dust. When the boy lies on his bed the models from the posters on the wall look directly at him, he doesn't think much of them, except it is cool to have girls on his wall, makes him seem mature. He can't wait to grow up, to become independent; he checks the soft hairs where his moustache should be, they are still soft. When the boy grew up, he avoided shaving, a thing he looked forward to the most. Growing up is not for everyone, quite literally. He looks at himself in the mirror with his disheveled hair and beard. He looks like a caveman, a caveman who has been emasculated by men who think of themselves to be real men. It's a process of convection, it's about greater masculinity and lesser masculinity and greater masculinity making lesser masculinity seem effeminate but is it really about it? It's actually about being civilized and uncivilized and he knows it and a lot of good men have been sodomised by uncivilization masquerading as greater masculinity. There is no greater masculinity, and so there is no lesser masculinity. In the end it's a dick hanging above two balls, and two choices, one to kill an innocent and two to not do that. 

Hygiene

It's like you are living two parallel lives. One what it is, and one what could have been. Maybe three, one what it is, one what could have been and one what it actually is. You saw heaven collapsing in front of you. You were there on the ground back then looking up at the castles in air where everything is permitted. You saw the falling debris of collapsing heaven, some falling too near to you that you ended up thanking God for not getting crushed. A piece of heaven falls near the manhole and you look at it and examine like an archaeologist. You look at the manhole cover embossed with a brand that promises civic duty and you lift the manhole cover and look inside the manhole to find hell. A hell where everything is permitted just in a different manner than the heaven. You climb in the hell to find that a secret passage goes from the underground hell to the crumbling heaven in the sky, through thin air. The passage is one way, the residents of heaven come from heaven here for spending some of their weekends, not all. You look around and you see a woman squatting and peeing trying to quench the fire underneath her, but it is hell and there is just too much fire and no amount of pee is going to quell it. You see all kinds of things happening, everything is permitted in hell too, remember? But not for all, just for some. You have seen enough and you try to get out the same way you came through the manhole but as you climb the ladder to the ground someone grabs your legs, you look down from the ladder halfway but you see no one just darkness, you pull yourself up getting yourself out of the manhole and you cover the manhole with the cover hastily. You try to get up but realise that your legs are not there, they got pulled into the hell, as you grieve a shining piece of heaven falls besides you from the sky.

Pulping The Portal

Looking forward is the way to go. Though a lot of people have nothing to look forward to and it’s okay because present, this very moment is everything. It’s this moment that you can take decision or choose the course of your life. Doing something novel is difficult, not because it actually is but because it is made to be difficult and so one can choose to do the mundane. Needs are needs and until they are met it’s hard to think of anything further so the focus should be on meeting the needs but work should never stop waiting for needs. I think about literature a lot and apart from my work a lot of my time goes into thinking about literature and books. I think about pulp magazines of the 20th century which contained fantasy and science fiction stories. It was a good time; in fact, it was a great time. I like pulp, and I’m not ashamed of it, because Booker winning works don’t entertain you, pulp actually does. Booker winning work might depress you in this already depressed and attention seeking world, but pulp would excite you and make you have fun. It’s a shame that pulp now is nowhere to be seen and if it is it is of very low quality which is shameful because snobs already think of pulp as low. I miss pulp writing, I miss pulp art. One of my favourite authors H. P. Lovecraft used to send his stories to a magazine for publication. His work was pulp until he got fame and unfortunately, he got fame posthumously. Most great people get fame posthumously, it’s sad but it is the way of this world and I don’t think it will ever change. Lovecraft’s stories really pull you in their world, it’s a sort of dark wonder. I don’t know if everyone feels Lovecraft as I feel him but his works give me a respite, not that I’m dependent on that respite, but still. It gives you a break from anthropocentrism and gives you the sweet and heavy vibe of Gothic literature. Ancient gods who are indifferent to humanity, well, at least they are not malevolent. Though he has also written about malevolent entities and gods. His works are entertaining nevertheless if you are into that type of writing. I like exploring the space, alternate dimensions and portals and especially after being aware of political truth of this country, portals remain the only thing that can help you suspend your belief if you are suffering from hyperreality of today’s era. Portals taking you in past, and in fantastical kingdoms, in alternate dimensions and anywhere you want and you can keep the reality of this world as it is. This approach would of course count as magical realism but you can, with the realism of this world turning magical can explore any genre that needs suspension of belief keeping the reality of the real-world newspaper and television world true. Mafia of hinterlands of Bihar and Lovecraftian gods and monsters can coexist with just a portal between them and corrupt bureaucracy of this country and fantastical realm of Middle Earth can coexist, again with just a portal in between and it is up to you to open or close that portal or decide when to open or close that portal. I like pulp and so I write pulp but then I can mix a bit of depressive literary writing in it to by opening a portal between Booker style depressive literary writing and pulp. It’s all the same in the end, but the snobs won’t get it. Sometimes the mundane opens the portal to the novel, and present opens the portal to future. Needs need not to fulfilled for you to continue working, wasted time is costly and so you must build that portal to the future even when you are deprived of your needs. Pulp is not considered literature, but for me it is every bit of literature that literary prize winning literature is. My goal is to write good pulp. Literary capability is just the bus I'm taking to reach there.

Preserving The Petrichor

One of the main goals for me while writing is writing something that actually matters. I have been exposed to good writing and so I try to write something that would matter in the long run. Truth is something that matters and in the past decade of my life I have been thoroughly exposed to the truth of this country and through it probably the world. Good writing is rare these days because they come from actual human connection which are getting eroded in today's times due to sociopolitical factors of our times. I personally refuse to be deluded and face the truth as it is, which unfortunately is not that beautiful but truth is always beautiful no matter how ugly it is. It's really difficult for people now to get on the same page, or if they are not, to agree to disagree. I refuse to hallucinate a constructed reality in which criminals construct realities for you. The best thing that I discovered during my tryst with the truth of existence in the past decade is that nature trumps all, even if the politics of the land hijacks your reality and your consciousness, the nature, your true nature rejects the delusions as soon as it becomes aware of the political hijacking of the self. You might not have complete control of your self but enough to see through the designs of control. Your true consciousness once it becomes aware of political hijacking rejects the false political hijacking and delusions just like immunity rejects foreign bodies. How beautiful is it. It's still not an evidence of the kind of God we worship, but it's definitely an evidence of an intelligent design that preserves and propagates itself. The political setting is basically, in this nation at least, predator and prey setup and I'm talking about the deepest politics of the land and not the television and newspaper politics. Once you realise it, things kind of get easy. It is an absolutely totalitarian and exploitative setup run by criminals and once one becomes aware of it life of a good man becomes easy because he gets rid of self-blame and guilt. It's basically a setup of making you feel guilty, exploiting you for it and then murdering you and once when you are aware of this basic truth of existence in this country, you are free to do things that you truly enjoy. I like women writers because they explore the nuances of emotions especially the softer emotions and I appreciate it, but as a man and also as a physician when I see that people are being murdered insidiously and from inside by none other than actual criminals who are absolute bottom of humanity in all respects, it becomes kind of a duty to document the process and knowing there are no remedies, at least give people diagnosis for their suffering so that their souls are not anguished and are at peace. The reality I saw was horrifying but then I saw the individuals who were committing the horrors and then things kind of became amusing. Absolutely inferior individuals can get away with inflicting infinite amount of suffering on people just because they are inferior and pathetic and this is the very case with this nation. It's ruled by individuals who are spineless and cowardly with no integrity and who are infinitely cruel and they sanctify their cruelty as will of God. It's a fraud going on in which all authentic things are being systematically eliminated. And so I like to keep my writing authentic and write things that actually matter. 

Paradise Lost

I'm not a very big Dostoevsky fan but I know where he comes from. People swear by him regarding him as one of the greatest author and psychologist in history. I'm more of a Kafka person. Dostoevsky's suffering comes from conscience and I know quite a lot about it, but Kafka's suffering comes from invisible structures around him. To be frank even Dostoevsky's suffering comes from invisible structures around him but it seems to me that he was not as acutely perceiving of them as Kafka was and he was more preoccupied with his religious and moral guilt. Dostoevsky can be regarded as a great psychologist for good people who have gone through terrible suffering but the truth of the world is that there are people who suffer and then there are those who inflict suffering. I realised that in India, dignified suffering is not an option, the invisible power structures the so-called invisible bureaucratic structures Kafka was occupied with are not so bureaucratic as they are exploitative in India. They demand absolute surrender while they exploit and rape you, but that is only when you wake up to them, before that they exploit, and mainly good people, with lies, delusions and inducing guilt mostly moral or religious guilt. It's a standard setting in Purvanchal and once one becomes aware of this invisible setup things come down to straight up framing, intimidation and blackmail of course as invisible as the setup itself. The unfortunate things is that this setup has all the information about a person since birth and in that way this is providence and one realises that in this country the very providence that should have fostered moral living, good behaviour and closeness to God has sold itself to politicians and corporations and is used for political vendettas, altering family histories of people and straight-up exploitation. It's not intelligence agencies,  it is something deeper than them but it also works as intelligence agencies in its very true form at present it is basically a system of slavery and a person's complete life and autonomy can be hijacked if they had any to begin with. Since I have really seen the extent of control which can surpass beyond hundred percent and the torture that can be inflicted on minds, bodies and souls of people and the social engineering and surveillance albeit neurological in nature I ended up realising the true demonic nature of this country. What runs this country doesn't actually believe in God and God and religion are straight up front for exploitation but one must believe in God just to not give this entity one more reason to exploit them though it doesn't need any reasons for exploitation as it creates them if there aren't any. It's sociopolitical and politico-economic and there is no greater truth about existence in this country, though there is greater truth to existence in general and people are not just sociopolitical and politico-economic entities they are deeper than that, they are spiritual beings capable of love, but as far as Purvanchal, my lovely home region goes which thrives on exploiting people by deluding them about their own lives and raping them behind facade of religion there is nothing more to existence but since I am acquainted with the real culture that once was I know what once existed. Let me give you a model of religious setup of this nation, or at least Purvanchal, imagine this nation as a village and it has temple and villagers, and the priests in this village keep finding excuses for raping the villagers giving them religious reasons or some other reasons of guilt whenever they want to rape their wives, sisters and mothers and make that rape seem as a punishment for what they have done. I was aware of this setup since I have read a lot since childhood but I didn't know that this was the standard setup of this nation, or at least Purvanchal. I grew up reading Amar Chitrakatha, Chandamama and.various religious and spiritual books and looking back I realise that those were just intellectualisations of people's suffering. Hinduism is a beautiful way of life, but unfortunately it has been co-opted and not recently but since quite a while it just it has gotten ugly in the past decade. As far as Purvanchal goes, the modus operandi is to exploit till you are alive and while you are dying the whole blame of your suffering throughout your life is put on you. In short it's like the villain in the Bobby Deol movie soldier says "kaam khatam, aadmi khatam". My culture was beautiful, my people were beautiful and I was alive when it was so. My culture is now ugly and people are slowly turning into scammers. It's now a rape based economy where common people are deprived even of basic intimacy and mates and are assigned mates through social engineering and in a way that partners become liability for each other, while rape goes on behind the pretext of religion. There is Kafka, there is Dostoevsky, but they aren't born without the invisible structures torturing their souls. The most unfortunate thing is that the invisible structure in this country isn't even dignified. At this point these motherfuckers are doing anything to anyone and it's just sex, money exploitation and torture of minds, bodies and souls of people.

Burari Case of Disappearing Books

I might think of doing some complex writing but then I just keep getting sociopolitical insights about this shithole of a country. Don't get me wrong, we had a beautiful civilization, we have (had) beautiful cultures and we have an absolutely beautiful constitution it's the reality that is ugly and after getting acquainted with the true nature of those who truly run this country I realised that the general setup is not going to change and internally it is going to get even more ugly with a few selected people from the crowd getting airconditioning both internal and external. I keep thinking of doing away with political writing almost daily, but then I see too much for my own good. It's a sad thing that most fiction is about people, comic books are about people and after seeing the absolute true reality of this nation I realise that no other genre except noir suits this reality and here my initially conceptualised adventure fantasy novel goes into the dustbin though I have bought a word processor just for writing that thing. Novels of Amish who deals with mythology or more accurately mytho-fiction or mytho-fantasy are substandard but he got away with writing a few when in late 2000s and early 2010s writers could still write. Now he is, instead of writing more, and hopefully better mythofiction, has turned into a full-time propagandist making substandard shows on Discovery proving Ramayana was real. I mean what difference would it make if Ramayana was real if people's lives are exact opposite of Ram Rajya. Myth-making is essential for a country, our ancients did it, America does it with its comic book industry and superhero movies, Japanese do it with Manga and Anime. The assholes running this nation are so afraid of indigenous narratives empowering people that they have dismantled the myth-making industry of this country, people do not have indigenous fantasies anymore. I was lucky to have them in 90s and it has powered me through the absolutely tough times I have gone through in my life. Is it this simple? I wouldn't have thought it is. But it is. The comic book writers and artists are now writing and drawing for American companies, and some of them are doing BJP vs Congress on YouTube and Instagram. I mean you got to feed your family right? I was connected with literature and comic books so I got to see the whole process of their dismantling and now I'm afraid people have turned so beastly and opportunistic in the past decade that their revival is not possible as no one now will value sitting in their room and diving into a comic book or a good Indian fantasy novel. It's also the fact that reality of this country is so ugly and on the face that immersing yourself in a fantasy or superhero media of an Indian background and setting seems almost impossible. So I guess memes ridiculing people and especially emotional and sentimental people is the future of this country. The motherfuckers actually running this country took the ancient social fabric of this country and weaponised it and creating above it a fake heaven of fashion, media and corporate indulgence while siphoning off and destroying the beauty of real cultures of the land. 

Baby Baith Bolero Mein

The tragedy of life is you got to sacrifice your true self for your family and earning a living and I almost did that. But then I realised that I write, and I sometimes use my writing as a vent for my true self that still remains and watches the world from inside despite the expectations of family and societal pressures. It took me thirty years of my life to realise that Indian society is not worth adapting to, you got to choose your own way of life, still there a conventions and if you are a peaceful man you have to follow those conventions quietly so that you seem to be part of the crowd and can do your personal work quietly and peacefully. There are things happening in this country at present, kids qualifying medical entrances and then killing themselves because they don't want to study medicine. Doctors being beaten up. There are invisible hierarchies all over the place and what I have realised in the past decade is that it is not about real work but about performance. It's a performative country where people have no integrity and no actual real work is done, everyone is hustling at the expense of other person. The past decade made clear to me that we are ruled by incompetent, entitled and demonic assholes. What can be done is to cultivate an island of personal respite and beauty, but then more often than not these personal islands of respite and beauty are raided and ruined by assholes employed by the so called providence of this country. The oppression and discrimination is centralised and like the water in a blocked pipe, the frustration of people is finding other ways to get out and mostly not very beautiful ways. The lack of intelligence and total apathy of those who truly run this country is what baffled me the most. The goals of what truly runs this nation are simple, depriving people of their needs, no not wants and desires, but needs, and depriving their lives of aesthetics and love, making most of the country especially the lower and middle classes into an image of general compartment of an Indian Railways train. I have realised that most of the people in this country are hypocrites with different rules for themsleves and for others and in a scenario like this a person who is empathetic not only suffers the system but also actively, and mind you not passively but actively, exploited by the system. I am not surprised because in the past decade I have got the evidence that the actual power in this country was transferred by the British to the village rapists of the yore, who are very unsurprisingly still village rapists just with Fortuners and Thars and their daddies with Lamborghinis and Mercedes and BMWs. Academicians and scientists are treated as losers with respect for them just being performative and and artists are treated as prostitutes. It is the standard setting which has come to the fore after the good times we had in 90s and early 2000s. The hierarchies and stratas are increasing, and at the same time old hierarchies are being dismantled except discriminatory hierarchies such as caste, even in the case of people like doctors, there are different doctors for the rich and poor now in this country which is not only sad but also hilarious. When you understand this setup you realise that these bastards are retarded with total imbalance between ability and power. What they are doing now is altering family histories of people in retrospect, and this is enough to tell you that these motherfuckers are doing anything they want with lives of people. Not much can be done. Only option left is having fun and trying to make good memories because if memories are not good and God forbid you have emotional trauma that again would be exploited throughout your life. 

Cigar is A Cigar

You have to make sure that you are making the best use of time that is either you are earning money through your time or creating something that is, well, worth it. How demonic can this country be at the deepest level? There is no real end to it actually. It's infinite. It's monkeys with laser guns scenario and I have, fortunately or unfortunately, have had the first row tickets of this show for the past twenty years. Thankfully I got into medicine and lived to tell the tale, not everyone is that lucky. The thing to know here is that life is real-time and your fate is at whims and depends upon the mood of, well, whoever. Just say they are individuals employed by important individuals. In this kind of scenario when your fate is whimsical and you think of it as an act of God, the first thing is to realise that it is not an act of God, the second thing, as I mentioned, is to make the best use of your time, earn money, creating something worth creating or there is a third option that depends on the first option, have fun. It is heartbreaking that whole lives of majority people in this country are frauds orchestrated by individuals who are not even worthy of being in even thousand kilometres proximity of them. But that's the arrangement and there is nothing that can be done about that. I work for money, and create and sometimes I write about the shitshow that I have witnessed in my life after realising that people are deemed dispensable and unworthy by individuals who are themsleves absolute bottom in of humanity. I would have thought that to witness the absolute bottom of humanity I would have to go to World War II era Germany (well at least according to the American version of the history), or late 1938s Nanking or maybe tribal Afghanistan or Pakistan. I had to go nowhere, except my hometown. It was a baffling realisation but thanks to my hometown and home region, I realised that holocaust and rape of nanking are a continuous affairs always going on in the background, seems unbelievable? It was for me too until I witness the whole modus operandi, of course unwillingly. I with my beautiful luck not only lived to tell the tale but also witnessed what constitutes the lower two-thirds of invisible part of the iceberg Indian society is. No points for guessing, it's rape, exploitation and genocide. It's a big claim but it is what it is, I'm just leaving it out here so that when shit hits the fan, which it eventually will for everyone, they may realise that it was never their fault. What I saw made me realise how cowardly my region is and how cowardly this country is. If I have to give a character sketch of the person that truly and accurately, taking into account the lower two-thirds of the invisible portion of Indian society represents this country, it would be the guy who scoops out eyes of children with a hot spoon in the movie Slumdog Millionaire, to make them beg of course while he pockets the amount those children have begged. Thanks to the internet the true reality and true totalitarianism of this country, where relatives can't even talk to each other without getting jealous of each other, heads up: there is an insidious force acting there. Remember the British? Divide and rule? How to discribe the executive branch of individuals involved for crowd control? Well, I can try. Take a number line put infinity on both side of the number line the minus side that is the right side of the number line is for courage or cowardice and the plus side that is the left side is for cruelty. This number line explains those who are actually running this nation, infinite cowardice and infinite cruelty. Religion is stiched seamlessly into this arrangement of whimsical cruelty by making it analogous to the things you have done in your life or more accurately the things you have been made to do to make things happening to you seem like karma. Of course there are bubbles of airconditioned existences where people live with pleasurable sensations but then for a person like me it doesn't really matter when this bubble is in a literal sewer. The sad thing is not that the lower two-third of this society is a literal septic tank of rape, coercion, manipulation and murder, the actual sad thing is that each person of this country is always connected to it and fate can switch any time. It's a sword always hanging at the neck of each and every person, while the lower classes think of it as their devtas getting angry, the educated lot of us, don't have that consolation and especially people like me who have been to depths of what it actually is and to be blunt have realised that the individuals who are writing our fates in this country are noone but rapist criminals picked or groomed from the absolute lower classes by the rich, or it can be the government too, and tin foil hat doesn't really help, I haven't tried it though. 

Vishwaguru Feels

You know how that works, tech bros who think of everything as calculation and code dictating lives of people, and humanities people who should really decode and create socio-cultural setups are lying with dildos of LGBTQ, communism and socialism in their ass while flicking their beans with the vibrator of capitalism. The collapse of this country is a sight to behold. I have no business in it though, I'm just sitting in the front row with a popcorn bucket in my hand while I document this trainwreck of a country. My own culture has been raped out of recognition so I don't really have to bother with others. I create aesthetics because I like creating aesthetics. It's an insurmountable task in the totalitarian slavery but it's not a mission for me, I do it because I enjoy doing it. I enjoy writing and I enjoy creating aesthetics, and I do it in my free time as a hobby so no harm done. I recently got myself old copies of Chandamama from a scam looking website, thankfully it was not, and after reading older editions of Chandamama, even the ones which I had not read earlier, I realised that I was not hallucinating, literature, art and media really had gravitas in the past. My goals are simple, having fun no matter what, and if I'm not having fun then trying to have fun and I would suggest the same to everyone in the present political scenario. It's not going to get better for those whom it is not, because it is already better for those whom it is, growth is a mirage and while for those who live in poverty who might rise, they are going to do it in exchange of their soul and the gun of blackmail for their past and family history will always be there behind their heads and their progeny's heads should they choose to procreate. This is the real setting and this is how it is behind all the social media hullabaloo and influencing, brand promotions and IIT passing out and UPSC qualifications. So here are the basics: earn money, try to keep your family together and have fun. These are the only three commandments for the India of today. 

Kepler

The vastness of universe is a respite from suffering. The realisation that we are but a miniscule dot in the universe takes our mind away from the slavery we are born in and live. The realisation of the slavery is the first step in truly enjoying the universe but that comes with burden of knowledge that wherever we are in the universe, we'd still be slaves at least it looks like it. God has been thoroughly absent from my life and it is later that I realised that He was absent because He didn't exist. Though He has been present in my life to, and it is here that I realised the true nature of God, he is present and absent at the same time. Here is an example of how God truly works, he doesn't save a horse or bullock from pulling the bullock cart, he however does gradually makes him stronger so that pulling the heavy load becomes easier. But then many would say it's just nature and I would say nature is mother, isn't it? I as I matured realised that it there really was God there wouldn't have been genocides, past and ongoing and what presents to us as God is actually the politics. It's an empire that hides behind the facade of God and it's mediaeval behind all its modernity. As one matures one realises that there is no justice in the world, but I realised that true justice exists and it can be done it's just it's not possible practically. In absence of justice, the vast coldness of universe becomes even more inviting. Just the knowledge that a vast expanse indifferent to our woes exists and escape if not in the world then the universe is possible. How great it would be, getting away to a distant planet where wearing the tin foil hat is not required. There are so many concepts as humans, the concept of eternal damnation, reincarnation as a different species, concept of heaven and hell and circles of hell. But then there is nature, a rabbit eats vegetables, a snake swallows the frog, a fish swallows smaller fish. Comfort as a man was out of question, even if now we have airconditioning and comfort shouldn't be sought too. What I don't like personally, is housing assholes in my personal space, and the best thing that nature did is that assholes can only enter the main gate and maximum till the drawing room. Tin foil hat or not, they can't really get beyond the drawing room or the living room and I think that it's beautiful. Quantum computing can make simulations of your thoughts, thinking pattern and behaviour but it can't make a simulation of what you are and it is how I shoved the pointy side of the tin foil hat in the assholes of, well, assholes. 

Sandpaper

My first brush with noir was with the game Max Payne. Though when I look back now I realise that I had been reading comics of Doga since forever. I like gritty and I have been a fan of it, it's a stylistic choice though and I like other aesthetics too but gritty aesthetic is the closest to my lived reality. I remember that when I left my first college I specifically decided to be an antihero, I was a believer of shade of grey then I still am in some ways but when we consider the political reality of the world dichotomy of good and evil is the only truth. Deep down you are either good or evil, there is no grey there, though life experiences can shape people to be grey though it's always good that turns grey and never the evil so you can say that grey is good that has gone through terrible suffering. I had been suffering with fibromyalgia since I was 18, though now thanks to my medical knowledge I have overcome it, but that came with the cost of knowing the true political reality of the world. I have gone past the phase of an antihero, disillusioned and cynical. What I now know is the truth and if I get power, which is impossible in a setting like these because those who have and gatekeep the actual power are criminals, there is going to be bloodbath. I realised that the providence of this country thrives of raping, torturing and humiliating innocents and the chief emotions it is guided by are baseless malignant ridicule, rape and schadenfreude. Once you get the proof of this, life doesn't remain the same. Noir is a ripe genre for this kind of a setting. I remember getting into black and white photography in 2013, I remember translating my life into noir aesthetic. It's the pain that translates into grit and in my case it was totally undeserved but then I realised that there are millions of people in this country who are being mindlessly tortured and raped in the name of God, fate, karma and providence. I'm just lucky that I found out my diagnosis, baseless hate thrown on to my mind and body especially when I had no business with those who was doing it to me. I realised in the process that honestly doing your job or work is impossible, if not in this country then at least in Purvanchal, and end point of a good person is either being corrupt or criminal which kind of doesn't suit my lifestyle as I'm a kind of person who likes to do his work honestly and come home and read books. The totalitarianism is more than hundred percent, and I can tell only about Purvanchal, your life's decisions are taken by others and then you are forced to live those decisions. The individuals in the providence breed you like animals and you have to fold your hands and keep getting sodomised by them and their whims. This was not the issue though, the issue was that these are local mafia and politicians and godmen of your locality. This is when things became unacceptable to me. Noir is just a genre though and I explore other genres too. Noir is just a something that soothes me, and I hope there comes a time when noir is not required or only exists as a source of entertainment for those who are into grit. 

HEV

I stopped playing videogames in 2008 when I was about to go to college. So the first thing when I got Steam I did was to buy all the games that I missed out on, though ironically I don't really have time to play them anymore. I have all the games that I missed out on and while I can fire up Hogwarts Legacy or RDR2 on my machine and play them, I just don't feel like it. I am a big fan of the Half-life series and Gordon Freeman was a big inspiration when I was younger that's what good characters do, they inspire you. He was one of the reasons I wanted to get a PhD. Though back in the day PhD actually had a value. Max Payne was probably the reason I got into noir as a genre. I played Max Payne when I was maybe seventeen years of age. A great game for its time and it actually still holds up when I play it on my mobile phone. Even if the graphics and technology become outdated the story still holds up. I'm a story person and I seek stories whether it be in short stories, novels, comics, TV series, movies or video games. I can list a few video games that genuinely inspired me, and what are video games anyway other than stories that let you take part in them. You can play a soldier in Call of Duty, you can play a disillusioned cop in Max Payne, an emperor in Age of Empires and God in The Sims. I really hope to complete Hogwarts Legacy and RDR2 though and then I can think about the other games in my library. It's kind of funny that now when I have all the games I wanted as a kid and all the games that I missed out on when I went to college I just don't feel like playing them but then I am one of the few people who know exactly why. 

Grih Mantralaya

There are individuals in this world who are filled with nothing but hatred for people they hate people for their race, social class, caste, religion and even their mental and physical attributes even those on which people have no control over. It was a good realisation for me as I was the kind of person who used to think why would someone hate someone who has done no harm to them. The world however doesn't work like that. Hatred and discrimination is the engine that actually runs the world and if you honestly look back at your life you would get multiple evidences proving this fact. The game, especially, in this country is of numbers. When the population is more you can get away with hating and harming due to your hate anyone. You might have seen in the 90s that mountain and hill people were always loving and cooperating in nature, it is because in the hills and mountains due to the terrain people need each other. Hills are not same anymore though, thanks to the media hatred and discrimination has reached there too and corrupted the mountain and hill people. This proves that you can corrupt anyone, of course their essence won't be corrupted but politics of hate can cloud their mind so much that they won't be able to reach their essence. The culture I belong to used to run on love. This what I grew up with, abundance of love and respect for each other, until in my youth I came across the entity that controls the culture and I realised that these motherfuckers are full of hate and discrimination and none of this hate and discrimination has a basis in reality. I have seen the literal destruction of the culture with my own eyes if I compare the culture I grew up in and the state of culture at present. Of course it is related with money, social class, political power, sex and resources and the assholes harvesting these at the expense of people have employed criminals who are filled with needless hate and discrimination. It's not rocket science the setup, these motherfuckers are picked up from the lower classes and exposed to the lives of people way better than them. One of the basic things in selection of these motherfuckers is that they are criminals, have massive egoes and zero integrity, and these assholes then are used to sabotage people of good family backgrounds, I won't be going into the details of sabotage but I would explain the mind of these employed criminals work. Having access to the lives of people way better than them they start to think themsleves as better than them which unfortunately is not the case in reality and due to their massive egoes they keep finding faults in them to make themselves feel superior to them and in many cases the faults found are either immaterial or imagined. It is these kind of individuals whom the actual establishment of this country, which is present at the deepest level, deeper than even the government, or if it is actually the government than I have no idea, I just know that godmen are a part this system of exploitation and rape though it's hard to explain the actual setup but I would suppose that individuals from all walks of life are a part of it at different levels. The things that I have noticed that are used to sabotage people and families and even end them are magnification of immaterial faults into something big, nitpicking, guilt-tripping, victim shaming and blaming and when things really amp up straight up intimidation, blackmail and physical torture. It is how I came to know that the structure that has access to your minds, bodies and memories is a criminal syndicate and directly connected to corporations even corporations of foreign origin and godmen and religious setup. When I came to know about involvement of godmen and religious figures in this setup that was my last step in fully turning atheist politically. Though at a personal level I'm still a spiritual man and I, due to tradition of my clan, still believe in Divine Mothers. My best guess is those who actually run this country (and now I'm sure that it's not Narendra Modi) are coolies and slaves of Whites and Muslims. Why Whites and Muslims? Trust me I have my reasons and very solid reasons for my assumptions. It's a political system of exploitation, while the government does token effort of governance. The reality is that it's a banana republic where these motherfuckers are literally selling your lives, thoughts and memories to foreign corporations even in backward regions like Purvanchal and Bihar and even in tier 3 and tier 4 towns. The technicalities  mechanism of control is something I haven't still been able to decode but then there are countless cases of remote neural monitoring and I have studied them carefully to make sense of them. The thing to know is that the setup is not individualised only the targeting, torture, suffering and sabotage of people are, the setup of control is systemic and everyone is a part of it. It's as simple as the more people hate, the more they become isolated and incapable of living a happy life and less happy they are the more easy to control and sell things they become. The situation is such that anyone who talks about this setup is discredited and branded insane and of course they are as it is unbelievable but the funny part is that these motherfuckers are so filled with hate and used to raping, torturing and murdering innocent people that after the rise of internet the actual condition of this country, the crime, the discrimination as well as discontent and unhappiness of people is for all to see and anyone who gets over their cognitive dissonance can see things clearly now. It's basically system of sociopolitical and socioeconomic slavery where only the ones chosen due to cronyism and nepotism or on the basis of absolute lack of integrity and the mindset of betraying their own people rise up in life and life of people is divided into invisible stratas in which in the past decade they have been conveniently locked into. Who thought with all the idealistic things we are taught in school, life would be this simple. Not me.

Bull Tongue Soup

Things tend to have an essence. The genres I write in have an essence. We have reached a time in this country where the reality and the narrative being peddled have become totally disconnected, it was kind of like that earlier too but since the internet became mainstream in early 2010s it has fuelled that divide and to make up it and prevent people from seeing that divide the totalitarianism at the psychological plane has been amped up and now people are actively being kept in delusions through neuropolitical method as well as through the algorithm of the social media apps which once used to be social network. Things were great till Orkut or Facebook's initial days and then social networks were turned into social media and turned into a financial machines and also weaponised. I being from days of Yahoo Chatrooms tried to find genuine company or groups where people actually discussed their interests finally realising that it wasn't possible anymore, genuine human connection on the internet died with Yahoo Chatrooms and Orkut and that would be late 2000s. What is going on since then on the internet is peddling of propaganda and delusions. When people are deprived of the basics such as freedom and connection, no number of psychological designs in form of social media applications claiming to help people connect are going to help. Internet technology was enough during Yahoo and during the same time we had mobile phones and SMS and that was enough for a common man to reach their loved ones in emergency. WhatsApp does nothing that Yahoo Messenger, Email and SMS couldn't do and yet WhatsApp now is an integral part of our lives. People in 2020s are just simulators of their ideas and beliefs systems there is nothing more to them, at least in the views of the individuals who own and control this setup of absolute totalitarianism. The bottom line? Resources including land, money and sex, since I have got really acquainted to this setup in the past decade I know that women are nothing but fleshlight for the individuals who are part of this setup and baits for the lesser mortals. Men are beasts of burden, especially the good ones. It's a setup where finance, religion, politics and technology intersect and it is a setup where individuals who own this intersection enslave the people and exploit and as entertainment rape, torture and murder them. It's unfortunate but it what it is. Progress is delusion, at least of the society. Individuals still can progress but that generally entails giving up genuine happiness and/or betraying one's own people. I would write my stories though, it's hard to write them but I would make the effort because the good ones among the people need to hear these stories. 

Write Concepts #16

I realise that there is no point in fighting writer's block, you just got to write. Most writers suggest being consistent as the only cure of writer's block and that's what I do. I have started a new flash fiction project on Tumblr, and I have in my mind two series of stories that I would work on. At present I'm writing a novella and aiming for a word count of 30,000. Then there are novels for which I'm collecting inspirations and making plans. There is one more idea about which I don't know if it would be better as a series of stories or a novella. The flash fiction project is dear to me and I use flash fiction to warm up for longer works. The one thing that troubles me is that I haven't still been able to collect my writings and file them at their respective locations and post them on their respective blogs or websites. It's a thing that hinders the work of writing but this filing and posting is a kind of mechanical or clerical work and given the amount I have written since early 2010s it's not an easy job. I have the idea of my first novel, an adventure-fantasy set in the modern times, since mid to late 2011s and while the idea of it is totally fleshed out in my mind my perfectionism prevents it from getting expressed on paper. Also, my realisations about the political reality of this country and the world have forced me to rethink on how to handle the story and it's a time consuming process. Anyway I'm free because I'm not writing for commercial purposes and I have no intention of being a bonafide published author, I am writing for myself, writing something that I would like to read and only intend to write something that is good, something that I would enjoy reading. My perfectionism hinders my writing because my writing skill doesn't match my comprehension, there is a huge scope of improvement in my writing. I hope to file my writings by the end of this year so that only work that I'm left with is to write the things I want to write. As far as my blogs go, I think I have really deconstructed the deep political setup of this country and probably the world in my political writing and there is no much need anymore to write about politics and deep politics though I would keep writing about deep politics once in a while, or when I get insights, to make the good people aware of the exploitation and rape going on in this country. The main goals are to write something that makes people feel, entertain them makes them feel good, comforts them, provides them an escape hatch from reality and guards them against getting exploited and I hope to compress all these goals in my writing. 

Shrinkwrapped Secrets

2029 Varanasi, Dr. Karan Prakash MD, works as a psychiatrist in Aryavart Hospital which has multiple satellite clinics in rural areas of Varanasi and neighbouring districts. Dr. Shambhavi is a new doctor who has come to do her DNB in Psychiatry under him. It is their first meeting and together they would delve into the depths of minds and the truth of reality.

Dr. Shambhavi opened the door of the office of Dr. Karan Prakash. He was looking at some files.

“May I come in sir?” She asked.

Dr. Prakash looked up and through his thick rimmed glasses his eyes settled on her.

“Come in Shambhavi. Come in and sit down.”

Dr. Shambhavi entered the office and sat on the chair in front of Dr. Prakash.

“From day after tomorrow we would start work. Before that I would like to ask. Why do you want to become a psychiatrist?”

Dr. Shambhavi looked at Dr. Prakash.

“Sir, I know what it's like to suffer with mental health issues. And I would like to help people who are suffering with them.”

Dr. Prakash looked at her, and smiled kindly.

“You remind me of the young me. You are young, you are idealistic and since you are under me I would use the today to brief you about our job. You have to listen to me carefully. We would start working on cases from day after tomorrow and I would grant you leave for tomorrow to make sense of what I’m telling you today.”

“Yes sir,” Dr. Shambhavi said.

“Okay. Let me begin. Shambhavi, I know you are idealistic but there are bitter truths about the world and the country we live in. And psychiatry is a political discipline but we have to try to be as apolitical as we possibly can. Real psychiatric cases, in today's date, in 2029, are very less. The truth is people, we included, are neurological slaves of the rich. They exert neurological control on us with a technology that is not public and they micromanage the thoughts and lives of people. It's hard to know the real truth, but just know that all the people in positions of power are not there due to merit, but are selected. The rich control the middle and lower classes by employing lower class rapists and criminals who neurologically surveil people and families and manipulate, torture, deprive and in case of families, break them. Neurological possession is possible, in which an employed criminal takes control of body and mind of the person. You might have seen people in the villages, especially ladies, getting possessed by Devi or Bhoot. These are actually cases of neurological possession. It's all political and the smallest unit of control is a village and it grows into districts, regions and states. The control is mostly culture based in lower classes. It's basically money and sex. I tried to find a logic in all this, but there isn't, it's just a method of exploitation, in which people’s thoughts, memories and sensory and neurological data is exploited and used to make money. Most mental health issues are neuropolitical sabotage by this political entity, and a symptom of neuropolitical oppression. The current setup of this country if I guess it right, is that the ones in control of this country are coolies of whites and Muslims, and who use lower class people of all religions and castes as cannon fodder, beasts of burden and animals for slaughter. They freely access memories, neurosensory systems and bodies of people and control them at their will, and if they feel like it, play depraved and sadistic games with them and their lives. It's basically a financial system in which everyone who is not in the hivemind is a slave. This is the truth and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you will be able to help the patients. We can't help all our patients, but we can surely soothe them. You have to realise that dyslexia, body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria and homosexuality are all manipulations of the mind and neurology. The setup we are talking controls people through mind control and neurological manipulation. It's basically slavery, but there is nothing that can be done about it as the setup is foolproof and we don't know who actually is involved in it. The current political climate is making a religion as syncretic, inclusive and pluralistic as Hinduism into a dogmatic and superstitious religion. It's basically Islamification of Hinduism. You might have heard and read about cases of gang stalking and targeted individuals, these individuals are just individuals suffering neuropolitical sabotage who are too intelligent to become schizophrenics. We can try to help people as much we can, and learn more about the political setup of the country, the world and about reality. I hope you are ready for working with me. I know it's a lot to process, and so I’m granting you a leave for tomorrow. Process it and come back day after tomorrow so that we can start working.”

Dr. Shambhavi was dumbfounded with all this information. She stood up thanked Dr. Prakash and came out of his office. She was scared and yet glad that she had Dr. Prakash as her mentor. There were people to help and she decided to take a day off and come back to work for a job she loved the most, with the best mentor she could ever have, Dr. Prakash.

Sarnath

Living an extremely simplified life is essential so that you can see through the designs and traps others lay for you. I was naive enough to think that you can do your work and chill with your friends, while that may be the case with privileged individuals, in places like Purvanchal where the structure that controls the minds of people actively conspires against them it's nearly impossible. So the only way that is left is being aware at work to save your ass, which might not be possible always, and doing away with friends. The kind of life I have seen in the past decade I have realised that building transactional need based formal relationships is the only way to safely, well as safe as it can be, exist in the middle class of present in this country. As I mature I realise how cheap Purvanchal as a region is and the demonic levels of mental, emotional, financial exploitation that is going on in this region. It is essentially slavery, just that people are not told about it, and unfortunately they are breeding people based on some strange eugenic method known only to them which includes caste and physical attributes of people while mindlessly exploiting and torturing the majority. If this is the condition of Purvanchal, I can only imagine the condition of Bihar. If you are from places like Purvanchal, doing away with friends and instead developing transactional need based formal relationships is the best thing you can do. I have, since my delusions of childhood about my region have dissipated, realised that Puravnchal is nothing but greater Bihar, an internal Bihar with and external Uttar Pradesh government, which might have been a good thing in British times as culture was still preserved and one could easily blame the British for the terrible administration, but I don't think it is possible anymore. I realised that the race I belong to is cucked, and it's sad and unfortunate even those who rule above people in this region are cucked and consequently they are extra demonic with people in the region. People and families, and mostly innocent ones, are destroyed on the basis of whimsical hatred of these motherfuckers a kind of hatred that doesn't really have the a basis in reality. They decide to hate and find the reason to hate later. Of course it is about sex and money, and in Purvanchal it is present in the form of rape and exploitation at the deepest level of existence possible, while depriving the majority of money, sex and things as basic as food. These motherfuckers are so incompetent that they are doing petty political and criminal things at the deepest possible level of existence but then it seems to be the case with the whole of this country. They ruin lives of people and blame it on some moral or religious shortcoming of people, it's a setup of victim blaming and you can realise that it only works on good people because assholes don't really have any framework except self-serving frameworks and narcissism, and they especially don't have moral or religious frameworks except for displaying. Seeing this not only demonic but absolutely cheap shitshow in my region was disappointing and the thought of belonging to this region is kind of humiliating after knowing the actual truth but then there is not much that can be done about it. The amount of torture inflicted on people's minds, bodies and souls by these criminal assholes who are actually lower class criminals employed by the so-called establishment of the region can't really be stated in words, it's infinite in nature. Always know, there is nothing cool about Bihar and individuals stealing shit and the "funny" things happening there aren't funny, these places are run by cheap criminals and rapists and extortionists at the deepest level possible and they are doing anything they want, and it cannot really be imagined what they are doing, with lives of people while taking help of the smokescreen of religion and social conventions and since Puravnchal is greater Bihar, what applies to Bihar applied to Purvanchal too, just internally as externally it's in Uttar Pradesh. Next time you visit Varanasi, no matter how spiritual and good you feel, know that there is demonic levels of exploitation and torture of souls happening in this ancient city which is supposed to be the spiritual capital of India. These motherfuckers were supposed to develop spiritual systems and only thing they could do is develop conspiratorial designs and systems of exploitation. 

Fission

“It’s sweet, when you experience the real reality instead of hallucinating the simulation. Though after experiencing the real reality you still are going to hallucinate the simulation but in quite a real way. You will see the hellscape that is wrapped in the simulation.” Professor Rajan wrote this on his social media page. Life was getting tough but he has prepared for it. Doors closing was new to him, in fact he finds it funny that the doors he didn’t even want to enter were closing, and with a bang to attract his attention. “It’s funny,” he thought. He imagines himself as a videogame character on a map now, just that he keeps aware at all times. Everybody lies, he had heard it on some TV show when he was young, the truth however is that everything is a lie. Lies become facts, and facts become truth. How can that happen? There is no explaining this to a lesser mortal. Nobody can really explain this shit, except him now of course. He gets an idea and he starts typing again “People’s truths differ, and the facts even though they are the same can be manufactured. How? Well for a guy or girl who was adopted in a family and grew up in it being loved and never knew the truth, or even if he did, his true family is the one that adopted him or her, but the fact is that his biological family is different. This is the difference between truth and fact. Here is how facts are created now, a guy manipulated and angered enough to commit a murder and he does that, the fact is that he is a murderer. The truth is that the actual murderer is the person who instigated and manipulated him.” Professor Rajan clicks the button and the post goes live on his social media page. He had been framed in a case of selling nuclear secrets to an enemy state. He had been in hiding and he had been working on a personal project, a nuclear device of his own. This was the city in which most of the individuals who framed him lived. He opens the briefcase. “Enough to blow up the city,” he thinks. He closes his eyes and prays for the innocents, “they aren’t going to have good lives anyway under these bastards,” a tear rolls down his cheek. He presses the red button. Little Sonu playing in a public park at the periphery of the city sees a mushroom cloud rising.

Circle of 8

How does an innocent find himself in the eighth circle of hell? He realised that it’s mostly the innocents who go to hell. He looks at the elevator that got him here. Funny thing he thought and reached in his pocket, to find his pack of cigarettes and the lighter. Would I get cigarettes in hell? No chance, he thought. He looked around, all kinds of depravities and tortures being inflicted on innocents by demons. He puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. He was suffering but not more than people who were more innocent than him. It was hot in here which was funny because the deepest circle that is the ninth circle of hell was freezing cold. He kept smoking his cigarette. There were still a few cigarettes left in the pack, but guess finding a cigarette shop in the eighth circle of hell was a task, especially when his wallet was confiscated by the demons at the entry gate. Though he was relieved that it’s only innocents who get tortured in hell because it gets him community and proves what he had suspected all his life. He looked around and found a rock and took a seat on it. He was about to get tortured but he didn’t give a fuck, what he gave a fuck about was finding a cigarette shop in the hell, he could trade his jacket to get a couple of packets. He looked around, women getting raped, children getting molested, men getting tortured. Well seems like hell alright, he thought to himself. When hell is for the innocent, what kind of God is God? He thought. But then he remembered he is the same guy who made an angel prostrate to a creature inferior to him and then banished him from heaven so that the banished angel could become unfathomably evil and a pimp of hell to send more innocents to get tortured. Checks out, he thinks to himself. He prayed to God and thanked. He looked up and saw a demon approaching him with a whip. Looking at him he asked, do you happen to know a cigarette shop around here?

Project Wordstring

I’m starting a new flash fiction project to help me overcome a specific writing block. Of course it needs feedback but most of all with this project I’m trying to see something about creativity at a personal level. If what I’m set out to know and achieve gets achieved it is going to help me immensely in my next projects. It’s a complex project and deals with the mathematics and engineering aspect of the craft of writing, no not the actual mathematics and engineering, it has nothing to do with that, but about mathematics and engineering of words that form a writing that is utilising the technical aspects of writing to produce desired writing or produce desired effects on the reader. This is not a short project and I presume it is going to be considerably longer than my other flash fiction projects. While technicalities are not going to be visible to the reader and it would read like and would appear just like other writings, at a deeper level I would be dealing with the complex technicalities of language, grammar and voice and the craft of writing.

Alignment

Here is a secret, you carry your hell wherever you go, and you carry your heaven inside you. The point is that the hell is of external origin whether as the heaven is internal. The hell tries is best to subdue heaven and due to the sheer force it has it generally succeeds but the very knowledge that your heaven is inside you is enough to give you peace and serenity. I walked through hell so that I can send dispatches from there so that others can learn. Hell of course is of political and sociopolitical origin while the heaven is the peace you seek. The peace however is already there and you just have to realise this fact. World might be shit but the earth is beautiful and it's a great solace, even greater solace is the infinity of the universe. The sheer scale of the universe makes our problem seem small. Nature is a respite and you should take respite in it. Trees, plants, animals, the nature is just majestic. The thing to know is that you already are what you want to be, material realisation of what you want to be however depends on the politics of the world and if such is the case it doesn't matter. What does matter is accumulation for physical and social survival and following your heart. The thing to be sure in this is that you are actually listening to your heart and not the politics that fakes being your heart in many cases. One never really regrets following what they actually want to follow, the following however thrives in changing the appearance of what one actually wants to follow to induce regret and dissatisfaction and one's got to be wary of it. In the ends it's about security, financial and social, satisfaction and small joys. The dissatisfied demons who ruin people's lives just to cause themselves relief for a timebeing have got nothing on a man who is satisfied and so they induce fake dissatisfaction in people. In the end it's only and only about small joys. Like watching your favourite show with pizza, having your beer in peace, the company of family, an intimate moment with the person you love. This is what life is all about. 

Write Concepts #15

The focus should be on the end goal and not the trivialities, like I write on my mobile phone or my computer and these two are two different experiences. Writing on the mobile feels more intimate than on a computer where I have to type on the keyboard. I write by hand too and for a long time I had difficulty writing by hand but ultimately I got my flow though the issue is that if I write by hand I have to type it again on my computer so I just write my daily journal by hand and rest of my writing is done directly on my mobile or computer. The focus, again, should be on the end goal, that is writing what I actually want to write. I have ideas for two series of stories, two novels and two novellas which I work on in my free time. I have no intent on commercial publishing of my writing so I would put them on my blogs, Wattpad and maybe on Kindle. It’s mostly about creating something that I myself would like to read, which in today’s political scenario is getting increasingly difficult to find in India. It’s also about creating something good. I suffer with writing blocks and have less psychological capital than that is required to actually write what I want to write but I do work when I feel good and I think little by little things would get in place. Imagining is hard work in the current political climate and fiction or fantasy can’t really be written without imagination. It’s been quite a while since I have experienced the flow for fiction but as many writers say, it’s less about flow and more about consistency. It’s generally hard to write fiction in today’s time because very few read it, and people have short attention spans but then I’m only writing for myself and if someone reads it it’s good otherwise my writing is for the sheer joy of writing and creating. I have my favourite writers, like Chekhov, Lovecraft, J.K. Rowling and quite a few others. I like the writing style of Neil Gaiman and even though he got in a sexual scandal, one's got to separate the artist from his personal life and knowing that worse individuals than him have access to people’s lives makes separating Neil Gaiman’s writing from his personal life easy. It’s the similar case with Lovecraft who has been declared a racist and I know from his writing that he is not really a racist deep down and he was from a time when writers actually wrote what they believed in. I want to explore some aesthetics and the chief ones among them are 90s comic books and children’s magazines aesthetics, Indian folklore and Hindi literary aesthetics In English. I have some genres I would like to work in like noir, science fiction, Indian mytho-fantasy and even though I won’t really write transgressive fiction I would like to keep elements of transgressive fiction in my works. I want to explore all genres and kind of want to experiment with mixing genres too. You can call it masala if you want. The main goals at present however is to file my writing that I have done in their respective locations and on blogs, be consistent with writing on my blogs and work on the story series, novellas and novels that are marinating in my mind. I have worked on some flash fiction projects on my Tumblr and I think flash fiction projects are great for making use of short creative bursts though creative bursts are getting increasingly rare at present, though as many writers say it’s more about consistency than about getting the flow.

Freethinkers

When you can't suffer for concrete things, you suffer for vague shit. That's what the design is. You end up realising that there are no rules, but you realise it late. Rules are to filter out the good ones. The idealistic once when they turn freethinkers, they announce it to the world. The truth is that majority in this country is freethinking, they just don't announce it, it's a self-serving orgy that is going on and while you get calls from the "NGOs" who put an emotional song or soundtrack and ask you to donate to save a dying child from cancer, the truth is that children especially those who are poor can't really practically survive cancer and while these motherfuckers launder money, the ones who are gradually waking up to how actually ugly this nation is become hesitant to actually help someone in need. Freethinking is the way because everyone except you is doing the same, they just don't announce it like the idealistic asses. How direct it could have been, it's pretty direct. Exploit any weakness possible. Sounds like the India we know, no not the India we read about in books or see on TV and in movies, but the one we actually grew up seeing and could never make sense of, preferring what we read in books and saw on TV and in movies. The smokescreen is dissipating though, and the shitshow is going out for all to see, I'd suggest you get the tickets to the front row seats. Get a peek into the true soul of this nation, travel in the sleeper class now, a place where people once used to share food. A place where children of middle class government officers used to buy comics through the window from the A.H. Wheeler. They really went for it. 

Voice Over

Getting his voice back is the best thing that can happen to a writer. One can have goals in life, the most obvious would be accumulating material wealth and as the world unfolds in front of you you realise that it is just not a goal but a need. The political control over us is so deep that no matter how much we accumulate it can be drained and we could be left with nothing and so everyone except those who exercise this control over people are essentially as hand to mouth as people in the lowest classes they just don’t know it yet. As far as I go, the irony is that I was never after material wealth, I had an idea of my ability and I have some skills and I was confident that I would earn enough to get by and get by good. It is later that I realised the reality and realised that accumulating is the only way to survive in this country and probably the world. I had seen severe illness of a very personal nature after my school and when I entered the college and that made me a minimalist. I decided to be a one bag man who could survive out of a bag, in the long run it did me good because my actual needs are very few, my material interests are just books and that includes comic books and computer games other than that I have quite a few interests and hobbies but they are not related to accumulation. Here is the bottom line: accumulate anyway you can of course except illegal methods because those who literally own our lives accumulate at the expense of us and mostly by illegal methods. The past decade has been eye opener for me, I realise that the motherfuckers in control at the deepest level of existence do anything with the lives of people, based on their caprices and whims, there is no logic to it and it made me realise that India, at the deepest level is the same as India as it is outside and inside it is not as endearing as the chaos due to innocence of the common people. The assholes having access to minds and bodies and lives of people way better than them aren't even worthy and they are not worthy by design, it's what keeps them loyal. God is of course a liability in this scenario, but for many He or She is a source of strength too. The internal reality as well as culture that was preserved since thousands of years has collapsed because of entitlement and incompetence of inept and rapey assholes. What remains is an illusion, a dystopia behind a facade of normalcy that is barely sustaining itself. My goals were not really materialistic, I chose medicine because I wanted to help people and money was a consequence of it. I wanted to be a physician-writer. In the process of becoming a physician-writer I realised that there are no people to heal as they are being actively murdered and there are no readers left because people's minds have become warzones of hatred and selfishness which are now closed to imagination and nuanced thought. Welcome to the 21st century, the century we had thought we would have flying cars and would terraform other planets. We might terraform other planets, but the majority would do it as slaves. If you think I'm being too pessimistic, I hope that your bubble sustains, not many in this country have got bubbles that are pleasing and this is by design so those who have got them must cherish them, I in the meanwhile would make the use of getting my voice back. 

Hannibal

There are milestones in our lives that decided what we are going to do and where we are going. There are milestones in case of psychological and emotional trauma too which tend to decide your outlook towards the world if you let it to and most of the times the sufferers of emotional trauma aren't mature enough to not let the trauma or traumas decide their outlook towards the world or how they see the world. Our interaction with the society is deeper than we usually think it to be, in fact in India society around you might end up deciding your whole life and you might just end up as a mute spectator of your life. This is an unfortunate reality for many in this country. Not having autonomy over one's own life is a tragedy and lakhs are living this tragedy in this country. It's such a disappointing realisation that social life in a third world country like India where people do not have basic civic sense and cities don't have basic amenities and infrastructure is a hundred percent controlled and engineered but that's a reality one has to live with once one becomes aware of it. The baffling thing is that the ones engineering the society are either incompetent and inept or unbothered about the consequences this social engineering has on people's lives or both. Imagine being inept to judge people right despite having every possible data on them, this is the state of deepest possible establishment of this country which is run not on professionalism but on whims and hatred, but then as much as I have seen professionalism is not even required because even the lowest bottom feeding scum who is part of this establishment has no accountability and consequences for his actions and can casually delete any person way better than him from existence, right judgement is not even a consideration, the goal is exploitation and people and families are dispensable. Rape, as I have seen, in this structure, is a primary motive, others being exploitation and sadistic torture and schadenfreude. The fun part is that the level rape exists in this structure, going by that, one can easily deduce that these motherfuckers are criminally insane and it's funny that these are the individuals who are keepers of family histories in this country, of course not in a good way, but they are. Trauma induced to a person's psyche may make him or her forget their past but they do remember milestones of trauma and that is enough for undoing continued effect of trauma on their lives in the hands of a good healer. It's was disappointing to realise that most of the emotional and psychological trauma inflicted on people in this country was either due to whims or schadenfreude of the assholes in the deepest controlling structure of this country which also includes sexual motives, but also for preventing upward social mobility of people and families by breaking their wills and lowering the narrative of their lives. It's unfortunate, and only good option that is left for common people is dealing with their traumas and resolving them and then accumulating as much as they can and then chilling at whatever level of existence they are. Remember chilling is important, there is no bigger picture here even though carrot of the bigger picture will be hung in front of most. Only those who are chosen would make it to positions of power and flourish. Rest are supposed to be drones working hand to mouth. 

Clear Concepts

The trick is to reconcile reality with fiction. A lot of people with mental health issues ultimately end up realising that the problem was never with them but with the society. Majority of sufferers of mental health issues are good individuals and I used to wonder why these good human beings suffered so tremendously and when I finally got my answer it didn't really surprise me. The basic approach of what runs this nation at the deepest level is to exploit any and every weakness of people it doesn't matter if it is a handicap, sickness or for that matter anything else. Innocence and goodness are the first things that are exploited and so we see good people turning hypervigilant. In the past decade I have had the opportunity to peek into the soul of what actually runs this nation and I realised that it's a bunch of entitled genocidal rapists and scammers, there is no better way to put it and religion is a front for majority of the exploitation for the lower classes. The motto is to use extreme force on people who would never use force on anyone, in fact the reluctance to use force is taken as weakness, that's how it is and this entity is actually the providence in this country. I write for people who are good, who are suffering and don't know the reason for their suffering and people who don't look down upon and would not use force on the people weaker than them. It's politico-economic and socioeconomic and God is out of picture because access to God is mediated by this corrupt, criminal and genocidal structure which is effectively the providence. Once this thing is known and understood it is then we are actually ready to deal with the social life of this nation. This shit is as direct as predators going for the weakest in the herd. This is the bottom line. Once we understand the basic setup, we can focus on our own life and on accumulating as much as possible as it is the only way to survive. Money is everything. Though a good man should always know that money is not everything but it is everything when it comes to physical and social survival. Human beings are more than physical and social survival, they are spiritual beings though it is a whole different matter that for a lot of people their access to their spiritual beings are blocked and they are turned into no more then mere beasts. The good ones turn into beasts of burden and the assholes turn into predators at their level of existence and the best part is predators aren't disturbed but the good ones who are already beasts of burden are tortured more. 

Feed Books

Having genuine conversation is becoming incredibly difficult with people in general and so I opt for books. Thankfully I can, with years of experience of reading and writing can make out the difference between real writers, posers, charlatans, propagndists and those who write just for money. It's becoming increasingly difficult to find real writers and also writers with depth in today's times but there is enough literature especially of the pre-World War II world. Media, and especially in India, is filled with bootlickers, scoundrels and propagndists who are also skilled in art and craft of writing. It is an unfortunate fact that skill in an art or craft has nothing to do with integrity of that person as a human being and so absolute scum can produce as good art as artists or writers with integrity or in some cases way better than them due to access to more or better resources. A nation that doesn't respect it's arts and artist is bound to fail it's just matter of time and as the wealthy of this nation are accumulating wealth and resources they have started treating artists like prostitutes, not that prostitutes are bad majority of them are unfortunate victims of a corrupt and inept system. I have been exposed to the deeper system of this nation and I have realised that the soul of what rules this nation thinks of women as concubines, spoils of war and child breeding machines. There is no better way to put it. While people are hallucinating their realities composed of their needs, wants, desires and traumas while at the same time being manipulated some of us have access to the real truth. It's only and only books that are the source of genuine human connection in modern times but good and genuine writers with integrity are very few. People who are reading must be able to know the difference between wannabes and posers. Wannabes are not inherently bad they want to be someone and work for that by emulating while posers know that they would never be what they want to be and still fool people, it's about the intent some posers might still be good and just victims of imposter syndrome but their intent can be judged by, and it's true for a normal human too, knowing if they can harm others to achieve what they want and for how trivial a thing. As far as normal human interaction goes eyes tell a lot, individuals who map you with their eyes are invariably entitled assholes who apply morality on everyone except themsleves, a good man, no matter rank or position thinks of everyone as equal and has kindness in his eyes. Books are the last bastion of genuine human connection and it's just luck that books from pre-World War II era survive. I hope to find good writers in present, though it is recommended to read everything you get your hands on but only if you are ready for the consequences they entail. 

Resonance

I have written regularly since 2010 and by 2011 I had plans of an adventure novel in my head. I wrote poetry and other things often on my blogs. The novel that I thought of writing in 2011 still marinates in my head and given the political situation of this country it is now redundant, but I still believe that it would be great stuff for escaping reality, a great escapist romp. I might write it in future, or at least that I'm hopeful of. I have been writing continuously for way more than a decade now a bit of it is political but then that's because of the shitshow I have seen in the past decade. Not many people run blogs now but I do, not because I have something to say, but because I have shit to document because given my experiences I can see shit that others can't and it requires documentation. It was great to see the younger generation writing on Substack but that would never match the authentic vibe of blogging in the late 2000s and early 2010s. People really talked about their lives and were genuine. That was the time, specifically, for me when I could read comic strips such as Shaurya in Comic Jump and imagine about a bunch of teenagers employed by the government to destroy an ancient evil in Afghanistan. Great times, I must say. The past decade has allowed me to see the real soul of this nation, and from what it seems those who call the shots in this nation have their heads deep in the assholes of Muslims and Whites. Though that's not the problem one can have their heads in anyone's asshole they want to shove it in. The issue is people being prevented from finding respite from reality while making them hallucinate a terrible reality. Visit Anand Vihar station in Delhi or any place in Bihar, and you'd get what I'm saying. Escape, is essential, and while social media such as reels are good to show you things that you relate to this shit too is going to collapse when people inevitably come to know the reality of the situation. People have been totally stripped of dignity they had in the 90s as you can see on social media and people are blowing off steam on social media either by narcissism, the assholes by ridiculing others and the good ones by self-deprecation. Books, however remain the last bastion of genuine human connection and exploration. The sad part is that people who could write books, both fiction and non-fiction have been sabotaged and are either dead now or are devoid of psychological capital. Two comic writers I know are spouting political bullshit on social media and not even accurate political bullshit which I was fortunately able to experience and it's not their fault, they sense that something is wrong and they blame the entity they think that is responsible for it giving up the job that is extremely important today in this country, that is crafting good stories. I saw one of the editors of a comic company that I grew up reading on a podcast and the asshole on that podcast didn't even have the faintest idea of the gravity of the work he had done for me and countless other kids of this nation and it was visible in the way he treated him. This country doesn't know how to respect people who really deserve respect and some random asshole with a podcast might treat someone who has done far more important work than he would ever do like he is nothing, this is the state of the country we are living in present. Kids are going to coaching institutes such as in Kota, and thankfully after getting exposed to the real politics of this nation I know that only the ones who are already selected would make it, it's not about hardwork and perseverance anymore it's simple cronyism and nepotism and it is insidious. The rest of the kids would grow into broken adults doing a job that is devoid of happines and barely makes their ends meet or end up becoming shameless or criminal hustlers. The population of this country is so much that the products of cronyism and nepotism would sustain the illusion of normality. While rest of the people get broken, tortured and raped. There is no Satyamev Jayate here. Stories could have given them some respite from the torture of life which is not actually life but then those are by now replaced by hyperreal propaganda and schadenfreude and voyeurism inducing mafia shows and crime dramas. As I have seen, not everyone can see American superhero movies or Japanese Anime as people are systematically prevented from access to media just like how the rich post on Instagram and the poor post on Moj app. It's going to be one hell of a ride to see how this country turns out in the next decade. 

Raan Murad

I am aware of the fact that the anarcho-tyranny might be an experience exclusive to me associated with my region but that doesn't negate the fact that lives of people in this country is totally inauthentic. When lives of people is inauthentic even in a third world country it's sad and especially in so called backward regions like Bihar and Purvanchal. Escape becomes essential in such situations. Faith is redundant in such a situation but it does give people strength and there is no doubt about that. While atheism is an appropriate stance after the realisation of the political setup and total absence God and presence of criminals instead of God, it is not a recommended stance as it gives the political entity all the more reason to persecute you. I am an atheist because I'm not afraid of persecution but I also really and truly have faith in Divine Mothers as it is a thing that is inbuilt in me although I know that the help I get from Them is internal and not external. The cowardice of Purvanchal has baffled me, I hadn't really thought that my once beautiful culture would be so cucked but then it I got to see it with my own eyes, these motherfuckers have destroyed every ounce beauty from my culture just for money and the right to rape people, the worst part of it all is the it's all insidious. The whole setup of tyranny and micromanagement of people's lives is insidious and invisible. There is no logic to this shit these motherfuckers are just torturing and ending people based on whims like someone they don't like the face of, or some attribute. It's unfortunate that these motherfuckers destroyed everything that once made my culture superior, corruption is normalised which it was even earlier but back then we had culture and community, these bastards have replaced culture with dogmatic religion of reward and punishment and blackmail people who would anyway do nothing wrong by laying traps. I know my people and they are beautiful, and these motherfuckers are turning them into criminals and scammers, and you want to know the reason? It's as simple as because they themselves are criminals. A region that once thrived on community is now like an apartment complex in NCR, people minding their own business because they won't be able to handle relationships. The reason people won't be able to handle relationships is because relationships are exploited in this shithole that I was once proud of. The fun part in all of it is that these conspiratorial motherfuckers think themsleves as geniuses while the truth is that they are dogs of Punjabis and Gujaratis and even Bengalis domestically and of Arabs and Americans internationally.