A Knight of The Seven Kingdoms

I find it quite amusing that writing fiction and fantasy, something that I really want to write, has become increasingly difficult for me and so I end up analysing the society which ultimately goes into the realm of the political. True adulthood arrives when you realise that all art is political simply because all life is, and all politics is actually economics. Having vast lives is a privilege that many can’t afford and the same goes for imagination. When one sees the edge of the simulation imagination too becomes redundant, except as a device to escape from the mundane. I have had my encounters with power, of course totally inadvertently, and that made me realise that power remains the same as it was a thousand years before or even before that. It made me realise that there is something about power that corrupts absolutely, and that made me realise that characters like Sauron in Lord of The Rings and Voldemort in Harry Potter have absolute basis in reality. I wondered why power by nature is corrupt and I realised that the very method power is acquired throughout history is through deception and brute force and thus it becomes the standard way of acquiring and keeping it. This realisation makes Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin is a true window to how power actually operates. As a person who has studied psychiatry I know that malignant narcissism, megalomania and psychopathy are essential traits in individuals who are into the games of power. These individuals are incapable of finer thought so they employ people who are, through intimidation or coercion and sometimes incentives. The power games I found myself, into and totally unwillingly, made me realise that in this country power is whimsical and for it to target you it takes as little as “it” not liking some attribute of yours, such as face, and this dislike doesn’t even have to have a basis in reality. The most tragic part of it all is that most of the time, in this country, the victims do not even know that they are being targeted, that they have a target painted on their back just because someone didn’t like some attribute of them. It is just how the school bullies are but then school bullies do what they do because they know that they can get away with it which in itself is signifies that they are shielded by power and unfortunately in India it is as simple as that, kind of direct, the school bullies end up with actual power while those who have "struggled" and "worked hard" occupy symbolic or token positions in society. Power by its very nature doesn’t adjust, it makes others adjust, at the maximum it feigns benevolence while continuing to operate whimsically in the shadows. The news, however, is that this time this whimsical, full of hatred consolidation of power is permanent and in this country it operates at a very personal level and has declared itself to be God, with whom it shares no traits whatsoever except a kind of omnipresence and omniscience that “it” itself can’t make sense of because of a vast gap between its entitlement and competence. At an executive level this power operates through lower class criminals, each of which think themselves as gods. This are kind of things that are expressed and dealt with in fiction, just like Rowling, Tolkien and Orwell but as it looks now time of fiction, fantasy and metaphors in this country has ended and literature in this country is now just a domain of rich housewives.

Rumani

 I had a mindset back in the day which unfortunately has collapsed and I do not regret it a bit because I would prefer to witness and experience unflinching reality than experience curated comforting delusions or hyperreality. The real damage that can’t be undone has happened to my writing aptitude. Earlier when I wrote romantic poetry I believed in it, now I realise that romance can’t really exist without political permission. The fate of romance is sealed. What remains, as I salvage the pieces of reality as I know it, is survival and creation of aesthetics and now when I write romance, I do not write with the intent as I previously had but I write it as a form of aesthetic which can provide refuge to the hopeless romantics of this day and age. People have been taking refuge in make-believe since forever, especially when the reality becomes unbearable but unfortunately I have finally realised that this time the unlivability of reality is permanent, not for those who have their lives curated, but for the majority. And this reality of the situation is tragic because nature and love are enough to make any life bearable and even happy. In India in particular, being a romantic is inviting exploitation because the deepest structure itself is predatory. Though accepting romanticism and romance as aesthetics would provide relief to the romantics who have still not become cynical, those who can’t help but be romantic. Realisation of transactions as the baseline of reality is the first and most important step of sociopolitical awakening. The bottom line is that when the shit hits the fan one might end up paying for things they see with their own eyes, just for having the ability to see and this statement is definitely not a hyperbole. Once this is realised survival becomes paramount and love only remains as a balm of the pain of survival. The realisation of the transactional reality of the world is the ultimate enlightenment in the world. We live in a world where renunciation doesn’t help and even renunciation is commodified. The ultimate goal is to be able to afford air conditioning and hoping for the same pleasure that the childhood desert cooler gave from it, and yes this is a metaphor.

Thoughtspill

It was 2015 and I was optimistic about Ashtabhuj. I was using Tumblr for inspiration and my goal was to immerse myself in the world of Ashtabhuj so much that other than work, academics and family I remain in that world. The redundancy of writing later expressed it to me but I persist because creating for the sake of creation is its own reward. There were many blocks but I worked on them. The world of Ashtabhuj still exist with one caveat and that makes that world redundant but then it makes all the worlds redundant including the world we live in. When I got into noir, it was about seeing the world in black and white and shades of grey. There was no colour. It is later I realised that colour exists only because the so called darkness allows it to exist. White and colour exist so that darkness can use it to its purpose. It was a sad realisation but truth in any form is beautiful and while I considered escapism as cowardice earlier, I realised that escapism after realisation of truth is the only sane option and choice. One has to be aware of truth and live in a world where they feel most comfortable. The past decade for me was spent in knowing the world and now after I know enough I can casually camp and stay in my comfort zone as once you know the truth and have familiarised yourself with discomfort there is no point in living in discomfort as I realised that it never ends. I plan to live with my creativity along with my job, academics and family. This, in the world of today, is the most sane choice. 

Molon labe

Mind is something that has to be reined especially when one is going through a political sabotage. I realised that one has to anchor himself to the material reality when going gets tough. I have felt some things that can seem supernatural or esoteric or even can be termed as occult, but it is here my medical training that kept me anchored to the reality, as in medicine there are no miracles. You get an infection and you don't take antibiotics, you die of septicemia or if someone gets cancer in this country and is poor he is dead. There are absolutely no miracles only medical miracles that are possible in medicine are at the psychosomatic level and that's how you see faith healing and placebo effect successes. And one has to always remember that any magic that can be reproduced, and by different people, is science. I especially remember a seen from the movie 300 when the Persians used gunpowder against the Spartans and the Spartans thought it to be magic. Empires have been using the so-called magic to retain power since time immemorial. What I realised however with regards to this country, my beloved India, is that the ones who have the control over people actively and mindlessly alter family histories of people, in real-time as well as, and it was mind boggling to me, even in retrospect. People in India make fun of China for having a social credit system, though when they would realise the truth of this nation they would actually start preferring the social credit system of China. What is overt as social credit system in China is covert here in form of Providence but here is the kicker, you don't even have the autonomy here and that means what accumulates as your own social credit in a hidden bank might not be your own thoughts and actions. Sounds paranoid? Well I'm just writing this shit here for the ones reading this so that they are ready when shit hits the fan for them which I hope it doesn't but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't take much here for shit to hit the fan just something like someone not liking your face even if you haven't done nothing, and here is the best part it might not even be someone in power, it may even be low value BPL card holder criminal scum employed by those in power for crowd control in this country as it's a tightly packed group of criminals posing as Providence where even lowest of the low criminals do not have any accountability and consequences for what they do with the lives of common people. In Purvanchal specifically it's like rape, exploit, torture and make it look like fate or god's wish. The most painful thing about the place I considered to be my home throughout my life is that absolute low life lower class scum inflict infinite amount of totally needless suffering on the souls people who are totally unequipped due to lack of education and resources to deal with the torture inflicted on them and their families and the most heartbreaking thing is that these poor people actually believe in a God. As part of the so called social credit system goes it's like how the poor used to go to doctors in olden times thinking them as god's while the truth is their lives and fates are, and I have seen it personally, are being decided totally based on whims of totally incompetent criminals. These motherfuckers are literal rapists, criminals and exploiters. And as far as Purvanchal goes, what's going on here, especially with the poor, is the adage "kaam khatam aadmi khatam". These motherfuckers are at present actually playing on the amount of population. The truth I realised that the real government of this country and the criminals employed by them are permanent rest everyone is human resource and that it to put it mildly. It also made me realise, and I don't know the state of today, that these motherfuckers have in the past have done medical experiments for foreign pharmacological corporation in this country on the poor. I realised that there is a deeper AADHAAR card than the actual card, and it's your DNA and it's your global identity and it's why your only true home is your family and not any place else. These motherfuckers based on their whims can make a native person of place a refugee in his own land, either that or a slave. It's British style colonialism but insidious plus there is cold war Russia style constant surveillance and collection of dirt on you and it is not present then it is created. It is when I see this setup I ended up realising that the British are the actual scum of this Earth because these motherfuckers have been continuing the same extractive setups built by them just with external cosmetics of a democracy which lasted well till the mid 2000s. Black Mirror is real, and so is the social credit shown in it it's just that it is a Providence in this country and very unfortunately a very whimsical and capricious and rapey one in this country. 

Eyes Wide Shut

I have seen some shit in the past decade and made a tough choice to tackle the actual reality of the hidden reality of this nation which unfortunately is the base. It's like Freud's iceberg, the lower two-thirds of which is extremely ugly. To be frank I have always been more into nerdy stuff, like comics and comic book movies other than my main profession of medicine and everything I came to know about this nation in the past decade was against my will, but I did come to know it. What I found was baffling but it was readily accepted by my self as I always know the truth subconsciously. We live in deeply sex obsessed country, actually to be accurate rape obsessed country, with demomic levels of sexual repression with the majority, except the common people, the middle class and the good ones in the lower classes, living with a permanent double face. I'm just glad that the Gen Z is not turning out to be double faced and is accepting this rape nation as it actually is. In the 90s this same sexual energy was different, rape existed still at a large scale, but for the middle classes sex at least got channeled into a particular and indigenous form of romance. Now we are living in times where intimacy between two people, which should be their own business, is a public thing and for many, unfortunately it has been commercialised. Production and dissemination of pornography is banned in this country by court orders and yet you have, thanks to VPN, cinematic quality pornography being produced in this nation at a scale never seen before and the actresses, as you should realise are all either coerced or trafficked. Young boys and girls are being actively prevented from finding mates, especially in the middle class. The main issue is the pressure cooker situation that is created as far as sex is concerned it's either that or straight up coercion while the drama of benevolence and virtuosity and modesty goes on. I take offence on this because if you look at Bhojpuri industry, these motherfuckers have totally destroyed my culture. I mean vulgarity in Bhojpuri still existed in the 90s but it was in pockets now it has consumed the whole of region. Here is an assignment: Go and watch the movie Nadiya Ke Paar. Sexual pressure on people is an individual thing, not all people suffer with the same amount of sexual pressure but here is where sublimation of desire through art comes in picture and here is where great art is created. The sexual energy once used to get channelized into higher forms and got converted into great art, longing, desire, everything gave birth to good music, writing, painting and poetry. Now art is commercialised where you pimp your art on Instagram and if you are unlucky you pimp your body and desire on OnlyFans. People might have kinks and some might be have sexual pathologies, you know what individuals with sexual pathologies do in this country instead of getting help or channelize them in a socially acceptable way? They maintain a double face and act on them, so if they are rapey or even pedophiles they fuck their target and silence them and then victim blame them and here is the kicker that I came to know in the past decade, this shit institutionalized and systemic at the deepest level and hence I call this country a rape nation and rejected organized religion of this country. 

Bastard Prophet

2013 was a turning point in my life. After 2013 I found myself in a liminal space in between what could only be termed as Bollywood and Hollywood. Experience-wise it is like a purgatory which is kind odd as I'm still living and I haven't really done any sins in my life except for what Gen Z term as gooning. But then I'm professionally trained to analyse and while I am in the purgatory I decided to analyse it. Hence you get this blog. The biggest realisation of my adult life was that the rich are literal gods. I mean I always thought of God as a supernatural benevolent entity, turns out the God I believed in is just a smokescreen for exploitation. After what I have seen post 2013, the existence of God, especially the entity I believed in, is impossible. It's just not possible. It's just a structure with God level control, access and reach minus the benevolence we associate with God and it functions on threats, you do this and this will happen to you or retrospective justification, that you did this and so what happened to you happened to you. Ultimately I realised that it's nothing but the rich sticking together forming a single entity which due the absolute power exercised over people and their fates seems to be God. I realise that nature of power hasn't changed at all since Jesus Christ, those who crucified Jesus later co-opted him. The same power exists to this day with the very same nature except that it is very intimate and insidious and there are numerous Jesuses scattered around the globe paying heavily for seeing the system as it actually is. I was idealistic and I wanted, due to the very tenets of my job, relieve suffering of people and ultimately I ended up realising all suffering is intentional and you got to pay to get rid of your suffering. Here is the example, you get a disease that requires surgery for you to live and you don't have money, you're essentially dead, but if you have money you can buy more time for yourself. I have been alive for long enough to realise that the socialist public sector of this country is just a drama, a massive prank that is being pulled on people. Though it is not here that my gripe lies, I got surprised when I realised that in this country first people are made handicapped and then either they are made to pay for getting rid of that handicap or "helped" with a favour making them a permanent slave of obligation. When you see things clearly, especially in places like Purvanchal, it is equivalent to: "I'm doing you a favour by letting you live and so you must repay me buy becoming my permanent slave". This, I ended up realising, is the ultimate bottomline of this democracy. And this approach is visible in general happenings in this country you see happening all around like people being scammed for the promise of a job. A job is an important thing, arguably most important as it brings food on the table and while not everyone can do farming as it requires land and physical ability to farm, everyone can do business as it just requires a small sum of money to begin with and a simple ability to calculate profit and loss and yet people pay people to get them jobs who then scan them.of precious money. The kicker however is not this, it is that in the past decade I realised that this shit is centralised. And while I may seem like a mad man raving on his blog, I finally realised that why is it that the intelligence agency who are so quick on their feet to act on people for their political opinions become totally incompetent when it comes to large scale scamming operations. I realised that this country doesn't really have an intelligence setup, not at least the kind of intelligence that people believe in, the kind which is shown in movies like Dhurandhar. I ended up realising the true nature of this country in past decade, these are basically cucks who fear everyone while being infinitely cruel to their own people. China is taking your land, Pakistan has taken Kashmir and Kashmiris are asking for a seperate Kashmir. What are you doing? There has no tangible victory in terms of land and resources this country has ever achieved except through exploitation of resources of its own people. I see to much and I document this shitshow of pathetic incompetence because someone should. 

Hans Simmer

I have been attached to Hindi literature since I was a kid and so I got to see its downfall in real-time. Late 2000s and early 2010s there used to be a quite a bit of Hindi literature in form of books as well as there was a well developed Hindi bloggosphere. By the mid 2010s it all vanished like it never existed at all. There are a bunch of women who blog on Facebook, since Facebook now supports longform posts, about culture, mostly North Indian culture but given the state of the greater culture that is present and is being propagated it doesn't really matter. If the main culture of a country becomes assertion of power and rank, finer cultures ultimately perish. I had been reading Hindi literary magazines like Hans and recently the story in Hans are less about human condition and culture than they are about bureaucracy. I saw in Hans a story referencing the Netflix show Bojack Horseman and not only the story was written, which is okay, but also approved by the editorial of Hans which is enough to show the intellectual poverty when it comes to Hindi and Hindi literature in this country. It is later that I realised that Hindi and English are not just languages but basis of sociolinguistic stratification in this country and it's so deep that realisation of the depth and how systemic it is would baffle your mind. English is not just a language but a class marker, which anyone who is sane knows, but the mind boggling thing is that this in itself is a socio-political design. Once I understood this I realised that the ones at top are actively destroying refinement in lower and colloquial cultures and classes which unfortunately includes the middle classes too. By the mind 2010s Hindi blogging completely disappeared from the internet and so did most of Hindi literature from the market. The language of lower classes, one realises, doesn't have enough words to express the full scale of human expression which if you see evolved languages like English, German and Japanese, they have words for even abstract concepts. The grip, I realised, was tightened somewhere in early 2010s. The logic is simple, either deprive or violate someone so much that they are forced to open an OnlyFans account. If you don't have words in your language, you won't be able to oppose exploitation and this is why there is no word in Hindi or colloquial languages for things like gaslighting, victim blaming and other such exploitative techniques. To tell or express in Hindi or colloquial languages that you are being exploited you will have to piece a bunch of words together. The game of places like Purvanchal baffled me, it's more than hundred percent optimised exploitation and total prevention from accessing useful knowledge and it is similar in rest for North India. I miss good Hindi literature, but I have seen too much to enjoy it now. Recently I came across books by Manav Kaul, the actor, who also writes in Hindi and that is the only Hindi literature I could actually see in popular culture without making an effort. Middle class is being pushed with religious propaganda and so literature is being replaced by religion in the middle classes. Though it doesn't work with me anymore as I have seen that the deepest soul of this nation is rape, scamming and betrayal of its own people. 

Write Concepts #22

It was 2015 and I was collecting inspirations for settings for Ashtabhuj on Tumblr, there were quite a few ideas and frankly speaking I could have used Pinterest for the same too. Ashtabhuj was the first big concept that occurred to me while I actually used to write short stories. I have been writing it on and off since the early 2010s and by 2015 I had started collecting inspirations for on Tumblr. There were a bunch of fictional towns in that story, and I too stimulate my creative muscles used photographs on Tumblr to see the story unfolding in my mind. The story is kind of complete, but what is stuck is the detailing and the vibe. I realise that if I write the original concept at it is it can be compared with a lot of stories which are already present, but then art doesn’t really exist in a vacuum. It is in early 2010s that I came across a book by John Kessel and I loved the book, a collection of short stories. It was just the right amount of speculative fiction and noir. John Kessel’s education background too stuck a chord with me, that is, English and Physics. I love English literature and I love physics, even though people would have to excuse my marks in physics in school, I really love the subject. My inclination towards noir as a genre was inevitable, I had seen pain and corruption, and I lived pain and corruption, and so noir was the only outlet I could freely express the authenticity of my experience. It is later in life I realised why did I gravitate towards Kafka and noir and later Lovecraft. There are projects that I have planned this year, and I do not know how successful I’m going to be in executing them but the least I can do, even with my writing blocks, is try. I recently realised how good storyboarding is for writing stories. I spent my childhood with comics so storyboarding comes naturally to me and I realise that with the help of storyboards I can control the vibes of my story and I do not need the help of external inspirations, like Tumblr or Pinterest photos, if I can storyboard my stories. Storyboards also help me easily fill details in the skeleton of my stories and in a way I like. There are majorly two novels and a bunch of novellas in my head and one of the novellas can grow into a novel. There are short stories and short story series too and then there is flash fiction that I plan to write this year, but all of this depends on my writing blocks. If I achieve even one-third of what I have planned this year, I will be quite happy. Ultimately, it’s the quality that matter.  

Fair Play

Conceiving worlds from scratch is what fantasy writers do. J.RR. Tolkien did it for Lord of The Rings, J.K. Rowling did it for Harry Potter and stitched it seamlessly with today’s (or the 90s) world, Ursula K. Le Guin did it. George R. R. Martin did it, and so did many others, comics writer do it way to often. There have been quite a few attempts in India too, and I actively searched for them and came across them but I don’t think, given the political climate of today, there are going to be more attempts though I would love that it would happen in this country. I like building worlds and so I build worlds, little worlds in each of my story, flash fiction. It’s hard for worlds to have soul today but MCU, can’t say the same about DCU has still has heart in quite a lot of it though not all. Lord of the Rings has heart, Harry Potter undoubtedly has heart and George R. R. Martin shows the world as it is, yes the actual world has as much conspiracy, incest and betrayal as The Game of Thrones it’s just that people who are not a part of it live in their bubbles. I personally oscillate between the warmth of Harry Potter and paranoia of Philip K. Dick. Philip K. Dick was a man of courage and until you truly see the edge of the simulation you can’t really appreciate the level of courage he had. People like Philip K. Dick and William Gibson saw the simulation for what it is. I deeply appreciate people like Philip K. Dick but doing things what he did in America in third world countries in incredibly hard because Western societies acknowledge individuality while third world countries do not. While I might write a fantasy that I conceptualised in 2010, in today’s scenario it doesn’t really matter my introductory scene was a guy playing guitar in a pub and as the social hyperreality of this nation collapsed clubs are out of access from majority of youth except rich and performative assholes. What remains are two class controllers, one suited and still performative and second Mirzapur (the TV series) like gangsters who control the situation in places like I hail from. I had never thought the setup would be cyberpunk meets rangdari (extortion) gangsters but unfortunately that’s what the setup is. So it’s basically Gangs of Wasseypur meets Philip K. Dick meets The Matrix. Fantasy is out of question here though I might try it, if I want to write something related to truth as all the good writers in history did, I might have to make Mirzapur, cyberpunk. It’s funny that one of the most famous fantasies of India, Chandrakanta, originated in India the place which now is famous for Mirzapur. The takeway that I got from struggling with reality is that one’s got to preserve their version of reality from getting colonized and same should be done for their version of fantasy. It’s even more heart breaking that the one’s colonizing people’s authentic realities are neo-colonists of their own country. Writing in this country now is not a weak man’s game because it is going to reflect on their families and next generations and this is how persecution in this country actually travels, though what is comforting is that even if you do not give the entity that persecutes, it would create a reason to persecute and it renders playing it safe redundant.

Custom of Delusion of Persecution

The non-fiction that I wanted to write was kind of Chicken Soup books though I end up documenting the collapse of Indian society. The collapse however has been since forever and so there is no collapse at all. We live in times when everything is subjective so while the traditions and hierarchies collapse in one vertical section of society, another section drinks and makes merry. Once you get the idea of the whole picture you realise that there is nothing that can be done and you must mind your own business though minding one's own business doesn't save one from rabid dogs in the society that are increasing in number and have a level of access of people and their families that is nothing less than surprising. There was a lot of talk about privacy a decade ago, the truth however is that there is no privacy and there never was. It's a simple game of not leaving anything that can be used to frame you, and with the internet it has become more important to do so though that doesn't save people from entrapments and framing that is done by planting. Here is an example, you go to the airport and someone plants drugs in your luggage, there is nothing that can be done about it and here one has to accept their fate. As Elon Musk's neuralink makes progress things get deeper, here is a scenario, imagine it's a setting like George Orwell's 1984 and someone plants thoughts in a person's mind that can be termed as incendiary or heretical thoughts, the thought police than can persecute the person for having heretical thoughts even if the origin of thought was not from within him. What if it is the thought police itself that planted the heretical thoughts inside the individuals whom they persecuted for heresy? It's like the customs at the airport themselves planting drugs in your bag and then arresting you for it. What could be the reason of "power" doing that to someone, the reason is as old as civilization, hatred. The real engine of world runs on hatred, hatred for other castes, ethnicity, race, religion, group. I have been in psychiatry enough to know that patients with delusions of persecution do not suffer it without any reason. "Power" can hate because it has no compulsion to co-exist, and it thrives by disrupting coexistence. Everyone in this country knows what divide and rule means, thanks to the British. It's the same still, just at a deeper and insidious level. 

RNM

In the past decade I have had some baffling realisations about the deep politics of this country. In the past decade I realised that my hometown and region that I loved so much had been exploiting me throughout my life and getting me humiliated wherever I went in the whole country. It's only on my personal merit that I didn't really get humiliated, but I realised that your region, especially where your cultural engine is, travels with you wherever you go in the world and you are basically a slave of those who control that cultural engine which in the case of my regions are exploiters, extortionists and habitual rapists who majorly use religion to commit all these things. The realisation was disappointing, but since it was truth it had to be accepted. I realised that there are hate crimes being commited on totally unsuspecting people who don't even know that they are a target of a conspiracy. Exploitation, thus, in this country is intimate though it is whimsical too. It is in 2013, that I realised that the rich put their kids in corporate positions and high government positions and the ones richer than them don't even bother doing that. The rest of the positions are filled by carefully selected officers who would sell their souls at the drop of a hat. Hence a lot of administrative service officers from Bihar. I realised that intelligence of the Biharis is not the factory as anyone who has been alive upto thirty years of life knows that intelligence is a dozen a dime. It's purely about how readily one would sell their soul. Loyalty is not a problem because intimidation too, just like exploitation, is intimate. The baffling thing was not all this, these things happen kind of openly in this country though it was surprising to see how systemic and how deeply they are done. The real baffling thing was realising that fate of people, which they think is in the hands of God or some supernatural power, is actually is in the hands of a nexus of politicians, mafia, godmen and corporations just in a way you can't really tell who is involved. It is during this time, and due to me being in the field of medicine, I realised that demonic levels of suffering is inflicted on people and it is done very locally, there is no person in the sky doing that though I still don't reject a cosmic order. I realised that in backward places like Purvanchal and Bihar there is direct breeding of people going on, not unlike the concept of Eugenics, these motherfuckers breed people and send to other states and even countries like the gulf region. You would think how's that possible, but that's the whole crux of it, that's how deep the control is. The culture of my region has collapsed and it has been weapinised. The love is gone and is replaced by performative transactional relationships and it's all become about money. The rabbit hole goes too deep but these motherfuckers are too dumb to do anything useful with it other than sadism and rape. My suspicion is that the elite of this country are slaves of whites and Muslims, I have my reasons to think like this and I have no confirmed this. Though what is confirmed is that it is all about money, resources and sex and people too are resources. It's a multi-level setup the lowest unit of which is a village. Once you realise the setup, what truly remains is family and nature, and if you scientifically oriented the vast expanse of the universe. Friends don't exist because friendships can be sabotaged at will, only relationships that are useful are transactional and mutually beneficial ones. It's an unsaid curfew in which you have to really struggle to keep those who you truly love, around and unfortunately it's not even like Western countries where you can take respite in your individuality and its expression. In the past decade expressing emotions has been started to look down upon and young kids have just become a machines of pattern recognition through media like memes which feeds into the greater machine. Only true home that remains in this scenario is one's family. God in this case only remains an avenue for praying for success and money, which unfortunately is the only thing matters as it is money that brings the basics, food, clothing, shelter and medicines. The condition of lower classes is terrible because it is basically run by individuals who are not much different then the guy who sccoped eyes of children with a spoon to make them beg. And yes, all of this, including the rapes, is systemic. It might not all that bad for a lit of people but since I have seen this shit I know that this is the bottom line. 

From Lord Byron's Asshole

I started writing when I was in college and it was at the same time I started writing poetry. I can technically say that writing saved my life, but then I would also say that knowing what I know about the world and specifically this country one actually stops caring about saving their lives. I was a romantic sort of a poet, and I idolized people like Lord Byron. When things got a bit too hot to handle, I sublimated it by writing sensuous and erotic poetry. There was a time when people used to sublimate their desires through poetry and literature now, in the times we live in, they open an OnlyFans account. I'm saying this because by now I know that it's all a systemic issue. I was young naive and idealistic, and I used to think science will take humanity to new frontiers, humans would be able to terraform other planets, there would be interplanetary transportation. The truth that I realised after my idealism and romanticism evaporated was that humanity is in the deepest pit of slavery than it ever was in the recorded history. I wouldn't be surprised if in sometime there would be seperate train stations for the rich and the poor of this country, wait, isn't this already happening? Bullet train stations? You still doubt? Check the news, there are plans for seperate stations for the Amrit Bharat trains. Is it "Dogs and Indians not allowed" once again? I hate to break it to you that it had never left. The British left the tradition for their coolies. The issue however is not seperate spaces for people. It's a free country, and even though the constitution forbids it, logically speaking one is free to put up any board they want, even "Dogs and Indians not allowed" boards. The issue however is that the coolies that the British left behind have a very bad kink of inviting people who are not even interested in going to parties, to their parties, and the poor guys go to those parties out of politeness and courtesy and then these motherfuckers humiliate them. Gandhi liberated the whole country, on paper, just because the British threw him out of the first class coach despite having the ticket. But that's what Gandhi did, liberated the country just on paper so that a well orchestrated simulation of democracy can run and mask something that is essentially a criminal syndicate which poses to people as the providence. I'm not bothered about separate stations or for that matter spaces for the poor and how they hesitate entering places like malls which are supposed to be public spaces. What bothered me was destruction of what gave the poor and common people of this country dignity, and it is when my eyes opened to the actual shitshow going behind the scenes in this, what is supposed to be an ancient civilization that I realised it is all intentional. They destroyed the folk culture remnants of which you can still find in parts of Rajasthan, they destroyed local cultures that organically developed for thousands of years and now they prevent people from eating pizzas with their own hard earned money. The self-hatred of the coolies should be a topic of study and research in Oxford, Cambridge and Yale unfortunately the places which also educate these coolies. I had a very beautiful way of perceiving the existence, but I realised that humanity, after so much progress, can be ultimately defined as "saving one's own wealth and women and taking others'". You might think that this is kind of a rapey mindset and it can't really be true, but then you haven't seen what I have seen. No one in Lutyen's Delhi recites Ramcharitmanas like a common god-fearing man at the ghats of Varanasi does, and yet the gods are with the ones sitting in Lutyen's and perpetually evades the man reciting Ramcharitmanas while he goes around arranging dowry for his daughters marriage. I say 90s were the best times because the ones in control hadn't yet decided on enforcing complete totalitarian slavery, though exploitation and extortion were still rampant, but each social class still had a beauty of its own. Lower class kids had gilli danda, middle class kids had their comics and upper class kids had their coke bottles. Now, after seeing the setup closely in the past decade I can say with confidence that every institution in this country is a mimicry of itself. And in the past decade the hyperreality that sustained sanity in this country has collapsed taking people who used to be aware citizens into depth of insanity with it. It's totalitarian slavery and dogma for the lower and middle classes now and just that while they get exploited, their sons become scammers and their daughter get sexually exploited while a South Africa like but hidden and insidious apartheid carries on unsaid. Poetry doesn't help here. Journals might still do, but most heartbreaking thing is that there are people in this country not even literate enough to be able to write journals. 

Off The Grid

Life can be complex, or it can be simple. The choice stays in our hands to keep it simple or make it complex. The world we live in is mostly about people or relationships. A person cannot live in a vacuum and people are way more connected in the world than they think they are. I, when was younger, used to think about living off the grid, like somewhere in the jungle or on an island, the actual truth is that there is no off the grid and there is no off the grid since quite a while now. I had the good luck to see the stratification in this country and not every person who clearly see the stratification in this country has the good luck to survive, many who witness the ultimate stratification do not live to tell the tale. The older stratas are getting dismantled slowly, and it's a shame because they were built on incentives and respect. I wouldn't have in wildest dreams thought that those who are part of the ultimate strata in this country would actively work for dismantling all the good stratification and replace it ugly, forced and ki deformed strata. It's hard to believe that those who have ultimate edge in power dynamic so much so that they can't ever be challenged would actively dismantle all strata based on trust, respect and incentives but than in the past decade I have seen enough to finally believe it. Transactional relationships seem the only way going forward while one gets exploited by those who have an edge in power dynamic. Social relationship then, in the political setting we live in, need to be handled carefully. In the past decade, there came a time when I wondered if human beings have any autonomy at all in this country, but then I realised that they have but they have to salvage it if they are at the deep end like I was. You know what is the most beautiful thing ever? It's nature, it's all around us and within us. Our consciousness is nature too, and it was mind boggling to realise that just like the body has immunity our consciousness or our self too has immunity, which when it sees through the delusion of social, economic and political false consciousness, rejects the false consciousness and corrects itself from the delusions of the false consciousness. It's hard overcoming the false consciousness because it is forcefully imposed, but once the psychic immunity comes to know about it, if guided properly it deals with it in the subconscious that the political false consciousness can't access. Life has to be simplified as much as possible because the politics of the times we live in thrives on complicating it. There is no off the grid outside but there is an off the grid inside you. Keep it simple, keep it real. 

Faith and Politics

What do physical and mental handicaps motivate us for? They motivate us for focusing on what can be done. One has to let go thinking about their handicaps and focus on what they can do the best and then keep doing it till they do it good. Mastery or perfection should not be thought about much but they remain in the background as goals to be reached, the real thing that should be thought about is doing what one is doing, correctly, and this comes with the experience of doing. Also, nothing beats clear concepts, and so concepts should always be clear. I had read in childhood about the process of knowledge, understanding and application and it has helped me a lot. Gain knowledge, understand it thoroughly and apply it correctly. I think about my political atheism and I write about it often too. My political atheism came about through my empirical understanding of the world and since I write about my personal choice of political atheism in my writings I also, almost make it clear that, I retain faith at a personal level. Atheism and living as an atheist is not a choice of all and it is especially dependent on the socio-economic stratum that belongs to. If one belongs to an upper socio-economic stratum, life as an atheist is significantly easy compared to an atheist in the lower socio-economic stratum, though it also greatly depends on individuality of people. My political atheism is about my being closer to the truth, as I have a belief that if at all there is a conscious god and not only in the form of archetypes and energy, he must be at least as intelligent as me, I mean it is given. I do not depend on God for things unfolding in my life, but I do depend on my faith as a cultural anchor and as an intimate spirituality. My clan has a tradition of clan goddess and I believe in her, I believe in the Divine feminine and I believe that archetypes infused with energy empower people. I believe that even though it's the politics that controls the religion and religion that controls access to God and people can find their comfort and community with whichever form of God they believe in. I never question someone's faith unless it is outright superstition because I know that faith heals. Faith and belief can help one cure major illnesses and it has been repeatedly proved in the field of medicine and I'm not talking about psychosomatology, there is something greater than that. Places of worship are important because everyone goes their with good energy and reverence and unless one is outright evil, which is tragic but happens more often in the world, one gets to feel the good energies and reverence in the atmosphere. It's politics and economics that control our life, but it's faith that keeps us on right and true path, gives life meaning and to a lot of people gives community. I couldn't find the God I grew up learning about in the society but it's not about the societal God, it's about faith seperated from dogma, fear and greed. It's about faith sought for reverence and peace. I find gnosticism a quite intriguing philosophy and although it has structure like dogmatic religion too I find it quite interesting as a philosophy. Reading other philosophical tradition and comparing it with indigenous ones like Advaita Vedanta, Shakta, Shaivism, Samkhya and many others philosophies that this land has produced is an interesting thing to do. Atheism is not a proper choice for people in lower strata, as it brings with itself the threat of persecution and exploitation which a person in the higher class equipped with education and other tools can negotiate with, and it is the reason why you see a lot of atheists, who have become atheist due to spite on account of their suffering asserting their atheism all the time. The truth is that if a person law abiding or idealistic faith keeps him on the right path though religion as an entity is not a guarantee of being a good person as we in our daily lives encounter a lot of religious people who are outright evil. Faith is great motivator, a lot of people motivate themselves through their belief in higher power. Faith can help people overcome their handicaps, and faith can help people go through their tough times but the world we are living in increasingly exploits people for their faith and it is here demarcation between faith as an empowering entity and an exploitable entity is important.

Common People

Inspiration, and taking inspiration, turns risky when ones reality turns transactional. The act of creation does require inspiration though. There is a lot of literature in public domain and I think rightly so especially when there is no way the original writers of the literature, and intellectual properties related to them, would benefit from them seventy years after death. Things can get really shitty in life sometimes, and when you enter a hell that is purely transactional even the things you end up seeing through your eyes has copyright. What I write, unless I state otherwise, is supposed to be totally public domain. I write for my pleasure and that's about it. I make sure to state often that anyone who read what I have written doesn't have to bother to even be thankful to me. I try to write useful things, things that educate or entertain or at least give the person reading a perspective. Inspiration is not easy to come by especially if you have kind of lofty goals for your literature as me. They are not very lofty on their own, but when we see the reality we live in they end up seeming lofty. I peesonally liked the time when one could buy the media to own it. Like when one could buy audio cassettes, video cassettes, CDs, DVDs and own that media. Now one listens their music form a cloud, streams from a cloud, download and plays their games from a cloud. I don't own my copy of music, I don't own my copy of movies (which is kind of okay as I don't really watch many movies anymore), I don't own the digital copies of video games I buy online and, this one hurts, I don't own the books I buy on my kindle. It's all just licenses to consume the media. Just today I read that one wouldn't need to have a gaming rig to play pc games because in the future games would be streamed to your devices, which is already happening but it would be turned into a subscription model. There are very few apps and softwares that have one time purchase on the internet and app stores, and I personally, if I have money, make sure to purchase those apps and softwares just to support the idea and intent behind. We are living in times where everything is turning into subscription, and it makes me remember the Black Mirror episode where a woman gets brain tumour surgery and ends up speaking advertisements because they can't afford the subscription agreed upon before the brain surgery to supplement her lost cognitive abilities. If one is aware, one realises that Black Mirror is not future but now it's just that the future is insidious. Once you see the transactional side of the life you realise that it is not even a transaction, as transaction implies exchange, it actually works on the basis of "what is mine is only mine and what is yours is also mine." Once you discover the deeper side of the rabbit hole you realise that transaction is just a smokescreen just like, unfortunately, God is. I was lucky to see this side of the reality and that's why I promote open source projects, I donate to Wikipedia, I use Linux as operating system when I can and I support community based projects. In the past decade I have lived a reality where I had to pay, and that too heavily, for consuming the media that was in public domain, and the little media that I downloaded through torrents during college. I have subscription of all major streaming services and I don't really watch them much, just sometimes my family watches them. It's about consumption and nothing more. Once you know the reality of institutional gatekeeping and extractive exploitation and how insidious and intimate it all is, entertainment loses its value and you end up finding pleasure in nature and universe, only things that are not taxed at least not unless politics and economics got invented. I don't watch many movies anymore except superhero and comic book movies which I make sure that I experience in the theatres and I listen to classical music. I have seen the absolute limit extractive exploitation can be employed on human beings and made up shit doesn't really attract me anymore and only exception to this are comic book worlds. My writing is majorly motivated towards creating worlds, worlds that can inhabit the homeless, the marginalised and I won't charge them a penny from them for inhabiting my worlds and for giving them glimpse of the real truth. I write for my own pleasure, because it is only me who can write what I want to read without charging a subscription fee. 

See Through

What does it mean to be enlightened? The concept of enlightenment as it is floated in the media appears to be an eastern concept and sure enough the data as it is available does show that India, in antiquity, was an enlightened country, more so than other civilizations. The India of today however is far from enlightened, and it was baffling to realise that even the individuals whom you would presuppose to be enlightened are not really enlightened but charlatans. This nation as it presented itself to me in the past decade made me realised that the very core of those who actually have control of this nation is composed of scamming, rape, entitlement and whimsical violence. Who are two people who might be considered enlightened in the past two hundred years in this country? The two names that I can take from the top of my head are Swami Vivekananda and Rabindranath Tagore and there are countless others because enlightenment continued as a tradition in this country. The modern times however are different, we have scammers posing as enlightened beings and those who hold actual power in this country themselves are scammers and, very unfortunately, rapists. As I suffered my homeland, I realised that power in this country is basically about retaining the right to rape and this rape thrives on the silence of women. Enlightenment is not an Indian domain anymore. You see the internet and you see westerners, each enlightened in their own individual way, while Indians dealing with performative dignity, performative class, showoff, and shame. You don't perform something that you actually have or at least are not confused about. The deepest establishment of this country thrives on maintaining imposter syndromes in people, and if by chance someone achieves enlightenment then he or she is tortured or raped to oblivion because the India of today is basically extraction and rape at the deepest possible level and they are not even skilled at it to do it with finesse like the West. You want to compare the quality of enlightenment? Listen to Western classical music and Indian classical music, note the difference between them and try to guess which touches the soul more deeply. Enlightenment in its simplest term is achieving singularity with the concepts you know. And it is the proof that all paths lead to one truth. It is the reason why all degrees lead to a PhD. One doesn't have to be a philosopher, a mystic or a sage to achieve enlightenment, Kabir Das despite being a weaver by profession achieved enlightenment just through his thoughts and actions. It's funny that the land where the first evidence of enlightenment was found now is ruled by incompetent scammers and rapists who ape the West and rule with an iron hand in a velvet glove. And existence, as one can see on social media, is becoming only about performance and show off.  The real culture has actually eroded and the visible culture has become a simulation and mimicry of itself. 

Opthalmology

In 2013, it was all about learning all that I can so that I can write my stories. There are a lot of writers who do this and I have seen writers gathering all the information they can so that they can turn that information into stories. But it is during the same time I came to realise the transactional reality that pervades our society and even though I took the information for my stories from a supposed public domain I had to pay a thousand percent interest on it as well as I came to know the stratification where individuals above a strata can take freely whatever they wanted from others while they take interest from others for little things that compounds infinitely. When you are in an extractive exploitation setup you have to make your decisions about what can be extracted from you, and I not before fully understanding the setup, decide that if I’m to be extracted by the entity that extracts will only give out instruments that help people see. To know the world clearly, not the earth but the world, is to realise that it is basically a debt trap in the guise of a civilization and a setup of infinite extraction through methods such as intimidation and blackmail. If you are aware you can choose the things that are going to be extracted from you, but only if you are aware. Seeing is important and in my case what occluded my ability to see was belief in God and morality. I still have my personal faith and morals but now I really don’t believe that there is a God or morals in the entity that governs us and this acceptance of reality is not whimsical, it has scientific basis for me. My faith is dependent on belief in archetypes and energy and I don’t equate it with the power governing workings of the world. There is a freedom in knowing how intimate the exploitation is and it takes effort but there is an obvious freedom in bypassing the control and I’m not a person who would bypass the control especially if it feigns as an authority, but I ended up realising that it is outright evil and demonic. All this might sound very pessimistic but actually it is as realistic as it can be at the deepest possible level unless one likes to be at the mercy of literal demons. Of course life circumstances differ greatly and in non-extractive societies life must be better but then I ended up realising that what I see and what I experience is the bottomline. People who have their curated delusions, on the whims of those who curate those delusions, would end up experiencing the same bottomline the majority experiences and it makes luxuries redundant because for the most part retaining luxuries requires killing your conscience and becoming a demon oneself. Not everyone has a conscience, but those who have them prefer the heaven of lightness of their conscience to the heaven of physical pleasures especially if being in physical heaven entails consuming souls of the innocents. I write stories on the side and write things that are not stories. It is how I’m extracted and I try to make sure that the only thing that can be extracted from me are instruments that help people see. In the reality we live in, seeing clearly is the only form of freedom that there is. 

Bombtrack

Once you cross a threshold, life becomes about either jumping around hoops of conspiracies or metaphysical designs. There have been numerous satirists in India, in all language, but satire never helps and it would never help because the individuals at whom satire is directed at are way too shameless and tone deaf to even understand it and while satire is civilized form of discourse, the ones at whom satire is directed at in this country take help of ridicule to neutralize dissent. Anyone who has his eyes open, and knows the truth of existence, knows that dissent in our times is just cosmetic. I have been to the deep end, and without any instigation, and I know that dissent is impossible. You can see the impossibility of dissent in evidences present all around in our times, like lead guitarist of a band literally called Rage Against the Machine selling courses. Even rage against the machine has been co-opted and commodified in its favor. I would rather not rage against the machine than get my rage commodified. Authenticity by now has been replaced by performance, and I’m talking about India, lack of means of survival, greed and lack of education made people of this country compromise with their authenticity under pressure, while if you have seen social media, you see common westerners on it, and it is obvious only common westerners would be on social media, and you see a lot of them making zero compromise with their authenticity or even under pressure making a way to express their authenticity. We live in times where rebellion itself has been commodified and it is because rebellion is impossible, it is just a game that is played with innocent or unfortunate souls. Inhuman and unending pressure is put on the human soul and when the person rebels their life is made a spectacle as a “punishment” for that a rebellion and it is here you get the video of a “naxal” getting shot in the ass and croaking while real naxals sip wine in Delhi, or you see an mms of a girl who dared, in her own way, negotiate her freedom from “patriarchal” constructs. I have seen enough of this country to realize that this country at its core is tribal, not unlike Afghanistan or hinterlands of Pakistan, while professing refinement and culture. I crossed the threshold back in the day, and totally unknowingly, and it was for me an organic growth, but I got to see things in return for a growth that was totally organic because I refused to be deluded. I saw Dr Faustus trading his soul to the devil in return for knowledge, I saw Icarus flying too close to the sun, and I saw Greek gods punishing a mortal for daring to love. Of course, these things don’t work in a country that has tribalism at its core while it feigns refinement, culture and civilization. For a common man things that matter are family, love, happiness and growth but things that actually matter at the deepest level are resources, money and pussy. You might wonder why pussy? It is because feminists might be wrong in a lot of things but they are not wrong in that the cause of all troubles is patriarchy, and it is kind of funny because the literal meaning of patriarchy is a council of male elders while the truth that I have seen is that it is a council of incompetent entitled narcissist and psychopathic rapists, there in no elder in here.

Buffet

Understanding complex social interactions is necessary and especially necessary when you realise that the society can be made to act as a second superego other than the superego you already have. The model of id, ego and superego is useful in properly decoding the sociopolitics around us and the ultimate realisation about the world that we live in is that it’s nothing but economics and finance that affect or even control the sociopolitical reality around us. Some people in the society have to live with two superegos, and this is the arrangement that can be termed as oppression or even exploitation. Among the two superegos one superego is natural and internal that a person develops while during developmental phases from a child to an adult and another is imposed by the entity that governs lives of people, the biopolitical entity that manages people in this country and the world. My approach to analysis is bottomline analysis, I judge the reality by bottomlines. Even at a personal level I can’t really enjoy luxuries if I see people in the society, especially good and underprivileged, getting exploited and even tortured. Their state hence becomes a bottomline for me. If a person has a mindset like me, he, since one’s survival is important for the people they love, goes back to the basics. Like food, clothing, shelter, health, and financial security and, as much as the social arrangement allows, social security. And for recreation, nature and one’s interests and hobbies. Every other thing, for an idealistic person, when he witnesses the reality of systemic gatekeeping becomes redundant. If a person who truly like rock music is prevented from attending rock music concerts through gatekeeping it becomes kind odd but this not a tragedy, the tragedy, once one sees into the true soul of this nation, is that people are systematically gatekept from things as basic as food. Though my tragedy is not that, I, due to being in the field of medicine, am not only witnessing systemic gatekeeping but also passive genocide which as ones come to know the depth of the system we live in, starts to seem kind of very active. Reality if one comes across it is hard to digest but one has to learn to live with it. Oppression in the country we live in is very intimate and one has to learn to come to terms with the second superego that the entity that rules us imposes while at the same time making ourselves capable of rejecting it when it is required. One lives for quite a while and they realise that only authentic professions are farming and business and every other profession is an extension of these two and are basically skills that help people bring food to the table. Even if even considered different professions as complete in themselves, what makes those professions valid are the ethics associated with them, divorced from the ethics, they just become transactions, exchange of goods and services. Like take the example of medicine, it’s just a business of providing services in exchange of money if we divorce it from ethics. I, being in the field, have seen things like sexualization of medical procedures, not by doctors thankfully, but by politics of the land. Once one sees this happening one readily realises that ethics in this country with respect to profession have collapsed and now professions are just business, providing goods and services in exchange of money. It’s just like the builders provide you a house in exchange for money. Once one sees total collapse of professional ethics in this country one realises that it can’t really happen, given one is aware of control pervading people, without mindless exploitation. Social interaction in the setting we live in give us hints about the reality we live in and I think one must cherish the personal relationships they have and cultivate formal and professional relationships for survival and hope that survival isn’t that difficult that they can’t go beyond to search for contentment. 

weblog #150126

This blog kind of has grown into my official personal blog where I end up writing the thoughts in my head. I started this blog kind of mindlessly as a replacement for my old blogger which I had started in the late 2000s, which I now use as an archive of my writings, and now I end up writing what I feel and what I feel about the world on this blog. It’s funny how different platforms affect your voice differently, though I try to keep it as authentic as possible here and even though I didn’t want it to be this blog sometimes kind of reads like my public journal which is kind of strange because I do maintain two journals almost daily, a digital journal and a handwritten one. In the past decade I have seen how much dehumanization of a person by the politics that runs this country, and possibly the world, is possible, and my personal opinion is that death is better though it is hardly an option for a person who is in his senses and is not selfish and loves his family. You end up knowing the world and end up realising that only two basic occupations are farming and business and all other occupations are extensions of these, especially business while farming helps a person become self-sustaining. I write but I haven’t seen writing as a primary occupation ever. Writing, for me, started because I was a creative person and started writing in my late teens and when I was studying medicine I had a goal of becoming a physician writer, inspired by a lineage of physician writers and particularly Anton Chekhov. In my early adulthood I was deeply inspired by Franz Kafka, and as life unfolded in front of me it became abundantly clear to me why. It was during college that I wanted to write comics alongside my profession of medicine but then the comics industry in this country collapsed and I continued with short stories and blogs with concepts of unwritten novels in my head. Blogging for me was actually what blogging is, a weblog, I maintain a log of my ideas and make it public whereas in my journals I wrestle with deeper and kind of embarrassing personal questions and problems though it is a whole different matter that when you mature you end up realising that all the embarrassment and conflicts in your head are actually the gifts of the society and its politics. I have my goals decided as far as writing is concerned and I’m slowly but surely working on them. Ever since I realised that publishing in India is a propaganda circlejerk of people with connections and reach I gave up the idea of formal publishing of my writings. Although I might end up self-publishing if I ever write something that I really think is worth sharing. My main domain is fiction but I for my own doom see too much and end up writing a bit of non-fiction. I write solely for my own creative pleasure and my goals are that anyone who reads me gets to know the truth or gets educated or gets entertained or gets to feel or all of the four. 

No Country for Pen Friends and Stamp Collectors

I often wonder what am I doing writing longform in the era of shortfrom videos but then I think a little and realise that people who actually bother about what is happening in this country and the world still read. I had my rendezvous with reality, of this country in the world, in 2013 but I got to retrospect and realised that I had been living with the reality since forever. One thing that I realised about the world is that there are no free lunches, at least now. And I'm not talking about the offers in 90s when you could win prizes printed on caps of cold drink bottles. Those were real free lunches and that was the time when the world was last honest. Now the simple rule is that if something is free, you are the product and this applies equally to all social media, Instagram, YouTube, X, Facebook or any other. As the digital and online landscape of this country started to grow in the late 2000s so did the stratification. There is stratification in everything in this country, for example you are at a lower strata if you did your degree from a private college than in a government college and stratification of this and similar sorts is everywhere and so it was natural that digital and online landscape too would be stratified. There are people who make reels on Instagram, there are those who post on Facebook, there are those who on X and there are those who post on Indian origin apps like Moj which keep coming and going. The best example of digital stratification is are the algorithms of people which, if you pay attention closely, aren't just due to people's preferences. One can't expect much from a country whose first impulse on discovering a new avenue is stratifying it and this stratification has its origin in caste system which the British not only promoted but also cemented. There are deepeer insidious and outright evil things are happening in this country, but the common people only get their taste as a final blow at a stage when they can't do anything. At this point anyone, who has his eyes and ears open and who remembers the past, can guess that Indians are actually being governed by a criminal syndicate no matter who is in power at the centre and state level. Religion has collapsed in this country, and it doesn't matter if Hindus reclaim Kashi and Mathura after Ayodhya because religion at this point is shamelessly being used as opiate of the masses and for fear mongering. I can confidently say that it's not Bhartiya Janata Party or at least not "only" Bhartiya Janata Party. And from what I have seen in the past decade, I realise it doesn't matter whichever party is in power. No matter which party is in power nothing can undo the damage that has been done to the culture in the past decade. Old hierarchies have all collapsed and the only hierarchy that remains is the one that can't be negotiated with. Isn't it all obvious, if this country has an intelligence establishment, and if internet of common citizens is monitored so much so that they are afraid of exercising free speech and are getting ads based on their search history or what they were talking about, how come the scammers who are not scamming people of their hard earned money are not getting caught? It is this obvious. 

Thou Art The Ruler of Hearts and Minds

There is a standard bureaucratic political reality of this country, where you have Voter IDs, Aadhaar cards and passports and then there is a lived political reality of this country which is quite different and different for every individual. When I was young idealistic and naïve, I used to be a nationalist, when I am not that young and naïve I still am nationalist despite getting disillusioned by nationalist narratives peddled in the country. I’m quite patriotic, and I wanted to join the army when I was younger despite having flat feet and it was disheartening for me when due to personal indecisiveness, I failed to join the NCC when I was in 9^th standard. I love the idea of India, it’s beautiful, and I love the constitution of B.R. Ambedkar, and to me it is one of the most beautiful official documents written in the history of the world. I couldn’t join the army but I always in the back of my mind was ready to get drafted if the country needed me, if not in army due to my flat feet, then in the intelligence. The residue of nationalism still remains and I still love the idea of India but as the past decade unfolded for me, I don’t really find myself as patriotic as before. The past decade made me realize that this country is basically an extractive and exploitative kleptocracy run by a feudal-corporate-mafia nexus that also doubles as the providence and exerts biopolitical control over people. Sounds crazy but I have had my experiences and I have done my research and if at all my profession has taught me something, it is rational analysis of people and events. In the past decade I realized that every pillar of this so called democracy has been co-opted and weaponized and so much so that the common people can be called as slaves and robots who are thought of as animals by the ones in control, the worst part of it all is that high value people are controlled by low value incompetent scum who are basically doing anything with people and giving it the name of fate or will of God. I consider myself a Hindu and I believe that Hinduism in its true form is one of the most syncretic, diverse and beautiful religions on this planet, it is as diverse and beautiful as this country is, but the truth of today is that this country is fucked and is turning into the image of those who truly run it. I used to believe in democratic institutions, despite the visible corruption, so it was hard for me to believe that the rich and their litter are literally God and the government is just their working arm, but the reality of slavery ultimately set in. The republic day parade, to me at least, doesn’t hit as good as it used to before and it breaks my heart to see young kids at village schools who salute the national flag of a country that systemically betrays them and in places like Purvanchal deprives them of things as basic as food. If you have seen the social media algorithm you know by now that there is an algorithm for everyone from a rickshawwalla, to you middle aged mother who is watches monkey and vrat and upwaas videos, to your father who watches cheap geopolitical videos. These motherfuckers are actively deluding people at this point while extractive exploitation goes on in background. I have lived in various locations in this country and it was baffling for me to realise that wherever I’m in this country I’m basically a emissary (for the lack of a better word, it sounds way better than intended) and slave of a tier 4 town of a backward region of Uttar Pradesh which at the deepest psychological level is operated like an independent republic by criminals employed by individuals who are basically mafia. So there is no science and flying cars and no real hope for the majority of people there is just fufa jis and bua jis and land disputes. My personal political stance and belief is simple, dignity and people being able to do their work peacefully and take care of the family but the exploitation doesn’t allow that and I was baffled that sufferings of people was not only a hundred percent intentional but actually actively done. After the things that I have seen in the past decade, I have realized that only thing that matters is earning money, taking care of family and having fun. The nation is an illusion which only becomes real when you are trapped in a foreign country and need the help of the embassy and hometown or the native village, not actually but at the deepest psychological level, is the first level of exploitation. Truth has been sobering for a patriotic person like me and while people may think it is due to Bhartiya Janta Party, the truth is that the setup was formulated and applied during Congress rule, BJP after getting power just got the symptoms out and anyway as I said in practical the government and religion is just a working arm of feudal-corporate-mafia axis or as it is fondly called in American terms, the deep state. We are basically ruled by pimps who have sold us to Whites and Muslims and if the conspiracy theories are true, the Jews too.  

Varna Fulfillment

India at the deepest level functions on stratification and it is getting progressively worse as time passes. One of the main methods of individual exploitation is inducing imposter syndrome and discontent into people. People here don’t believe in giving their best to their profession and I don’t mean profession as a job, but their skill set. They just want to be better than others instead of really understanding the intricacies of their skill set and profession and while anyone who learns something ultimately aims for mastering it as a natural outcome, people in this country do not seek mastery but the social identity it brings. The arrangement in this country is such that people always live with imposter syndrome and discontent and finally they realise that money is everything and then they end up being a part of the corrupt exploitation machine. This country is actually run by incompetent and clever, and not in a good way, middle men who exploit skilled people who value their craft and skills. Take the field of medicine for example, a person specializing in physiology is socially seen as inferior to a person specializing in surgery, and it is a fact that both domains are important and require specific skill sets. A dentist is never seen as a good dentist until the tooth hurts, but someone who couldn’t be a doctor. I dealt with the same thing as I graduated in homeopathy. It felt like being marginalised from the greater scientific community and I realised that one is not really a doctor when one has to consistently assert that he is one, even if one trained for it. And so I relinquished being called a doctor and refer to myself as just a homeopath even though the common public whom I treat still calls and treats me as a doctor. It was a personal experience but as the greater reality of this country expressed itself to me I realised that this stratification is in everything and in every field and it is a method of individualised exploitation to make people suffer with imposter syndrome and this microstratification within strata is a pretty recent thing as I don’t see people from our parent’s generation have an identity crises about their professional identities. It’s an caste system within caste system that is being developed insidiously in every domain and sphere of life and the only cure of it is dedicating one’s life into honestly practicing the profession of choice and working on constant improvement.

Multiverse of Madness

I achieved my maturity in life when I realised it's all basically about perception. Perception is how the modern politics manipulates and exploits people, and perception is how misunderstandings between people organic or engineered, happen. By my third year of college I wanted to shed all my delusions and experience reality as it really is. Breaking news: there is no one reality. But, there are facts, irrefutable facts, but the reality we are living in especially the socio-political reality, there are facts behind facts too. I, due to my background, had a science oriented upbringing and I see that science in the past decade had been left much behind except those nutrition and gut health reels that you see on Instagram. The universe, galaxies, blackholes, terraforming, wormholes are not something that people actively talk about unless you are a nerd, which in India is rare, and have a group of nerds as friends, which again is rarest of rare occasion. I understood the game properly in this country when I realised that rape is a systemic entity and is propagated by the deepest and highest structure of this country, who has time for wormholes when there are rapes to commit. I grew up on comic books and children's magazine and literature and so I had particular kind of a perspective about life and perception about this country, and it is after back to back experiences that I learnt the true nature and true soul of this country. It's not that bad, middle class in this country is still beautiful but I would say that's about it, lower class is getting corrupted at a fast pace due to deprivation and upper class, the actual upper class and not the visible upper class, is no less than demonic which employs the lower class, especially the criminals of the lower class, against the middle class of the country. You understand this setup and life becomes quite easy. Once you understand the game of perception you realised that the worldview you had in your childhood is as valid as the worldview you have now, after disillusionment with the nation, the bureaucracy, the polity, the pillars of democracy and the society. You realise that you can have the perception you had as a kid, after engaging your defences against manipulation and exploitation that is rampant in the Indian society. Once you see the true picture and the truth of rape, telling no to people, which a lot of people find hard, becomes incredibly easy. I, due to my good luck or bad luck, whatever you call it, was able to see the deepest level of governance of this country which comprises of exploitation of any and every weakness and that includes and not limited to, your goodness, your illnesses, your inferiority complexes, your lack of confidence, your secrets, your relationships or for that matter anything under the sun. It is either that I'm actually living a hell or it is that there is no God in this country. Though I would always choose the absolute real experience which I consider to be the bottom line over made up delusional reality and curated comfort. Only comfort I want is the comfort I have built up for myself. The crux of the matter is that your delusions are all valid, given you are aware of the actual reality. The world you come across in comics, or marvel movies are all valid and you can choose to inhabit them given you are not delusional about the actual exploitative reality of this country and this world. It's basically about perception and that can be politically altered, but you can choose your comfortable delusions given you are aware of the actual reality. The reality of the politics of the world walks with us and there is no escape from it, so you can choose to see absolute facts that are divorced from aesthetics and sensations and know that there might be facts behind those absolute facts too and then you can choose the aesthetics you want to live in, and if you are a prudent self-respecting person you can make modules of the cultures you represent within you. Then you can consciously choose the delusions you want to live with and the worlds that you want to inhabit. 

Thoughtspill

I have my writing projects planned for this year, but it is the execution that matters. It's a bunch of short stories, short story series and novellas and flash fiction projects. I sometimes write on Tumblr about my projects which works as brainstorming about my projects. Ashtabhuj is a distant dream still because I'm unable to decide the vibe for it but it is there in pipeline. I'll start with relatively simple novellas first and I would work on getting the hang of the atmosphere and vibe that I want to create. My idea for Ashtabhuj is exactly the vibe I had for it in 2011 and the issue now is that I have way more gravity and maturity to me than what I had then and creating that vibe would solely depend on how good I'm at the craft. There is Agnipunkh, which is, what I call, a mythonoir, a noir espionage story with a mythological background. These are two serious novels. There is a novella called Into The Wild, on an adventure horror theme and then there is a novella, kind of surrealistic magic realism political thriller titled the Claw Machine. There are two short story series, one, a psychiatric thriller which has not yet been named and another titled Paranormal Diaries of The Indies which, as the name suggests, deals with Paranormal and horror themes and it shares its universe with Into The Wild. There are a couple of short story ideas too of one which has its skeleton fully formed. I would be taking help of storyboarding to work on these projects and I quite hopeful about them. If I manage to achieve even half or even one-third of what has been planned for this year, I'd be quite happy.