Field Day for Central Intelligence

The times we are living in are unprecedented not because they truly are but because the hyperreality is collapsing and people are beginning to notice the patterns of their lives. I in the past decade ended up realising that family history matters shit in the setting we live in. The tragic thing is that whatever rules us doesn’t even declare the slavery that people live in while practicing impunity on lives of people and packaging it as fate or will of God. In the past decade when I came across incest being used as a political tool in Purvanchal it kind of became funny because the Purvanchal I knew from childhood was not like that, it was sacred. While living in West UP I had heard of cousins and even brothers molesting their sisters but ultimately I ended up realising that it is centralised impunity in this country and this shit is so unbelievable that anyone who speaks on this seems insane. The shock came when I realised that Purvanchal deep state uses the age old feudal village rapist setup, where rapists would rape the mothers and sisters of dalits for drawing water from the well or entering the temple, so basically this is what the deep state of Purvanchal consists of and it is funny because Varanasi, the spiritual capital where every second asshole you talk to would spout mythology, is in this region and this shithole connects to greater nation as well. The baffling thing that I realised about Purvanchal is that not only the assholes who really rule this region and the lower class criminals employed by them feel entitled to rape the people of the region these motherfuckers are actually inferior and suck up to assholes from outside of the region and basically pimp the people of the region they control to others. Imagine the plight of someone who has been made to commit incest and this is a method to show dominance in the region, naturally God is nowhere in the picture here and probably has left it forever. This shit is serious but it can’t be proven but if you take an anonymous survey of women of this country the base rapey reality of this country would ultimately surface. I used to be proud of my culture and even the philosophy of my religion but one has to understand that when the keepers of culture and religion are rapists and base reality is itself rape there is nothing to be proud of. This is a Soviet method of creating and collecting dirt on people which seems obvious with India’s closeness with the Soviets post-independence, a knowledge that got transferred to local feudal lords who now control things from behind the scenes and probably have turned builders or owners of franchisees. The British knowledge of divide and rule extractive exploitation was already present. We live in a country where clothes every class should wear, and the tiles and curtains and home decor of every social class is decided and Instagram has made it abundantly clear. The rich get to save their memories on iPhone clicked pictures and the poor have their memories ruined forever by cheap Chinese phones and I remember the times when photography was on film, it was democratic and rich and poor had similar memories. The collapse of this country has already happened, the civilization that I loved so much is already dead. When village rapists decide the fates of people way more capable and talented than them, the civilization is over. What remains is an access controlled machine of employed rapists and criminals run by incompetent assholes who have already sold the nation they belonged to. 

Iconic

I write to make mechanisms operating in the depth of this country legible to people and it is important because I have an experience of more than a decade, and that is equivalent of two PhDs, with it and also because I know that the deepest reality of this country targets only good, innocent and helpless people, it is essentially predatory. People might have supernatural or paranormal experiences but the bottom line is that if you or your someone in your family falls sick and you don't have money, you are essentially dead. I am from public health background both by education and my work and I realise that not many are getting saved by public health infrastructure (yes what I say is a bit extreme but you get the point), especially the ones who really need it. I have seen the deep end of Indian deep reality and I saw nothing but manipulation and predation and by individuals whom, in real life, you wouldn't even allow a hundred kilometres near your family. There is no intelligence apparatus in this country just a deep predatory apparatus a sort of multilevel access controlled region based oligarchic arrangement that has a feudal core and is connected to the corporate at the top and it's basic function is extractive exploitation and predation which includes sexual predation even of children which is hidden by maintaining the pressure cooker of repression and this apparatus acts as both the intelligence and the providence. I am from Purvanchal and there was no reason that I would become aware of this arrangement especially when my goals were just treating patients and doing research but I did and it just tells how low the threshold of shit getting real is in this country. I got to see the deep end and I was unfortunately the worng guy for it because I was professionally trained for making sense of things. My goal then became finding out the bottom lines for common good people who just want to do their work and be left alone like I once did because unfortunately even that is a privilege in this country. The deep structure is a panopticon populated by incompetent rapists, so you have imagine that the very culture and religion of this country, something that I used to love so much, is in hands of literal rapists. And the goal, other than financial and resource domination is retaining the right to rape, and I don't know about other regions, it is at least true for Purvanchal. The 90s kids who grew up seeing indipop now are seeing the same actors from indipop videos in b-grade reels, I ended up seeing an actress from a Adnan Sami music video, who is professionally a doctor too in a b-grade drama video. The ones who rule us do not even give dignity to people who are icons to a whole generation and I say this because I have seen the impunity and lack of consequences of lower class enforcers of this structure who are not even one percent of what these generational icons are and whose only qualification is being a rapist in their soul. I have seen this shit, and I know that soon education and qualification too would lose its respect in this country and when people who have given so much to India and society do not have dignity, what kind of dignity a common man would expect from what is essentially a criminal syndicate. This is the reason I give a lot of stress on having fun, have fun with your family, when you are alone, with you loved ones and remember friends aren't permanent in this country. 

Vroom

I like motorbikes. My first personal bike was in college which was an Yamaha RX 100, before that during school I had got an XCD 125 which I used to go for tuitions. I don't own the Yamaha anymore and my current bike is an Xpulse 200 which I use to commute to work and since I love the bike it makes my work commute seem like a leisure ride. I haven't got a car for myself and my goal was to get myself a Toyota hatchback. I love Toyota as my family used to own a Toyota Etios and I loved driving it and it was a tough ride. Only Toyota hatchback in the market is Glanza which, as most people know, is a rebranded Maruti Suzuki Baleno. I'll get myself a car as soon as Toyota launches an affordable genuinely Toyota hatchback. I'm not interested in cars, never was, they are just a means of transport for me and a hatchback fulfills that need for me. I'm not even interested in luxury cars and if one has to be practical given the condition of Indian roads and traffic luxury and sports car offer no value except of course doing the job of being a status symbol which is why, I would guess, most people buy them in this country. I love bikes and I like nimble bikes. Xpulse is a great bike and I truly enjoy riding it on broken roads of my hometown which refuse to get repaired. My end goal is to make a collection of bikes and they are not really expensive bikes, but first I want to acquire an RX 100, I genuinely love that bike with all my heart. The bikes I want to get are a TVS Ronin, a Royal Enfield Continental GT and a Triumph Speed 400, so just a very humble list. I wanted to get a KTM Duke too but that bike has its reputation ruined in this country. I love dirt bikes and cafe racers but dirt bikes aren't really practical in this country despite country being full of dirt and trails because of upkeep but that's what guided me towards Xpulse and I haven't been disappointed. Royal Enfield Continental GT seems to be a great cafe racer and I hope to own it as soon as I become a little comfortable. 

Introduction

This is my official wordpress, and I had to start writing on this because in the political times we live in, my personal blog: indicscribe.blogspot.com started turning political which is what happens ultimately when you explore the personal. The other page of this blog has the places I write at and my writings which you might explore if you wish to. Since my personal blog started turning political I needed a place where I could talk about things I genuinely love, like Batman The Animated Series, Batman of The Future, cartoons by Genndy Tartakovsky, books, literature, comics and graphic novels, popular science, my other interests and hobbies and sometimes my opinions on culture and popular culture.

I hope to write intresting things and I’m kind of sure that I would enjoy writing what I would write. I started writing in the late 2000s early 2010s and I have made quite a lot of websites in order to search for the accurate vibe but I ultimately ended up realising that I was actually searching for my voice which I ended up gaining ultimately.

I, as funny as it may sound, think that this would be the final blog that I make after all the blogs that I have made and it serves the specific purpose of demonstrating my interests and hopefully, along with it, gives the readers of this blog, pleasure of reading something worthwhile. You can check my other blogs at Writing Stream page of this blog.

Ghantaghar

It's about contrast. What you think life to be and what it actually turns out to be. I can divide my life in three phases, pre 2013, pre 2016 and post 2016. You enter adulthood and realise that talent is a dozen a dime. So all you have left to do is to master your subject, your profession, your specialisation, and understand it deeply. Once you understand your subject, your specialisation deeply you tend to understand all other subjects deeply for the most part as deep understanding of all subject lead to one subject, that is philosophy and that's why the terminal degree is a PhD. Post 2013 I have had experiences with this nation that actually baffled my mind and at a level where I used to think that God resides. After having the experiences I retrospected and realised that I was carrying the seed almost throughout my life. I have never had structural disadvantage due to my family's standing and my father's academic background, but I ended up realising that structural disadvantage in India operates at level way deeper than we think. Post 2013, I realised something I always knew, that there are always bigger fishes, though the bafflement wasn't that, the bafflement was when I realised that these bigger fishes consume smaller fishes not out of need or hunger but just because they can do it. I had turned atheist by first year of my college because I before that I used to live in Meerut and anyone who has lived in Meerut and has a little bit of intellect knows that existence of God is impossible. Meerut doesn't operate with the logic of God it operates on whimsy. At one moment one is eating panipuri and the very next second someone shoots the panipuri vendor for ten rupees. The school I studied in Meerut, I used to boast about it that if you can survive that school you can survive anywhere and it seems about right. Though I love Meerut and it's not really all that bad, it has publication houses and comics publications and very other very interesting things. You love something that is your own and Meerut is. The real shock for me arrived when I came to know the true reality of Purvanchal, my supposed home region and about my hometown. While growing up my community was intellectuals of my place and my village community and 2016 when I faced real Purvanchal which in retrospection had always been working in the background I realised it is way more demonic than Meerut ever could be, though these motherfuckers inflict suffering on people it in a clandestine way and make it look like fate and make it seem like it is coming from God when in truth the suffering comes from assholes employed by politicians, mafia and capitalists of the region who then wrap it in religion. Purvanchal can be defined in one word "deprivation" and it is systemic and they use silly tricks like conspiracies and arranging weddings of incompatible people to make sure that people keep suffering terribly throughout their lives and despite the incompetence they do this shit with entitlement. I was there in the 90s and along with extortion and murder back in the day there was beauty in the culture too which I experienced first hand, that beauty has been destroyed by now due to extractive exploitation and region specific fate-deciding totalitarianism. There is no cure for a country when hate crimes are generational and whimsical and operate with legitimacy of God and I realise that's how many innocent individuals and families perish in this country. The bottom line is that rich are God. And only real God I personally was able to find was within, that too with tremendous efforts. The government well it is not even in the picture. 

Kanyadaan

One of the major advices in the current political scenario is to keep a watch on your thought associations. To pay attention on what thought associations surface in your mind when you think about a particular person, thing, process or event. Making judgement about people in the current political climate must be based purely on logic and empirical evidence which is kind of hard given the amount of misinformation and disinformation in the media but it is anyway better than judging people based on random associations that appear in the mind. I have noticed it so often that it is almost a rule that in this country, if you are a good person, people would almost certainly bring you nothing but pain and it is here, except close relations, except people who love you I advocate for formal, transactional and need based realationships which they eventually anyway end up becoming. It is here the maxim of "hell is other people" from Sartre comes from and it is the reason there is the quote often attributed to Bob Marley, "the truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." I have witnessed the deep end of this nation post 2016, which I got acquainted to in 2013 and while I was a firm believer in traditions and rituals and preserving them I ended up realising that the ones ruling this country are basically doing anything to anyone at this point, of course clandestinely, so that it appears as fate or karma or will of God. Though I would argue that it is almost equal to will of God as the difference of power dynamic is absolute but the fact remains that these motherfuckers are doing anything to anyone at this point essentially rendering horoscopes and kundalis as hogwash. I believe in social conventions but since I have seen the deep end of this country and realised that these motherfuckers are making people commit incest, making them fuck their mothers and sisters, for political purposes and a lot of times just for schadenfreude derived from torture of their souls social conventions mean zilch in this country at one side we have a father performs kanyadaan for his daughter at the other side we have a son fucking his mother and getting his soul tortured for it, and the very act acting as dirt on him. Someone has to do the dirty work of airing the dirty laundry and seem mad and batshit crazy and it's unfortunate that it has to be me as I have better things to do. One ends up realising that this country basically has a feudal core, and not a good one but a brazen extractive one, which integrates seamlessly at the upper echelons with the corporate setup along with the mafia, and politicians and godmen acting as mouthpieces (of course not all). It's a sealed multilevel access-controlled setup and unfortunately these motherfuckers target good people who just peacefully want to do their job as "fate" or "karma" hits them unprepared. I talk in bottom lines because bottom lines are important and I realised it's as simple as the rich employing Slumdog Millionaire kind of "gouge the eyes out of children with a hot spoon to make them beg on streets" kind of enforcers for clandestine crowd control. Government as much as I have seen, is not even in the picture and it'd be funny if it is. 

Ubuntu XP

While I couldn't be a coder due to choosing Biology over Computer Science in school despite doing a little bit of Java programming in highschool I still keep interest in computers and using and testing different operating systems is one of my favourite hobbies. I was recently building my device ecosystem and apart from Windows, which is essential for my academic and professional work, I tested and used a bunch of Linux distros on my devices. I keep testing Linux distros if I have free devices to experiment and at present I use Bazzite, Pop OS and Zorin OS and Ubuntu on my laptops while keeping seperate Windows machines for my academic and professional work as I need Microsoft Office and other little things for work and professional purposes which are kind of not really smoothly compatible with Linux. I used Fedora and Mint recently too and I enjoy it but ultimately I ended up selecting Bazzite, Pop and Zorin and Ubuntu for my four Linux machines. There are quite a few other OSs in the market a lot of them free but major ones at present are Windows and Linux only if we leave Mac OS which is a whole different ecosystem altogether. I was a Windows fanboy up until Windows XP, a lot of people drew their line with Windows after  Windows 7 and around Windows 8 but for me the best, the absolute zenith of Windows was Windows XP, and of course before that, if we ignore Windows Me, the absolute masterpiece that Windows 98 was. The best thing about Windows 98, XP and even Me was that they had soul and it was because the world had a soul back then, remember that and see Windows 10 and 11 and their lack of soul. Soul is one reason I like Bazzite and to a point even Zorin. You use Bazzite and Zorin and you feel that it is made by good people and this feeling is what I miss with Windows and this was present and I remember well until XP, I haven't used Windows 7, Vista and 8 much. I would never use an Apple product, and I know it is kind of rude and kind of an impossible task given the temptation of seeming classy and rich but my decision has its reasons which I would rather not expand on. Ubuntu is clear about its philosophy, and I love them for it. I think if one has children, it would be good to introduce them to a Raspberry Pi with Raspberry OS and a small monitor (raspberry packages those cute white and pink mouse and keyboard with the device). It would help them learn early about how is the world constructed, which a lot of people take a lifetime in learning. 

AOE

It is kind of funny how simple and predictable things have become in this country. You can simply follow Occam's Razor and you would arrive at the right conclusion. Authoritarianism seems like a thing of comic books and novels but shit kind of becomes real when one actually feels it. I have felt the grip tightening though personally for me it was beneficial because I ended up realising that my suffering was not my fault. Systemic victim blaming ends up into people believing in their bones that their suffering is their fault however throughout my life I had seen only good people suffering and the better they were as human beings the more they suffer and it is only later that I realised that this happens because people are ruled by a criminal syndicate and good people suffer because they are jealous of them (yes it is this simple).  I like how simple things are in case of India it doesn't make you do hardwork of solving complex designs. I, after watching Discovery Channel documentaries about hovercrafts and flying cars, Nat Geo shows about deep sea explorations and History TV shows about ancient aliens and how they built the pyramids hadn't even thought that the only thing the new millennium would bring for people would be the realisation of being enslaved up to the bones, my problem is not slavery however, it is, in my case false promises of freedom and opportunities and more than hundred percent lack of autonomy of which I was able to salvage a little. The initial steps of a political hit job are simple, first it would be about some sex related thing like sexual harrasment, sexual assault or a rape allegation which wouldn't have worked on me and after that it would be the accusation of being a communist or naxal, well in the words of the great Norman Osborne "I'm somewhat of a capitalist myself", it's just that I believe in ethical capitalism and similarly I believe in a social democracy. I ended up realising that end goal of all authoritarianism is to establish a master slave dynamic and once that is established anything can be done to slaves, even eugenics. What seemed crazy to me once, doesn't anymore and that's the thing about politics it keeps surprising you. 

Tramadol

Adulthood simplifies life for a good man when they realise that they have to continuously deal with exploitative structures and that suffering is not their fault. Suffering is a result of conscience and a good man requires to see the ultimate truth to finally realise that there is no salvation for goodness and it is the very thing that gets people exploited in countries like India whose very soul is corrupt. India however hides its soul very well despite the corruption spread everywhere and while one can reach an empirical conclusion of a corrupt soul of this nation seeing it's unsalvageable corruption in its truly glory is only for the lucky and these individuals become irreversibly free of social contract and social responsibility. By corruption here I don't mean taking bribes, though that too is an issue. By corruption I mean raping ones mother in front of them just because they don't like the person's face for no credible reason. One lives enough and realises that it is these kind of individuals who actually govern this country and it is one of the reasons the country is failing, also that these motherfuckers who rape people's mothers in front of them sell their souls to foreigners at the drop of a hat. Once one realises that this country is compromised at the deepest level and is actually ruled by criminals while the government makes more rules to make lives of citizens more difficult while failing to enforce the laws that are already there life becomes incredibly easy. It's just family, fun and nature and of course money. The most important thing that I stress on is having fun and making good memories if possible. There is, in the present times, nothing more important than this. When exploitation finds them only thing that would help is their good memories because we live in a settings where people's emotional traumas, a thing that is supposed to heal with professional and community support would be exploited. As I ended up noticing, there is no healing with emotional traumas in places like India because these traumas are systemic in nature, the only thing that can happen is that seeing the picture one stops bothering about it and, if they can investigate, knowing the exact reasons for the trauma, to get over the self blame, which would, as I have seen it, ultimately turn out to be systemic. 

Lord Pornwallis

It is kind of funny how easily one ends up seeing the edge of the political reality, I would suppose that depends on the place you hail from. I ended up seeing it and then ended up realising that I had ended up seeing it way before I actually realised that I have seen it. My goals haven't been so grand and they were in fact quite basic and mostly related to my family. I ended up experiencing the deep structure of Purvanchal in 2016 and I realised that individuals even the lowly bottom feeders in this particular structure are potential genocidal rapists with a totally misplaced sense of entitlement and self-righteousness if they aren't overtly criminal which, from what I have seen I would suppose most of them are. Post 2016 I ended up realising, and it might be my individual experience and I can't generalise it that those who preside over the deep structure of Purvanchal expect people to suffer with folded hands while these motherfuckers inflict infinite amount of torture on them and I was doing exactly that until I realised the totally materialistic and criminal nature of these individuals in 2023, I at a personal level find it difficult to tolerate criminality interfering in my personal life. And as I ended up seeing the basic goals of these motherfuckers is to do family and social conspiracies and social engineering and depriving people of basic needs and what they need to thrive and even survive, depriving them of economic self-sufficiency, and in case of Purvanchal even basic things like food and intimacy while clandestine application of intimidation and blackmail goes on. The unfortunate part is not that these things are being done, the unfortunate part is that these motherfuckers are criminal as well as incompetent and despite that they have access to people way better than them, majority of workforce is lower class which works with a natural contempt for the middle class and are paid in money and rape while the religious drama keeps on going. In Purvanchal it is a direct setup and every weakness, which might be illnesses, poverty and handicaps, illiteracy, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, one's secrets everything would be exploited. Since the setup is direct and employs criminals the weaker you are the more you'd suffer and these motherfuckers do not stop, suffering is extreme and infinite and each individual criminal employed by this setup is a criminal who is spiritually a demon and that means they would throw someone  for eternity in hell for just not liking your face for no reason or for reasons that are not in the victim but in them. The whole setup at the base is composed favours and revenge as currency and people are exploited for favours given to them and a lot of time ungiven favours or simply in the wake of I didn't kill you so you owe me a favour and fear of revenge office taken on small things. Victim blaming is the standard method that runs through this setup and first people's lives are invaded and then they are falsely accused and blamed for things that they haven't even done, things that are actually systemic and then tortured for that. Victim blaming is achieved through morality, social conventions and religion. I was able to witness this setup post 2016 and after this existence of a God, except the one one in your heart is absolutely impossible. The bottom line is that it is ultimately about power, sex and money.

Wrong Turn

It's about making what seems intangible, tangible and that's where all the skill lies. One grows up and ends up seeing the invisible structure of the world, gates, toll booths that aren't really accomodating to all. I got exposed to deep reality of this nation in 2013, one year before Modi government came to power and retrospection on the condition that followed with me made me realise that at the absolute depth and top of this nation it functions on the basis of whimsical wanton anarchy. The best part of it all was I didn't want to enter any gates or cross any toll booth. The main issue then is physics, if force is applied on you you would feel the force. If someone slaps you, even if you haven't instigated or incited it or did not deserve it, you would feel the pain. The deep reality where people think it's God who resides or in Hindu philosophy one thinks of the crown chakra actually has individuals murdering people who are just going on their path without disturbing anyone based on their whims. Imagine you are walking on the road and someone comes to you and starts beating you up because they happened to see your face just by sheer chance and as, in this nation, kundalis and horoscopes are constructed fate ends up being sheer chance, it's pre-decided but also dependent on whims of individuals with influence. I found it funny because I am a law abiding, rule following person and only thing that was possible is that I crossed through a wrong road at a wrong time, just enough for someone to see my face. I ultimately ended up realising how things like making people confessing something that they haven't done or someone who they are not work. I have seen misuse of power at a scale that after you see it trust in God of humanity becomes impossible and then I ended up realising that it's a daily business in this country. Hate crimes, whimsy of the influential wipes out individuals and families with rich cultures and history and it appears as fate or act of God while the reason is whimsical and at the bottom socio-politico-economic. The most baffling thing is not the whimsy, its the differential between the entitlement and competence and absolute edge in the power dynamic. The individuals who manage the access control in this country wouldn't be able to judge someone right even if a gun is pointed on their head and anyway at the lower rungs in this country innocence and goodness marks you for predation. All of this is so filled with impunity and is so mindless that now the hyperreality of this nation is collapsing under its weight. 

Flop Show 2.0

One has to always keep working to achieve mastery in their profession, along with that it is better if they have another interest too which is soul nourishing especially when the profession is not. I have been lucky to have a soul nourishing profession and a profession where I can work on my own not dependent on any bosses if I choose to. There are other professions too, like a fruit seller, a cobbler, a butcher and such, and then there are things like scammers, human traffickers, pimps, drug dealers and while one would think, especially a common middle class person, that they have nothing to do with such elements they would be surprised to know that it is these individuals who truly run this country. Just today my wife got a call on her mobile and it went like this:

“Tumhara phone kaun chalata hai”

“Main chalati hun” 

“Chrome mein kya chalati ho”

“Tumhare chrome se gandi cheezein dekhne ki activity paayi gayi hai”

“Sir mere husband bhi chalate hain”

“Baat karao”

“Sir main bol raha hun”

“Tu kya chalata hai chrome pe?”

“Cybercrime se aadmi aur patrakar bhej dun”

“Nahi sir main barbad ho jaunga”

“Kya karta hai?”

“Sir typist hun”

“Ye sab dekh ke tu use chodta hai”

“Haan sir maza aata hai”

“Maza aata hai?”

“Haan sir, please aapki maa bhi chodni hai”

The call gets disconnected. 

Since around five years I have seen numerous people I know getting scammed and these motherfuckers call good people mostly exploiting their kindness or sex. Scamming is rampant at present in this country, and it's quite funny to note that this country actually has an internal intelligence agency and also a foreign one and while it acts on artists, writers and activists the scamming business goes on undisturbed. I in the past decade realised that majority elites in this nation are comprador class and are directly involved in large scale criminal operations, corruption is still fine when one comes to know the kind of things these motherfuckers do. I ended up realising the hard way, but in a country as ancient as us, we are dealing with soul level corruption. The hyperreality that Congress had built around Tatas and such corporations and their benevolence has collapsed. One realises that criminality was always present, the internet has just exposed it and also amplified it. There is nothing called Indian intelligence, we live in feudal corporate architecture who employs criminals for crowd control and this architecture poses as both the intelligence and the providence and unfortunately Hinduism, unlike Islam and Christianity doesn't even have an outside base and so these incompetent criminal rapists not only have killed our culture but also our religion while Netflix makes Jamtara and mocks us. 

Shakshuka

I had read the Baum Plan for Financial Independence by John Kessel during college and was greatly impressed. I ended up searching about John Kessel and came to know he had studied both physics and literature as subjects in his graduation and it impressed me because even my orientation was like that, I had read Chekhov quite early in my youth and a bit of it in my childhood and when I got into medicine I went by his quote “Medicine is my lawful wife, and literature is my mistress.” My love for noir had begun early on and I love hardboiled writing and in my early youth I had read Kafka’s short stories extensively which I only later ended up realising why I gravitated towards. Kafka had an “overbearing” father and he had existential anguish and wrote about being trapped in punishing bureaucratic systems which might be the result of political realities of his times. I, on the other hand, did not have any paternal issues like him but as it later turned out the scenario of punishing bureaucratic reality was accurate in my case only thing is that in my case it was an illness which when one knows enough medicine they know that it is essentially neuropolitical torture. It is only later I ended up realising that hate crimes and whimsical torture of bodies, minds and souls are done in this country at an invisible plane. I later started reading Lovecraft and I find a strange comfort in Lovecraftian cosmic horror which I would suppose anyone who has been tortured for more than twenty two years of his life would. Cosmic entities indifferent to humanity give a scale to human cruelty which to anyone under its throes might seem infinite. I later got introduced to Philip K. Dick and William Gibson but I would think that the chief influences on me would be Chekhov, Conan Doyle, whom I read while I was in college, Kafka and Lovecraft. I like noir mainly because I have known pain intimately and I like the idea of man taking a stand amidst corruption. I’m not really a cynic but I like the cynicism of a hardboiled detective because it is honesty and crushed idealism finding its vent. Noir is as true as it can be and can be said as the actual background reality of the world which turns those who see it cynical. I dabbled with transgressive fiction too because I know and have always known that the actual reality of India behind the Barjatya movie reality is unbearably transgressive and so I make it a point to keep a very small token element of transgressive in my writings. I would love for the world to be full of joy and colour but I know that the joy and colour in the world comes from the black and white of the lives of a lot of people and in many cases people who had joy and colour in their lives get them snatched and destroyed by those who can not tolerate joy and colour in anyone’s lives except them and growing up is understanding that. 

Optional

As we mature we have to choose the realities we must devote our time to. Some realities are non-negotiable, like our workplace, but others we can choose. I chose the natural world, the universe and philosophy and literature. I keep minimum personal relationships, the relationships that are already there or which organically form except my relatives and community and have well-intentioned formal and transactional relationships. I have had my reasons for doing the simplification of my life as post 2013 I realised that majority of relationships in this nation end up becoming prey to conspiracies and social engineering of deep structure of this nation and so only relationships that survive are those which have genuine love or are based on need or transaction. The deep structure of this nation uses relationships to exploit people and most of the exploitation designs in this country are of psychosocial nature which when executed and if they end up in death or ruin of a person or family, are then given the name of misfortune, fate or act of God. I have seen exploitation and sabotage upfront by the deep structure of this nation, especially post 2013 and the baffling thing that I noted was their religious and governmental entitlement though one can't really prove the affiliation. Major things that are gatekept from people are education, technolgical and financial literacy and making of contacts or relationships and of course the truth. Though due to my ordeal I ended up realising that the socio-political truth of the world can be audited though a good man or a common man would never reach the position to be in that capacity. During my school and college I was a fan of rock music and bands like Midival Punditz but during my stay in Bihar gatekeeping me from music and literature started and so I gave up the idea of attending music concerts or literature fests. Anything that is gatekept and is non-essential is not worth having and it is one the reasons I do not eat western food until it is a formal situation or a social or family compulsion. Gatekeeping taught me how people are gatekept even from things like food in this country and it then gives you a peek into the minds of those who rule this country. Post 2016 I got to know Purvanchal, the region of my origin, which I only knew in relationships to my family and villages and didn't know in detail due to spending majority of my life in Western UP. I ended up realising that people are deprived from things as basic as food and are deprived of and ridiculed for wanting things like intimacy and this is systemic and is done by individuals whose primary qualification is being a rapist and this shit flows from the same place the religion, feudalism and politics of the region flows. Fate, as I ended up realising, is just whims of the rich and the criminals employed by them and their religious and governmental entitlement gave me the rest of the answers. Knowledge of the truth once achieved demands radical simplification and I ended up realising that in Purvanchal it is essentially slavery in practice with all exit points for common people effectively sealed. The arrangement thus then dictates that every one who is famous or successful is chosen and it is here the concept of industry plants comes in though one can't really discount their suffering because fame and success, for a lot of people, unless they are in the deep structure and are products of nepotism and cronyism within the deep structure comes with its own psychological and physical costs. It is here choosing right realities to devote your time to becomes extremely crucial. 

Stagecraft

Human resilience knows no bounds. Human soul has the capacity to undergo horrible suffering and still move forward, but the fact remains that the ones inflicting that horrible suffering are again humans. Political persecution, or in case of India, socio-political persecution because society here can't be differentiated with politics at the deepest level, comprises of false accusations. In case of Purvanchal I have noticed four prominent political technologies of exploitation, victim blaming, blame shifting, credit stealing and rape and these things happens at a level where it can't be negotiated with and thus it suffices to say that God, in this case, is itself evil. It's not even a regal architecture, it's a feudal architecture of exploitation and rape which supplies human resource to corporate and industrial architecture and sometimes people's whole lives are a chain of victim blaming. The most baffling part of this architecture is that it has complete information on an individual and yet its engine functions on hate so one eventually realises that hate actually is the true engine of the society. Ever wondered when you travel in buses and trains after seeing people that you have no business with those people and yet ultimately it turns out that even if you don't have any business with them they have all the business with you? The entity that truly rules this country, as I ended up seeing, believes in mindless social engineering of relationships while totally ignoring the fact how the relationships the people have matter to them or if they matter at all, it is essentially authoritarianism and the bad news is that it can be individualised the world keeps going on around you while you personally live in 1984's Oceania. After realising the extent of control and social engineering being exercised in country and the kind of individuals doing it, while the drama of democracy goes on in the media and newspapers, I have little doubt that eugenics in this country is rampant. My idea of this country was a delivery boy ending his delivery job and coming back to his house and reading comics in the cool breeze of the cooler, but that would be too much for a country that relishes inflicting needless suffering on people and where doctors don't feel like doctors and engineers don't feel like engineers and have to constantly assert themselves for being one. What kind of a structure would inflict suffering on individuals who already follow all rules and are law abiding? A criminal syndicate. While this syndicate co-opts criminals for crowd control in the nation and turns them into demons of lust, greed and rape spiritually. The structure in Purvanchal has zero refinement and depends on micro-accusations which are of course baseless, but the mark of a good man is that he entertains them to ascertain whether he really did something wrong by mistake, and continuous barrage of micro-accusations, if the person doesn't have a strong will, is intellectually weak or doesn't have resources, end up breaking the will of the person. Unfortunately this spiritual onslaught is purely materialistic in nature, purely socio-politico-economic. I have seen beautiful indigenous cultures getting destroyed and turning performative and mongrel and the unfortunate part is that the individuals who rule us incentivise individuals from the same cultures to destroy them from within. I wanted to be a psychiatrist once but then I ended up realising that there is no healing the personal without dealing with the systemic and the systemic is a cycle of production and consumption for the lucky and exploitation for the unlucky especially when the system flows in our nerves. The ultimate enlightenment in the country is that the rich and mafia are the actual God and there is no further enlightenment required. Like the zen saying goes, chop wood carry water before enlightenment, chop wood carry water after enlightenment. And Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha keep going on.

Agarbatti Stocks

It's all about understanding the meaning of things correctly. For example, if we take Indian scriptures and philosophy, a man who has benevolence, compassion and a spine to take a stand understands them totally differently than whose goal is to accumulate power, the genius of our ancient masters was that not much could be twisted and taken literally except the law based scriptures like Manusmriti which were again taken literally to consolidate power. Hindus are a pluralistic culture, we assimilate, and we tolerate and we did that until very recently. We do not have one philosophy and atheism (nastik) and materialism (charvaka) are as valid as Shaivism, Shaktism and Vaishnavism. I'm an atheist politically but a shakt intimately and I practice my religion personally as I think one should, I also have inclination towards Samkhya philosophy which is the interaction of purusha and prakriti and Vedic tradition with its bent towards the natural forces. Though in practice Hinduism for common people, especially in the North India, is extremely dogmatic and materialistic. The primary figure of Christianity is Jesus Christ, a self-sacrificing tolerant figure who, as Christians say, died for the sins of people and while the Bible is dogmatic in a lot of things the central figure of Christianity is a figure of compassion and benevolence. Islam, however, if you study it, and the followers of it might have different interpretation as it has mystic (Sufi) tradition too is a religion of domination, homogenisation and as we know from history, conquest. I'm almost sure that there would be a Mosque built if humans go to Mars because Islam as an entity plays offence and in this world offence is what actually wins, it always has even though the earth is flat in Islamic cosmology. Indian Islam was a tolerant form of Islam compared to worldwide and yet it ended up dividing the country into three parts and on the basis of nothing but religion. Though learning from the history is redundant in the present setting because the enslavement of humans is complete and now, since I have seen it I know, even if humans go on Mars, they, at least the common ones, would go as slaves for mining minerals just as girmitiyas went to West Indian sugarcane fields. I don't trust Indian temples anymore, though I do visit them because of my family, but I do have my deities inside me who empowered me through what I would call an impossible ordeal. I ended up realising that Hinduism as an entity has fallen prey to rape as a method and there is no salvaging it, except at a personal level in our hearts. I rejected the concept of purity and impurity because those who propagate this concept themselves are impure (and they have a belief that whatever they fuck becomes pure) and I simply keep my chosen deities inside my heart. Personally speaking, only Temples of Tamil Nadu, Golden Temple and small shrines at the hills actually give my soul peace and I'm content with that. 

Midtown Madness

I have seen the absolute edge of the simulation and I decided to record it. What I have seen is the absolute bottom line of existence or to be sure absolute socio-political bottom line of existence. After 2013 I have experienced what a happens when a purely transactional existence is forcefully imposed on a person and for no reason. I ended up knowing that rape is a language in Purvanchal, a mode of communication, and the deepest bottom line grammar is of favours and revenge and doing favours and then exploiting them or most of the times not doing favours at all and yet exploiting people for favours in the wake of I did not kill you so you owe me a favour. The best part of it all is that neither did I owe anyone favour, nor did I have any enemies to fear revenge. It was just whimsy, probably not liking the face and I ended up realising that it is rampant, in Purvanchal and probably this nation to act on whims and murdering people and families for not liking their face, it just functions at a level deeper and people think it's fate or God. Post 2013, I have paid for everything, for wanting to buy a computer after my neighbour got one, I owed the favour of my computer literacy to him, for getting introduced to particular computer games by my friends, for any help they did to me. I owe to music, book and movie companies for their content that I torrented at a time when it was the only mode one could get that content for and there is no account or count for how much and how I helped other people. That was simply ignored. This, phenomenon that happened, is called exploitation and this is what the deepest structure of this nation does and when it happened with me I ended up realising that rape and religion in this nation flow from the same source, even the source of these two totally distinct entities are same. One ends up realising that baseless whimsy, which one keeps guessing the reasons for, can falsify a whole lives life of a person. It's the ultimate and absolute abuse of power especially because it is totally baseless and whimsical and the unfortunate part is that it is rampant in this country. I decided to write about it, because I believe in payback. I donate to Wikipedia, I donate to open source Linux projects, I give back to society when I can and thus when I was exploited I decided to give back to the society in a language that was grammar of socio-political existence of this country. What I have written till now is not going to save the drowning, it would just let them know before drowning that it wasn't their fault and sometimes that is enough. 

Course Correction

I have always been a socially responsible person and now that my social responsibility has been neutralised by the deepest structure of this nation, but before that I have done my part. I have left enough literature that can save a metaphorically drowning person or for someone confused about this nation to make sense of it. I could only do the diagnosis and there is no cure for this shit but sometimes the diagnosis of the suffering is enough and it considerably reduces the suffering. Every wondered when you travel by the train you see people shitting besides or on railway tracks or when you travel to hill stations you see people littering at the hill stations, all of it is intentional and centralised, I know it sounds like a paranoid conspiracy but it is not. All that remains and I repeat it often is to take care of your family, have fun and tend to your garden. The problem is not that we are ruled by evil, but that they are small and pathetic with absolute power. I'm just glad that I had resources to make sense of things, a lot of people can't and they and their families perish without a trace. As I ended up realising making family trees, remembering amcestors is not of any use in the greater picture, it is a cycle of production, consumption and exploitation though family trees and remembering ancestors does have a personal value and it would do both empower you and drag you down and will be used in your persecution, it would personally empower you, that is if your ancestors were worthy and it would drag you down and will be used in your persecution and here it wouldn't matter if they were worthy or not as the setup of persecution is based on nitpicking and magnification of faults. I did my social duty and now I chill, rest, earn my money and have fun. I when I was younger had given up my personal interests for family but in a couple of years I realised that it was of no use, and so I pursue my interests, nature, the universe, comics and graphic novels, Indian classical music and a bunch of other stuff. I know that this country has collapsed internally, either this or it was always a criminal syndicate from within and anyway it doesn't matter to me anymore. I have seen people and their families getting perished due to whimsy of power so I ultimately realised that the rickshawala drinking the desi pouch had been right all along. If the morality of my family didn't stop me I would have been Hunter Biden but it did and I'm glad but I understand why people drown themselves in hedonism, it works as a painkiller. And I'm not talking about those who have everything and despite having everything they take pleasure in destroying the beautiful little things others have, that's just infinite greed, lust, hate and jealousy and I did my course correction when I realised that exactly this type of individuals are who are God in this nation.

Bodhi

There is too much confusion in the world so it is important that you have the capability to make sense of it. I have seen structural violence and the most hilarious thing of it all was I was not dependent on the structure for going forward. In the end I ended up realising that our lives are dependent on whims and not the whims of God. God as I ended up seeing was nowhere in the picture and in its place is an omniscient and omnipotent machine, well almost. Though the unfortunate thing is this machine is operated, at least in this nation, by incompetent retards. I was younger and I wanted to be a medical physiologist and ultimately I realised that medical physiology is redundant though not preclinically, and I really love the subject with all my heart. One more subject that has been rendered redundant is psychiatry. I read somewhere that old asylums in US have been converted into shopping malls and while this news may or may not be accurate it is essentially what's happening in India right now if one gets the hint. Mental health issues are essentially structural violence and by the end of 2010s I had realised that the world is as mediaeval as it ever was, just a level deeper where it is not visible to the naked eye and now it conceals itself as God or fate. I was essentially betrayed by my region and not only it betrayed me but it also paraded my throughout the country for humiliation and there was absolutely no reason for it except whimsy and this shit happens to a lot of people as the feudal-corporate-mafia axis of this country whimsically decides fates of people while godmen and politicians act as their lackeys. Once one sees the setup and I inadvertently ended up seeing one would realise that no person with integrity would be a part of this setup. It's all about approach, one could see people as numbers, as animals or as people and these motherfuckers decide to see people as animals as families and family cultures end up perishing without a trace and the Doordarshan of normalcy keeps going on. I don't claim to know everything but I know enough to know that only two things if we leave earning money are family and having fun and God if you can find your interpretation of Him or Her inside you which is incredibly difficult, there is no God outside, just transaction and a crab in the bucket game which not everyone can opt out of. For the ill-fated ones the walls would keep closing in and so much that one would be forced to rebel and then it would give the machine a chance to order a "justified" hit on the person in the name of rebellion, a game as old as civilization itself. 

PR

There is a thing called perception management, and in countries like India, it devolves into perception manipulation. Third world is not a definition, it's a mindset and India despite its Vishwaguru aspirations is essentially a third world country ruled by absolutely spineless and infinitely cruel cowards. India was legitimately a vishwaguru once and it's written all over its scriptures, philosophies and culture. Our ancient masters were wise and above all, if you have read the philosophies and scriptures carefully, they were benevolent and it's due to wisdom and benevolence of our ancient masters that our culture survived after numerous onslaughts though it couldn't survive our postcolonial masters. Witnessing making people commit incest as a political tool in Purvanchal was the last straw for me and it estranged me from my culture forever except the memory of the real culture that sustains in my memory from the 90s. I have seen things about this country which a common man wouldn't, and probably should thank writing for it. Rape is feudal tool of domination and not many people know it and they won't understand it when I say that it now flows in your nerves. This country has collapsed internally and all we have left to do is drink Coca Cola and watch Jamtara on Netflix. What these motherfuckers have done to my (and their region) is equivalent of selling one's mother and they have done it and I think, the way it looks, it can be extrapolated to the whole nation. Prejudice is another tool used for the real administration of this country either this or these motherfuckers are actually this retarded. I post 2013 ended up realising that indviduals are really racist and casteist and I had no concept of it earlier and used think of it as a joke material, unfortunately there is no basis for it too, this is like a gang affiliation gone offensive and even predatory for ensuring survival till eternity, it's really sendimented and soldified part of being that can't be cured and especially after the gang as accumulated power, caste dynamic is just like elite echo chamber you blow me and I blow you while we collectively hunt and torture others and assert our dominance and while the drama of constitution and B.R. Ambedkar goes on in the media and government this is the deepest and unwritten concept of this land and it is made to look sporadic so one can't really make out the centralised nature of this shit. It was funny to see the third world in action while aspirations of being Vishwaguru fill newspapers. I had to write this because for me Draupadi Murmu is my president. 

Tax Tape

I sometimes miss 90s Nadeem Shravan era and visit it on YouTube, and there in comments section I find my kind of people, same when I miss older games like Half-life, Motocross Madness and Tribes 2 and such. I belong to a breed that has chosen to euthanize itself. I like bands like Strings, Call, Jal, and Rage Against The Machine. I like 90s authentic American gangsta rap when most people would like Michael Jackson from that era. I like Carnatic music, and I like folk artists like Sharda Sinha (RIP). I like Rajasthani folk culture and despite living hundreds of kilometres away from Rajasthan I could feel it through Anant Kushwaha, the editor of children's magazine Balhans which I read regularly. I still love bands like The Local Train, Agam, Thaikkudam Bridge and Motherjane. And I love Midival Punditz (they launched a new album by the way). I love Jagjit Singh and Bhupinder, and I love Manmohan Desai, Hrishikesh Mukherjee and David Dhawan and I know that their stories and their kind of stories would still work in this country even in the politically turbulent times we live in. The time that I am living in, I won't be able get a Midival Punditz ticket, even Himesh's Capmania is far cry (Tere Naam was his best movie by the way) and no it's not because I can't afford it. The apartheid has tightened itself, post 2013. It's not 2014, as most people think. I have been that guy who witnessed the exact time the apartheid was enforced so it's not when Modi government came to power, it was a year before that and it's not like it was not there before it just got enforced more tightly post 2013. I liked that time when people listed their favourite movies on their social media profiles and you could decide whether they were worthy of being your friend or not. My favourite movies are The Departed, The Namesake, Gulaal, The Matrix and Harry Potter and yes Pathology, an underrated medical thriller (I was a young medical student back then), you should try it it has medical jargon but it is satisfying. Post 2013 my life which was about medicine and psychiatry became about pizzas and croissants. There was a time when both Sharda Sinha and Guddu Rangila coexisted and now Sharda Sinha is dead and soon the ones who listen to her would be too and all that would remain is Choliya Ke Hook. I won't defend my culture, I'm not qualified for it. I suffered my region and culture despite not living in them most of my life, but I would (actually) defend my culture that has now been swallowed whole by greed because Sharda Sinha is now dead, and Guddu Rangilas are growing like wildfire. I came to know things about my culture, my beautiful beautiful culture, things that have sealed its fate for me. What remains is just a shell and a performance and love that is in the hearts of my people which would evaporate as soon as people come to know what has been done to the culture. I miss the times when food was served in pattals in the weddings and water in bharukas and Limca and Thumsup were still called thanda and meant nothing more than something to be served to a person who had come from outside in summer heat. I miss the green mango Frooti. It's funny how greed and lust can destroy beautiful things because having something to yourself is not enough, you have to destroy what others have too. Funnily I do not want things to get better, because this is the worst case scenario and the worst case scenario is the best case scenario because there is nothing to lose and here one can focus on what really matters to them. 

Weblog 180426

I try to keep this blog in the same style as a late 2000s early 2010s blog. I have a journal and I have other blogs and this blog occupies a place between them. I miss late 2000s early 2010s kind of blogging when people used to have interiority and they used to share their inner life, share and not pimp like the trend is now on social media. While fiction writers say that showing is better than telling, this is one instance where telling is better than showing because showing has become all about performance and the aware ones keep it understated but it is still performance. I personally feel that there is no harm and nothing wrong with earning money through performance but I miss the time when people used to click pictures of their kitchen gardens and flowers and told how they felt about it in detail. There was something authentic about it. That time has passed and so I keep this blog as a time capsule, something between a journal and a website, a personal blog if you will and I talk about my interests, my opinion, my politics, my hobbies and whatever else that comes to my mind. It was post 2013 that I realised that all life is political, and not everyone can afford to be apolitucal and I'm not talking about BJP vs Congress, but the deeper politics which is love vs rape. I chose love knowing that it would give me nothing but suffering but one has to be able to suffer for their choices. One has to choose the blue pill or the red pill and I had since always chosen the red pill, the blue pills I manufacture of my own to ease the red pill vertigo for a bit. Since it is a The Matrix reference I must say that I never liked Cypher, though I understand where he comes from, one would really love to feel the taste of the juicy steak in their mouth. My favourite character was Mouse, designed his own muse and went with big guns blazing and as my life unfolds, it seems accurate. When I was younger I used to compare myself to Brutus, I had the same character flaw someone could convince me just like Brutus, as honourable as he was, to do something in the name of greater good, now with time I don't think I can be convinced until I actually make up my mind, plus as the world unfolds we all are seeing greater good collapsing in front of greed. I see a lot of comments on Instagram with people saying that "we" died in 2019 and this (the present times) is hell. I beg to differ, it was always hell with some just being too lucky as they were shielded from it, now with world getting smaller the hyperreality the nations constructed have collapsed. I know the base engine of civilization is rape and slavery, and I wouldn't have believed it when I was younger but then I had to see it with my own eyes. Once you see it, the red pill remains in you forever and you have to manufacture your own blue pills. Bake your cookies, tend to your garden, love your loved ones, design your muses because there, as I have seen it, nothing more to life. As far as I have looked, Nietzsche seems to be right, God is in fact dead. 

Fauladi Singh Aur Antariksh Ke Lootere

I thought I would discuss India through the lens of superheroes and comic books. I'm a fan of comic books and graphic novels and I think India achieved its prime in the 90s when the middle class kids were reading Indian superheroes after their school and in summer holidays along with sips of Rasna. Now Indian superheroes are almost dead except Shaktimaan who due to boomer habits of Mukesh Khanna won't be able to see the light of the day as a movie, and it's funny that he rejected Ranveer Singh for the role of Shaktimaan despite him visiting his office for the role. India has outsourced it's superheroes and only superheroes India is going to get would be based on American mercy. You all remember how the Indian scientist who found out about the reason for apocalypse in the movie 2012, Indians occupy that space for the whites for the most part which is facilitated by the coolies employed by them. I love comics and I don't discriminate between origin of comics because the whole point of comics is to be against discrimination. Superman or Captain America save everyone despite their nationality and only destroy, if they have to, the evil in other nations like Hydra in case of Captain America or Nazis in case of Superman. I grew up on Hindi comics and along with that I read English comics strips too. In 2013, severe gatekeeping regarding my consumption of media started in my case and that extended to comic books especially Marvel and DCs I had overgrown comics by then for the most part and it just remained as a normal hobby and not a passion, I was reading philosophies comparing Freud and Nietzsche and people like Homer, though writing was still a passion and writing comics and especially Alan Moore and Frank Miller style graphic novels was in the bucket list. Late 2000s had seen a surge in new age Indian comic book companies with globalised Indian stories and characters some of them would be Devi, The Sadhu and Odayan. That shit died as soon as it started as the companies were shut down by the mid 2010s, and I still do not know the reason (well I do). I used to appreciate people like Anurag Kashyap for making stylized Indian stories and also appreciated movies like Tumbadd unti I realised that cinema as medium has collapsed in this country and its better to watch superhero cinema from Hollywood, of course it is my personal opinion. I only watch superhero movies and nothing else. I got to see, due to circumstances that were not created by me and neither there was any involvement of mine in them, that the base reality of this country is composed solely of rape (I know this shit sounds schizophrenic). It here I realise that superheroes can't save this nation anymore and it doesn't matter if Aryan Khan makes a Super Commando Dhruva movie or Anurag Kashyap makes a Doga movie or Ranveer Singh plays Shaktimaan or Aditya Dhar makes Immortal Ashwathama. No Tumbadd and it's beautiful representation of Indian culture and it's cinematography. This country, and I got to see it in 2016, has been already gang raped by those who claim to rule it and all that remains is us being superheroes for our families and living the aftermath of that gangrape. 

Wheel

I had to end up doing radical simplification of my life and I haven't regretted it one bit. The ultimate realisation to me that took away all my worries was that political power exerts physical force, and the same applies to the hidden political power which does it in a concealed manner. When one is faced with whimsical persecution they can apply concepts metaphysically, like I used the concept of recycling to recycle the trash pumped in my mind to make it into something usable and the Japanese concept of kintsugi to mend things that were broken. This country as a whole lacks alignment and thrives on whimsical chaos and I don't know whether it is intentional or unintentional though from what I have seen in the past decade it seems both. From what I have seen in the past decade, it would be funny if this country actually has autonomy over itself and by autonomy I mean at the level of mind and soul. If it is so, from what I have seen in the past decade, it would be a complete shame. There comes a time when perspective decides everything. I have been able to witness gross misuse of power and a kind of misuse that if you once witness it it is like witnessing the last nail in the coffin of humanity. This country thrives on psychosocial metaphysical designs and even the conspiracies are psychosocial in nature and so I depended on radical isolation from relationships other than the relationships which are actually valuable to me. The country runs on lazy presets in a very drab bureaucratic way and while I once thought there is a grand cosmic design to life, it turns out my life is controlled by panchayat level feudal whims which, and unfortunately, I have never personally experienced in my life so one can understand that the basic design of this country, or if not the country then at least Purvanchal, is to give incompetent control over the competent which not only seals the power of the higher-up but also drains dignity from the lives of the competent, the good and the helpless. What remains is what I repeat often, family, money, nature, night sky as a window to the universe, education and knowledge and your hobbies and interests. 

Puppetry

I kind of inadvertently stumbled upon the truth of the nation just like Hrithik Roshan's character in Kaho Na Pyaar Hai does in the movies and then a chase ensued. Though the level all of this happened makes the cat and mouse game redundant and it's a pity that the ones orchestrating these games don't understand that. Long story short, you might have seen Eyes Wide Shut directed by Stanley Kubrick, the truth of this nation is the same only the director is not Stanley Kubrick but Kanti Shah. And anyway I don't like playing games. Only sport I truly like is Martial Arts and if we push it then freestyle motocross. I had stopped watching cricket when India lost to Australia in 2003 World Cup due to the spring in Ponting's bat. My region had left no stone unturned to make me feel like a village outcast, fortunately and ultimately I ended up realising that everyone in this nation except the ill bred and ill raised litter of the rich and the criminals employed by them is an orphan and especially spiritually. I am not materialist because my grandfather gave me as much love as it is humanly possible and so I grew up valuing love more than money, it is quite recently of my thirty six year old life, and it would be around 2023 that I finally accepted that money in fact is everything and this happened because I finally realised that everyone in this nation in a slave and of totally spoiled, capricious and despotic assholes who are, unfortunately, also incompetent. Since early 2010s to now I saw the hyperreality and narrative of this nation collapse but it is only tragic on the surface because rape was the background reality of this nation since forever and one only ends up learning it in retrospect. The puppet string for the slaves is made of metal and it enters from the asshole and comes out through the mouth and then the puppets are controlled by manipulating both ends of the metal wire, of course it's a metaphor. Ending up realising that people of this country are cursed to be ruled by rerarded and incompetent capricious despots for all eternity was not on my bingo card for this millennium but it is what it is. God, of course is nowhere in the picture except the one who you can salvage from the depths of your subconscious and soul and then you can project it on the archetypes our ancient and actually benevolent masters left us. I have chosen Saraswati, Chamunda and Murugan, or you can say they have chosen me, you can suit yourself.

Panzer

I'm a reasonable man, I can be reasoned with and yet I get to dance with a totally unreasonable entity. Culture has collapsed and by now I have realised that nothing can salvage it. I have written what I could've written and now my nonfiction writing probably would focus on aesthetics. There are no metaphors in war, a bomb drops on you and your body is blown into smithereens and your loved ones are left picking up your pieces. In my case the war was not started by me and it was me and only me who picked up my pieces. I picked up my pieces and stitched a Frankenstein's monster, I salvage my mind from the depths of the cracks of my consciousness and thankfully my soul had remain untouched. Wars are not the problem, problem is when bombs are dropped without warning. I survived and wrote manuals for those who can't. The job is over. Now all that remains is aesthetics. Survival needs some beauty, there needs to be some beauty in horror to and that I would try to create. There is no Chicken Soup for Soul anymore, the soup got pissed into. The contrast between the world millennials grew up believing in and what it actually is blinding, it is a medusa that once one sees they are not able to see anything else. God deceives absolutely harmless, benign, good and helpless people in this country and there is nothing that can be done about it except salvaging some beauty from one's past and experiences. Crimes that one would commit are pre-decided and not committing those crimes is a crime and I would rather do the latter crime. Reality can become unbearable but when all is said and done what remains is what the primitive man had, the nature, the night sky as a window to universe and attachment and even a little bit of love. Dogs love you unconditionally and if you have an actual God except the one that deceives probably He or She too loves you unconditionally. Past inevitably catches up to you, but I was never afraid of my past catching up to me if at all it did act as a decoy. We see the reality collapsing in real-time and in sometime people would have to choose between love and rape and it would be curious to see what they would choose.

Gundam

What does one do when they understand the whole mechanism of their life? What if it was supposed to be a spectacle and they contain it, like a nuclear explosion getting contained in a jar. Some things evade metaphors and these are the very things that need metaphors. No metaphors justify them although one can try like, what if your body and mind are just a jumpsuit someone wears to commit crimes and later put the blame of all the crimes on you? What if humans are just organic sentient machines. Though my belief is that it doesn't matter if they are machines, what matters is that they are sentient. Sentience means that they are capable of feeling pain. Pain is what makes a human truly human though I don't really glorify it. And as far as humans being machines goes, anyone who truly has felt emotions like love and pain knows that humans are far more than just an organic machines they are complex beings capable of spirituality though the politics that pervades their lives can reduce them to organic machines. Here is another metaphor, anyone who truly knows the world knows that it is access controlled, what if someone makes you unconscious, places you in a car, takes you to a tolled access controlled highway and keeps a brick on the accelerator so that the car you are in breaks the toll gate and starts running on the access controlled highway. And what if the ones who made you unconscious and kept a brick on the pedal are the same ones who own the access controlled highway. Humans have a habit of building and perfecting systems positive or negative. And the same applies on systems of control and the ultimate aim of this sort of control is controlling the breaths of people the most essential and vital of functions and that would be the ultimate control. It is understandable that those who deploy control systems would want absolute freedom for themselves, absolute control for others and absolute freedom for themselves but what about those whom they employ to assert the control? We live in a world where those who have everything weaponise ridicule for those who don't want everything because they already have it in form of love. Owning access control highways is no match for having genuine love and so the jealousy descends down corrupting love from the most beautiful force, something that is everything and everything that makes an organic machine human to a mechanism of torture. One ends up realising that this mechanism is as old as civilization itself. Civilization is impunity wearing a mask of civility and once one understands it the suffering inflicted by love stops to matter and only loving does. 

Damned Republic

I see myself as a sacrifice and with me end the delusions of people who read me. The reality, although insidious, that I have seen in my lifetime is nothing less than a holocaust or a Rape of Nanking the only difference being that keeps going on perpetually in background as we try to make sense of our lives and chase our needs, wants and desires. I have weighed the consequences of knowing the truth with the consequences of remaining delusional and I have come to the conclusion that remaining delusional is way more injurious than knowing the actual truth of the world we live in. The truth is tragic and knowing it risks one falling in depths of nihilism though that can be amended with falling back on the most primitive of all pleasures, nature, universe and family. The biggest tragedy in the nation that we live in that I ended up finding out is that God doesn't know your story. People are spiritual orphans with no one knowing their true story and even more tragic is that God doesn't believe your story even if you repeat and assert it repeatedly, the most unfortunate part is that God has complete access to the truth. This country grows and in the past decade I ended up realising that it is actually not growing like healthy child but as cancerous tumour. The truth is as if a monkey has been made Emperor Palpatine of this nation and since it is a monkey you can't even blame him as it lacks the finesse of the actual Emperor Palpatine. The work force that the emperor employs do heinous atrocities on people and yet somehow convince themselves that they are on the good side. These motherfuckers are not only genocidal but also delusional and this is despite having access to the absolute truth. This country has ended for me, what remains is a penal conoly I hold a passport to, and I exist in it because I love my family. My existence is purely existential. Anyone who reads newspapers knows that we are being ruled by retards but I have been one of the few people who actually knows the true extent of this retardation and I personally feel that after knowing it, death is better. The only prescription for the reality we are living in is, aligning oneself to the nature and the universe, loving and caring for one's family and loved ones and having fun. There is nothing more to it. We live in a slaugterhouse which also doubles as a whorehouse and presents itself as something that has potential to be a heaven. With what I have seen, heaven is never going to arrive. I hate to be this direct but I had to get it off my chest. The greed and lust of a few can not only genocide people but also whole cultures and it matters nothing to them. 

Ek Anek Anek Chidia

My disillusionment with this country came in stages and it’s kind of funny because I personally didn’t have very big dreams. My dreams were concrete, treating patients which I still do, doing research something for which I was studying medical physiology and writing. The concept of a physician-writer had solidified in my mind after reading Chekhov and I wanted to do that, which, quite funnily, I am doing at present just not in a way I would’ve wanted to. To know real India one has to know that at a deep level it is a combination of cold war Russia style constant surveillance and dirt collection and British style divide and rule and exploitation with a superstructure of religion and culture which mostly fail the common man because the very base is a combination of cold war Russia and British. With the religious and cultural superstructure there is exploitation done by the feudal-corporate-mafia axis. The actual God in this country which I ended up realising in the past decade is a criminal syndicate not only exploiting people but also socially engineering the society and doing eugenics experiments on people. So, the bottom line is that the lives of people even in the most backward region of a third world country is not organic and authentic. My personal issue stems from a simple reason, I had chosen my place in society and a very humble one at that  and I by my very nature don’t meddle in other people’s business and yet my life was not only invaded but also engineered and for no reason at all, at least nothing that I could find. My sole goals were healing people, teaching medical physiology to kids (at that time) and writing entertaining pulp-literary stuff. If the political environment of this country hadn’t changed I wouldn’t have come to know that this shit is systemic and has been with me since long before the change of the political environment. I personally don’t think BJP is behind all this, BJP is just a scavenger and parasite of the current political spectacle that is going on and filling its coffers while it still can. The institutions and structures belong to Congress, if we think politically but the truth is this nation seems to be a victim of elite capture which again would be the feudal-corporate-mafia axis. Every person who lives in this nation knows how common cronyism and nepotism are, it’s common and not one common person complains about that. The problem however arises when people who just want to do their jobs are disturbed needlessly and their lives are manipulated by assholes who are not even capable of understanding the complexity of human life. 

Prashant

I thought I would talk about gatekeeping, it's a real thing that happens in India both at the visible and invisible plane. I first experienced gatekeeping when I was living in Patna during 2013. I was in the habit of reading and since my childhood, in early years of my college I used to read Conan Doyle and Kafka and for that matter any writer that I got my hands on. In 2013, the gatekeeping began with food items such as pizzas and at that time I was in the habit of reading English literary classics and so shit started with that. It is after facing gatekeeping while in Patna I realised that phenomenon of preventing lower classes from reading shastras in the olden times did not disappear, it just got deeper and more insidious and I find it funny when I realised that people are prevented from reading books and eating food items bought from their own money, and it is here you get the instagram reels of calling croissants as Prashant and such funny things though the intent of what is the base reason for such reels on matcha and foreign food items is not only not humourous it is actively malignant. It is the reason why you don't see a lot of lower class people getting McDonald's for themselves despite it being quite affordable, it is a sort of apartheid and not a refined one at that. So, what are the modern day shastras in India of present, English language and technology and I know that you aren't surprised after I say that. The surprise only comes after knowing how deep a level this shit operates from. I find it funny that of all the places this shit began operating on me from Bihar. Once the gatekeeping started it was for food items, books, English movies and songs, kindles and even apps like Snapchat and it was as if God itself is gatekeeping me and it is only later I realised that God in this nation is a rapist and an exploiter and this shit is systemic. And anyway shit kind of becomes meaningless when one is gatekept from things that they don't even want so badly and can easily afford, it just drains meaning and fun of that item for the person forever. A honourable man would spit on the croissants and switch to dal chawal, which I would but the terrible things is that this shit extended even to books, something that I have been reading since my childhood and later this wildfire that started in Bihar spread to my hometown where I was made aware how in my childhood I made a mistake of calling a paper dosa a papad and how my childhood life at a research station which was outside the city did not have cable television. This, my friends, is the level of individuals who rule over us. This kind of cheap individuals rule over the people in this country and with this shit happening I sorely miss people like Maharaja Jai Singh of Alwar who after getting insulted at Rolce Royce showroom in Britain bought the Rolce Royce vehicles and used them as garbage collection vehicles or kachra gaadis. 

Dearthshastra

The irony with me is that I genuinely think that writing, not reading, is redundant and yet I write. I write because I still have things to say, not in a personal sense but in a social sense and what I have to say is urgent given the political reality that we live in. A lot of my writing records the times we live in and what is happening in the present in this country is totalitarianism in its classical sense but it’s not visible because it’s a level deeper than historical totalitarianism and yet more insidious. From what I have witnessed in the past decade I can say that as citizens we can’t be entitled to safety, yes it is promised just as justice is, but I have seen criminals operating where majority thinks God resides so the idea of safety as well as justice collapses and ultimately it all boils down to every person saving their own ass and jumping hoops of conspiratorial designs thrown at them. Life, as it turns out, is not as simple as earning money and having fun at home. People choose the topics they want to write about it and I write on the hidden political reality as much conspiratorial it might sound it ultimately goes into the mind of the ones who read it and thus when hit with conspiracies they will be able to identify what is actually happening with them and that’s all my purpose is. My issue isn’t even that deep politics of this country is totalitarian and invasive and directly tied to victim blaming as karma, fate or false accusations of sins - a simple example of how this mechanism of sin works is someone raping your mother and sister in front of you because you committed the sin of masturbation - and this not even a exaggeration from what I have witnessed however the actual issue that I have is that I ended up witnessing and realising that the very intent of this deep political structure is evil and this structure is composed of structures that are visible and which affect the way people live their lives, and one such structure is media and institutions of faith. In the past decade I ended up realising how divided this country actually is and the mechanisms to further divide it keep going on in the background. The actual reality behind all the so-called hyperreality is so simple and so primal that it would baffle the mind of anyone who sees it especially when as human beings our life isn’t supposed to be simple, we are complex beings capable of spirituality. As it is visible on social media of India, the hyperreality built all through the 90s is collapsing at fast pace and soon people will be able to see this country for what it actually is, an exploitation chamber run by criminals who are not even intelligent, the tragedy is with all the civilizational material, scriptures, philosophy and knowledge we had, we could have been more. 

One Step Eternity

 The true nature of world is revealed only when one realises that freedom to imagine is a privilege. When the bottom line hits people choose what is important to them and I ended up choosing aesthetics. World as it turns out is nothing but a web of cause and effect and it’s a shame because it had the potential to be a lot more. I have, in particular, paid for things I haven’t even used or taken and in simple terms it is called exploitation, and this exploitation happens from where people think God resides. I think for me, it is now safe to say that there is nothing called God that exists in traditional sense, in a personal, metaphysical sense yes, in a traditional sense, no. Life for me for the most part has been like a war that I had not started and wanted to be a part of. Though from what I have experienced in the past decade I ended up realising that there are actually no limits to human sadism and depravity, whatever you can imagine is small. Here is an example of a personality profile, an individual who commits rape and murder with impunity, enjoys inflicting infinite torture on the souls, bodies and minds of people and would not even hesitate to send someone totally innocent to eternity in hell and suffering both in terms of time and extent just for a silly and whimsical reason, or a reason that is not even present in the victim but in the individual who is projecting it on the victim, and here is the kicker, these kind of individuals believe that they are the good side and this believe is as unshakeable as the permanence in the upper hand in the power dynamic. An example of it would be inflicting infinite suffering on the body, mind and soul of someone for not liking their face when there is nothing objectively wrong about the face of the victim and only thing that is wrong is subjective and baseless delusions in the minds of the perpetrators which they then project on the victim. These kind of individuals, are politically criminals and spiritually demons and unfortunately they run the show of the lives of majority of the people. All politics then can be simplified into assertion of superiority and establishment of dominance. The example I used is an example of political optimization, absolute belief in one’s goodness and absolute and infinite depravity and sadism as personality trait and by absolute I mean absolute in absolutely optimized sense, we are talking about the bottom of the abyss, the absolute damnation of humanity. After one sees this, life stops to make sense and only thing that makes one to continue living is love for family and it is from here my philosophy of focusing only on family, financial security, nature, universe and interests and hobbies comes. This is the absolute bottom line. When you touch the bottom line there is no hometown, home region, state or country because they have already betrayed you, even the ones who are still delusional about their existence. There is just you, loved ones, and survival and a little beauty if you can salvage it and then there is power, a capricious, whimsical, depraved and sadistic power that poses as providence and seems like it only till you haven’t peeled the superficial layers. 

Mohabbat

There was a time in this country when people used to express their impulses into art, anger, desire, or any impuse creative or destructive. Art now majorly exists only as a skill and not as sublimation. When I was in college I used to write poetry, it was sublimation of my romanticism, idealism, desires and grief. There have been numerous Saints documented in the Christian tradition to have suffered pangs of desire and they suffered them, struggled with them. To discuss extreme cases, there is a scene in Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac Vol. II of a pedophile resisting his impulses. It's mark of a civilized man to resist his impulses especially to avoid harming or disturbing the other person. The country, as it unfolded in front of me and privately, I realised functions on impunity. From what I saw I realised there might be countless unreported cases of rape, pedophilia and incest and while it maybe a source of contention and quite scandalous, I realised this impunity is centralised. It's not very much different from the old village rapists who used to rape women of a person's family in front of him to assert dominance, and in some cases for entering a temple or drawing water from the well. It is post 2016 I ended up realising that deepest soul of this nation or, if not this nation, at least Purvanchal is composed of rape. While common people get severe repression and deprivation from even basic monogamous intimacy. Rape, I ended up realising post 2016, is a currency in Purvanchal just that it is hidden from the common eyes. If I would have to define Purvanchal in one word, it is deprivation. The region has weaponised what was once merit of Purvanchal, its community, it's love, now all have been weaponised into psycho-metaphysical designs to torture souls of people. A lot of kids, boys and girls both, grow up with the scars of sexual abuse and are silenced due to shame. Since exploitation is intimate in Purvanchal and it operates as a family, though incestuous kind, women are victim blamed for their own exploitation and silenced through intimidation and blackmail. I have seen this shit up close and personal and I ended up realising this shit is not related just to sexual exploitation, for the majority there it's a unending cycle of suffering victim blaming, blame shifting and credit stealing. Something bad happens to you, it is because you did not fast on this particular day. In the past decade I ended up realising how closely connected rape and religion are in Purvanchal and coupled with severe repression and it takes a lot courage to talk about that. Unfortunately above rape and religion is politics and mafia and this is an arrangement I hadn't imagined in my wildest dreams, of course above them are industrialists, corporations and simply speaking, the rich. The government, well, I couldn't even find it in the picture. 

Project Batman

I write in bottom lines because it is the bottom lines that ultimately matter. The politics that we live with in this nation is invasive and for a lot of people it denys them their own life experiences. Purvanchal post 2016 has been a revelation to me, and I ultimately ended up seeing the structure of suffering in the region, the most tragic thing of all is that those who inflict suffering on the souls, minds and bodies of people do not even deserves having access to lives of people they have. It's the worst case scenario but it is what that makes it the best case scenario even if it's quite a nihilistic realisation. The social contract collapses once you see the arrangement and while the purely criminal and extractive apparatus poses as divine for most people, some people end up seeing it in totality and its political, feudal, corporate and financial roots. What I have witnessed in particular, and the experience might not be general but individual to me is that it is essentially getting stabbed on the road minding your own business because some asshole felt like he can stab you and unfortunately this shit happens at the psychological and metaphysical plane. Faith, in this scenario, collapses as an institution and if you have still not turned nihilistic only remains as a personal anchor that too only because of the love of culture and humility. I ended up realising that a lot of cases in this country that end up looking like fate of the will of God are hatecrimes and the genius of the setup, if we can call it that, is not even giving people words to express their exploitation. In the mid 2010s I realised that the society is linguistically stratified, and by its very nature the deep structure of this country is stratifying and it revels in creating strata within strata and microstratifying the society and then employing criminals to enforce those strata. The most baffling thing in my case was, that I have chosen my place in society and quite a humble place and that place was impossible to disturb someone. Ultimately I ended up realising that it doesn't matter if you are non-confrontational and avoid conflict, it's lower class criminals who think yourself as architects of your fate and either it is pre-decided or they decide it in real-time for you. Linguistic stratification as it was visible to me, and I may be wrong, was English, Urdu, Sanskrit and then the regional languages in that order and it is also the the blueprint for class based stratification. It's a closed system and mobility is impossible until you chosen for performative purposes or due to selling your soul. Even that was not an issue for me, I ended up seeing the model and I would explain it here: it's like stratified glass ceiling where there are holes in the glass and the ones in top levels mindlessly insert spears in those holes and indiscriminately impale people from above, and since they have full visibility the reason for the impalement can be anything from hate crime, to delusions, caprices and whims such as not liking someones face. It took me reaching 2017 in realising that I was carrying hate from my hometown and wandering all about the country and as Purvanchal unfolded I ended up realising that not only these motherfuckers steal from people, they think of it as their right and it is when I stopped doing research and writing in a way that even if I'm exploited for my knowledge it would only bring awareness to people. The bottom line is sex and money and the rabbit hole goes very deep, but a common man like me has no business in that. Only thing that I realised that there is no escape or healing from emotional traumas in this country, they are there in the first place because they serve a purpose. 

Two-thirds

One has to always remember that there is something deeper to being human, something that can't be quantified. I ultimately ended up realising that all human responses have already been mapped, and that people's depth, something that makes them truly human can be weaponised against them but still even when all doors get closed, one door stays open if one can see it, that is of one's own awareness. The tragedy of the world we are living in present is that a lot of people fail to even experience their own lives, not because of some fault in them but because they are deprived of their own lives, and I ended up realising that it's systemic. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had hope for humanity but then I realised the arrangement of this country where power dynamic is totally non-negotiable and result of this permanent non-negotiable upper hand in power dynamic, as I got to see, is unchecked mindless predation. The most obvious and yet not preferred possibility turned out to be true, and there ended all my hopes for humanity, and forever. Not only the predation is unchecked, but the predators deem it to be their birthright. As I realised that I was deep in the depth of this absolute reality for longer than I would care to accept. I didn't want God to be a smokescreen but the after what I, and totally involuntarily, ended up witnessing the existence of God is impossible. One trait that stood out prominently in my ordeal with this nation was cowardice. There are hate crimes being done in this nation and they are invisible because those who do these hate crimes do not have the guts to do it in the open, and hate crimes and unfortunately without any basis whatsoever are being done and are systemic. The way things actually are, it is essentially that God himself is a predator, rapist and commits baseless hate crimes. I have already seen the total collapse of the civilization of this country as well as regional culture and I think nothing can stop the symptoms from coming out in the coming years. What would remain is a unsaid curfew where people would be afraid of making friends or helping others, which is in fact already happening and family as a unit would be weaponised against the individual. This kind of shit is hard to imagine happening in the country like India but those who have really stepped into adulthood know that there is lot of difference between real India and Congress era Doordarshan propaganda of India which the 90s kids grew up seeing. The basic rules are simple, mathematical exploitation of what can be easily exploited, illnesses, handicaps, poverty, goodness. Power travels strictly above downwards and honesty and integrity doesn't really go unpunished. This goes on while the drama of democracy and judiciary goes on. On a personal level I had to make my choice, I prefer certainty of doom to uncertainty of future and future is anyway not certain except for those who make future of others as uncertainty. Traditions like Kanyadaan and havans and shit like that when incest is used as a political tool and a lot of times just as a sadistic soul torture. Torture of souls and predation is an source entertainment and it is here all Gandhian values like gram swaraj collapse. It's a feudal-corporate hellhole where these motherfuckers have eaten away culture and traditions as termites and what remains is extractive exploitation, of labour, of ability and of bodies. Who would have thought pajeets are capable of doing this to their own people? But that's the whole point. They are doing this to their own people because they are cowardly and incapable of doing it to others.