Shore

A lot of times in my writing I deal with bottom lines. It's because bottom lines matter to me. I think about where you would reach in this country if you are a believer of minding your own business, doing your job honestly and diligently and taking care of your family. The truth is you'll reach nowhere. I don't like not being sure and I prefer surety of doom over unsure future. The problem in this nation is if you are a good person you'll always be unsure of your life of your future but sometimes you end up seeing the invisible system and it is where surety of doom comes in picture. Once the unknown has made sense, all the anxiety goes away. You realise God doesn't really exists, at least not of the kind we grew up believing in. If at all God exists, He or She is passive and evil is active and you have to derive your own strength from the passive God through your faith like drawing water from a well. In a political sense, you realise that this country doesn't exist and government is just an illusion and just an arm of the kleptocratic technofeudal oligarchs and it has to keep doing the bare minimum to keep the illusion. You realise that it's zero sum game in which if you are not a part of the system you lose everything and the one those who run the system gain everything. That this country is not a democracy but a technofeudal combination of numerous principalities where you carry the hierarchy of your principality wherever you go in the nation or the world. You, as you navigate the reality of this nation with people having different levels of knowledge and awareness, realise that those who are in power would do anything to retain their power and life of common people doesn't really matter, in fact they are actively preyed on from a level where most people think God resides. The machinery is shapeshifting in nature so everyone makes out or are given different reasons for their suffering, the origin of suffering might be local or can be relegated to diffrent part of the nation or the world and walks with the person and victim blaming, blame shifting and credit stealing are rampant. When one realises these things only the most authentic mode of being remains, things that can't be trademarked, nature and the night sky. In the past decade I ended up realising that what actually rules this country is not only predatory and entitled but also embarrassingly incompetent. This is the bottom line and once this is known what remains is intimately holding on to your real faith and having fun.

Imperial March

 My writing journey started in late 2000s and I started writing blogs and short stories by early 2000s. I had a worldview back then, like trust in the government, in the United Nations in scientific research and publications which as life unfolded ended up getting eroded. I realised that the government is just an arm of the rich, United Nations is useless and a lot of scientific research is hogwash except the researches funded by private players. Back in the day, in early 2010s, I wanted to be physician-writer, majorly a fiction writer but I also wrote blogs and had interest in writing comics and had a plan for an adventure novel. I am a physician and I write so I am kind of a physician-writer but tags don't matter to me. I wanted to write something useful, warm and truthful and so I try to do that. The world is too vast to make sense of it but we can make sense of the common threads running in the world, find out the essence of things and make sense of the bottom line. I have genres that I gravitate towards, like noir, a little bit of transgressive fiction, science fiction and cosmic horror. Though, depending on the genre, I mostly seek to imbibe warmth and truth in my stories. When one is writing there are doubts, like whether one is doing the right thing. Like when I wanted to write a space opera I felt if I was doing the write thing and frankly there is no solution to this problem like while writing a cyberpunk story in India one realises that no one else has written a cyberpunk stories, or if any very few, and one feels as if they are breaking some rule but the truth is that what the heart wants to write it wants to write. The comics industry of this country has collapsed for the most part and I frankly do not know if it is ever going to recover. The novels for the most part are boring. So a reader has to naturally look outside the country for good reads, again access to which is gatekept. Due to my cognitive and time limitations, I decided to indulge in flash fiction instead of short stories or novels and I also write blogs, quite a bit on deep politics of the country, and a bit of prose poetry. A writer writes for readers which again are hard to come by in the present politico-socioeconomic situation of this country though it’s good that I mainly write as a hobby and for personal creative pleasure. Since the early 2010s I switched many blogs and tried various things but ultimately I settled down after finding a stable vibe that suits my taste and now write on a bunch of blogs and in a bunch of genres. I see foreign writers especially the American ones who still publish, though then I look at places like the middle east where writers are rare and if they aren’t they aren’t popular enough to reach me. India for that matter is America from outside and the middle-east from inside the dictatorship and totalitarianism is embodied and so it’s hard thinking out of the box, like writing a space opera of an Indian setting. 

Roshogolla

I mostly write to give people diagnosis of their suffering which again as I believed before the 2010s, is not cosmic in nature but political and this suffering is inflicted, at least in this country, from such a low level and is so local that it's embarrassing. Imagine your culture and imagine the most crude and criminal kind of elements in your culture, these are the actual gods of the common people and I'm not talking about burger munching, coke sipping, Sopranos watching assholes as they might have other gods of British and American origin. You see opportunism in the daily life of this country, unfortunately it is just an expression of the opportunism at the base reality of this country, and I say this because I have seen it. If you think that there is some benefit standing up for the elderly or pregnant women in the metro, not personal but at a societal level, you are wrong. All uncouthness in this land and all the rape flows from the base reality of this nation which is in fact uncouthness and rape, above it is situated performative manners and morality. The assholes who eat tiramisu in Taj hotel are the same who employ uncouth rapists as gods for common people, people who are way better than them and in places like Purvanchal they are gods of engineers, professors, doctors and of course the common hand to mouth people. Criminals, and actual criminals, decide your next generation and they decide your life traumas and the past you have. I used to believe in simulation theory but the reality of this country is so feudal that scientific thought collapses. The question then arrives if it was always so? Because till 1947 it was the British and before that it was the Mughals (at least for the majority of what is India). In 2016, I had an experience of being alone in my mind like the Black Mirror episode USS Callister. I mean, you can only wish. Surveillance is embodied in this nation and it's hard to tell whether it's feudal, capitalist, of the State, or globalist. Once you realise the permanent surveillance and real-time manipulation of lives and relationships, all social contracts collapse and only survival remains. You earn so that you can maintain food, clothing and shelter and your social ties and so that you can buy new things. I got myself a keychain camera by Kodak that clicks early 2000s style pictures, my second favourite time after the 90s. I got that because I liked it, but I know that it is redundant, just like my writing, something that I wanted to do since my late teens. When all life is a lie then all the stories about life are false. There is no chicken soup for the soul left because the events are orchestrated. Only true stories that remain are which the people who have salvaged their autonomy have written. There is no Shekhar Kapur's Devi fighting an ancient demon Bala, there is no group of teenagers fighting an ancient demon in Afghanistan, there is no half-god half-demon who fights to save a little girl from a monster. What exists, however is a machine, populated by demons, feeding on the blood of people who they farm and keep them distracted and asleep with entertainment, relationships, drama and sustained pain. The tragedy of the nation we live in is that the motherfuckers who farm us have contempt even for their crops and also they are incompetent. I will still write stories because life needs hobbies which give meaning. But the pillow speaker I ordered from Amazon is just a product that I consume and there are people who don't even deserve to order that, deserve is the word. What is not consumption and absolutely real is the nature, the night sky and love. When shit hits the fan, your culture, your region, your relationships or for that matter everything can be weaponised against you and you can be left dispossessed and forsaken. Since I have seen it I know that everyone in this country except those who own this country is a spiritual orphan. One has to really see the lower nine-tenths of this country to realise that this country is more godless than countries who are atheist and it's a shame because there was God in every village in this country. As far as Purvanchal goes, they exploit you, torture you with that specific emotional torture flavour of Purvanchal and then the accuse you, put some false blame on you and then murder you and you die with that blame on your head. In this country this elaborate game can be played not because you are guilty or have done something but just because someone doesn't like your face or some attribute of yours. Afterall things like a wedding getting cancelled because of absence of white rasgulla is not something that used to happen in the 90s. 

Adhikari

I had never considered Bihar to be an inferior place because I was from Purvanchal and I knew about the real culture of that state, not the Maithili region but at least up to Patna. I lived in Patna for couple of years in early 2010s and contracted a life long disease, not some corporeal disease but something that is of a systemic nature and later I realised that I was walking with that disease from Purvanchal which was supposed to be my home region since always. I left Bihar in 2014 and by late 2010s I realise that people consider Biharis and individuals from Eastern Uttar Pradesh inferior for a reason, not that the rest of the country is any better but in Bihar and Eastern Uttar Pradesh you would see a particular mix of inferiority and infinite cruelty. In the late 2020s I realised for the first time that I'm from a inferior region which I had never believed because I lived in the culture in the 90s, but then a region is only as good as the ones who rule it. The whole region is ruled by an intimate cycle of individualised victim blaming, credit stealing, intimidation and blackmail. These motherfuckers have access to the lives of people at a scale that would surprise neuralink scientists and yet they entrap, rape and murder totally innocent people and the blame falls on fate. It's not Narendra Modi, it's your local small town mafia, godman, politician and business men connected above to even bigger ones exercising control over people through lower class criminals who of course aren't skilled at anything except feeding on misery and pain of people while actively creating them through family based conspiracies, fate in this country is pre-decided but it is also real-time and the pre-decided fate can change in real time and it is all connected to politics, economics and of course religion. The jungleraj is not only in the society but also embodied and in your mind. Power devises its methods and one of the ways is blocking individuals from their very basic needs and when they ask or protest for that need the individuals start a fight. It's a game of numbers, the individual is isolated while the the ones in power are essentially a gang of rapists, power in Eastern Uttar Pradesh and Bihar means freedom to rape without any consequences and since this arrangement is invisible and the normal life keeps going on, it appears sporadic when in truth it is all centralised and can be applied to rest of the nation as well. Another method is picking a fight with you, and then one of them will instigate you against their whole group and that group can be anything including a caste group and then the same number game applies and they persecute or torture you. The method is inflicting suffering and denying that suffering that it even happened and inflicting more and this cycle goes on infinitely. These individuals would deny your whole life experiences and impose their own perception of you which obviously isn't a right one because these are narcissistic psychopaths filled with contempt. The best part is that one doesn't even have to be wrong, a simple reason of them not liking your face will do and this becomes genrational. They would pick a fight for not liking your face and make you their enemy and then they'd would torture your children in your name because you had enmity with them when the whole thing since the start was falsely created for some trivial reason and you hadn't even picked a fight with them. This whole thing thrives on creation of false facts and this is what is done in the whole nation. If we scale this to the level of the nation then we are being ruled by a bunch of rapists who have given themselves right to rape people and at the lower nine tenths of the iceberg this country is actually a harem.

Unreal Star Studded Sky

You kind of grow up when you end up seeing behind the curtain. When I was younger I used to pay attention to the simulation theory but now I don't. The universe even if it is a simulation or a hologram, the suffering is real. Though mid-30s I ended to realising that the world is in fact a simulation but an economic one. Strip all things, and I'm talking about the world not life or universe, and only money remains and unfortunately the world impacts the life too and as I was lucky enough to know it, a hundred percent. Everything except air is acquired through money and I say this because till my late 20s money wasn't a consideration in my life, it was a simple idea that you work and you earn money and you do the spending and take care of your family through it. It is when I realised that the flow of finances for totally self-sufficient, self-dependent and capable people can be interrupted and blocked and their expenses can be increased leading them to poverty. I ended up realising that the deep state is what is actually God and I also realised that there are no moral or legal consideration in this setup. When a law-abiding and a God-fearing person sees this arrangement he becomes absolutely free, like I did. The rich basically play financial tennis as the people in the lower classes are governed by whimsical criminals each one of them a potential genocidal rapist with the knowledge of infinity through rampant and yet very intimate exploitation. The executive branch of the deep state of this country is composed of lower class criminals with each one of them being what the American idea of Hitler is and for the lower classes and the dispossessed, they are governed by individuals who are not unlike the criminals shown in Slumdog Millionaire, the ones who scoop eyes of children to make them beg on the streets. Given the diversity this country has it was odd for me to believe the simplicity with which it is governed at the base if we remove the complexities of religion and social conventions which as I ultimately ended up realising are just more things to exploit people for. I experienced Purvanchal deep state in 2016, though I ended up retrospecting and I realised that that it was walking with me throughout the country, when I went to college, and later possibly due to my grandfather's political background. I was on social media which was social networking in 2012, and it is later I realised that individuals who were on social media in 2012 were there for the sole reason that they could afford smartphones and computers to access the internet which is not rocket science unless you are a person who thought that things happening in this country are organic in nature, internet revolution in this country was still 4 years away and arrived in 2016. These motherfuckers annihilated my culture and as I ended up witnessing later, my civilization and the indigenous religion and whatever you see now is just a hyperreality. I ended up realising these motherfuckers, if you bypass the tyranny are grossly incompetent and I realised that the very cultural machine of my region, Purvanchal, is corrupt and composed solely of rape and there is no recovery for my region anymore.