DJ and DJ

While a lot of my writing might seem paranoid it is not actually. I am a calm individual who was anxious as a school and college guy but mostly related to studies. There is a reason for why I write what I write, one because I have the capability to analyze things and two, while I considered keeping my mouth shut and minding my own business like the boomers do, I ended up realising that the motherfuckers employed by those who actually rule this country, and the keyword is actually, are doing anything to anyone and it's getting clearer day by day, thanks to cheap internet data, that neither this country has an intelligence establishment nor the Pradhan Sevak is in actual control. I have written repeatedly that this is not a BJP vs Congress issue, what rules this country is permanent and so are the criminals employed by it for crowd control. I have seen things and I realised that dignity is structurally lacking in this country because as I repeat often to stress it, the base reality of this country, which I have been lucky to see and see which crushed all the idealism that I inherited from my grandfather. You want to know the real tragic part? Those who rule this nation do not understand genuine respect, I ended up realising that they don't even have the concept of it and it is how I realised that these motherfuckers aren't old money or royals or individuals with a lineage, these scum only understand respect and extracted out of fear and while one can take respect extracted out of fear as absolute administrative optimisation after my observations in the past decade I realise that it is not the case. Since these motherfuckers do not have a lineage they are jealous of people who do have it and so covert genocide of families and individuals goes on which in newspapers becomes just another tragedy we read about. And this would explain the readiness of these bastards to adopt western culture while making the indigenous cultures so unlivable, mongrel and ugly, example: DJs playing vulgar songs in events like Saraswati Puja, and making western lifestyle as something to aspire to which act as carrot for the lower classes that they will, given the setting of this nation, never achieve. There is a total absence of dignity for people and I also know the strata till where, and it would till the upper middle class though it is mostly felt by the lower class and then the lower class and criminality of the ones criminal among it is used to control the mobility of the middle classes. Am I thinking too much? Imagine the administrative genius involved in this, there is none. I was there when there used to be Durga Puja pandals in my hometown and they used to mean something. I was there when weddings of people used to mean something, I was there when marriage and people's words used to mean something. When I returned back to Purvanchal I realised that the very cultural machine has corrupted to the point of no return, the culture of my beautiful land is controlled by mafia and I ended up realising that these motherfuckers do not even have the intelligence to understand it and this mafia is unfortunately also the intelligence and providence of the land and it's directly connected to the religion and the base reality as I ended up realising is rape so dignity for people, especially up till the upper middle class is out of questions and anyway bastards going to Taj don't give a fuck about dignity while they discuss five year plans and logistics of this nation. You have to realise that there is no recovery of this nation from what has happened, it has already been sold and not in 2014 since quite a long back, 2014 was only the time when the grip was tightened on those who carried the real culture within them. 

Civilizational Toilet

Gender roles given to men and women by nature are different, men primarily drift towards being providers and women towards being nurturers but it's not written in stone and they could be groomed or conditioned into playing either roles but they would in most cases if they are not embittered by their life's circumstances would gravitate towards their natural roles within conditioned roles, this however doesn't apply to individuals who are outright evil, whether men or women because they have already transgressed their natural roles and gone towards materialism and pleasure primarily through pain of others though they can exhibit natural tendencies related to their genders in their close relationships. I have suffered the deep politics of India and with all the hyperreality of a civilizational country and a democracy at the deepest level this country operates by keeping people hungry and especially for the things they actually need to survive or thrive. With my rendezvous with the deep politics of this country I ended up realising that the so-called upper class of this country, and by upper class I don't mean individuals who have money I mean the class that has achieved such an ultimate upper hand in the power dynamic that they are untouchable, employs enforcers from the lower class to keep families deprived. These individuals function as spiritual parasites for individuals and families, thought police as well as enforcers of persecution and torture mechanisms. Of course these lower class enforcers have betrayed their social strata, region, culture for privileges which includes the privilege of being able to exercise mindless impunity on people without any consequences, privilege of being able to rape people and decide their lives and they are fine with it despite because one, they are validated by the so-called highest strata and second because  no one with a functioning moral or ethical framework would agree to inflict suffering on totally innocent people. I do not know about the world but in India the base engine of deep "administration" is rape and baseless hatred which counts on people being thankful for their life even if their lives are pathetic and victim blamed them even when the problems are structural and/or inflicted by the deep structure. The past decade made me realise while the drama of democracy goes on, at the deepest level this country is run by a criminal syndicate with its basics being money, sex and contacts which expresses as exploitation, rape and gang loyalty especially within castes. One has to understand that in this kind of setting, God and religion are redundant only caveat being that one can be persecuted for not following religion, or worse, not following it correctly with the definition of "correct" being variable and changing at the whims of power, also a person without faith is easier to victim blame if they are not clear about the ideologies that sustain them. When people are just units in a machine which becomes individually interested only when it has to persecute or torture someone, and this presecution or torture as I realised in the past decade too can be based on nothing but whims and baseless hatred of the powerful, then things like gender roles stop to matter and for the dispossessed it becomes all about doing what they can, playing whatever role they can play to survive. 

Temple Run

The informal governance of this country, as I have seen in the past decade, operates by giving its executive branch stability and freedom to exercise anarchic impunity on people. The design of the deep state of this country is, if you can imagine it, a smaller triangle in a larger triangle where the apex of both of the triangles overlap but the base falls short and the base of the smaller triangle operates as a panopticon for the remaining space and base of the larger triangle. In short, the larger triangle is the democratic nation and the smaller triangle is a clandestine communist state within it with feudal, corporate and mafia components and operates like providence when in reality it is a criminal syndicate with religion as the primary instrument of control mostly working through victim blaming through karma or sin. India once had an actual religion, actual faith which was not opiate of the masses. I, personally, only have faith in South Indian temples because they are the only surviving relics of faith from the past at least in architecture and aura. North Indian temples were either destroyed by invaders or got destroyed from within by corruption, not that I believe that South Indian temples are perfect but at least there is continuity of architecture and aura. I went to Haridwar and I saw the temple priest talking about Uttar Pradesh politics. I went to Kashi Vishwanath and saw a daroga totally ignoring line of devotees and getting in the temple, not for security but for darshan. Then there is separate VIP darshans from North to South. Even God prioritizes the privileged. In the mid 2010s I got exposed to a reality of this country that made temples redundant for me though I still retain my faith privately and visit temples as a familial obligation. It is in 2010s I realised that those who truly rule this country think of religion as opiate of masses and it means those who control people through religion themselves do not believe in God, like I said a communist state. Faith is important and what is God if not truth and love. Although I believe in my Gods, the Mother Goddesses, what I ended up seeing in the 2010s proved to me that the kind of God the majority grew up believing in doesn’t exists though omniscience and to a fair degree omnipotence (I know it’s ironical) exists but it is not God but the panopticon. The God inside me gives me the strength to survive my tribulations which the deep politics of this land inflicts on me and that confirmed to me that my God, although impotent at physical plane, empowers me at the spiritual plane. Why I don’t believe in the God about whom I was told in my childhood, because I have seen the impunity, cruelty and exploitation which the God I believed in wouldn’t have tolerated. The existence of individuals who do crowd control for the deep state of this country and how mindlessly the engineer people’s lives is evidence enough that the God I believed in in my childhood doesn’t exist. But Ram does, and so does Krishna, as archetypes and these archetypes take the shape of faith one has. I believe in the idealism of Ram and teaching of Krishna, but we have come way further from them as a nation and this is what happens when a criminal syndicate rules a nation. 

Sansmaran

It’s all about understanding. Once you make sense of the culture around you and realise that it is not the continuation of authentic culture but a hyperreality wearing costume of the authentic culture along with manipulation, exploitation and discrimination from the base itself. What is to be done in that scenario? When I was a kid in the 90s I used to read yatra sansmaran where people used to describe their experiences of travel, I remember one such sansmaran where a woman described cold droplets of water falling on her face from the Bhedaghat falls in Bhedaghat. I was a kid and when I read that sansmaran I felt cool droplets of Bhedaghat falls on my face. Bhedaghat is not a tier 1 tourist place but the experience of that woman was tier 1 and thus I was able to feel that tier 1 experience. It is what the politics or should I say deep politics of our times is doing, sabotaging people’s authentic experiences and damaging their ability to have good experiences. That woman wrote that sansmaran in Balhans, so I would imagine it she was middle class like me, and the setup today is that experiences are tiered, only tier 1 people would have tier 1 experiences and tier 4 people must have tier 4 experiences, and in the deep politics of this country as I have experienced it in the past decade it is an unsaid rule. Not to mention the predatory commercialization of all our beloved hill stations, beaches and tourist destinations. You can be tier 3 and feel the predation or you can be tier 1 and spend your time in a resort in the same place and have a curated experience which is only as real as the curation. When I used to read folk comics that Anant Kushwaha made in Balhans back then, there was still some culture left and now all culture, if your eyes are open, is fake. Now it’s not about feeling the droplets of water at a waterfall but going to place and eating a pizza or croissant and taking foodpic to show people that you in fact had the croissant in this tier 1 restaurant and save it as a memory which is subconsciously saving a class marker, a class checkpoint. This much is enough to make out that this country at the deepest level is governed by absoutely retarded, incompetent and exploitative scum. I have done analysis of past and present, what remains is future and one can’t analyse the future but can only conceptualise about it. The culture that Anant Kushwaha propagated through his chitrakathas is dead and what remains is pizzas and croissants and people clicking them to show in future that they could afford it in the past. As a writer, since I have analysed the past and present, what remains for me is the future, which at this point seems like slavery. What I can do and probably would do, at a personal level, is mythmaking. Creating modules for the younger generation so that they can negotiate memes and the authentic culture within the framework of class based exploitation and deletion of the actual cultures of the land and their replacement with a mongrel hyperreality mimicking the real culture but is actually at base is political technology of exploitation and destruction of beauty from the classes below tier 1.

 

Shortform Therapy

We live in times when mental health is everything. India as a country is governed through psychosocial designs and thus a lot of mental health depends on social relations. My personal approach is of defining my relationships and I had to do this when I realised that the bottom line reality of this country doesn’t allow for sentimentality in relationships and when it does it is bound to get exploited in future and so “choosing the ones one is ready to suffer for” is the better approach. Another approach I took was that I stopped thinking about people at all, unless of course it is necessary for survival or otherwise. I think about ideas and things and so when I get thoughts about people I end up knowing that it is not me but psychosocial designs. In India, hell is other people. You don’t suffer yourself, you suffer others and so simplification is absolutely necessary. Another thing that is important is to keep a journal and to learn to find your voice in the rubble of psychosocial and psychopolitical designs. And one should always ask questions to oneself. Asking questions to oneself is absolutely required in the political reality we are living in present because this is the only way you’d end up knowing what you truly want though it is absolutely important that you are confirm that the answer is yours and not bypassed through the politics in your head. There are psychosocial thought complexes, of fear, of shame and other emotions especially negative emotions and to keep your mental health good you must be able to simplify and resolve these thought complex. It is important to resolve the conflicts in your mind and you must ask yourself first the answers you are seeking. Poverty and dysfunctional families not only cause mental health issues but also sustain it. Money and love of family are very important for mental health as they are for survival in fact they are the primary treatment for mental health issues. Most mental health issues are not true mental diseases but of sociopolitical origin and finding out whether one has a genuine mental issue or sociopolitical oppression helps with self-blame. Mental health is a stigma for the sole reason that what rules people in this country doesn’t want the people, especially those who don’t have the hand of providence on their heads, to become the best version of themselves. When you can’t talk about mental health you can’t take corrective steps because all action begins with acknowledgement of issues that one has. Resolution of thought complexes are important and one can play it as a game of solution, giving solutions to self like they are giving advice to someone in their position. Having second person and third person perspectives of one’s problems helps immensely. It all ultimately boils down to money and family support if we are talking mental health though it doesn’t mean a person lacking them can’t survive without them, it would just be more difficult. Having an ideological and ethical framework according to one’s beliefs and personality is important so that one knows that they are actually playing their own game and not of others.

 

Life Forty-seven

I love literature and I love writing. I first started writing in the late 2000s and that time was different. People used to have personal blogs back then where they used to express themselves or document their lives. Just recently I saw people doing that again on my Wordpress feed and on Substack. I look back at my late 2000s and early 2010s blog with me expressing my will to help people with my knowledge of medicine and writing slice-of-life, travelogues and poems and short stories. Back then I did not know that this country is run by a criminal syndicate projecting itself as providence and my supposed home region of Purvanchal is run by protection racket. Back then I took life as it came and while I still do that I also tend to anticipate things. I have lived an extremely tough life but I have thoroughly enjoyed it because I know that if my life was not tough I would have made it tough by choosing an interest like mountaineering. In late 2000s I recorded my life and thoughts on a blog and now in late 2020s I still to the same however redundant it might have become. I have made and discarded numerous blogs along the way because I wanted to have the vibe just right and now I think it is in case of my blogs. I proofread my formal blogs such as my Substack and Medium with AI because I do not get time to correct grammar and other mistakes, the main goal however is conveying the idea. This particular blog is for intimate writing but it ended up becoming political as I ended up realising personal is in fact political and if one is not privileged all art ends up becoming political. I write about my interests such as book, comic books and pop culture on my Wordpress blog and I also maintain a lifestyle blog. I think I have written enough for the diagnosis of human condition in present times and for awareness and now I must focus on my interests, which is writing fiction. I think my writing would pass the test of writing but I also believe that one shouldn't hesitate in writing just because they are afraid their writing wouldn't pass the test of time because writings are evidence of the times people have lived in and it doesn't matter whether they pass the test of the time. Long form writing is mostly extinct in this country except the recent small peak that I saw on Substack and Wordpress feeds and some longform writing in Hindi that is present on Facebook. I however continue to write and hope to write some fiction that satisfies and entertains me above all. When one can't find the fiction that entertains them they must create it and it is especially true in today's times, the era of shortform videos. The issue with fiction I face is negotiating it with the reality I have faced in my life that is stranger than fiction and it is the reason for the inertia in my fiction writing though I hope that it would get resolved. Writing is a hobby, an interest and a vocation, and for me it is mostly a hobby and a vocation and I practice it as an art and for bringing awareness to those who read me. I had given up the thought of having writing as my vocation when I realised becoming a published author is not an organic thing based on talent but a game of contacts in this country though I might end up self-publishing some of my work later in life. 

Chicken Salami and Virgin Mojito

One of the most important skills is to be able to talk to yourself. You can do it on paper or you can do it vocally though you will crazy talking to yourself and so I recommend doing it on paper and keeping a journal is the best way to do that. It is important to know what you truly want and talking to yourself allows you to do that. Keeping a journal is important for mental health and always stress on keeping a journal. I live without preferences and it is through this habit I was able to find out my innate preferences though I can live without them too. I was a friendly guy till 2013, and it is after my experiences post 2013 that I became consciousness and it is through my experiences post 2013 along with my professional skills that I developed an ability to identify people. One has understand that some people in this country are born with their fates sealed and it is to be recognised that this sealing of fate is not of a divine origin but of a political origin and from here comes my philosophy of doing the best you can within the constraints you have, if nothing you don't have regrets of not trying enough later. There is one thing that should be learned deeply about the country we live in, that it functions more on perception than actual substance though people who are honest will always chase substance over perception. There was a time post 2013 that everything I did felt wrong and it can happen due to political interference in one's life. Anything you do will feel wrong as political frameworks governing one's life can be tightened by the entity that governs live of people in this country. Here is an example: laughing at a man slipping on a banana peel would feel like an unforgivable crime but it is human to laugh at such a thing and it doesn't make one a bad person especially if one runs to help that person after or while having a good laugh. The discovery that I made about this nation post 2013 is that the employed workforce that governs lives of people in this country is composed of tyrannical potential genocidal rapists, it is their conditioning and that means with all the drama of kundalis and horoscopes people's lives at the deepest level is at the mercy of potential genocidal rapists who are also incompetent and here is how it works: they function on extremes and that means absolute anarchic freedom for themselves and absolute tyranny for their victims and that means extremely selfish criminals who have impossible standards of moral, and in case of places like Purvanchal, religious, conduct for people. When someone is sabotaged by the deep state of this country it works at all the levels, familial, economic, professional and social and the most important, their reputation. I have faith, but organised religion of this nation ended for me when I experienced the feudal-criminal core of this nation that connects seamlessly with the corporate. While this might seem paranoid I agree on Kejriwal's assessment of the situation that "sab mile huye hain ji". When shit got real for me in the mid 2010s I thought maybe I made some mistake and was experiencing hell, though on retrospection I realised only mistake or if we are pushing it "sin" that I did was jacking off on internet pornography in my college days. So as it turns out while I was in hell it was not of a divine or for that matter even demonic origin it was political and socio-economic for the most part though it is enforced by criminals who are essentially spiritual parasites who weaponise a person's own self against them. The motherfuckers are demonic and murder of people and families is their daily business and this is how events like Burari murders happen or it is how marriages get ruined and become a humiliation ritual in hinterlands of Uttar Pradesh. Marriages were a sacred thing up until the 90s and I know because I have participated in them during 90s. People's lives are now spectacle and it is so because these motherfuckers feed on people's suffering they enjoy the humiliation of the bride or groom when the wedding gets cancelled due to someone getting offended due to absence of gulaab jaamun in the wedding menu. It is here it is important to always keep in mind that the origin of all of it are feudal-criminal and socio-economic. The base layer of existence in this country as I ended up realising is rape and that sustains at a subconscious level, and thrives on the amnesia of people. These individuals are technically gods because the surveillance as well as control is total and awareness is gained only when psychic immunity kicks in against the false consciousness. While this might all seem like a delusional conspiracy theory I write it because people for whom shit hits the fan can identify the mechanisms and do not feel alone as shit hitting the fan in this country doesn't depend on how good or moral you are, in fact it only makes you more vulnerable as the base reality itself is rape and predation, it might just be someone you don't even know not liking your face.