Soorajmukhi

People can trip on ideas all they want but my focus remains on bottom lines. It is midway through my college that I realised that this country is linguistically stratified and that English is not just a language but a mode of being in this country. To me English is just a language and despite being a colonial language it is one of my favourite languages because because it is the most traveled language, most of the literature in the world is in English and it brings cultures together as it is the lingua franca of the world. The best part of English is that it allows for naming exploitation happening with you which the working Hindi, the Hindi of common people has been disarmed with. My grandfather spoke a mix of administrative, literary and shudh Hindi. In all respects it was Shudh Hindi but shudh Hindi, if you speak, you become an object of ridicule. How odd it is, isn't it. In a majority Hindu nation Shudh Hindi is ridiculed and persianised Hindi is what people think of as classy. Hindi tinged with colloquial affectations is still fine. I gravitate towards literary Hindi because I know that writers, except propagandists, are mostly good people. Literary Hindi has been murdered in this nation. I write my blogs in English because if I wrote them in Hindi no one would read them. I don't believe in linguistic chauvinism and I think Urdu is a beautiful language, and it is indigenous to India, but it is beautiful because Muslims ruled India and made it beautiful, made its register high. Shudh or even literary Hindi is a highly evolved language and it has been disarmed of its emotional component and now it is not even in the common narrative except being in the administrative documents of North Indian states. Here is an assignment: Go on YouTube and search for the song Soorajmukhi by Bhupinder Singh, listen to it. You would get what I am saying about disarming of emotional component. As far as colloquial languages go, they are at the bottom. I wouldn't even say that my mother tongue bhojpuri has been destroyed, I would say it has been raped. And it all happend since the liberalisation of this country. I don't know whether what rules this country is extremely evil or extremely incompetent.

Worthshastra

I was optimistic about this nation in the late 2000s. I am a believer in the constitution though as one matures and see the practicality of life one realises that constitution doesn't mean much though Indian constitution is one of the most beautiful documents in the world. The drama in this nation will go on and you have to prioritise, the baseline are your money, your family, your job, nature and the night sky. Everything else you can be made to pay interest on and while you can be made to pay interest on the things I mentioned before, one doesn't really mind paying interest for the family. It is by late 2010s I realised that casteism in this country is here to stay permanently because it is entrenched deep in the system and those who do the deep adminstration of people's lives have have casteism somatised in their bodies. Somatisation is a process in which a psychological idea gets embedded in your nerves and muscles and there is no reversal for it. This country doesn't really have an intelligence establishment, the main mode of intelligence as well as providential administration is feudal-corporate and I have no idea if it merges with the government or not. This feudal-corporate intelligence cum providence is composed of rape and grooming gangs and is arranged in a decentralised multilevel fashion in the country with I would hope, oligarchs of this country at the top. I had read news about children of Iranian elites, who do not follow the religion and own lamborghinis, and I was able to witness the same with this country and although I had no business with it I mention it because I saw a rabid dog impunity which I think is worth mentioning. The indigenous religion has been completely defiled and from what I have seen there is no recovery for it because as I have seen it religion is directly connected to the mafia that runs your locality. Your local town, local godmen, mafia, businessmen and politicians and they connect to the bigger daddies in multilevel fashion and while this sounds filmy unfortunately it is true. Rape, I ended up realising through my experiences is the primary mode of being. The folk culture and it's refinement and refined culture of the middle classes have been totally destroyed by now. The kavi sammelans, Hindi literature, folk expressions all have ended and you know they have ended because they would have been present on social media if they existed. These motherfuckers are destroying the registers in which people converse, destroying dignity of life, destroying contentment, traditions, cultures while hoarding aesthetics for themselves. They destroy refinement in the lower classes and then discriminate with them for lack of refinement. The level of retardation that I ended up seeing was baffling. I have nothing to lose because my culture, except as a hyperreality, has been destroyed by now. Languages like Hindi have been left impotent with no way to name exploitation. At present it is just rape and a cycle of production and consumption at the base. My personal belief is that there is no point in ordering quick commerce or food delivery for convenience if you are not content, which is a far cry. I'd rather take pleasure and feel meaning in making pots on a pottery wheel and be called a kumhar. The media ecosystem is filled with industry plants and political props, indigenous myth-making has collpased and so has the comic book industry while one gets voyeuristic crime dramas or shitty movies to watch as from a lot of people Western media is actively gatekept.

Muktibodh

You smell death at the ghats of Ganga. Bodies burning. People achieving mukti. Mukti from what? That's the whole thing. Many philosophers have have pondered if Earth is hell? What is hell actually? For good people hell is their conscience, but what is hell actually? Dr. Faustus is the story of Dr. John Faustus, a brilliant scholar who becomes dissatisfied with the limits of ordinary human knowledge. Desiring unlimited power, wealth, knowledge, and pleasure, he turns to magic and makes a pact with Lucifer. In exchange for his soul, the demon Mephistopheles serves him for twenty-four years. Faustus spends these years using supernatural powers for amusement, travel, and personal glory rather than achieving anything truly meaningful. Although he repeatedly thinks about repenting and seeking God’s mercy, his pride, fear, and attachment to worldly pleasures prevent him from breaking the pact. As the twenty-four years come to an end, Faustus becomes terrified of his approaching damnation. He desperately wishes to escape his fate, but it is too late. At midnight, devils arrive and carry his soul away to Hell. The tragedy of Dr. Faustus lies in his desire to transcend human limitations and his failure to recognize the value of repentance until the final moment. It explores ambition, temptation, free will, knowledge, sin, and the consequences of making a destructive bargain. 

You read the story. Now imagine what kind of a person would conceive this story? There are a few possibilities but this is a fun thought experiment. I due to the nature of my work meet people who live in hell. A majority of them, good people with capacity of goodness. I live in a subjective hell and I enjoy it especially when the movies and television of this country has started sucking ass. I am an atheist but I also have faith at a personal level, my idea of heaven is dying and ending up in the womb of the primordial mother forever. People have their ideas of hell and heaven and personally I think hell can't be worse than what I have seen and experienced on earth though I am open for surprises. I have seen the mechanism of sending innocent people to hell and like the biblical devil it's not even through temptation. I live in a subjective hell and I have lived in for quite long though despite this I have never lost my objective perception of the world. I have not seen the famed two girls one cup but I have heard about it. But since I have known hell intimately I know that reality is way worse. I have been in hell since long before I had the capacity to make a Faustian bargain and my personality is not the kind that would make a Faustian bargain. I am not built like that. My hell was my conscience and when I ended up seeing that conscience of totally innocent people can be weaponised against them that hell dissipated. My hell subjective and real as far as suffering is concerned but it's potency has decreased significantly when I realised the hell is mostly feudal in nature. One of my childhood heroes Anant Kushwaha, the editor of Balhans had prepared me for it. Such heroes are either all dead, or have faded into obscurity. It baffled my mind that idealistic people living on their ideals, quietly doing their work, are sent to hells by impune, spoiled and degenerate scum but I know the history well enough to know that this has been the arrangement since forever. I prefer biblical hell to feudal or Black Mirror kind of technofeudal hell because I like my hell to have a lore. There is no mukti except death. And the more you understand the world and history the more you realise that this mukti is like the mukti of chicken kept at a butcher's shop. 

Saanson Ki Zaroorat

Anyone who remembers 90s remembers that culture was real-time back then, even in small towns. Nadeem Shravan songs released and everyone used to listen to them be it the rich or the poor, the rich also used to listen Western pop and rock music because they had access to it but at least the culture was real-time. Economic liberalisation in India began in 1991 under Prime Minister P.V. Narasimha Rao and Finance Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and by the late 90s early 2000s there started to be a temporal distance between the culture of lower classes and the rich. Even today the privileged listen to Karan Aujla and AP Dhillon and the lower classes no matter their age listen to 90s music. There is a temporal difference between the mode of existence of the rich and the lower classes. Indians are an emotional breed, or they were before they turned into scammers. Gadar 2 still became a hit. David Dhawan movies, except the new movies, are still popular. And while I think entertainment of all kind must exist, even voyeuristic, hyperreal crap like Mirzapur and Patal Lok that only show the "reality" and offer no solutions to that reality, people must have options. These motherfuckers can make a Gadar, they can make a Sajan Chale Sasural and seeing the success of Gadar 2, it is possible that they will give returns, but they don't. The rich stick to latest Hollywood and Western music, while the poor stick to the the 90s Kumar Sanu and people like me stick to the late 2000s early 2010s Pakistani Rock bands and bollywood music which was not only subjectively but in my opinion objectively great. What do people want? Employment, spending time with their family and good entertainment and this nation deprives them even of these basics. After weaponisation of relationships, there is only one thing that remains in this nation, money. Retired Army officers are being scammed through digital arrests. I understand the age factor, but how can an Army officer can get scammed by digital arrest is the question. This country has collpased internally although it will never collpase externally because good people do the load bearing of this nation voluntarily or if they wake up, through existential blackmail while criminals do anything they want with their lives. 

Fugly

A person, man or woman, needs an anchor in their life. For a large majority of people that anchor is their family. Family has been my anchor but not overtly and there is a reason behind it. I grew up during the Star Movies era, there were movies in which you saw children in Hollywood movies as paper boys and generally also 2000s was about becoming independent as soon as possible and so I wanted to become independent as soon as possible, not that you desert your family, but become independent as soon as possible. Unfortunately I ended up studying medicine which takes time in making you independent, but mentally I was independent as soon as I turned eighteen. The days of MTV Select passed and now even though people want to become independent, those times, that window of aspiring to become independent has disappeared completely and now it's all about who your daddy is. How do you end up realising that the nation is run by not the government but a few families from regional to the national level? When it becomes all about your family. These days it is all about your family. You wouldn't have cared less about your family when your were independent from your family's identity making a name for yourself during the Star Movies and MTV Select days, but now you have to sacrifice your individuality for the name of your family to prove that you don't care less about them or you are not ashamed of them? Who the fuck is ashamed of their family? I have seen the world quite a bit in the past twenty years and I know that there are people who actually are ashamed of their families and not like their families are criminals, it's just that they don't fit in the modern society and follow the old ways. This is how enlightenment happens, it happens when the things you didn't think were possible confront you and you have to accept them, like "kanjoos makkhichoos", it seems like a hyperbole, but maturity is realising that there actually exist people who would drink their tea when a fly drowns in it but also suck the fly before throwing it away. America is the most visible nation on the social media and you see Americans, each an individual, expressing their individuality while acknowledging their families. In India, it seems that families kill the individuality of their children but if you look closer it's not the families, it's the system. A system making your individuality impotent differs from you sacrificing your individuality for your family. I did the latter so I don't have any regrets and actually I am absolutely content but a lot of kids get their individuality crushed by the system, through their families. The more you look at the nation we live in the uglier it gets. I wear boxers and T-shirt at home and checked shirt and trousers outside, but I keep the modules of my individuality and I follow my interests. I watch Baiju Dharmajan playing Carnatic metal on YouTube, I check out cafè racers on Tumblr, I watch freestyle motocross reels on Instagram. I have a tattoo of Japanese kanji spelling Ronin on my chest, and I wear my figurative leather jacket inside my checked shirt. It's a crushing machine, that crushes your individuality, your dreams, so that you become that frustrated uncle and aunty that you hate. I won't become that, but a lot of others whose individuality and dreams got crushed by the system run by greedy oldies, their litter and the criminals employed by them, will. 

Write Concepts #26

I think long and hard about the kind of things that I want to write about. It's hard to be able to hit the spot in this political economy in the things you want to write about. My writing style if I talk about modern writers, as far as I have seen, is close to China Mieville and Caitlin R. Kiernan which is too much to ask in the modern Indian political economy. Writing is anyway redundant and indigenous myth-making has collapsed. There are some comic book hobbyist trying to make collections of old Indian comics on Facebook but I don't think it is going to last long. You go on Facebook and find a lot of comic book readers who used to read comics in Hindi can't even express themselves properly even in Hindi, survival does that to you. I wanted to experiment with mythofiction, yes, like Kalki 2898 AD, but then I ended up realising the base of the polity is rape, and mythology, mythofiction and rape don't go together, though the itch of mythofiction might end up making me write a bunch of mythofiction short stories. My favourite superheroes are John Constantine and The Punisher, though I like all the superheroes, each one of them, but comics in India is dead by now and the way this country is going it doesn't matter if it's dead. I have found the singularity in the genres I want to write in though I have realised by now that good never wins and although one can make-believe if one is privileged enough, this make-believe is not for everyone. Books have anyway stopped coming out mostly and now campy romances are also useless because the way this country is evolving one has to get license for romance and anyway there is no romance without dignity. What is left are privileged rich housewives pumping books that have that elaborate privileged struggle, and don't get me wrong any struggle is struggle it's just not my thing, and poverty porn. I am glad that comics are dead, it is one of my favourite mediums of storytelling and it's great that they are dead in this shithole of a country. And anyway they are so expensive that very few people can afford them, yes, even the indigenous ones. The only true entertainment this country deserves is that in which there is a bhabhi waiting for you 2 kms away. Helps in sleeping good. Isn't it? 

Bread and Butter

I have no idea how deep states of other regions operate but I have idea about Purvanchal, and although the regions are connected modus operandi changes depends upon the cultural machine. Purvanchal deep state uses a method which I call breadcrumbing, though it is different from the popular breadcrumbing. In this version of breadcrumbing people are made to transgress their conscience or do things throughout their lives so that they can be exploited or blackmailed on the basis of them. There is also perpetual gaslighting where you have a vague feeling of having done something wrong but what wrong you have done is never disclosed and you are perpetually made to feel guilty on small things and then that guilt is exploited. Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, intimidation, blackmail, victim blaming, blame shifting and credit stealing are rampant and done at a very intimate level where most people think that God resides. Most people aren't even aware that there is a mode of existence, a level of existence beyond this level too because that requires knowing oneself thoroughly and self-knowledge only comes through knowledge and awareness and watching oneself closely and the saddest thing of it all is that the process of knowing oneself can be sabotaged too so that what one knows as their self might not be their self at all. In the past decade I have realised that Purvanchal at the psychological plane is mafia dictatorship with rape as its core and the deep state of this country is essentially a criminal syndicate with a layer of religion, culture and administration. What I witnessed is impunity, doing anything to anyone and this turns into that person's fate. Here is the deal, however good you are, however talented you are, if a person having a status of not more than a rickshawala has access and control to your life, mind and body everything becomes redundant. Dignity is hard to come by in that situation because the top weaponises criminals and rapists of genocidal intent towards the middle and lower classes and they always play on the offensive and they are careless about lives of people because as I have seen it, they don't have any consideration about lives of people. People are made to carry the delusions and cognitive dissonances of these motherfuckers. The setup of the deep state is inverted, instead of good people knowing how criminals function it's criminals knowing how good people function and their lives are casually interfered with and conspiracies are hatched. The most unfortunate part is that these bastards entitled as well as incompetent and only permanent residents of the land people live in are their daddies while everyone else is a tenant meant to be exploited. The setup itself is of exploitation, rape, manipulation, social engineering and eugenics. And the level things happen to people at is the level of existence people are aware about there is only one level after that but delusions keep them from accessing that level and becoming self-aware. In short people are sentient automatons being fed nerve impulses and manipulated through Pavlovian psychology of fear, desire and baits while breeding them through eugenics. There is a lot to the world, there are a lot of complex, refined things but this is the bottom line truth of this country.