Gulistaan

I was lucky to grow up in a time when people who wrote children's literature and made children's media had good intent. They really wanted to inculcate good values in children. The editor of Balhans in the 90s, Anant Kushwaha is one of my personal heroes and I loved the Chitrakatha Visheshank that Balhans got out twice or thrice in an year. I remember each magazine, each comic book had a distinct vibe back then. I had a huge comics collection till highschool and each comic book had a distinct vibe to it. If you are into the job of reading and writing you ultimately realise that reading and writing is actual magic and those who read and write are actually magicians. Professionally my domain is of a healer too and I find myself adequate at my job, not too good but not bad either. I'm an average healer, but my professional domain deals with magic too. And then I write, so I deal with two types of magic. In the past decade I realised that children's media in this country in contemporary times is made by individuals who are complete scum, they do not have good intent, either that or they made bogus animation on YouTube and parents put those animations on for their children or worse, children grow up watching instagram reels. Five or six years ago I was travelling by train and a mom was playing Monopoly with his 9 or 10 year old kid with extremely fat glasses. I'm just glad that I grew up with Meena, even though it was government propaganda and matured with Courage The Cowardly Dog who did the right thing despite being scared witless. If you read comics and if you have the privilege to maintain your savviness you would end up graduating to graphic novels. The journey is from Cartoonist Pran to Alan Moore. And it is when you reach Alan Moore you realise what a shitshow the world we live in is. Cartoonist Pran just used to soften the blows and, to instill hope and values, showed the good winning, Alan Moore writing for a mature audience has no such compulsion. I have seen Hindi literature collapsing, I have seen Hindi literary magazines deteriorating and I am talking about magazines for adults. Literature is the mirror of society and the mirror was removed because all it would show is exploitation and rape just in a civil language because people who are in literature are civil people and not like the rapists who rule over people in this country. I would thank my foray into transgressive fiction in my early 20s that I don't give a fuck about any such obligation. The news is that feudal slavery is back and this time in the form of fate. While a few kids will study in schools that will take them to Japan for picnic, majority of kids would get salt and rice in midday meals and will grow up throwing stones at passing trains and hitting the copulatory tie of dogs with a stick. 

Simplified

There are two approaches to life, simple and complex and it is not really easy to have a simple approach to life as life has a habit of complicating things. The most important thing then comes down to accepting consequences of one's choices which in itself is complex in collapsed socio-political realities because only a responsible man would accept consequences of one's choices and in collpased sociopolitical realities the most responsible person is blamed the most even for the the impunity and mindless actions of others and if you are aware of deeper realities of existence, one more unfortunate dimension arises, lack of autonomy of people over their selves and this arrangement is in place so that selected individuals can live their lives with impunity. In extremely optimised cases of persecution or exploitation people end up having zero percent autonomy, unless they salvage a little through their efforts, and more than hundred percent responsibility and accountability. Still, experience is the teacher and once one is experienced enough and has mapped the terrain of their existence, taking responsibility for one's actions becomes easier. Mindfulness and making one's decision and doing one's job with intention helps. Mindfulness when one is doing something, and mindfulness about the thoughts that are in mind are important in the current sociopolitical climate. A good person takes responsibility for their actions but we live in times when one's actions might not be necessarily theirs and so a good person ends up taking responsibilities of actions that are not even theirs. This is the downside of choosing goodness as a way of life. The concepts of Nietzsche's slave morality and master morality do not apply to a man who is truly good, being good is a way of life for him not because being good would take him anywhere but because he knows that proper flourishing of humankind depends on choosing good over evil. However the practical truth is that evil always wins, one, because it always uses opportunism, hypocrisy, deception and force and domination and use of these tools, which are not tools for the evil but deeply entrenched in them due to inherent weakness, means that they would have to continuously apply these tools and approaches for the lust of power and the lust of power translates to power over lives and bodies of people, right to rape people and wealth and resources. Power is not inherently corrupting, it's just that it attracts the already corrupt or those who are prone to corruption. A good man or woman must know how to simplify things. Hell and heaven doesn't matter to a man or woman who has lived on their principles. 

Luracell

In the first Matrix movie, the machines farm humans for electricity and keep them subdued by a program, a false world where they are living their lives, doing their jobs, called the Matrix. In real world the entity that farms people as human resource farms them for data, their thoughts, feelings, sensations and most importantly vibes. People are essentially vibe and data factory, full of thought and emotion complexes. In a practical sense, by manipulating thoughts and sensations a person can be played with like a chess piece by induction of fear, desire and other emotions. It's nothing more than Pavlovian psychology, you ring the bell and the dog salivates. You show the donkey the carrot and the donkey moves forward and you can do that to the donkey as long as he is alive. A thought in your head is about something, commonly about an object, a person, place or a thing. To make sense of what is happening to you, you have to find out what is the carrot in your case. Deep administration of this carrot chiefly depends on the desire for mate for young people, and for older people the desire for sex. The other equivalent thing is money and status. Happiness in families has deteriorated since the 90s and it is because the less the happy memories, the more a person incapable of self-regulation as he has nothing concrete to fall back on, no stable personality of himself or herself to depend on. As I was able to see, at least in case of Purvanchal, the deep administration is composed of rapists of tyrannical and genocidal intent and this how the individuals in the deep administration are groomed, with genocidal intent, it doesn't mean that they will commit genocides but they don't really bother when genocides happen, even the lowest level functionary of this establishment has a tyrannical and genocidal intent minus the intelligence and that means if they end up getting power, which is impossible given the criminal syndicate like extremely optimised hierarchy based solely on fear of life or ruin of self or family. It is however possible to employ these individuals on singular people or families. This how God tests a normal law abiding individual or family in this nation. Love for the family is the ultimate blackmail to the human resource that ends up waking up to this existential blackmail, plus there is the carrot for others who have still not seen through the design. Everyone is wearing a VR goggle of their fears and desires, if you are lucky you get to chase your desires and if you are not then you end up with Pavlovian control through fear. People spend whole of their lives doing activism for something, because people need a purpose, a doctor can spend her whole life doing activism on false marketing of something which is labelled as something it is not and their whole life is spent on that running for court hearings while their practice suffers and they fail to make as much money as their competence deserved. Less the money more is the chance of future dispossession and more the control. You go somewhere, you meet someone, the first thing you experience is the vibe and that vibe is translated to you first by your sensory system and then by your own experiences and yet the vibe in itself has an essence. Just like a person with bad odour can wear a perfume, a person with bad vibes can wear good vibes. In a setting like this acceptance that nothing can be done is essential and then comes prioritising. Prioritise what actually matters to you. 

Diarism

I always stress on keeping a journal. You don't have to write your secrets in it but you can unload your stress and try to go deeper within yourself. Journaling is the only way to go deeper in the consciousness for people who don't do drugs or psychoactive substances. Nature is a beautiful thing, and realised the absolute beauty of nature when I realised that our consciousness too has an immunity just like our body. It can identify beliefs and thoughts different from our essence if it is not overwhelmed and I call it psychic immunity. Unfortunately in today's times we live with false consciousness that makes it difficult to access our consciousness. Freud talked about the subconscious or the unconscious and with the false consciousness in picture it is impossible to get in touch with our unconscious. Journaling helps us to get in touch with our unconscious but if and only if one has tapped into and found their voice. Finding one's voice is incredibly hard with the false consciousness which is of a politico-economic and sociopolitical nature. People think relationships are everything, yes they are for social survival as well as physical survival in a society but once one imagines themselves on an island alone with flora and fauna relationships don't seem so necessary. I would assume that the primitive man was capable of living alone. In the wild many animals live alone, particular bears. Yet, what's life without family? People who are orphaned at a young age know this thing and orphans in some cases turn out to be better parents than the most yet the society that I have been able to witness in India, it's very hard for orphaned kids to survive without getting exploited because even those who are not orphan, those who have family get exploited and I say this because I have gazed into the predatory core of this nation. Being in touch with the natural world is absolutely important. Culture can be a boon or a bane and unfortunately in tyrannical sociopolitical setups and situations you do not get to choose and it ends up becoming more of a bane than a boon. Keeping your unconscious, which gets inputs from your perception, environment and conscious, is extremely necessary and so you must at all times give suggestion to it. Fortunately the politics of our times can't tap into the unconscious, it can only, through torture, force you to make it concious which again may or may not be accurate depending on the environment of the consciousness though I can't say what will happen in the future and whether the unconscious could be tapped into or not. Artificial Intelligence however can make a model of your consciousness depending upon your interactions on the internet, your writings and your thoughts but that's just a superficial model and sort of pragmatic thing, it can't go into depth. You have to be able to build your subconscious without really making it conscious and anyway most of it won't be. For example, I want to live in a winter wonderland alone and have yellow lighting and a fireplace in my cottage and I must have a coffee machine and a lot of books, this is given the population of this nation and for economic reasons an impossible thing and if you imagine this, it would be a fantasy, but suggesting your unconscious to create this or whatever your version of peace is would establish a base state of peace within you and while the general state might be of anguish or anxiety, the base state if you keep suggesting yourself things that give you peace the base state of peace will keep on becoming more and more stable. Journaling helps you to get in touch with yourself and know what you really want. Positive thinking is extremely essential in a time when trust is at all time low and people do not think good about each other for the most part. Think positive, keep a journal and give peaceful suggestions to your subconscious. 

Skeleton

What does it take to administer a country of 1.50 billion? From what I have seen, it takes a lot of conspiracy. I had no business writing down what I have seen but then in the past decade I have seen meaning getting drained from the lives of people and I have ended up realising that the core of this nation is rape and upon retrospection I realised that it has always been. Mads Mikkelsen starring Polar is one of my favourite movies and there is dialogue by the character played by Mikkelsen in which he described that Indians burn their dead, and that if the husband dies first, his wife is burned alive with him. When I first saw that movie, I took offence on it, but it gradually became clear to me that it is actually the hidden core of this nation, the intent of the core is the same it's just that burning is now metaphysical in nature and if one has any doubt they can check on the widows living in Vrindavan. There is a reason why Ambedkar distanced himself form Hinduism, and I personally think every lower caste person must specially because they have got other indigenous choices like Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism. Jains are merchants and very successful ones at that and it seems as I have seen the polity of this country, highly improbable that one could go forward in business in this country without any violence, though the Jain Munis and process of becoming a Digambar or Shwetambar is again violent but to the self and not to the others. Sikhism retains its tribalism in Punjab and its casteism too but none is worse than Hinduism, not in theory but the way it is practiced. Jaishankar Prasad elucidated the the hypocrisy of organised Hindu religion in his story Kankal written in 1930s and as I was privileged (not in a good way) to see it personally in the past decade the condition of women has not changed a bit and neither has the hypocrisy of organised Hindu religion. The first thing these motherfuckers decided to do is give themselves rights of women's bodies without asking them and the right to rape them. It is later I ended up realising that our ancient masters are long dead after writing scriptures especially after the post seventh century Islamic conquests and these motherfuckers have only been doing religious administration on the behalf of Muslims, the British and post independence the coolies left behind by the British. Post 2013 I realised that religion in this country is actually taken as opiate of the masses even by those who preach it. I decided to become an atheist politically while keeping my personal faith in Mother Goddesses private. And anyway in today's India religious administration is only for tier-3 and tier-4 towns. Faith is a real thing, but the beautiful and syncretic religious traditions of this country in North India have been destroyed by feudalism combined with state politics and criminal syndicates operating as sovereign cartels, south still retains the beauty and aesthetics and thankfully also the architecture. Anyway the real religion is money now and the real scripture is technology. While in small towns people still live under the existential blackmail and victim blaming of they couldn't fast due to ill-health so there family has to suffer. In small towns religion is mostly about cruelly forced dogmas on people and only the good people, assholes remain unscathed, and I have personally seen the threat of rape on daughters of individuals who pray two times a day and with all the rituals and that too in Varanasi. Unfortunately Varanasi also is one of the most sacred sites of Hinduism. 

Cronso

Is there a foolproof way of living in the nation that we live in? When opportunism and hypocrisy rule and everything is a hustle and an unfair one at that because being able to hustle too is a privilege as most of the people gets their legs broken before they can enter the hustle. I personally have tried everything, minding my own business, which I have been doing since my childhood, focusing on my work literally everything and yet I failed to prevent needless interference in my life which mostly consists of doing my job, caring for my family and consuming current affairs and pop culture. The worst part about my realisations in the past decade is that one can't really know whether what actually rules this nation is the government or not, since what I have felt in the past decade is quite informal and unfortunately rapey, demonic and criminal. I might assume that what I am going through is a hell of my own making, the consequences of my own sins but then only sin that I have committed is jacking off during my college days. There is a phenomenon called snowballing, here are a few examples, like a hate crime or case of sadistic predation by influential or privileged individuals gets so out of hand, because they made the mistake of judging the individuals they were committing the hate crime on or preying upon wrongly and then since the shit has snowballed and hit the fan it has now to be managed by state machinery, here we see a simple hate crime or recreational predation snowballing into persecution by the state. Unfortunately in the country we live in it's not an abnormal phenomenon. Most people don't reach the level of state persecution at all, their stories end at becoming the victim of leisurely predation or hate crime and that leisurely predation or hate crime is made to be seen as act of God or fate or worse they are victim blamed for their own demise. If there is one thing that I realised in my life is that, at least in the nation we live in, minding your own business and choosing your own corner to do your work quietly is not going to save you from your fate or the “wrath” of God. Unfortunately the wrath of God is dependent on how you look, your physical attributes or whether the way you do things is attractive to God or not. This shit is perception based and I ended up realising that the deep administration of the place I am from, Purvanchal, have the personality profile of Definite Khan from Gangs of Wasseypur, and these Definite Khans have access to the personal lives of intellectuals like professors, artists, engineers and doctors. What would you do when you realise that your God is not Lord Ram but Definite Khan from Gangs of Wasseypur? There is nothing that can be done here. No amount of minding your business and choosing your corner is going to help. Still, one has to survive for their family, and so prioritising is important. Here is what I have got for you. Family, money, your job, your art, and your hobbies and interests in any order you like. Relatives and community are important but they can fuck off because what the deep state of this country does and has been doing is weaponising the relationships with the relatives since the beginning and this weaponisation contributes to most of the drama in this nation. Unless you are privileged, survival is not an option in this nation. And if you are not privileged you must know that your family legacy, your family history have been sacrificed on the altar of rape that operates from the core of this nation.

No Reading Between The Lines Here

I don't like writing about writing, if I could do it I would have been writing fantasies and superhero stories, noir, steampunk, India based mythofiction, science fiction and cosmic horror. These days I get into feels very less often while reading a book but recently a book managed to get me into the feels and that was while reading the first book of the Tinfoil Dossier trilogy, Agents of Dreamland. Last time I got into such feels was when I had read Baum Plan for Financial Independence by John Kessel. Not being able to get in the feels is the reason I don't read weird fiction and cosmic horror anymore. It's useless being nationalistic in terms of literature and entertainment when the nation just produces either subpar or ill-intentioned propaganda for literature and entertainment. Indian hyperreality is stronger than the actual reality of this nation which is, if one is not delusional, equivalent to a curfew. People might have noticed that no one talks about love anymore. It doesn't mean that love doesn't exist now. It just means that it has been made practically impossible along with its commercialisation and weaponisation. People don't love now because love hurts terribly and they know that they can buy pussy for money or sell pussy for favours or money. Romantic love has been rendered structurally impossible except for the privileged and if love is a privilege than it is actually better to not to have love in life at all. You remember the song 'Bahara' from the early 2010s? Or Pyar Ki Dastaan'? There are many such songs in the early 2010s. You have to get in too deep like I did to realise that it's not the Gen Z, it's the old men habituated of rape. While I was in favour of Anurag Kashyap flavour of cinema in early 2010s, I don't think so now. The whole entertainment landscape of this country now consists of Anurag Kashyap copy cats pushing hyperreal cinema and series, but not everyone can be Anurag Kashyap, one because his intentions are good, and two because each of his movie is a standalone timeless piece of art and the more you watch them the more you see the art in them. Mirzapur the TV series or Patal Lok the TV series are not peices of art, they are examples of voyeurism translated on screen while if you watch Gulaal or Gangs of Wasseypur and have intent good enough to identify intent, you can see the art the violence hides. Something shifted in the background in the early 2010s and I know it because I felt it shifting. I'm not saying that rape wasn't the core of this nation before 2010s. I'm just saying that loving someone, calling someone a soulmate, elevating them the way we elevate those whom we romantically love was still possible back then. Loving someone hurts like a motherfucker because it has become a structural impossibility and the social engineering will make sure that lovers suffer intensely. I used to write romantic stories in my youth, now I prefer books like the Tinfoil Dossier. Cigarettes and conspiracies is all I can feel now and even my writing reflects that. I'm not saying that this country was not already defiled, I'm just saying that it has been defiled with mindless impunity in the 2010s. Like someone is hurriedly stacking resources for a nuclear winter about to arrive. I'm a 90s guy, I write my girl love letters and write poems for her. I don't swipe Tinder or Bumble. Or I do not subscribe to Only Fans contributing in the economy of work from home version of sex trafficking. I don't like to write about writing. But if one can't write what they want to write. Writing about writing ends up remaining the only option.