Competent Authority

You imagine a girl painting a picture of you as Tyler Durden from fight club. A pizza delivery boy goes to deliver a pizza at a whorehouse. Glances exchanged, pizza delivered. A tree is being seen by a thousand eyes. Main aisa kyun hoon, the guy asks despite it never being the question, despite it not being the question he wants to ask, despite it never being the question he had in the mind and heart to ask. Guantanamo opens and he is waterboarded by blind enforcers to ask, main aisa kyun hun. Guantanamo is a subsidiary of Stanford. Yes the prison experiment one. Johnny Quest goes into the QuestWorld but he longs for the astral plane. Unfortunately astral plane doesn‘t really exists. It’s just a rebranded QuestWorld. A lot of witches got burnt, burning sage for the QuestWorld. Vacuum sucks! I mean it literally sucks, sometimes knowledge as it wants to fill the empty space. Everyone is searching for emancipation. Well not everyone. Some are searching for souls to consume and bodies to deplete. That’s the fun part about it all, body gets depleted by itself with time. You never liked Tyler Durden. You are not a violent person. You don‘t like Fight Club. You are not a violent person until it is authorised by competent authority and then the realisation strikes that all competent authority is dead. Quest World sucks you in for a show you didn‘t buy tickets to. It’s a happening place. You just don’t want to be there. You search for exits, you are still searching for them. You feel God inside you, along with the devil. God is a bit deeper and less active, almost passive. The centre of gravity is inside. Nature is outside. But to search for exits, centre of gravity must be both inside and outside. The external centre of gravity as a focus that saves internal centre of gravity from choking. Nature keeps doing its magic. Mothers are never evil, the most they can be are neutral. You are still searching for exits in the QuestWorld. It’s like The Matrix. How funny that Trinity is Tiffany. The code needs to be manageable. People climb mountains, some people do it lying on their beds. No point in climbing mountains unless you are bored to death. The avalanche of boredom can make you want to climb mountains. Ideally the external centre of gravity should be in temples, but those who can see it can see it. You have to build your own temple for the external centre of gravity, doesn‘t matter if it’s in Minecraft or VR. God might not exist but centre of gravity does, and so does the Nature. Is it cool to smoke cigarettes? After an age it is not. It clogs your arteries. Blind enforcers accusing the man being waterboarded of heresy when it was just hearsay. Sometimes you just have to wear the suits competent authority wears and use their perfume.

Sulabh

It’s funny that it’s mostly the ones who are proponents of open source who support right to privacy, kind of ironical. Privacy was a debate a decade ago, it isn‘t now. Survival beats privacy hands down. It’s only after you mature that you realise that it is illusion that runs by logic, the reality runs by power. Power has the ability of changing ontology of things especially when it comes to metaphysics. You sit in a Mumbai local, reading Nietzsche. Once you have seen the Mumbai local you come to know that people are animals, that’s their ontology. Higher concepts die in the stampede of catching the last local. I sometimes put myself in the place of a handicapped man or woman trying to catch the last local, and it is here I feel footwears on my face but also a boot, a huge boot. You see autorickshaw drivers, some of them are stylish, like Mithun Chakraborty. They have chosen a style for themselves. Their autos are extravagant with Bollywood actresses as brides. Even an autowala has the decency to imagine Bollywood actresses as brides and not whores. There is a time in life where you have to choose between a Windows command prompt and a Linux terminal. Sometimes you choose both, the command prompt to save time and the terminal because your heart lies there no matter how cumbersome Linux syntaxes are. Reality is the place where dreams come to die. Shekhar Kapoor wrote comics in the early late 2000s and one could feel the myth of the Indic civilization and then enlightenment arrives, the myth replaced by street-shitting. There is no mythic demon except within. Modi jackets decide the policy, but no one knows who decides the SOPs of biopolitics and necropolitics. Shekhar Kapoor gave hope, that people could write fantasies but fantasies need breathing room; they don't survive mathematics placed atop street-shitting. How long does it take for a civilization to collpase? Depends. But what if it has already collapsed? Illusions run by logic, reality runs by power. Though power has its own mathematics it’s just that it’s a little advanced.

Wheeler

People have things in their lives that work as milestones of lives, or if not at least like relics. Some people have post offices and banks as these milestones, these relics, thankfully not police stations as those who have them as milestones or relics have only two options, either a lifetime of hell or a life time of chasing and retaining power. Some people also have buses and quizzes as their life milestones or relics. Some people can have all four, post offices, banks, buses and quizzes. Enlightenment is a crazy thing. It allows you to separate the world from the earth. Flat earthers believe the earth is flat. There must be some reason, as flat earthers are not dumb. They too work, earn, raise a family and while doing these things they believe the earth is flat. What if the round earth is a hoax? I haven‘t seen “what goes around comes around” in modern times. Do good and forget about it. Karma is flatlining like a departed patient in an ICU. This happens when there is total inversion of the providence. When criminals become judges. It was bound to happen. This is supposed to be Kaliyuga. When criminals are judges, they would empathise with the criminals and punish the innocents. Can criminals and psychopaths empathise? You would be surprised. You go to a bank and fill forms. Government banks are sweaty, messy and filled with people wearing dhotis, private banks shine probably due to the fine they levy on people for not maintaining the minimum balance. Post office is kind of dead, couples had beautiful intimacy when post offices actually worked but now you can just send a kilo of homemade pickle to kids living in the hostels or some books or anything that is measured in kgs. Buses open minds, and are not as depressive as modern day trains. Depression gets worse when you open the door of the train toilet. Trains were good when A. H. Wheeler hadn‘t gotten extinct, now you just have to leave your lower berth for some old man or woman because they have knee pain and they are entitled to the lower berth due to their age, though IRCTC didn‘t think so. A. H. Wheeler died, and so did train rides though they still are the chief mode of transport for the cattle. Quizzes don't exist anymore. Losing a quiz competition is like failing an exam, you were thinking about something else when it was your time to perform. The lady in a corporate suit is eyeing room number 420, the boss is there. It’s normal until someone comes to know about it, and it has nothing to do with quizzes. Quizzes are just for fun, like Nature made a Venus Flytrap. Just for fun. You know what do rape victims have as life’s milestones? No, not banks, post offices, buses or quizzes. It’s a quiz but there are no prizes for guessing the right answer. 

Ram Rajya

You take a deep breath. Old times flash in front of your eyes. Everyone, well almost everyone, had Ram in their name in your region. Men, women, everyone. Ram was the ideal, he gave the meaning to people’s lives. He was not the Ram of today. He was not a tool for division. Ram was the preserver, he was the prefix in almost every name. If he was in the surname that meant Bahujan Samaj Party of today, but then the Bahujans too had Ram as prefix to their name as well as surname. Ram doesn’t divide. He doesn‘t destroy. For he is the ideal man. He let his beloved wife walk into fire, because a king had to do it. He let his beloved wife go to raise their sons alone, because a king had to do it. But before that, he went into an exile because a son must do that. There is no feminism here because an ideal man feels the pain of his beloved as his own. He was the ideal. He crossed the sea for love, fought an army with an army of monkeys and yet for his ideals he took damage, not because he was weak but because a son, a king must do that, a son, a king must sacrifice. That Ram was in the name of everyone as a prefix. You stand outside a mall in Gurgaon, you see prostitutes, some high class escorts, some cheaper ones, some trannies, some even cheaper ones. Cars stop and they climb in. Ramayana is over. People chasing ideals are dead and so are the prefixes of the name. The name of our King, the avatar of the preserver, the one who sacrificed things he loved for us now is used to identify Bahujans. They are the only ones who retain his name as their surnames. The eyes are wide shut. A tiered whorehouse and a harem has replaced the land of scion of Ikshvaku. The ones who should have been living the ideals of the avatar of the preserver, our great king our Ram are putting their dicks in the pussies of prostitutes. You know who would get the most respect in Ram Rajya? Prostitutes and garbage men and septic tank cleaners, because they do the jobs no one wants to do. My King was like that. It’s okay. Everything comes to an end and it’s okay. It’s just that people have forgotten that once there was a time when people had his name, the name of our King, the scion of Ilshwaku, the avatar of the preserver, as prefix in their name, men and women both. The avatar who sacrificed everything for the ideals and ended up becoming one. But it’s okay.  

Ideal Machine

How do you compensate? If you have to compensate, compensate by being efficient. You sit in an exam hall and you see a girl getting caught for cheating, in board exams. The poor soul had a whole physics textbook hidden in her blazer. Fear makes people do things they would never do otherwise. Fear of death, harm to loved ones, of shame, of humiliation, fear of failure. It’s like in the Marvel universe, different earths in the same universe. The earth is one, and this is the biggest discovery of the century, especially for the damned. People have accounts on Pornhub. A common man cannot fathom having an account on pornhub, having a subscription. He is content watching advertisements of a bhabhi near you or of Only Fans models before every video. People have accounts, subscriptions just like a Facebook account or a YouTube subscription. They don‘t need to compensate but some do, and so those who watch ads on Pornhub be extra kind to their parents, be extra good to people. Though these are just two character sketches of the kind of people in the world. There are also the kind of individuals who traffic the women featured in the videos. As said before, it’s like in the Marvel universe; different earths in the same universe. People have limits, like most of the people would never think of having a whole ass textbook in their blazer in the board exam. Fear makes you do things and then you do it again and then it becomes a habit. Some people believe in sins, and they compensate by doing penance. Penance is good, it keeps the world good unless and until penance becomes a transaction and people start buying their place in heaven through it. A saint whips himself for getting lustful thoughts, a doctor jacks off and goes back to work without giving it a second thought. There is too much suffering in the world to give a thought to silly things. The Varah avatar lifts the earth on his tusks. Which earth is the question. The job of the preserver is to preserve. He doesn’t bother about optics. He does what he has to do. The preserver knows that the earth is one. Not unlike the one shown in the movie Apocalypto where Jaguar Paw lives. And then comes Huxley and imagines that the world we live in is hell of some other planet. Devtas have been drinking soma for quite a while now, they are allowed to do it. By whom? By themselves. Once Soma gets injected into the nerves of humans, all the worries die. Thoughts depend on circumstances. While the girl who got caught cheating in the exam faces the terror, the topper is having fun solving differential equations in the same fucking room. People carry their hells inside themselves. For some killing even an insect is a sin and they compensate. The most efficient way of compensation is efficiency and efficiency arrives gradually with mindful repetition. The topper having a gala time solving differential equations in the examination hall knows that. There is an earth where a bhabhi waits for you 5 kilometres away, but real knowledge is that that earth doesn‘t exist. Jaguar Paw runs, and now it’s the chance of Turtles Run and Turtles Run while running realises that just like Soma, hell can be injected into people‘s nerves. Who gave devtas the right to do this, they themselves did. Varah avatar does a slam dunk with the earth he was carrying on his tusks.

Jaane Kya Hoga Rama Re

You get off the bus. Your brain is craving nicotine. It’s an expressway and you see people going to the toilet, eating patties and Maggi and drinking chai and cold drinks. You go to the outlet and inquire if he had a cigarette. He said that there is an eggwala and he has cigarettes. You go to the eggwala, an extended part of the same establishment and inquire about cigarettes and he pulls out a pack of Choti Goldflake. Cigarettes are non-veg now. Interesting. Your whole life you saw your babu, who worked at your home, chewing khaini from his dabba and smoking beedi. Beedi are Indian cigarettes. And they are non-veg now, and as expensive as non-veg. You have been in healthcare long enough to know that this country does covert population control and what better tool to do covert population control than cigarettes? Indonesia has cigarettes and people smoke and healthcare mints money, China does the same. But here is the catch. Cigarettes make you feel good for a while. In this land it’s not enough that you die, you have to suffer and die and the more you suffer the better it is. I don‘t eat non-veg on Thursday and now as my family is turning Brahmin, I can‘t eat non-veg Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. Jumma is safe I’d suppose. Though I don’t give a shit about any of it. Cigarettes are non-veg now. Freud would have equated it with a blowjob, but then he corrected himself, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, and he was the expert so he was the authority on judging whether he had an oral fixation or not. He dies by oral cancer. Gutka Kings of Uttar Pradesh getting richer day by day, buying Mercedes and Audi while people are going crazy painting the town red. When I was a kid I got myself a Nintendo bootleg for the price of two cigarette packs of today, even today I can get a bunch of games on Steam for the same price. And it’s not about quitting. It’s about cigarettes becoming non-veg.  I stand in front of bathroom mirror, looking at myself standing in a fog of smoke like a noir detective, actually I'm hiding from my wife and she would suspect something is off when she smells room freshener in the bathroom. I try to see in the future seeing impeding lung or mouth cancer or emphysema but at least death then will be on my own terms which is rare in this country. Cigarettes are non-veg now, well, rape should be non-veg but then that’s just my opinion.

Return The Slab

Suffering is terrible if one doesn’t know its reason. Suffering is worse if it is devoid of meaning. That’s what old shayars  did, they might not know the reason behind their suffering but they sure did find meaning in it. What would Johnny Quest think about the ghazals the shayars wrote, and the singers sang. Hadji would have a thing or two to say about it. What would Bhallaladeva know about suffering? What would Bahubali know about the meaning? Mahishmati changes, with every administration though the best time to visit is during Bhallaladeva’s reign. The weather is good but you can‘t feel it on your skin, and things can‘t get any worse than this. And since things can‘t get worse the worst case scenario turns out to be the best case scenario. Courage sees Muriel in trouble and AR 15 ends up being the only answer. It didn't have to, but there is nothing Courage can do about it. The Unabomber sleeps tightly in his prison cell, knowing that he was in a prison even when he was outside. Prison in a prison in a prison. Bhallaladeva  cracks his whip on workers pulling huge stones for his massive statue, Unabomber sees it through his mind’s eye and smiles. He would’ve sent anthrax laced envelopes to Bhallaladeva but he doesn't care anymore he has already done enough, now he picks up soap in the jail bathroom and then goes to his solitary confinement. Threats are getting bigger and Courage loves Muriel too much. He is thinking of getting a mini gun. Johnny Quest doesn’t trust Hadji anymore after getting scammed by Rnicrosoft. Hadji orders Axe Africa 3 in 1 body wash that is for sale in every place except for Europe, paraben free. Cypher mocks Neo while he tastes the juicy steak. Neo is trapped in a cycle of rebirth. Trinity is gone forever and Morpheus is now gender fluid. Neo knows what suffering is. It’s being trapped in a cycle of rebirth. It’s a feeling of being buried alive. Satis of India know what it was like to be burnt alive and so did the women who committed Johar. Being buried alive is a new thing. Threats have overwhelmed Muriel, Eustace is long dead and she commits Johar. Courage sees that, gets his samurai sword from his kennel and commits seppuku there and then.