7-08-26

Little things matter, but they do not matter as much as one thinks they do. Higher purpose matters but not in the world we live in. What actually matters? Basics. And for other things that actually matter, one has to ask themselves and ensure it is them and only them who are answering. Sociopolitical existence is like fighting a pig, that too a pig that is spawn of Satan. The pig will first drag you in the muck and then try to beat you in your own game because it knows all about your game. One moment you are in your own made up wonderland and the next moment you are in the muck and you look around and there is nothing except muck and then you find yourself getting beaten in a game that you thought was your own. Anyone who has ever felt the walls closing in on them know the feeling, the only difference is someone has to commit a sin or crime for the walls close in on them and others, the unfortunate ones, just have to exist for the walls to close in on them. The walls can close in so much that it gets difficult to breathe. Little things don't matter that much but they do matter, and in the world we live in they matter more than the higher purpose. Like peeing after holding the pee for long, like sitting in the quilt and drinking tea with the family in winters, like chai and pakoras on a rainy holiday. Little things matter more than most things, in fact they matter the most but in the bigger picture they don't matter as much one thinks they do because there is a background to our lives, a background that is obscured from our view, and yet life itself is composed of little things and little moments. Higher purpose, when the background that is obscured from our view is considered doesn't matter but everyone should have a higher purpose, the most common one, mastery in their art or calling. We are all slaves to the obscured reality, and the God that we grew up believing in seems to be just in our faith and nowhere else. It seems that the God that is in our faith and the God that gave spiders the power to make webs, a venus flytrap the ability to catch a fly, a whale the thick milk to breastfeed their young ones in the vast ocean are different. It makes no difference until one knows who they are, what are there strength and weaknesses and know their ethical framework and value system. Pigs rely on exploiting people's ethical framework and value system, they rely on weaponising people's conscience against them. The true enlightenment arrives when one realises that little things matter, higher purpose matters. And that they don't matter too but only because the background that is obscured from our view is composed solely of muck.

Manasvi

Memories are silly things. Life needs good memories to be livable though if the head is full of bad memories and good memories are scarce that doesn't mean life is unlivable. One has to choose to live a good life nevertheless. People in depths of mental health crises experience absence of happiness and happy memories, some take drugs, some alcohol and try to make their lived experience livable and drugs and alcohol are just acute management when the problem is deeper. To persist without happiness and happy memories one has to be able to like themselves. Here is the rule: only good people do not like themselves and this is because they employ the same moral judgement that they employ in general on themselves. Narcissists and psychopaths love themselves, they are extremely selfish and hypocritical and they would do as much harm they can to other person for their slight convenience or slight difficulty or disturbance. And unfortunately in a survival oriented society it is them who end up winning. For good people it is extremely important to know the principles and ideals they function on. There are two types of sadness, one psychosocial origin of which cannot be traced and one personal grief, based on personal losses and failures. One might argue that life is not that important, but the real thing is when one sees the truth of the society and realises the kind of scum who are not only living but also thriving at the expense of others especially the innocent deciding to live the best life one can live among whatever constraints one has seems to be the only option. People who take one's own life are judged harshly in the society but the truth is that life can get extremely hard, so hard that there seems to be no other way than to take one's life though this scenario is not as common as suicides are, what one thinks to be the end might not be and it could be only known if it is or it is not by going through it and taking one's life ends that opportunity. Good people who live by the same rules that they have for the world, the ones who are not hypocrites must learn to navigate spaces filled with narcissists and psychopaths. It's important to go easy on oneself sometimes and it is important to have fun. If one doesn't have good and happy memories there are other ways to feel better than drugs and alcohol also happy memories can be created and it all begins by starting to do things that makes one like themselves.

Diet Choke

I write a lot of psychosocial stuff because my experiences have been psychosocial. I have had some baffling realisations as I matured but nothing that I couldn't process. It is this processed data that becomes the fodder for my writing. I ended up simplifying my life and it is money, family, work and academics, knowledge, interests and hobbies. Then there are nature and the universe through the night sky. Social life in India is basically like that bird building a nest which the monkeys destroy once they see the bird cozy during the monsoon while they were getting wet in the rain. I realise that this is the simplest example of how society operates in this country at depth. This country is a low trust society for a reason and those who have seen the 90s know that it was not. One of the basic issues in this country is people taking pride and being entitled in things that they have no hand in like being born in a particular caste or a rich family. The country showed its colours to me and I ended up retrospecting and realised how things like caste entitlement work. What people don't know is that your caste might not be in your subconscious or unconscious but it definitely flows in your nerves because caste is a psychosocial concept. The past decade taught me that what were considered social evils, like casteism, misogyny, rape, discrimination, superstition and other social evils are propagated from the base reality of this country and that means while the government brings policies to fight them what runs the government in the depth actively fortifies and propagates these social evils. This realisation made me absolutely free as a person as I realised that future is going to be a state of totalitarian slavery in a surveillance state full of hatred, divisiveness and discrimination for the majority as a minority enjoys absolute heaven on earth. This is the arrangement even today but the grip is going to be even more tighter in the future and slow and peaceful life for the majority would become a distant dream, even the basic necessities and civil amenities and provisions will require bootlicking of totally undeserving individuals who hold their position either due to nepotism, patronage or cronyism. For the lower class this future is now but as middle class is totally dismantled as the process has been since the early 2010s, with middle class literature and their access to middle class media like magazines, ghazals, kavi sammelans is destroyed in the name of modernity and language is gradually disarmed of the capacity of naming techniques used in exploitation the middle class again would become as dispossessed as the lower class. This is nothing but a combination of neofeudalism and extractive surveillance capitalism in which data is the new resource. In short the middle class who are not selected as official slaves of the rulers will be as dispossessed as the lower class with their cultural capital drained and destroyed. I personally have no hopes from this country because in the past decade I have seen the true nature of what actually rules this country and it is entitlement, incompetence, rapaciousness and undeserved capriciousness. Unfortunately what rules this country is also extremely cowardly so high chances are there that this country would end up becoming a colony of global hegemons without announcing it. What remains in this setting is to modulate one's own psychosocial reality and to take one day at a time and have fun. 

4-08-26

It's a lot about the mindset you carry at a particular point of time. I wouldn't call myself more of a mindset guy as I find myself more of an essence guy but life teaches you and I ended up realising that mindset and approach matter a lot. In my youth I had a sentimental sort of artistic-poetic bent towards life which I still retain as module after all the practicality that life has thrown at me making me more pragmatic and overriding my idealistic bent though I still retain idealism as a base state. Early youth I used to wallow in my suffering and that is not underplaying my suffering it was enough to make a grown man off himself but True Detective Season 1 style wallowing in and philosophising one's suffering does little in a setting which is predatory except getting you under the crosshair of predation. Two things must be remembered at all times and they are essential to know, one, that happiness is the base state of a human being and sadness and depression is sociopolitical in nature and two, one must always think positive while knowing that majority of people are in an assembly line of extractive exploitation where they would be extracted and discarded while the whole blame for their suffering would be put on them when it is not the case. So, one must intentionally choose to be happy no matter how much is the sadness or depression, of course it is hard but happiness is a choice, and one must always thing positive especially when they get a lot of negative thoughts. Consciously thought positive thoughts neutralise the unconsciously appearing negative thoughts. Life, especially the socio-politico-economic reality, is mostly about mindset, approach and choices one makes. Also, those who have been thoroughly acquainted with the reality of the world know that there is not even a speck of God present in the world yet they must know that your God is as real as your faith and as strong as your faith and He or She empowers you if your truly have faith in Him or Her. The sociopolitical reality we live in is all about money and contacts and that means money and relationships and if you don't have both that means you are a target for predation because you don't have the social immunity. Things are actually this simple. You have to, at all times, be clear about your intent. We live in times when others  stories about you can override the truth you know about yourself and so much that you would end up believing the stories others tell about you about yourself than believing in your own truth. Social reality is like deep sea, at surface it looks all calm and serene but in the depth there are predators waiting for people who have no social or financial immunity to make them their prey for reasons no other than sadistic pleasure and in this regard everyone in this country who is not well connected to what actually runs the society is dispossessed and a spiritual orphan. Once one realises that societies are evolved so much that at their base they run on an evolved emotion like hatred things get easier but this hatred is than coupled with base pleasures and instincts and evolved predatory pleasures like sadism and schadenfreude and you get societies which act pious and cultured but their actual engine is hatred, sadism and schadenfreude. Once one becomes aware of the basic truths of society and has enough knowledge of their own self navigating social realities becomes easier though it comes at the cost of naivety and innocence. The whole game is about perspective and perception and one should always a perspective that is true to themselves and a perception that is positive, not because society is good but for the sake of their own mental and physical health. One can't change their essence but one can change their approach and they can work on their mindset. We live in times where wallowing in one's own misery too is a luxury.

उफान

सपने टूटते हैं 

तो दिल टूट जाता है,

दर्द का दरिया उमड़ता है कभी,

कभी गुस्से का उफान,

खालीपन सा घर कर लेता है 

सीने में

और फिर हम फिर उस खालीपन

को भरते हैं फज़ूल चीजों से,

दर्द के दरिया को 

बनाओ प्यार का समंदर

और सींचो सूखते पौधों को,

अपने खालीपन को भर दो

नए सपनों से,

और इन सपनों को करो पूरा

अपनी मेहनत से।

मरुस्थल

इन पेड़ों को देखो,

ज़हरीली हवा लेते हैं,

और हमें देते हैं

फल और साफ हवा।

देते हैं हमें छाया,

और आसरा।

हम इंसान भी कैसे हैं,

जो हश्र हम पेड़ों का करते है,

वही अच्छे इंसानों का करते हैं,

सिर्फ इस्तेमाल।

दुनिया को ज़रूरत है,

और पेड़ों की,

और अच्छे इंसानों की,

नहीं तो सिर्फ बचेगा

एक मरुस्थल,

और आपस में

छीना झपटी करते

इंसान रूपी जानवर।

सूरज जब सोता है

सूरज जब सोता है

शाम ढलती है रात में

आता है जब अंधेरा

लेकर चाँद और तारे साथ में

तब होती है एक उम्मीद

फिर एक नया सवेरा आएगा

जगमग धरा को कर जाएगा

फिर से रोशन होगी ये धरती

चहचहाएंगी फिर वो चिड़िया उड़ती

सूरज जब सोता है

देता है वह उम्मीद

होगा फिर से प्रफुल्लित ये मन

होगा उज्जवल फिर से ये उपवन