Write Concept Asterisk

Why do I write? This is a question that I repeatedly ask myself. There are reasons why I write. One being, ever since my late teens I wanted to write or one can even say wanted to be a writer. I started with writing slice of life blog posts and short stories and poems. Writing has its consequences and very political consequences which can either make you tough or break you. Ernest Hemingway complained to people close to him that he was being spied on by the FBI. And sure enough FBI maintained a file. American intelligence agencies also maintained a file on Carl Sagan, the space scientist. In India, writing has sociopolitical consequences because if you write and which many writers who write with good intent and not with the intent of sycophancy or propaganda come to know through their experiences. I was actively writing slice of life, short stories and poetry back in the day, and by 2013 the consequences were ready for me though I realised that I was already in the soup so I could easily walk through consequences of writing which ended up becoming very personal and affected my career too. In the process I ended up realising that this country doesn't have a proper functioning intelligence apparatus, the real intelligence apparatus is the deep state which is also the providence and is of a feudal nature in the hinterlands and techbro advanced in the metros and big cities. I got to know that casteism is actively pumped in this country from the source. They never did away with the British divide and rule but doubled down on it. And this a kind of rape gang casteism which somatised, and that means it can't be negotiated with because it is in the bones of the actors. I got to look into the base of Purvanchal, and it's a village rapist setup which also works as the intelligence, divide and rule machinery, conspiracy engine and unfortunately also the providence. It's how I came to know that rape and religion in Purvanchal are related, that they come from the same source. The village rapist setup is the same in which they didn't let lower class individuals drink water from the well or enter a temple and it's covered with hyperreal made up culture of constructed shudh Hindi which doesn't really convey refined emotions as literary Hindi does. The respect that I had for Varanasi, after realisation of this setup, totally crashed. It is ultimately about power, money, resources and right over women's bodies, it's essentially a harem. As far as my experience with Purvanchal goes, people's lives are essentially dictated to them and the winners, who are essentially selected and not by their own merits, get the gala prize to go and live in some foreign country. Living in a foreign country is the ultimate gift. All of this is lower two-thirds of the iceberg this country is. It had a great run from the 90s till the late 2000s and truth had to come out, and for the enlightened, it is coming out on social media in different forms. Why do I write? Earlier I wanted to write a bunch of novels, pulp literary novels, because I was into pop culture. Now, pop culture as well as writing has collpased, and after AI even more so. Novels, comics, these things have become almost redundant in a hypersaturated world, plus it's an unannounced curfew so even when you read novels or comics you have no one to discuss it with, you might have to launch an instagram profile or a YouTube channel to discuss it with people and find a like minded audience and in this country you can only do that if you are privileged. The best part is that even hand to mouth is getting increasingly difficult in this country and you might have to cut someone's throat for even basic hand to mouth. Why do I write? At present I write to help people diagnose their suffering despite knowing that there is no cure. Diagnosis relieves even if there is no cure. Also, to name the mechanisms, the means to which have been and are being continuous deleted from the indigenous languages. Choosing between Congress and BJP is essentially choosing between the devil and satan. 

Strangelove

There are simple things and there are complex things. Not every particular thing can be generalized and not every general thing can be particularized. I write a lot of generalised stuff but it is only so because I have seen the bottom line, the base. When you connect the base of a vessel that contains shit to a water pipe, the water at top will have shit in it too. I have seen the state of hypervigilance, and as far as paranoia goes my take is that paranoia in most cases is accurate, the mind assumes or sees a threat and becomes paranoid it's only that the cause judged by it for the paranoia can be wrong and is wrong in most cases. Not everyone is equipped to find out the accurate cause of paranoia. In the times we live in, I have personally stopped thinking about people, unless and until it's of direct consequence or related to survival, it's a practice like meditation. You stop thinking about people and yet if they come into the mind it means there is political interference. One more practice that I do is told in many meditation traditions, not thinking and watching the thoughts in your mind. Meditation was very popular before social media and surveillance capitalism established their foothold in this country and then people stopped finding it useful and the practice faded from the popular narrative in the past ten years. Another practice that I do is also done in progressive relaxation, watching the sensations in your body and individual body parts. Life is a lot about realationships, I have seen how relationships can be sabotaged, how social engineering can be done. When I ended up seeing into the soul of this nation I was baffled how inauthentic life was in this essentially third world country. If one can't even get an authentic life in a third world country, where can he get it. The answer is: nowhere. It's a panopticon setup essentially which can shapeshift into a prison, a torture chamber or a hunting ground and the worst part is that the entertainment which you but with your own money is not even as good as before. I mean it's not every day movies like Doomsday and Mummy 4 release, and since I realised history is a hogwash I am not interested in watching period pieces. I like reading books and it doesn't matter whether they are accurate or not, books give a person ideas and they contain vibes, I still remember vibes of individual comics I had during my childhood. This is the reason books are among the first things to be burnt during a conquest or a coup. There is also a better way to do away with books, saturate the ecosystem with bullshit media and make reading difficult or unpopular. When one sees the bottom line experience as totalised they realise that the freedom people feel is conditional and can deteriorate into a totalising experience any day. I have personally seen the absolute absence of God but faith should be retained and there are three reasons for it, one, to avoid persecution by being labelled as a heretic, two there actually exists an internal priciple that harmonizes the self and gives strength and three, a God that can be projected outwards gives a person focus. 

Pesto Sauce

Living authentically is important. I didn't give shit to these new age wisdom kind of things earlier, but then in 2013 I started to have the real taste of this nation. Spoiler alert: it's not Amul. I suffered mostly the whims, arrogance, entitlement and delusions of individuals I might not even know but unfortunately or fortunately I was equipped to make sense of things happening to me because I was preparing, due to scope of my job, to heal people, until I realised that healing is not really possible in this country. People are sick because they are supposed to be sick as it helps sell medicines and hospital beds. It's demonic necropolitics posing as a democracy at its finest. As a physician I don't meddle with cases that I can't handle though accidents and misjudgment are bound to happen but I have seen doctors at critical places not equipped, and I mean that at a personal level, to handle cases that come to them. I retrospected on my life and I realised I was in the soup since the start and it is my suffering that pushed me into being a physician ultimately leading me to realise that I live in a necropolitical kleptocratic decentralised oligarchy posing as a democracy and I absolutely had no business with knowing all this shit I just wanted to do my job peacefully. In the 90s retreat in your cocoon of safety was possible, now all the avenues have been closed and in the name of entertainment you have substandard hyperreal mafia shows or voyeuristic staged reality shows. These bastards copy the west but they can't because artists in the West are authentic artists as well as as authentic as people as their politics allows them to be. They have deleted refinement from the lower classes, rooted cultures, folk cultures and traditions and replaced them with dogmatic beliefs and superstitions. I have experienced it and so I know that it's absolute slavery coupled with focused exploitation. Like it happened to me, all avenues where I could express my authentic self, my real me had been blocked. Expression is not that important though, the problem began when others ideas of what and who I am were imposed upon me. I always wanted to be a writer, long before I knew the truth of existence and by the time I was capable writing as an art itself became redundant. The base engine of this nation is operated by extremely rapey, entitled and incompetent individuals and what they decide ends up becoming fate for the people. Just like in Jesus's time they don't know what they are doing, I mean they know what they doing as far as intent is concerned but they don't have the ability to understand the technicalities of means they are using to translate their intent into reality. The method used on me was suppressing my authenticity and imposing a made up personality which extremely disagreeable to me on me and I am not the kind of a guy who asserts himself I adapt according to the people in front of me but the beauty of the shithole that we live in is they don't bother about the amount of force that is used on people and this happens when the drama of democracy keeps going on. 

Train Crack

I have had extreme experiences in my life and I was amazed that what I witnessed happening was possible. I chase authenticity. I have seen illness, both objectively and subjectively. My job is to see illness. After sometime when you deeply understand theory of illness you realise that it's mainly getting weak enough to get affected by something more strong than you. Except of course infections that can't be negotiated with. Society has its disease and sometimes society itself is a disease. I think personally I am at a place where don't need to know more about the world. Anything I come to know will just be the missing pieces in jigsaw puzzle that the world or life is. I'm an idealistic person and I strive for my ideals and I have been able to achieve them. People generally end up achieving their ideals at my age and I did the same. Then there are people who are not idealistic and are materialists and they live in a hell that is continuous, hoard and if can't hoard, deprive others to have more than them. I am glad that since start I have had the habit of prioritising. I prioritise. I also have habit of making philosophies that I have follow. Codes that I try to live by. There are two philosophies: one is, one bag man, and that means extreme minimalism as a personal philosophy. This doesn't mean that I don't acquire things, it just means at the base I am a man who can live with one bag worth of things. There is another philosophy that I developed when life became extremely hard and that was The Philosophy of The Dog and this means you got to live life like a dog. Eat, sleep, wander and one fine day get run over by a vehicle. Getting run over is not mandatory. Philosophy of the Dog went through some tests and passed them. I believed in it, then I ended up thinking that humans are more complex than that but after I came to know about the deep politics that runs the world I realised that it is a perfectly okay philosophy for the times we live in because the time of making art, music and writing poetry or even making computer programs has passed. We live in times where we have to consume with our own money and get fat with whatever we are consuming so that we can be extracted or exploited for it and this shit is non-negotiable and the only difference is some people are aware of it and some are not. Just as there are infections of microorganisms, there are social infections too. You can contract them if you become visible to social pathogens and this is a thing that you can't really avoid. There is no cure, there is prophylaxis. Only thing that helps is awareness and education. You have to be aware of your self, your patterns and your actual leanings so that you can make out what is real you and what is not, inside you. There is a particular philosophy that I developed, which was being like a detachable component as far as society is concerned. Being able to function on my own and be part of a larger whole when required. Functioning on one's own requires a degree of autonomy which is a privilege in today's times and the irony is that those who have the autonomy are too privileged to exercise it. The interference of politics in personal especially in the country we live in makes one promptly realise that they are ruled by extremely incompetent and cruel individuals and that's why the ability to adapt to situation is essentiaI though I know that it would end of me if I have to forgo my principles but it's the individual who decides what they want to die for. I know the things that I want to spend my time and life on and this is a good thing especially in a setting of chaos and especially in a setting where people are running around purposelessly. As far as I have experienced, and it's not the general truth but my own experience, that one creates their purpose themselves, and I used to believe in a higher purpose of existence but ended up realising that there isn't because it is blocked by the politics that runs the world and if it can be done, for me at least, higher purposes cease to exist and anyway we are born with an inbuilt purpose, our and our families survival. It's just that the politics pervading our life decides whether we are in survival mode or in the thriving mode. The evidences of thriving art, culture, literature and poetry are now being done by machines so all that remains is to enjoy whatever vocation one has chosen for self and the job that brings food on the table while negotiating with non-negotiable social infections and the dealing with predators through awareness and continued education.

Thousand Cuts

It's about the contrast of what do you think the world is and what it turns out to be. This is a conversation that one ought to have with themselves. It's all about the contrast. High human capabilities and emotions do not thrive in a survivalist situation. And high human capabilities and emotions do not take birth when you try to nurture and grow them from a place of privilege. A compassionate and empathetic person place in a setting of survivalism is already living the worst hell possible. But it is not about him. It is about those who are doing the placing. It's all in the mind they say, and they are right, but but it is also embodied. Suffering, and any amount of mental suffering won't be that big of a suffering if it is not embodied. Someone weaponises your conscience, the limits of your conscience are the torture chamber you are in and will be tortured in that torture chamber and in this setting the individual with no conscience at all experiences radical freedom and hence if you talk about India, the better the person you are the more you suffer it is either this or you are always on your toes which again is a form of suffering. Places where intimate and elaborate political torture can be applied on whims and not even on actual reasons lose their legitimacy and legitimacy then only remains as forced control. That place is just functioning on might makes right. Here is an example, the newly famous influencers of social media going through humiliation rituals as they go through like their MMS clips going viral or they getting in some online arguments that blows up, a state that sets this up through deep state so that crowd keeps getting their circus of breads and circuses if revealed to be the state itself in front of the crowd the whole legitimacy of the state would become redundant. What is the deep state? And I know this answer in detail. Sex, rape, drugs, humiliation rituals, blackmail, extortion and all such things of this kind. Where this country has made itself illegitimate is that this deep state has access and control over a kindergarten boy or girl. You understand what this implies? The whole country is at its base a rape chamber. The best part is people only get circuses not because the state wants to keep them pacified through them it's because the ones organizing the circuses revel in the misery of those whose mms clip went viral, because everyone knows how hard, unless you are privileged, it is to earn bread in this country. I have seen cases where the whimsical recreational sadistic torture has evolved into state persecution. The implication of it is one single individual can weaponise the whole state machinery against people and rewrite their past and future. You know who can do that? God. Some depraved asshole out there is God. Anyone can be made dispossessed because the machinery for humiliation rituals and dispossession with its mechanisms already exists, you offend someone in power or as I have seen you don't even need to offend sometimes you are walking on the road and someone in power doesn't like your face and your whole family history, your whole life your future can be rewritten and when this can be done the promise of the state collpases and it just remains as a travesty. I have seen cultures getting weaponised. Personally if I talk about my culture the motherfuckers ruling it have weaponised what were the merits of my culture, they weaponised the authenticity of my beautiful beautiful culture and now my culture only remains as a fake hyperreality with machinery of divide and rule working overtime.

Chicken Dominator

What do you do when you achieve absolute calm. When what's happening around doesn't really bother you. There are things to do still like earning a living, doing your duties. There is a difference between being dead inside and achieving absolute calm. You become dead inside when the pressure is overwhelming, you achieve absolute calm when you realise that you have done your best and there's nothing more that you could do. There is quote by Che Guevara "One has to grow hard but without ever losing tenderness." I'm just glad that I read this quote in my youth and I ended up getting hardened without losing my tenderness. Right ideas at right time can be lifesavers. If you have children you must teach them that two best friends they have, especially in today's world, are plants and books. I don't know if human to human friendships will survive the political times we live in, but plants and books will have humanities back for as long as they are in the picture. I have been alive for quite a while and I have seen the pattern of everything getting either commercialized or weaponised. This is a never ending process because humanity if it didn't overcome its tribalism 2000 years after Jesus it's not going to do that ever. It's a simple idea of a bunch of individuals with similar goals coming together to dominate another group of individuals and the goal itself might be domination, wealth and women it has always been and when the curtain of civilization lifts from a person's eyes they realise it will always be like that. I have read Thich Nhat Hanh, I have read Eckhart Tolle and while these were people who had ascended one suffers the politics and in doing so understands it and realises that ascension in itself is dependent on political permission but this doesn't make these people not great because they had their tribulations and tests. There are ways people can ascend, it's either by deprivation or excess. What rules over people ascends by excess and ascension by excess always is dependent on others, it requires a slave class permanently and having a slave class necessitates domination. When you remain in the business of domination being predatory becomes your nature and it is here the group dynamic helps, tribalism helps, you gather a bunch of individuals and dominate and prey on a group of people and if you can do it without being seen you become, at least at the physical plane, God. I do not consider myself ascended. My job is of seeing patterns and I see the patterns and after a while one achieves singularity in what they do. I, after I became responsible for myself, checked myself from becoming greedy. I was never greedy however I realised a thing that the worldly God might have different plans for you than what you have for yourself. Here comes a state where you get everything you want, of course through your own hard work, but nothing that you truly need. It's frustrating but as I ended up realising that it is a feudal technique used in the country we live in for keep people from becoming content so that the discontent can be weaponised at will and this thing is done by weaponising lower class functionaries who are jealous of what you have. Here is an example, you wanted to become a doctor for your grandfather but your grandfather dies before you could really become a doctor. Or you wanted to marry a man or a woman who understands what you say or vibe with you but you get a discontent or greedy spouse who only think about themselves. Imagine the amount of cruelty involved in executing these kinds of scenarios. And this cruelty is not the kind of cruelty done by Hitler or Ghengis Khan, it is a cruelty that lives with you, it is cruelty which is seen when tribalism establishes itself and sets up its network well enough to engage in biopolitics and necropolitics. While people like Hitler end up getting etched in history for being monsters, mini Hitlers infinitely more cruel than him engage in biopolitics and necropolitics in your small town or city which doesn't even have proper infrastructure. When you get aware of this setup, all your needs die and this is because you realise that even fulfillment of your needs is not organic, you are just an Pavlovian dog, a pawn in a greater 6D social chess. What is the bait for a man? Pussy. What is the bait for a woman? Wealth. And I say this because refinement in the present world has been deleted. Now you can't think like a man wanting a kushal grihani with Hawkins pressure cooker or a girl wanting a office worker wearing a suit. People have switched to basics because they have subconsciously realised the game. What rules doesn't even allow people to even be fully human and with civilization and traditions collapsing and a faux mongrel culture being setup, chances are very low that people would ever get to feel human again. It's knowing the truth of existence that gives calm. A slave can be calm because he knows what the truth is, while his master with his greed for more doesn't even have an idea that in his greed he has destroyed the meaningfulness of everything he wanted.

Prasaran

The hallmark of impune authority and unchecked power is that the person on the recieving end is forced to question his thoughts, speech and actions again and again despite being right. It's a sort of gaslighting through intimidation and at the base of it all is either survival or a person who wants to do the right thing. Indian epics are beautiful things, when you are happy you see the gods doing their dharma like Lord Rama and Lord Krishna and Arjuna doing his dharma through teachings of Lord Krishna. When you are in pain, you see that it is in fact about wealth and women. Ramayana, wealth and women. Mahabharata, wealth and women. The monkey business goes on no matter how supposedly evolved the humans become. Like they say in corrupt circles of this country, it's not wrong until you get caught and this whole country works on this principle. One of my favourite movies, 16 December, had a dialogue, "mera Bharat mahaan, sau main se ninyanbe baiman". It's an understood thing when one thinks about this country and we have been living with it. The bafflement for me arrived when I realised that the very core, the very soul of this nation is corrupt. Being a physician I can guess what can recover and what can not. It's basically islands of necropolitics connected at the top with individuals who lie to themselves and can't see things properly in their true form but they can see everything. Their idea of you is not what you really are but what they think you should be and they will make you carry their delusions of what you are on your back. The cognitive dissonance is mind boggling. The story does end here. A good man who only gets involved in corruption when it comes to the question of survival of their family and them is at the maximum risk of getting scapegoated because they don't know the trick of not getting caught. Living your life without getting involved in corruption in this land is a privilege and if you are able to do that that means the hand of God is on your head. Personally since I realised that family is the only authentic institution left I have been personally open to the game, I play it. The worst thing about this country is that it breaks the souls of people and this means a shopkeeper or a potter can't enjoy their shopkeeping or pottery because first their souls are broken in a way that says they couldn't crack the UPSC or couldn't do their intermediate with science or the more unfortunate one, didn't have an education at all and then that shopkeeper sells his or her bitterness with his items or the potter makes his pottery with bitterness and not with flow that comes with the art of pottery which is also his business. It's unfortunate but this what we have to live with and it is when you realise that at least the current BJP is not lying like older BJP and Congress into letting people believe School Chale Hum or Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.