Prasaran

The hallmark of impune authority and unchecked power is that the person on the recieving end is forced to question his thoughts, speech and actions again and again despite being right. It's a sort of gaslighting through intimidation and at the base of it all is either survival or a person who wants to do the right thing. Indian epics are beautiful things, when you are happy you see the gods doing their dharma like Lord Rama and Lord Krishna and Arjuna doing his dharma through teachings of Lord Krishna. When you are in pain, you see that it is in fact about wealth and women. Ramayana, wealth and women. Mahabharata, wealth and women. The monkey business goes on no matter how supposedly evolved the humans become. Like they say in corrupt circles of this country, it's not wrong until you get caught and this whole country works on this principle. One of my favourite movies, 16 December, had a dialogue, "mera Bharat mahaan, sau main se ninyanbe baiman". It's an understood thing when one thinks about this country and we have been living with it. The bafflement for me arrived when I realised that the very core, the very soul of this nation is corrupt. Being a physician I can guess what can recover and what can not. It's basically islands of necropolitics connected at the top with individuals who lie to themselves and can't see things properly in their true form but they can see everything. Their idea of you is not what you really are but what they think you should be and they will make you carry their delusions of what you are on your back. The cognitive dissonance is mind boggling. The story does end here. A good man who only gets involved in corruption when it comes to the question of survival of their family and them is at the maximum risk of getting scapegoated because they don't know the trick of not getting caught. Living your life without getting involved in corruption in this land is a privilege and if you are able to do that that means the hand of God is on your head. Personally since I realised that family is the only authentic institution left I have been personally open to the game, I play it. The worst thing about this country is that it breaks the souls of people and this means a shopkeeper or a potter can't enjoy their shopkeeping or pottery because first their souls are broken in a way that says they couldn't crack the UPSC or couldn't do their intermediate with science or the more unfortunate one, didn't have an education at all and then that shopkeeper sells his or her bitterness with his items or the potter makes his pottery with bitterness and not with flow that comes with the art of pottery which is also his business. It's unfortunate but this what we have to live with and it is when you realise that at least the current BJP is not lying like older BJP and Congress into letting people believe School Chale Hum or Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.

Valentine Swayamvar

If there is one thing that you need to deeply understand about this nation it is that all the projection of benevolence, welfare and order is fake and all the cruelty and chaos is real. Life gets easier once you accept this fact. The only institution that matters and yet can be weaponised is family. At present, and actually since the start, this nation is a pay to win videogame. Earlier I used to think that goons who harass couples in parks on valentine day believed in dharma, I mean not the actual dharma but at least their interpretation of it, I become mature and realise they are just opportunists who search for an opportunity to harass and rape people, there is context here that a lot of them may not have awareness and might be bots but what guides them has. There is no solution to this problem because of several reasons and those reasons are that these motherfuckers feel entitled to lives and bodies of people and that's non-negotiable, they are incompetent, they are cowardly, they are extremely cruel, hypocritical and opportunistic and differential in the power dynamic is absolute. Rape is the core of this nation and once one understands it things become easier. The metaphysical arrangement of this nation stratified and there are two stratas, impunity in the upper and chaos in the lower. The most hilarious thing that I witnessed is that these bastards are hoarding beauty for themselves and depriving other people of beauty and aesthetics one of reasons folk and traditional aesthetics either went extinct or became performative. You can't really know or preserve aesthetics if your priority is rape and creating discord between people and communities plus there is an added benefit of people becoming rootless and dispossessed if folk and traditional aesthetics go extinct or become performative with all the substance beneath them getting eroded. The ultimate of being able to identify this happening is that every institution whether the government or regional will betray you, except family which too can be manipulated to betray you but anyone who truly loves their family doesn't mind that. Other than the major stratification the lower half of the strata has mindless stratifications in every level where people are made to compensate for faults that are not even theirs, it's an option between targetless compensation and suffering and you have to choose your poison and if you choose suffering there are chances that you will propagate it on your family or weak people. There might come a time when what your family and you have done in life, if they have done good, the whole credit of it will be taken by the whatever entity it is, while all the transgressions you have committed are exclusively yours. It's quite unbearable to realise that your life is a gift from incompetent rapists who only know the art of negative attention. Solution to all this: family, money, work, nature and the night sky, your hobbies and interests which give your life meaning. 

Ginti

You have a dirt bike and you sit in a village temple compound writing poems to The Mother. Or writing literature. You seek what you are. People are into slow living and those who are into fast living, most of them are reaching nowhere. I got myself an Xpulse 200 the closest thing to dirt bike you can have in this country. It was not for style some people are dirt bike people. Some people are cafe racer people. Some people are man bun people. I have two modes, a man bun mode and a military haircut mode, a dirt bike mode and cafe racer mode and the work, occupation, the job, the livelihood fills the space between these two modes. I see my weight, I check my HbA1C and I realise that I am on a journey of becoming a diabetic fatass. At least I don't have discontent, at least I'm not bitter. The work, the occupation, the job, the livelihood demands me to choose a drip to access it. Fat rimmed glasses and a checked half sleeve shirt it is though you don't bother about it, you wear anything that you get your hands on, drip is for when you are who you think. The one who you think you are has been choked inside you. And you see people putting anything and going to work and you do the same. Always remember work is more important than the drip. Drip is for mating season mostly and my kind of women don't bother about the drip, they don't bother about aura or its farming and they don't mind my negative aura. Work is more important than the drip. Always. You read a poem and identify the vibe. That vibe is now consumed by survival, the actual slow living. Gone. What remains is the memory of a poet, a poem that is not mine and yet spoke to me and you can see if it speaks to you:

याद है तुमको एक दोपहर

बिस्तर पे आँधी, लिपटी सी

अधजागी आँखों से तुमने

नापी थी जिस्मों की दूरी

और कांपते होठों से तब

नाप लिया था बदन तुम्हारा-

तीन लंबों की सुर्ख उँगलियाँ

चौदह का एक हाथ मखमली

चार लंबों की प्यासी गर्दन

तीन के गाल, पाँच के तलवे

याद है तुमको कैसे दिनभर

उलझे थे हम इस गिनती में?

और आज तक ये पैमाना

गिनता ही रह गया है तुमको

तुम जो नहीं तो गिन लेता है

सूने बिस्तर की हर सिलवट

छिलता जिस्म उधेड़ती करवट

साँसों का गहरा सन्नाटा

बंद लिफ़ाफ़े, कुछ खाली ख़त

बस जो वो गिन सका नहीं है

चार कदम जो तुम तक पहुँचे

बाक़ी तो सब गिन रखा है...

- https://www.tumblr.com/ankush-music

It's not necessary that a poet suffers, but he loves and loving is suffering in most cases. Doing is what matters, not becoming. People who do do not bother about becoming and this is a thing that people should know early in their lives. A fatass with increased HbA1C doesn't bother about what he becomes for he knows that you are what you seek and he is happy in the journey of seeking. 

Story of Two Gods

Being clear about one's own story is important. If you do not know the truth others will exploit you and as far as the country we live in goes, even God will exploit you. There are two types of God, a God that gets you a job, gets you status and money, and second God, which I believe in, is a principle. The first God watches children die of cancer and the second gives you the results of the kind of thoughts you think, the kind of actions you do as what you become on the inside. To become comfortable with yourself only what you are inside yourself matters, if you are at peace with what you are inside you will remain comfortable. I was in my youth when I realised that the second God is the real God. He or She would not give you money, fame or anything materialistic but finding Him or Her within you will give you immense peace. He also helps you with your health because you tend to remain in harmony with yourself but He or She is not going to protect you against bad air, adulterated food or habit of smoking. The second God, which is my first God, teaches that actions have consequences and good actions have good consequences within you, and not outside you. The God that gives a person fame, wealth and things like that grants harmony to only those whom he pleases, for others He actively prevents harmony and promotes discord, within them and outside them. He not only watches people die of diseases but also actively causes them. One can not know the truth of existence, but one can get enough knowledge if they follow the basic principles that are common in all religions and when you follow them and for long, the real face of the world comes out and you realise that not only it's only the good and pious who suffer they also live in the constant fear of God becoming angry with them. The first God prevents the realisation of the second God. There are two things the first God uses, one the promise of heaven and the second the fear of hell or eternal damnation. The promise is if you suffer on earth you will go to heaven. The fear is that if you do a mistake you will be eternally damned and it doesn't matter whether you make one mistake or thousand mistakes. Good people are God fearing, in many cases they don't fear God because of hell or punishment, they fear God because he is God and they don't want to bad in His eyes. This is what is meant by God fearing. These God fearing individuals when they see individuals doing impunity get baffled that the ones doing the impunity and them who did a bunch of silly mistakes would be going to the same hell. The first God when he sees someone believing in the second God ensures that believer is forced into a lifestyle that can ensure that they end up in hell. The second God is a passive God and it can't do anything about it. But when something changes in life and person of the God-fearing man the second God has some approaches that would help the person differentiate between what within him or her is him or her and what is the gift of the first God. Ones true self is identified the harmony establishes itself and the God fearing man can carry around the hell with ease with internal bliss and harmony even if there is physical and mental pain. 

Pager

I got to know the greater reality of the world through Purvanchal but when things are in the edge you become glad that you know the truth of existence. In my teenage and youth I was obsessed with the space and the universe. I used to think that there would be space exploration and terraforming of other planets in future but I ended up knowing the irreversible slavery that humanity lives in all my dreams of space exploration and terraforming ended up going to the waste basket. I'm still interested in the space and universe it's just that I don't pursue it enthusiastically as before. What can I say the government propaganda to make children interested in science was great in the 90s and I was a product of it until by the end of 2000s the reality totally ended up becoming feudal-corporate, secretly of course. Anything can be weaponised and so religion and culture were first to get weaponised. What gave community and liberated ended up becoming chains in the feet. I ended up realising that rape and religion in Purvanchal, my supposed home region are related so I ended up denouncing religion while keeping my personal faith intact. It's cyclical all this shit, there are many people who have denounced religion, the truth is that power is absolute truth and in the times we live it is invisible, but as I got to see it first hand just because it is invisible doesn't mean it has stopped being mediaeval and capricious. The punishment for offending power is still beheading it's just that you wouldn't know who you offended just by thinking a thought and why you are being beheaded. Each district is essentially a feudal kingdom in its own right just not the kind ruled by benevolent rulers as one ended up reading in Chandamama while growing up. These motherfuckers are essentially mini Aurangzebs and as I have felt it possibly dhimmis too and that would explain why a religion that that is less than 20 percent is always in the news and current affairs. I through my experiences in the past decade have realised that internally at least the culture and indigenous religion of this country have irreversibly collpased but don't worry you can still order Blinkit from the comfort of your home. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy with actual substance of it eroded and it is now extinct along with the last generation of grandmothers and grandfathers. I say this because I have personally seen my village getting destroyed in the past 20 years. America made its culture from scratch and these motherfuckers destroyed something that was more than a millenia old and had survived repeated onslaughts in just about eighty years. The way I felt it post 2013 was about access to pop culture, appliances and vehicles and who got them first and it made me realise that it is the turncoats and Ramadhirs (yes the Gangs of Wasseypur one) of the British times who made fortunes during and after the British and they went after the same thing in other people that they don't have as they were busy copying the left hand knife and right hand fork of the British, the culture. The lower class men and women spit and carve their love stories on ASI's monument and I don't blame them. Government is just a tool and one has to thank BJP for bringing out the disease that Congress had contracted all through these years. What remains? Money, family and keeping breathing till you can.

Squid Games Slum Edition

Because I write, I chase some aesthetics. Two particular aesthetics that I came across in my youth, one on a blogger blog and one on a Tumblr blog spoke to me at a deeper level. Those are youthful aesthetics for my now but wish to retain them in me. Riding my bike to the villages and sitting besides village kids, giving them some knowledge that could be useful to them and watch them play. Villages have been destroyed by politics and I know it to be the case with whole of the North India, I do not know about the South. I was fine with it till the time I believed it to be organic, normal human behaviour, normal primate behaviour. Then politics hits me and I realise that it is not organic it is a byproduct of invasive politics which invades minds and bodies of people. Power dictates how villages would be, and I have seen how they were when community decided how they would be. Power operates differently from nature. Although power too is nature in a way but if one thinks like that one has to accept cancer as nature too. I first got the taste of power in 2013, for the simple reason that I wrote on the internet. I was a happy go lucky wannabe writer and med student wanting to specialise in psychiatry and medical physiology. Imagine my bafflement when I realised that psychiatry and medical physiology are as redundant as how writing is in today's times of artificial intelligence. I tasted the blunt force of power, back then I was interested in superheroes, science fiction, rock music, experimental music like dubstep, and that blunt force when it hit me made me realise that none of it matters. What matters is family and money and just that. Aesthetics matter shit when you are not free. And no one is. The truth of the world is gnostic in nature. An example of how this functions would be imagining self as a fish. You are in the water eating algae minding your own business and then you see a worm which is also a food and go towards, fast forward you find yourself gasping for air and if you are still alive then you will find yourself in a pan or over fire. But before that you'd be blamed for your demise that it's you who tried to eat the worm. This was scenario one. Scenario two is you are minding your business and a fishnet catches you and you find yourself, again, gasping, for breath. The difference between you and fish is that what catches the fish for the most part is impersonal. I due to my experiences ended up realising that hate and lust are drugs. What rules over people retains and accumulates hate and lust to have more fun with catching the fish, hate acts as the spice when you are depriving it of oxygen and slicing it and lust acts as a condiment when you are putting your dick in the sliced fish's mouth (too graphic?). I was too young to understand that while I may have plans of becoming a fantasy novelist, wanting to write literary quality pulp there might be people who may have all the money in the world and nothing to do except going fishing with their box of spices with the brand name Seven Deadly Sins. Seven deadly sins are sins for peasants. When I realised this fact I also realised other facts like Indian train toilets are like how they are because of a reason. There is a reason old widowed women Vrindavan suffer, because something or someone enjoys their daily grief like heroin being shot up in the vein difference being heroin destroys the body and this doesn't. Sadism is one hell of a drug when you have too much money and nothing to do with it. Though if you have too much money you would want more of it, I mean I can only guess it form what I have seen although I personally wouldn't. Each village is an ecosystem, earlier a community now a playground of little games of power which become more and more high stakes as you move to the city. The excuse for why is it so? Because Eve and Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge. That's the excuse. You see enough and you realise that Buddha was an escapist, but there is nothing wrong with it. Aesthetics matter shit when there is no freedom, but you should be loyal to yours and your families personal aesthetics, aka, keeping it real. The aesthetics your are genuinely attracted to are yours, unless they are fuelled by greed and power, and you should chase them. Greed and power, especially incompetent power, only destroy aesthetics aka beauty. There is nothing that can be done about it. And it's okay. Earth is just a small dot, in the small blip that is the universe, which again is a small blip in the space-time unless God created the earth or Varaha lifted it on his tusks.

Sewer on The Ganges

People behave differently at places where there is safety, like within the family. The deep structure of Purvanchal and by extension this nation exploits the kind of behaviour that one has with the family, it is a very intimate exploitation. When it has to sabotage people, the reason could be anything including baseless hatred or whims, it exploits ego, self-respect and capriciousness of people, like people's passive aggressiveness or self-destruction or self-harm when angry and weaponise them against them, disarming them and then they prey on them. The ego and self-respect weaponisation works by insisting that when one has said something they can't really go back on it even if the person doesn't believe in it, it is a method of sabotage in which a person is made to stay in a predicament and prevented from getting out of it. The deep state of Purvanchal exploits people by disarming them of information, knowledge or media so that they are easy to prey upon. The control is absolute and a person disarmed of knowledge and a sense of reality is easy to prey upon, it's essentially predation that happens directly from where God resides in this nation. Sources of knowledge are gatekept and that includes foreign media. To deprive people of global sources of information, knowledge and experiences like movies and music which might end up giving the ability to name their exploitation various methods are used and those include appealing to nationalism in them while national media peddles delusion, lies and superstitions and sometimes insinuating that they (the people) do not deserve to consume global media and sometimes combination of these kinds of methods are used to disarm people of knowledge and information. 

The deep state of this country functions, and I have seen especially in case of Purvanchal, by exploiting IPRs, sowing distrust between people and destroying relationships and a background machine permanently runs socially engineering the society mostly inorganically. For individuals there are accounts made for each person's relationship with another person they might know and falsely created facts are stored in that IPRs changing the way people think about the person they have relationship with and relationships are weaponised by inducing hatred, contempt, anger through false facts accumulated in the relationship account. People are disarmed of contacts and socially sabotaged so that they can't find support when they are being preyed upon. This gives the victim a feeling of being trapped with all the avenues of escape being shut while they are being preyed upon. The deep state of this country populated by lower class criminals functionaries employed by possibly politicians, corporations, godmen, mafia, and such individuals, play on mapping possibilities. The whole thing lies on playing with infinity at a sociological and psychosocial level and weaponation of imagination turning victims imagination into doubting his innocence with perpetrators playing with predatory imagination and with infinite possibilities of manipulation, framing and existential entrapment of the victim. Inducing self-sabotage through negative thinking is the standard method. Play on words as representatives of concepts is done and the play is of possible meanings and choosing the worst possible meaning which might also include sexual meaning if sexual exploitation is involved.