Thoughtspill

I had deleted my old tumblr, and it's funny that I realised why I deleted it a lot later in my life. There has been a lot of FOMO in my life and it's quite late that I realised that it wasn't mine. When a common man grows up, he prepares his man cave, and so did I. I created my man cave and other than my work, I decided my interests, hobbies and the kind of music I like. At present the only movies I like are comic book movies, as I'm a staunch believer of make-believe. I collect video games, though I seldom play them, and I collect books and I actually read them. I love comic books and collect the ones I can afford. I focused my attention on yoga and calisthenics and gardening, though I seldom get time to do it regularly, and I keep my interest in motocross and cafe racers alive. It's good to pursue your interests and it is infinitely better than indulging in petty politics. And anyway indulging in petty everyday politics and even politics in general is stupid unless your survival is dependent on it. I had made one mistake in my life and that was letting go of my interests in favour of academics and career, though it's alright as I didn't know any better and also because there were many other factors related to this decision of mine. When I realised the nature of reality, I slowly rekindled my interests. My recreation mostly consists of comic books and comic book movies and shows and of course books. I wish I could play games but I just don't feel like playing them, and I probably collect them just because at one point in my life I stopped playing games to focus on my studies and also because back then it was all pirated games and it's good to actually own games. I like writing so I write. I enjoy the creative pleasure of writing and building worlds through writing, and since it is the only art I know, it is what I practice for creative satisfaction. 

System Boogie

It was a gray winter morning. The outsides were filled with fog and smog. He sat with his typewriter to type out the case to send to the editor. It was not a suicide and he knew it now. It's just been a few months since he left his job as an entertainment reporter at a magazine and became a crime reporter at this small weekly newspaper. He wanted to do some real journalism. The first day he joined the job the editor asked him "Do you know which two jobs have the worst scum on the planet." He said he was not sure but probably drug smugglers. The editor said he was not talking about criminals, but normal socially accepted jobs. Doctors, he spoke the first thought in his mind. The editor said "not actually, they still save as many lives as they take". Then, after a pause he said "it's lawyers and journalists", "they are the worst scum on the planet". He knew that the editor was right so he kept quiet. The editor had assigned him this case of rape and murder of a woman and he had been working on it since the day he had joined the job. He typed away on his computer, the police case had been closed as a suicide by shame, and no evidence linked to perpetrators. The DNA evidence had been tempered with and the real culprits were still scot-free. He, after an investigation of two months, was able to find out the truth and he and the editor had decided to publish the news with all the evidence directly without going to the police. He was writing on the laptop and suddenly his laptop switched off. He tried starting it again but it didn't power on. His mobile phone beeped, there was a message from his colleague from the office, "sir hanged himself at his apartment early morning," the message said. He felt an intense pain in his head, and heard a voice in his head which said, "so you think you can dance?"

Surreal Prophet

He feels as if he is being punished for his transgressions, and he wondered why as compared to other people's visible transgressions, even his invisible transgressions were less. He feels that his body has been teleported to an alternate reality where everything is the same except people. He opens his eyes after a sudden jolt in his sleep. It was a dream but he can't shake off the feeling that he is still in the alternate reality. It feels that people around him are being controlled by another bunch of invisible people. It's like they are being controlled by a remote control like your robots. His family is still the same as it was only that now they feel like remote controlled automatons. Same with his friends, work relations and acquaintances. He spends a whole day like that and then goes back to sleep hoping that it is a dream. He gets back up the next day with the same feeling. It really doesn't get away. Does he need a psychiatrist, he thinks to himself, and then he goes to one. The psychiatrist smiles as if he was mocking him and prescribes to him a bunch of medication. At night he lies on her bed and suddenly feels one with space and time. Places to him feel like islands suspended in the sea of time, some places being in what he would assume to be the future and some being in the past. Human imagination is vast, and as vast is the fear created by it. The fear of the unknown is way more terrifying than the fear of the known. He sleeps again hoping it all to be a dream and he wakes up again having the same feeling that everyone except him is being controlled by invisible people. What if it is true? He thinks. There is a possibility that what he thinks is true. That he was not teleported to an alternate reality but he just got awakened to the real reality. He knew that it was not the sins, as there were none. He knew that it was something else. What, he just didn't know and did not want to know. He closed his eyes and hoped to keep sleeping forever. 

Write Concepts #3

World building is important and I realise the kind of world I want to build. Portals are great to be able to connect the worlds. One builds the kind of worlds they like. I really like the victorian setting in Sherlock Holmes. I like the gothic setting too, a prime example of it would be the TV series Penny Dreadful and a perfect example of it would be the novel Dracula. I am glad to have read Indian mythological stories in childhood, an example of it would be Amar Chitrakatha and the stories that were published in Chandamama and Balhans back then did a great job of publishing folk tales. My world building needs to take the account of these settings. I like Lovecraft very much and I like the idea of cosmic horror. Plus there is science fiction to explore too. Indian mythological fiction and Western fantasy can co-exist as different cultures exist in the world. There is a lot to explore as far as worlds go, but I want to mainly work on these settings and give them a modern twist. The world developed for the comic book Devi was great. I can exploit victorian and gothic literature as India was under the British at that time. The fantastical worlds in the western literature can be accessed through portals and so can the Indian mythological fantasy worlds. The block here is the absolute slavery situation and how it can be demonstrated in world building as it is literally impossible to have an underdog as a hero or for that matter a hero at all if we have to keep the reality in mind. It would need a deus ex machina. It can be gods from Hindu mythology or any other mythology, fantastical beings from fantasies or beings from Lovecraftian universe. The different cultural realities of past and the present can be taken into account and mixed with the fantastic elements. Science fiction is important here as the world of today runs on science and educated people see the world through the lens of science. Having heroes in the present situation of the world is not possible though if one has it I know exactly the situation he needs to be put in. And it might be possible that he can get help though if he meets the people of his kind it would be they who would need the help. It's a roadblock that prevents aware writers of today from weaving stories otherwise stories can be weaved and in plenty just that the stories which depict the original situation of the world can't be framed. It can happen that the main character travels throughout the length and breadth of this country and the world and experiences the cultures and the difference within them can be depicted as the writer has experienced them. I can base my creativity on Indian comics, and probably the world built in The Sadhu and Devi for a bunch of flash fiction stories. Though I'm already working on a science fiction project which mostly mixes science fiction with crime. I think I should expand on the two basic methods that are prevalent in this country when dealing with crime fiction science fiction, one is raping someone and silencing them with blackmail and another is extorting, exploiting and stealing from someone and then giving them a humiliating death when the work is done or the resource is exhausted. These are the two standard principles that this country operates on and it should be visible in any sort of crime fiction, especially science fiction crime fiction written about this country. Once I have completed project which is mostly science crime fiction, I would probably do the world building project and write some flash fiction for it. 

Comics Talk

Imagination is a beautiful thing. It gives respite from the daily life. I love comic books. One of the reasons I love them because they are stories and they use visual art to convey those stories. I used to read a lot of comics in my childhood and last I saw of comics was when I was in college and had bought a newly launched comic magazine named Comic Jump. Late 2000s and early 2010s were great for comic book industry, as many new comic book companies were formed and new comics were launched. Comic Jump had serialised strips and had good stories, that were also deep. I like deep comics and so I appreciate the works of people like Alan Moore. I also appreciate writers like Frank Miller. Reading comics in childhood was one of my favourite pastimes. Only someone who has owned and read comics can tell how each comics has an individual and distinctive vibe. You read comics and you get immersed in their worlds. I had huge collection of comics in childhood which probably went to the raddiwala later. The surge in comic book companies that this country saw in late 2000s and early 2010s died down as soon as it started, and I think it was due to political reasons and control of media. Still that time gave us a few good comic books and characters. A company called Virgin comics launched characters like The Sadhu and Devi, and probably now are owned by a company called Graphic India. There was Ramayan 3392 AD and Ravanayan, two retellings of Ramayana during the same period, one set in the future and another from the perspective of Ravan. There were two main comic book companies when I was a kid. One Diamond Comics that published characters like Chacha Chaudhary, Billu, Pinki and others by Pran and a few other characters like Fauladi Singh, Agniputra Abhay, Mahabali Shaka and others. Another company was and it is still present is Raj comics which focused mostly on costumed superheroes and churned out great and memorable superhero stories. There were other comics like Manoj comics and Tulsi Comics which had their own set of characters like Havaldar Bahadur and Angara. Raj Comics is still doing well especially after the pandemic when people with nothing to do remembered their childhoods and started sharing PDFs of old comics which were mostly by Pran or Raj Comics. Comic Jump could have done well, I don't know, at least I would have been its regular customer. The company that published it, then named Level 10 Comics now goes by the name of Nihodo Media. The same company had launched a comic book series named Odayan, a story with considerable depth and maturity based in the state of Kerala. I liked Odayan, and I liked the serialised comics in Comic Jump. At present there are still comics ventures alive in this country though they are not really popular. One is Holy Cow Entertainment that has published comics like Aghori and quite a few others. Another is Yali Dream Creations which has published comics like Caravan and has characters like Codename Alpha and Rakshak. There is a comic book company called Indusverse which has launched a bunch of comics and then there is a new addition named Alpha Comics which is from one of the owners of Raj Comics. There is no dearth of indigenous superheroes, though the current generation is into anime and American superheroes. I personally prefer Indian stories, to write and to read. I have seen a trend that Indian comic book creators have gone for working in foreign comics companies, which is understandable as indigenous comics got crushed in this country. It was funny to see one of the comic writers I knew from 2010s and if I remember correctly from an issue of Comic Jump, peddling political propaganda on YouTube and Instagram. It's funny how indigenous creativity and stories have been completely crushed. Though I like foreign comics as well and love superhero movies from Marvel and DC specially when they don't promote woke bullshit, and I love foreign comics as well and Constantine by Alan Moore is one of my favourite characters. I love DC and Marvel, but then one has to agree that not everyone is a Frank Miller or Alan Moore. 

Truthseeking 1947

I wanted to seek truth. And after some time of seeking truth I realised that seeking truth is impossible. I was wrong. Seeking truth is possible. I would explain the truth that I have found in simple terms here. There is this concept of free will, do we have it or not. Truth is that we do not have it. And it is not due to some cosmic reason. It's due to political reasons. Politics has two spectrums in this country, one visible which we see on the TV and read about in the newspapers and another invisible which directly affects our minds manipulates our family and the organisations we are part of and our relationships and our personal perceptions and perspectives of the world. The invisible spectrum of the politics is totalitarian and exploitative and thrives on rape and exploitation and there is no constitution for it, it functions on the whims of those who constitute it, though they use religion, religious tenets, moral and ethical norms, societal conventions and societal norms for exploitation of people. Since the control is absolute, they first make the person break the norms and then they exploit him for it. This is so baffling that we can't believe it, but I have seen it very closely in the past decade and this is the truth about this country. I have seen this mass scale exploitation happening and when you see that you become sure that there is no cosmic force that guides our life as God as if he was really what he is preached as he wouldn't have let this this kind of a system exist. This kind of a system seems even funny in a country like India when we realise that this country was enslaved by the Britishers just a few decades ago. The goal is to create so much confusion so that mass scale exploitation can comfortably take place behind that confusion. I tried to define the invisible spectrum of the politics of this country in a few words and those few words are rape, exploitation, deprivation and sadism, and it's not that the external politics is independent of this internal politics, they both are connected. The control is so much that only those who are aided, or at least not prevented by this invisible political spectrum can become successful, and by successful, I mean rich, as sex and money are the only things that this invisible political spectrum functions on which due to the absolute power it exercises on people has went further and took the shape of rape and exploitation. Truth is easy to find. The approach of this entity is to do things through people or to them and then blame them for it. Just as in small towns people are told that the misfortune that is happening to them is due to their Karma, this life or past life. The real reason for all this is dopamine. The individuals in control are addicted to dopamine, and it depends on what secretes the dompamine in them. For some it's rape, for some it's pedophilia, for some it's long sustained release conspiracies for slowly destroying people, for some it's depriving and torturing people and feeling the power trips through it. I favour a belief in God because human life is cerebral and belief in God gives the mind strength. Organism adapts according to situations. If you run for long, your lung capacity and your musculature becomes better. We become what we idolize and this is due to power of the mind and so God is important. Though the very existence of this invisible political spectrum that controls our lives, manipulates our relationships and rapes and exploits us negates the existence of God though existence of an empowering and blissful spiritual energy cannot be negated. The control is such that many people can't find themsleves within them. I find it funny that the same assholes who were hanging by the balls of the British some time ago have developed this totalitarian and exploitative system, but it shows how incompetent they are. The setup is foolproof and thus there is no getting out of it and one has to suffer their "fate", though as far as human competence goes, it is clear that it is India. It has to be kept in mind that this is a country where a handicapped person is exploited for being handicapped, a sick individual is exploited for being sick and a rape victim is victim blamed and shamed and exploited for getting raped and it took me a decade to realise that all of this is by design. 

Cuckoo's Nest

I know a thing or two about insanity. I wanted to be a psychiatrist once. With time I realised that the job of a psychiatrist is one of the most redundant jobs in this country and probably the world. People at different levels of madness are required, I would know as I have dealt with criminally insane at a level which would induce madness in people if start talking about it. I have had my share of madness, I used to talk a lot about the universe, which in undergraduate books is sign of being crazy, the catch here was I was and I still am interested in the universe and its origins. There was a time when science fiction was mainstream in the pop culture. I know because I have seen that time. Now you see the pop culture and it's mostly hyper local crime shows, fiction and nonfiction. I wanted a woman with whom I could talk about science and the universe, and I searched for her, I couldn't find her though I'm sure such women exist and in plenty. A lot of cray motherfuckers have changed the way we see the world. Unfortunately now, with internet being weaponised and algorithms feeding into our biases that time is gone. There are going to be no pathbreakers and trailblazers. All the motherfuckers you see in popular culture being in this country or worldwide in any field are groomed stooges. Pathbreaking and trailblazing in the current world is a planned event. Being insane in a world like this is a gift, I just couldn't choose to do it as I love my family. It's a very fine thread that you tread on to for the sake of your loved ones. Though for your information I should inform you that there is nothing called madness. Insanity is a political event. And if it happens to someone you must realise that that person is special either this or that the individuals in control have a special interest in him. Madness brings social humiliation, and social humiliation is one of the mediaeval approaches of those who are truly in control. Mediaeval times never went away, they just concealed themsleves into fate and destiny. I have experienced rage, though I am not sure that it was my rage anymore. I'm a guy who, at least now, is as calm as a cucumber with a rage which is very valid in every book of morality and ethics of the world, and who is watching the naked dance of insanity being perpetuated in the society with everyone, and very rightly so, tripping on their own trips. Shiva's rage destroys the universe. My rage, has been sharpened into a surgeon's knife, and is waiting for the surgery of a lifetime if I ever get a chance to do it. Crazies can't really be helped, because there is a reason they went crazy in the first place. And if they get well, there is a reason for that too. Psychiatry doesn't do anything but name the conditions and tranquilize people when the real reason of insanity is inflicted medieval hatred which hides behind fate and destiny, but actually is politics. 

Celsius 420

You read stories by Chekhov, you read Conan Doyle, you read O. Henry and you make a world in your head. Literature is great for developing sentimentality and empathy, but it only brings delusion and suffering in a setting as direct as we live in. Still, literature needs to be read and sentimentality appreciated. The empathy developed should be used wisely. It all boils down to a wise use of one's faculties and abilities in the end. The drama of nationalism and patriotism diffuses once one comes to know the truth and yet you appreciate the constitution of the country, it's a beautiful document. All the nationalistic and patriotic conditioning and grooming comes to an abrupt halt when you realised that in this country the chicken cross the road to make way to the tandoor. It's a machine, whether local or global, and it runs by consuming people. It's like a train, with first class, second class and general compartment which is a fine arrangement unless you realise that individuals from the first class hunt people from the second class and general compartment for no other reason than sadistic pleasure, they hunt and consume them. It's a setup of cannibalism, just that the individuals in the first class aren't humans, they are gods, well, at least in their heads. You are thrown in a game, and though not being very sporty, you play the game, first for your life, when you knew less, and later when you came to know enough, then for fun. Life was good when one could wish to be a writer. And the excitement gradually tapers down when one realises that it's not really an art, you sell because you are deluding people into thinking something other than their daily life or you are pimping yourself. Imagine I manage to write Ashtabhuj, an adventure fantasy that I always wanted to write. I finish it and then find an agent, the agent if they like it and are sure it's a money making horse, pimps it to the publishing house, the publishing house editor then decides whether it deserves to be published or not. The books get published and does two things, it deludes the youth who are too stupid to distinguish fiction from reality, and on purpose, just not theirs, and I become a joker in the first class compartment of this country who believe it or not are still stupid enough to ridicule people and laugh on them despite having access to all the knowledge and Kindles of the world. I was young once and I had thought I was Ryan from Five Point Someone of Chetan Bhagat, I know not a very good taste but in my defence I would say that that novel was, if not good, at least authentic. Another defence for me would be that I expected my college to be Hogwarts, which I think that all colleges are in some or the other way. It's just that Voldemort is too strong in this country to let these colleges make a difference and deatheaters are directly (and secretly) selected from these Hogwartses in the ministry of magic to manage the second class and general compartment of the train this country is. I like my time with books. During my college time I used to read Sherlock Holmes on a rainy holiday, eating chocolate cookies. When shit got real for me I turned to Lovecraft. Even though he is now branded as racist by the woke crowd, a good reader knows that no actually racist man can produce the kind of literature that he did. I still have two novels in my head waiting to be written, but the purpose of writing them is lost. It's a cruel joke of destiny that my favourite writer in my youth was Franz Kafka, who told his friend to burn all his writing after his death, the only sane thing to do in a world where we are supposed to read only what we are supposed to. 

Possession Buisness

I wanted to explore the extremes of humanity, one of the reasons was that I didn't want to get surprised. Now, I'm glad that I did it. And the best part of it all is that I can't be surprised anymore. It's good to not to be surprised. The world revealed itself to me and I'm glad that it did. One of the things I believed in since the start was a higher purpose, and now I'm sure that there is no higher purpose to life except taking care of your family as good as you can. Sure, you can have other higher purposes of your life in your head, but they won't play out organically, as nothing is organic about life in present times. I have my higher purpose in my head, the higher purpose other than trying to take care of my family, and that is working every day at my skills, my job and my art, doing it to the best of my ability. And I have realised that these are the only two things that matter in the present world, taking care of family and being good at what you do. The system is purely economic and there is no other truth than this. Economics devours human connection and thus you have to be able to be comfortable with yourself. Being comfortable with oneself is tricky too, especially if you are not a narcissist. This is because of the arrangement of this country or of the world, whatever you call it. You individuality can be sabotaged and it can happen that you don't even find yourself within you, and it takes effort and luck to find yourself back, and when you find yourself you can begin working towards your goals. The goals that don't matter in the larger perspective but matter to you. The control is more than hundred percent, and it can be that none of the options you'd be given are either suitable to you or are those you want. It's a decision, and not yours, and it would be given the name of destiny. You can be sent on path of self-destruction or suffering, and it might totally be that you don't really deserve it, in fact majority of cases are of people who don't really deserve to suffer, suffering. The healing comes with realisation of the setup. The realisation that you shouldn't get affected by these political mind parasites and the realisation that the healing and bliss both are inside you and you and they can be achieved. I prioritised the end of drama and chose peace and bliss, and after several grotesque realisations I achieved my peace and bliss. Pain has been a friend and after some time I realised that all the pain that I suffered was inflicted and while the pain exists, I achieved peace and bliss at a deeper level where pain can't reach. You discover extremes of humanity, and you discover those who push people to extremes of humanity just for the sake of depraved fun and on a daily basis. These individuals can't find reality of people despite having access and control of their reality. It's good to not to be surprised anymore. It's good to see the intended chaos. There is nothing that can be done about the pain and suffering in the world, but you can achieve your peace and bliss and achievement of these depends on the difficulty level your life has been set on and a series of right decisions that you have to make. 

Third World Theatrics

What are you? Are you your lineage? Your family? Your society? Your region? Your state? Your country? Or are you your education? Or the literature, art and pop culture you have consumed throughout your life. One thing is sure that you are unique. What should be art created for? There are two prominent reasons, political and aesthetic. I do not create art for political reasons, I create it for aesthetic reasons. But all art is political, especially in a totalitarian setting, which it is. You speak truth and it becomes political. Truth has a tendency to become political because we are surrounded by lies. I'm fond of comic book style writing. That a story has, heroes, villains, technology and magic and yes, sometimes superpowers. I liked to write such stories once upon a time when I didn't know that the world is a play, a play with very real stakes for everyone except a few. There is no magic in the world. If magic was real it would have been accessible to all without discrimination which isn't the case. Social interactions are fuelled by money and power and money and power are fuelled by each other. I have only one political belief, that everyone deserves happiness or at least satisfaction and contentment. But that's a big thing to ask in a world like this where individuals in control derive their pleasure from the deprivation, rape and torture of whom they control, they derive sadistic pleasure from pain of others which they inflict on them. They create tragedies in the lives of others and then give it the name of fate or destiny. I say this because I have complete idea of the directness of the control. You grow up become aware of the world and you choose your corner. You are silently sitting in your corner doing your work, following your bliss and these motherfuckers who have no business with you start stabbing you with spears. The reason for it being nothing except malignant fun derived from pain and discomfort of others. You had an idea that this country is like this, but you had to learn that this country is like this at the highest and deepest level. These kind of things don't intimidate me, never have, though it's disappointing that extortionists and rapists are at a place where God should reside in this country. I observed the drama for a whole decade, and I realised that your social and family background only becomes important when it has to, and if it does have no doubt in your mind that all of it is due to political reasons. The system, the actual system that controls the visible system is designed for rape and exploitation. The very design itself is rape and exploitation. This system masquerades being a providence but it is not, it's actually an animal farm which runs on pain and suffering of people. There is no great beyond here. Just here and now. Everyone counts their blessings and saves their ass despite being exploited and that's how things keep moving forward and one by one we see the people who count their blessings and save their ass getting slaughtered and the intelligent ones know that their time too will come and till then they must count their blessings and save their ass. In my case it's not fear, it's just disappointment at the quality of individuals who are sitting at the place of God, and their incompetence. What am I? I'm my lineage, my family, my society, my region, my state, my country, my education, the literature, art and pop culture that I have consumed. But then I'm not only this. 

Mission Marconi

India of 1940s when independence struggle was at its peak. Who knew that it would become a black market of consciousnesses in 2045, at least not the ones who gained us that freedom. Or did we gain freedom at all? Janak was walking in the India of 1943 at Connaught Place wearing his time teleportation device on his wrist. This device made the wearer teleport at any point in time in human history. There were two principles combined in the device, time travel and teleportation. You know what the thing about teleporation is? That it kills you and then produces the same copy of you that it killed at a different location. It destroys you and then recreates you at the teleporation location. You feel the same, you remember the time when the teleportation was initiated and when you reach the location where you teleported you feel as if you were transported, but the truth is that what goes in is dead and what comes out is a new life. It converts you into stardust and then fashions a new you again with stardust. Janak walked the Delhi of 1943, they were wanting to know whether the technology of consciousness control and copying was present in 1943 or not. They were rogue time activists who stole the time traveling technology by luck and now they want to find out since when consciousness control is being practiced in India. In 2045 slavery is rampant in India. Indians are sold to Arabs and the Westerners as neurological slaves and pleasure pets by Indian slave owners. Copies of consciousnesses of Indian citizens are sold in the international black market. Neurological slavery is impossible to break and once a neurological slave, always a slave. In 1943 Janak walks past a building which the chief had flagged, it was the building of British Radio. It was the most probable place from where consciousness control was being propagated. He took out the bomb and placed it carefully making sure when it explodes it takes out the whole building. Janak was unaware that this very act by him would grant India its freedom but it was of no use as just after independence the consciousness of Indian people would go under the control of extortionists and private contractors.

Throne of God

 There are stages of grief, and once you cross all the stages of it all that remains is understanding. I have realised that there is no need for grief. Grief is when the tragedy is natural, and the truth of the matter is that no tragedy in the world is natural. All tragedies are created. Once one understands this, things become quite simple. I was believer of catharsis, of venting out, till I realised that it is not necessary and not everyone in the world is privileged enough to get catharsis or to vent out. I had a belief once that there is rage inside me that needs to be vent out, as I matured I realised that there was no rage in me. It was just a sense of justice that is still present. The rage if at all any calms down when you realise that it's not criminal rage inside you but an actual criminal who has hijacked your consciousness.  Your consciousness is getting auctioned in the black market and is being bought by criminals. All the venting and catharsis you were doing were not your own issues, they were either unresolved issues of the criminal hijacking your consciousness or the unresolved issues were created by a bunch of criminals. Life becomes easy once you realise that there is no providence, just an animal farm where you are an animal waiting to be slaughtered. What is the ultimate anyway? That you have money, your loved once are happy and that you go to heaven once you die. This is what the ultimate is and this what exactly is the bait. People are shown this bait and are made to do anything. What does a young guy want? I take my example. I wanted to satisfy the expectations of my family. I wanted a good career, a woman with whom I could talk about the universe and probably that's all. And yes I wanted to compensate for the suffering I had gone through. It's fine when your life is a product of fate, but in my case it was a bunch of assholes conspiring against me for no reason. There is no getting out of this. Though I realise that I'm in it with the majority. You try and give back to the society and then you realise that there is no society to give back to. That every man or woman is an island. When you get self-actualised before your basic needs are fulfilled shit gets difficult but then you realise that people are fighting in this world just to get their basic needs fulfilled sometimes mistaking their greed for needs. Was it so difficult, treating the sick and getting paid for it while having relationships to discuss things of interest and keeping the family happy? It could've been done without realising the tiers of existence. Without realising that people are intentionally deprived while they die of that deprivation. There is a structure, in fact the highest and deepest structure that works 24x7 to exploit, deprive and torture people and this structure derives pleasure from the pain and suffering it inflicts on them. It makes people feel guilty and then exploits them by exploiting that guilt. This structure blames the victim. And it can only happen when the structure has the same mentality as the individual who inflicted the pain and suffering on the person. You realise that the individuals who sit on the throne of God are criminals, at least in this country. 

Two-tiered Approach for Writing Honest Fiction

One has to to align his reality with the actual reality. I used to write fiction and when I became of the actual reality writing fiction became infinitely difficult. Can fiction function in a world like this? Actually it might if it take cares of two levels and the complications of the control on the characters. I see Kafka's stories and realise that they might function at two levels. Even detective fiction might function at two levels so does romance fiction or for that matter any other fiction. It's just that one of the levels of the two, the level at which the control is being exercise controls the character's of the stories completely and only deviation from planning and execution of the plans at this levels are genuine chance and luck. The highest and deepest level of existence is political and it is at a physiological level. There is actually a level deeper than that but realising that level of existence is very difficult and luck plays an important role in it. I am sure that it is just a bug and would be fixed later making humans mere puppets that can be completely controlled by the entity that exercises physiological control over people. The real stories in this two-tiered existence are the motivations of those who control the people. That's where the real stories lie. Though given the setup at present the majority of motivations at that level would be the pleasure of vouyerism and other depraved pleasures and the pleasure of sadism. In a murder mystery the real murder mystery would be whether the murderer is innocent or not despite committing the murder. It's a whole new scenario where the actual murderer who actually committed the murder might be innocent. Fiction can work in this way and this is the way fiction actually becomes fun to write for those who know the actual truth of the world. You know the reality of the politics, how deep it is in the world and how it directly controls the people and the possibility of a cosmic level comes to the fore. Though it still remains as enigmatic as it was before the realisation of the political control and its depth. You realise the political control and you realise that the cosmic level is either malevolent or is indifferent to humanity, it is for sure not benevolent. It is not divine, it is either demonic or indifferent. When you realise this the possibility of fiction opens up again which has closed once you realised the depth of totalitarian politics given you pay attention to both levels and both tiers of existence in the world. That the characters are doing and saying things because of a few possibilities, they are actually doing and saying what they are doing and saying. That they are being made to do the things they are doing and saying. That they are taking decisions but are a little influenced in what they are doing and saying and that they are aware of the control and trying to do and say things of their own free will while trying to avoid the influence. In the previous three possibilities the characters are not aware of control while in the last one they are. So the murder mystery can still be written, the romance can still be written, in fact any genre can still be written, it's just the writer has to be aware of two-tiered existence.

Syndicate Republic

Having a correct idea of the world is important. I wanted to write transgressive fiction once until I realised that the world needs more warm stories as reality itself is transgressive. You see the underworld of this country, women selling their bodies and men selling drugs. You see scammers functioning in an organized way and you realise that all of this is more legitimate than a hardworking man earning his living honestly as minds of honest, hardworking and god fearing people are accessible to the same individuals who commit organised crime. This whole country is corrupt and corruption is a legitimate business, only ones who get caught doing corruption are the ones who are supposed to get caught and the truth is that it's the same system worldwide, it's just more pathetic and demonic in this country because the majority is devoid of mere basics and is extorted, stolen from and tortured on a daily basis. Once you realise that the very soul of this country is corrupt you become free. You become part of the system and only thing you need to do is to take care that you don't get caught. The real crime is getting caught. The truth of this nation is selfishness and hypocrisy and anyone who is not adapted to this would be suffering continuously. What should a good God fearing man do in this kind of situation? The first step is knowing oneself which can get infinitely difficult in the setup that is in place for the minds of people. A good man should first make sure that he would never do depraved and corrupt things and that he is only doing it because there is no other way to survive, which is the actual truth of this country. A good man should then replace the necessary requirement of selfishness in this country with minding his own business and awareness about his surrounding to keep himself safe. The need for hypocrisy should again be replace by awareness of perspectives and then he is ready to be the part of this extremely corrupt system working while still saving his ass. There are no guarantees here as this system thrives on framing innocent people but that's what is awareness from. In my case the grief is not that the system is corrupt but that it is corrupt at a level where God should reside. Knowing oneself is the only answer to it all. I have the correct idea of the world and it is a daily game of save your ass for me. It is so because I don't want to take part in the corrupt game as I have other things to do and I can neither be corrupt for no reason and nor can I look over my shoulder all the time. Being part of the system requires being on the offensive at all times as everyone you meet would be on offensive at all times. Only way for peace of mind is being offensively defensive and minding one's own business till the time you really can't and focus on the things that really want to do. The reality is transgressive and it is godless. Though you can believe in Him to derive strength and courage. One should know that the exploitation is present at the deepest level, but there is a level deeper than that and finding that level needs a lot of soul searching and a bit of luck. I have found that level and thus I'm at peace while corruption controls my body and mind knowing that my heart is at the right place, in fact it's always been. I would focus, instead of transgressive fiction, warm stories and I might throw in it a bit of noir to give it a flavour of the actual reality in an stylized way. 

Enlightenment EMIs

Enlightenment comes at a cost and a good man happily pays it. Enlightenment is a political entity, because without politics there would be no need for enlightenment. Imagine a snow covered forest and deep in the forest you have a well lighted wooden cabin with all the amenities, or a snowy wonderland with warm cottage in which you read about the secrets of the universe, drink coffee and sit in front of the fireplace and read books for leisure. I remember that in childhood when I used to read comics I had seen Phantom have a comfortable tree house deep in the jungle. Enlightenment tells you that all of this can be real but it isn't actually. There is no off the grid. There might be Kundalini energy, Chi or Prana or whatever you might call it and you realise that when you gather enough of it, it's time to sell it, that's enlightenment. Enlightenment is knowing that you'd be first raped, then exploited and then your body would be thrown in the ruins of the winter wonderland that you imagined. Or you might see lackeys of politicians taking a shit on the wooden floor of your comfy treehouse, that's enlightenment. You aren't interested in worldly things. You're interested in space, the universe and the secrets of life. These are the things that really deserve giving a thought about, can everyone do that? Rarely. Assholes who stand on corpses of murdered talent mixed with heaps of stolen and extorted knowledge do that. What are colleges and universities? These are just the places where you get the degrees from professors who are busy in politics either saving their asses or sabotaging others. It's enlightenment when you realise that it's Cold War Russia just at a level at which there is no escape and with the pathos of slavery of more than thousand years. There is no Shiva waiting on Mount Kailash. Mount Kailash is in China. All that remains is hopes of going to Vaikunth once one dies or of some other kind of heaven offered in other iterations of the same thing, one heaven being notorious for offering a lot of unpopped cherries. 

Fatigue of Ages

I thought the world is vast, it's actually isn't. It was disappointing at first but then you gotta live with that. The most fun part of it arrives when you realise that madness isn't madness. It's not a good feeling realising that madness isn't madness. You know what the most important thing in the word is? It's memory. Nothing beats memory. Intelligence is a dozen a dime. What is important is memory. That's how the world is run, by allotment of memory. The lucky get allotted a whole bunch of it while the unlucky get taken away from them even what is rightfully theirs. There is a quote that goes like, "great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." I'll give you a safety tip, think about ideas, think about things but never think about people and events except when your survival is concerned. It's been disappointing for me realising the setup of the world, more specifically this country and even more specifically the region I'm supposed to belong to. I say I'm supposed to belong to because basically consider myself homeless. Truth is that everyone is, it's just me who has realised that. Everyone is homeless, except the ones who own this land and its people. People are literally owned, of course not by their own volition, and they do not know that, but they are owned. It would be fun to witness what happens once people realise that they are owned. The story goes like this, people are owned and they are farmed and then slaughtered in a never ending cycle. There are levels to this shit. Individuals above a level farm and slaughter people who below a level, and they also use them as a means of entertainment. The drama is quite simple, there is no complexity in it at all. The time has arrived in this country when interaction between people has been made to be of a purely economic nature. People communicate with each other through money and power, and consideration of dignity of people is not even a thing anymore. It's just egos of people communicating with each other. I have a history of learning things the hard way. I learnt the truth the hard way, but I'm glad that I did because people who learn things the easy way miss out on details. I however am totally educated and aware of the details. You see the truth for long and you realise that everything is a lie. Everything we watch, read, hear is a lie. And here one has to focus on that one thing that they love to do and try to do it. I say try to do it, because everyone is not able to do things they love. I have realised that things are especially special for me because of the region I belong to. It was always in the background, functioning, God knows why as an inertia within me. The region is nothing short of demonic, but I pity them because they are so pathetic. There is no need to go into details but I would say that the humiliation has been all mine, as it should be for a responsible man. It's been fun seeing the Stanford Prison Experiment fuelled by incompetence in my region and in the country. A lot of things which are needless are going on, but then intelligence has never been the strong suit of this country, and it is not really required once power has been established permanently. 

The Lost World

A bike ride with friends or alone. Stopping at a chai stall, drinking tea and then keeping the adventure going on. This is one way to find relaxation. The bike rides and chai stall do not have that innocence anymore. You have no idea what happened, you think that you grew up, either that or times changed or that you have become cynical. You don't think that you have become cynical. There actually was innocence back in the day, in bike rides, in chai stalls and even with all the innocence there was safety, now you can either choose safety or innocence, wrong, you can't go back to innocence, and it's just a continued paranoia for the existentialist in you. Villages still were innocent some time ago, and when that innocence was there you could ride your bike to the village temple sit in the veranda and write, quietly, without disturbing anyone. You can try slow living, but that would make you to fall behind in this fast paced world. Time is money isn't it? It's a penal colony and you have to make your living in it at least enough to survive the next day. You do what you can do to keep the interest in life alive. You build a mancave, put a PC with a powerful and expensive, well as powerful and expensive as you can afford, graphic card in it. You have that but still you don't feel like playing videogames. You collect them. You collect games because once upon a time you gave up gaming to focus on studies. You collect books, because you are fond of them. You breathe easy now a days, you try to practice altruism, and you don't give in to intimidation, because this is what you think a man should do. Practice altruism and not give in to intimidation. You have lost so much and you focused just on the loss, you didn't focus what the life path you took after the loss. Maybe it's human nature, that we focus on what we lost than what we gained. Your life is riddled with imposter syndrome, do you do things because it is popular or to impress orthers or because you actually like them. You chuckle as you ask yourself this question, because you know enough to know that the imposter syndrome is false, you don't do things because it's popular, you do it because you love to do it, it gives you pleasure and satisfaction, you had stopped doing things to impress others a very long back, yes you didn't stop doing it for your loved ones and you never plan to. An idea drifts in your mind and you try to catch it but it goes away into the oblivion, it was a good idea and it would have made a good piece of writing, but there is no point of grieving that. You can think new things, and if you are lucky the idea might come back to you. Philosophy doesn't do much in life, it just gives names to decisions of people. First come feelings and then decisions. You say existentialist because you feel like an existentialist, you say cynicism because you feel cynical. All you want to do is get on a bike, stop at a tea stall and drink a tea by the hands of that old grandma who is sitting there lucky enough to enjoy slow living out of the rat race, and then you ride to the village temple to sit in the veranda and write literature, imagining that village temple is still as pristine as they were in the past and are not affected by politics, like they say beauty is in the eyes of beholder. But then can we imagine a venomous snake coiled up in our leg to be a rabbit? That would be stupid and hence the cyncism. You imagine sitting in the veranda and writing into the dusk but you forget that it's a penal colony and you have to arrange food at the table at dawn. 

To Be or Not To Be

Sometimes there is a lot of difference between what you want to be and what you actually are. You grow and realise that there in fact is not a lot of difference between what you want to be and what you are, it's the environment and your nature that modifies your personality. Though it might also be that it differs from person to person. Take for example, that I wanted to learn Indian classical guitar playing when I was younger and I couldn't go further chords due to bad hand eye coordination so now I listen to Indian classical music and rock music. I liked Indian classical and rock, then I wanted to convert it in action by learning them, and then when I couldn't do it, I fulfill my desire just by listening to music. This is the reason there are so many cricket fans in India, a lot of them had once dreamt of becoming a cricketer and now they are avid cricket fans. I wanted to learn martial arts, I tried to learn it, first takewondo and when I couldn't go further in that then karate and jeet kune do, now I do brisk walking and watch taekwondo tricking competitions on the internet. I have never had long hair because it was not allowed in my family, and I am a long hair guy, it doesn't matter anymore but that doesn't mean that I'm not a long hair guy. So it seems that we actually are what we want to be, we don't have to be that person, we already are, all that is missing the necessary skills which come from resources, favourable environment and a lot of practice. I had read a piece of writing by a guy quite a few years back, that guy had an aura about him, you could feel the depth in his writings and just by reading I could tell that his and mine sense of aesthetics matched and that he had deep knowledge of Hindi literature and in a very aesthetic way too. I wanted to be like that guy. Would that mean that I wanted to lose my individuality, I hope not. I liked that aesthetic, I identified it and I wanted to bring that aesthetic into my life. The issue with this country, or if not this country a few regions, is that self-expression is banned. When you see an art professor of a nationally and even internationally reputed government university going cray just because she might be thinking artistically and knew about surrealism is crazy. Art is gradually being replaced by religion, that too not of good type but dogmatic, in this country, and in such a way that only privileged classes have the access to good art. For the lower class crude form of art and entertainment are produced and finer forms of entertainment are reserved for upper classes. It becomes even more baffling when you realise that lower classes already had access to finer sensibilities in form of folk music and folk tales, and you would realise that in past decades these things have been slowly but surely destroyed, and I know that it's not unintentional. I know the kind of man I am. I know the kind of aesthetics I like, I know what I want to be and I know what I actually am. I'm a guy who likes small hatchback cars and cafe racer motorbikes. I'm a guy who loves Hindi literature but knows that Hindi literature has been destroyed. I might be wrong on the part that people already are what they like and want to be, as I can be countered by arguments like wanting to be a pilot doesn't make you pilot and such, but it has been true in my case. Though the major thing to realise in all this is the effect of environment in making us what we are, and when you know about the existence in this country and the world you realise that that environment can be delivered directly to your mind and body. That you can be groomed to be someone that you definitely aren't. 

The Impaling

If ever I was interested in politics, it was for welfare of people. You live in the world enough and you realise that it's not really possible. Happiness is a thing that evades most intelligent people. For truly intelligent people, however, happiness is a choice. I had read somewhere that happiness is the actual and the natural state of being, and at the time, after having seen depression for a long time, I smirked at it. Though I now realise that it was absolute truth. Happiness is indeed the actual and normal state of being, and people are sad because of politics. This politics is not the politics we are on the TV and read about in newspapers. It is way deeper than that. It is so deep that it is in our bones and it writes our destinies. In the past decade I have been able to decode the setup of this politics, it's an entity that feigns being a providence but is actually exploitative. It is so deep in our heads and nerves that majority of people fail to find their real selves. It is a glass ceiling, and the glass is such that only the one's above can see through it. In today's times, the hierarchies below the glass ceiling have been dismantled. The glass ceilings provide for holes through with the individuals above the glass ceiling pass spears and indiscriminately and mindlessly stab and impale people below the glass ceiling who can't even see them. The setup is such that everyone below the glass ceiling is a second class citizen whose relationships, finances, resources and health can be snatched from them anytime the individuals above the glass ceiling want. The issue is not that this is the setup, as it could be predicted by anyone who knows well the history of world. The issue is that the individuals above the glass ceiling are stupid despite having access to all the knowledge and perspectives in the world. You know what the issue here is? That a person is essentially a refugee in his own land, a land where he was born and brought up, in which his older generations lived, not everyone gets to feel this, but this is the ultimate truth for people below the glass ceiling. They may consider some place as their hometown, but does the hometown considers them their own, the answer is no, because they are refugees who don't know that they are refugees and slaves. You realise this setup and you realise that the supposed first class citizens of this country own this country, and they can make anyone bankrupt and get them ostracized, without any reason, and just based on their whims. And these first class citizens are not even good human beings. They are spoilt and entitled individuals of the worst kind possible and are into excesses of every possible kind. When you come to know about the real politics of the land, the politics on TV and newspapers matters little to you. You realise that the deepest and highest structure is corrupt and as I said they are impaling people below the glass ceiling from above the glass ceiling indiscriminately. The recent changes have been dismantling of genuine hierarchies below the glass ceiling which worked as the crux of culture, and promotion of a mindless race, a crabs in the bucket game where people have to fight for resources like zombies. Dignity of life has been obliterated and all that remains is ego trips of individuals at different states of knowledge.  

Voice-over

I lost my voice in 2013, though I kept writing and unintentionally using my voice, I wasn't doing it with awareness and finally after a lot of soul searching I found my voice and I realised that it was not lost, it had just got buried in the rubble of the politics. It's good to have my voice back, it feels like an athlete finally being able to use his injured limbs back. One thing that I did was that I wrote a lot. I do not consider myself to be a writer, but truth is that I am a writer, I write a lot and I write daily and I have been doing that since more than a decade now. I like to write fiction but as much as I love it, I personally realise that there is no significance of it in the present world. The world has changed, and I have to pimp my artistry as people do with short form content on social media. The truth is that I mostly write for myself, for the creative pleasure and satisfaction it brings me though I try to be informative. I like memoir style writing and it would be great fun to do just as a project and because my life has been nothing but an unbelievable and mindblowing ride, though I do not want to pimp myself and this is not the reason for not writing memoir style writing, the real reason is that there are lakhs in this country who have no voice, and their lives are pretty interesting too if not an, for lack of a better word, extravaganza, like my life has been. My life has been straight out of a Danny Boyle film and yet I have managed to make it look like a Hrishikesh Mukherjee film. Though truth be told, both Danny Boyle and Hrishikesh Mukherjee parts of my life are true, though I wanted it to be Hrishikesh Mukherjee film through and through with a sprinkling of Chris Columbus and Niveldine and Taylor. The past decade has taught me that reality is way stranger than fiction can ever be. It's been fun watching shit unfold. I realise that it's all politics, and of course slavery, and I have gone through shit that is, what even the medical professional in me thinks is psychologically and to some extent physically too is impossible to get through but I got through and that made me realise how tough life of people actually is in this country, though the truth is that I was already empathetic enough and I didn't need to be more empathetic and according to my tough calculations the good to asshole ratio this country is 30:70, so I would like to reserve my empathy for the 30 percent, and to do do that one needs to be able to identify people which, by virtue of my profession, thankfully I specialise in. Having my voice back is great. I miss the late 2000s and early 2010s era of blogging and longform content so I'm keeping it alive, in fact I never stopped. The world has changed a lot since early 2010s, but I know enough to realise that even this viral and major change is just cosmetic. 

Good Omens

Man is an instrument of God, both according to the Bhagvad Geeta and the Bible. I do not know how true it is. My tryst with atheism began in the late 2000s and early 2010s. Back then I had called myself a "religious atheist" because I believed in my religious traditions and took part in rituals. I called myself an atheist because I had lost faith, I was suffering with a debilitating illness and no treatment in the world could ease my pain, and being in the field of medicine I saw good people getting terrible diseases and assholes being perfectly fine and tormenting others. It is this reason that I chose to be an atheist. I'm still an atheist but my ideas have evolved since the age of 19 and I have a better understanding of things now. The political setup I'm in at present is individualised for me so my experiences are exclusive and that is why many of you who read this might not relate to it. See, this is how it is, politics can be individualised and your experiences can be made to be exclusive just for you, positive or negative. In this exclusive political setup, a kind of jail, I can't backtrack on what I have said once, even if it was something that I had said in childhood, though the truth is that I don't bother with the torture, I'm a seeker of truth and I readily correct myself and apologise when I am wrong. I believed in God, I trusted Him until I was 19 and then after that I gravitated towards atheism. My current stand is that I'm an agnostic, and I say that because that it is logically and scientifically a correct stance, that is, I don't know whether their is a God or not. Politically however I'm an atheist but I do my cultural and religious duties, participate in family pujas, go to the temple with the family, take part in havans and do puja at auspicious occasions, do rituals. I do it because I believe in keeping traditions alive. Also, I have faith in the Divine Mother and her forms, be it Bhagvati, Durga, Saraswati, Kali or any other form. It's faith and not belief and in tough times I derive my strength and power from this faith. Though I believe in the power of faith and belief both. I believe that the idea of God is powerful and it can change lives, and it can heal. It is for this reason I tell people I meet and my patients to have faith in God. Faith in God can do miracles, and especially of medical nature and it is here faith becomes important. Faith heals, literally and I have seen repeatedly in my life time. Though religion in this country is more of fear mongering. People are exploited in the name of religion and it's been like that probably since forever. The fear mongering is of various kinds, fear of disease, misfortune, death and most potent form of it all, fear of perpetual hell, which was a constant theme of my missionary school educated life. I don't know whether man is an instrument of God or not, but I sure do know that man is an instrument as well as victim of high-tech politics and psychology of control and oppression. Truth is that you can't deny God when you see the wonders of nature, the flora and fauna, the wonders of the human body and the power of human mind, and some religions have an explanation for the suffering and misfortune of the people too, it's the karma of their past lives. Truth is when you see the world in totality, you realise that it is bullshit. And anyway if God is actually what religions proclaim who He is, if your heart and mind are in the right place you are going to be good. My simple fundamental is that if God is at least as intelligent as me, I would be fine. The problem is not God at all here. Good people suffer because they are made to suffer and since they don't harm others they bottle up their emotions and cause harm to their own body and mind. I have seen it so often that for me it is a scientifically proven fact. What is seen as karma in the society is most of the times malignant designs of totalitarian despots. It is not real karma. I don't know about law of God, but law of nature is simple, it gives you all the means to fight for your survival, how you adapt is totally on you. The organism adapts. Living beings adapt and grow necessary means to survive. Good thing about being human that we can think beyond mere survival, but that's just in theory. Some people thrive because they keep others in the daily struggle of survival. Humans have proven time and time again that they can think about coexistence but can not really practice it, and this becomes even more fun when you realise that there is machinery that works day and night to keep people fighting amongst themselves. So you realise that there are two layers in human existence, both invisible, one a political layer which has both visible and invisible spectrum of control and a cosmic layer veracity of which cannot be confirmed. Man is an instrument of the invisible spectrum of the political layer, and if the cosmic level of existence actually exists, which might be, and anyone who has listened to good music can hope that, that level actually doesn't give a fuck about good people and innocent children dying of cancer. I, however, am at a good and comfy position with my political atheism, scientific agnosticism and faith in the Divine Mothers, doing my puja and rituals and waiting to get sodomised by the devil in hell after I die. 

Root Cause

How much scoundrelry can exist? I'm not sure about the world but in this country there is no limit to it. It's present at both, the highest and the deepest level of existence in this country, so much so that wanting to earn an honest hard-working living becomes a rebellion. I would suppose that one pays for where they belong from, and it was an ultimate surprise when I got claimed by home region after so many years of marginalization. Though it is not a good kind of claiming. In the due process of getting myself claimed by my region I realised that it is controlled by scum of the earth, and I can confirm this by my observation of my culture in the past twenty years. It's mindless exploitation of people and nothing else, though it's understandable that when you have God level powers over people you would think yourself as God. So here, who lives and who dies, who suffers and who thrives is decided and a few years ago I realised that I come in the suffer and die bracket and have been in it for quite a long time. What can be said of a region whose main weapon against its people is the backwardness of its own people and underdevelopment of its own infrastructure. The issue here is not that people are backward, because they are not, it's a well developed culture with its intricacies, only thing makes the culture backward is its comparison with modern knowledge and as far as the infrastructure goes it has been intentionally kept from people. Here is the fun part, I had no business with my region except that I hail from there. I was mostly raised outside of the region and educated outside the region and it is here that I realised that wherever one goes their background walks with them. I had an encounter with the entity that controls the minds of people in the region that I hail from and hopefully on a more expansive level, this country, though I'm not sure about the existence of this country anymore except on paper. The encounter I had revealed to me the demonic level of exploitation that is going on in my region, and I it was a sort of poetic justice as in the past I was smug about the cultural superiority of my region. It turns out in the end that it was not the region but my community. I realised that there is no limit to scoundrelry in the region that I once considered mine and it exists at the highest and the deepest level. These motherfuckers exploit including sexually and murder their own people and get them exploited by people from other regions and that too at a level which is invisible and they keep religion, social conventions and morality as a front for exploitation. I now don't feel bad when someone judges me for belonging to that region, because they are right and I was delusional. In the past decade I have seen the drama and it's been fun, though I can't really shake off my regional identity and actually I don't want to because I was still alive when the culture was beautiful and I had seen the immense beauty of it until it got exploited into oblivion.

Summer Love

It's afternoon and you are with her. Sometimes some things don't feel like sin. Probably because they aren't. You belong from somewhere where love blooms within traditions. It's a new feeling where you see it blooming out of traditions. It's a cracking hot afternoon of June and it's just you and her in the house. You look out the window and the streets are empty. People are either in their air-conditioned offices or at home taking a nap after the lunch, and here you are with her alone in the room lying with your head on her tummy your head being cooled by the smooth cotton of her kurta and your body by the cotton bedsheet. The desert cooler is doing its job, keeping the room cool. She is playing with your hair, you take her long hair and spread it on your face, it smells so good just like flowers and freshness. You feel happy, a kind of happy that you didn't know existed. She gently removes your head from her tummy and pulls your arms towards her, you move upward in her direction your face now facing hers. You look into her eyes. They are deep, and they know things that you don't know. She takes your hand and entwines her fingers into yours. The street is quiet with occasional calls of a lone street hawker. You both are quiet, looking at each other. You don't know what is she thinking, but you fear she knows what you are thinking. You take a deep breath and take her scent inside you and you wish that it remains inside you forever. One hand holding your hand and with the other she starts playing with your ear, pulling your earlobe, and you watch her doing that her eyes sparkling with a kind of disarming mischief. You feel a kind of calm that you had never felt before. She puts her feet on yours and keeps playing with your ear. Your hand still tightly clasped by her other hand, fingers entwined. You want the afternoon to last forever, as you don't get a chance to meet her often and especially like this when you both are alone, but the clock is ticking in your head and one hour or so it would be time to go back. She pulls you closer and wraps her arms around your head. You feel the warmth of her body and coolness of her Kurta surrounding you, your nostrils fill with the scent of the flowery freshness she wore mixed with the scent of her body. The clock in your head stops ticking, you stop thinking and lose yourself in the moment quietly laying with your head on her heart surrounded by her arms. The sun is raining fire outside, the desert cooler is whirring its coolness inside the room, and the lone street hawker's occasional calls remain as the only measure of time.