Escape Hatch

What is the closest thing that we have to portals in this world? They are books. Movies and videogames and other media don't even come close. You are the director of your own movie when you are reading books, especially fiction. When I used to read comic books in childhood I used to enter those world and each kid experiences comic books or books in his or her own individual way, which is true for all media but more true of books. I remember each book of my comic collection having a distinct vibe, a distinct personality. Each comic book has a world of it's own and I could enter them by opening them. They were my portals to escape reality, though it's a whole different thing that I didn't need to escape reality back then, reality too was great. When you grow up and see the shitshow that the world is, when you see too much, it is then the reality becomes unbearable and so people try to escape in different ways, some do it with alcohol, drugs and some do it through media and some do it, though not intentionally, through comforting delusions. I'm however not into comforting delusions, I like to experience my reality as it is without softening it, my escape is intentional and it is then I close myself to reality and intentionally escape into fictional worlds. Comic books are composed of desires, ideals and inspirations and, not to mention, creativity. World has become a small place, every inch of the earth has been mapped through satellites and so there is no mystery. The jungles of Denkali in Phantom don't feel as mythic as they did once and yet we can shut our logical brain and try to experience fantasy and fiction, like we do while watching superhero movies or fantasy movies. It came as shock to me when I realised that those who decide our realities and have absolute access to truth are themselves delusional. The delusions they have are mostly superiority complexes and megalomania and after experiencing it first hand I realised that these superiority complexes and megalomania are just their defence mechanisms, it is what that keeps them in power, delusional beliefs of inferiority of others in front of them whether it is factually correct or not. And anyways these individuals are into the buisness of manufacturing facts so it is them who decide the facts of the world. In my early youth I used to think of escape as a cowardly act, I don't think that anymore. When I realised that reality itself is manufactured and inauthentic, I realised that escape is the only way to keep happy and sane. People who don't choose their escapes end up losing their sanity as their unconscious defence mechanisms decide about their escape from reality and also the level of their sanity. When I was younger I wanted to be a fiction and comic book writer, it's after seeing the state of this country and systemic setup of exploitation and rape in this country that I decided to write political stuff, and frankly enough I don't want to write political stuff. I want to create worlds in which people can escape the terrible reality of this nation and find solace and feel good. I'm not into depressing literary writing, even though I sometimes do that, especially after realising that the depressing "reality" that is portrayed in Booker winning works is politically manufactured. I realised that happiness is natural state of being, and depression is a political entity. This is why I write, I want to create portals, so that people can escape the needless misery of this world. So that they can explore worlds, feel things and imagine. 

Chopping Wood

When you want to explore something you have to start with a premise. My premise for political writing that I do is a neuropolitical setup of manipulation and micromanagement of people's lives and their exploitation like livstock in which laws, morality and social conventions act as blueprints on the basis of which people are exploited in which organised religion also takes part, this actually sounds paranoid but this is what the bottom line is. All my political writing stems from this premise. Religion as I had known it in childhood was a beautiful thing, it provided and still provides community, emotional support and solace to people. I have been lucky enough to experience, despite being an atheist politically, what I consider as God. My concept of God is simple, it's love and truth. I personally have faith in Mother Goddesses, despite being an atheist politically and an agnostic scientifically. External religion from what I have experienced is basically politico-economic and socio-economic manipulation but thankfully the ancient designers of this land were benevolent and so they developed philosophies that if you read them actually empower you. If you are a Hindu you can manifest your God or diety, which then empowers you, like you can count on Lord Ram to empower your idealism, you can count on Lord Krishna to empower your transcendence, you can count of Lord Hanuman for psychological protection and to empower your devotion. I have realised that texts like Manusmriti are basically political documents which may or may not be enforced, but here the issue is that those who enforce it do not follow them at all and that's the main issue. The problem here is that those who enforce religion themsleves think of it as opiate of masses and this right here is the biggest problem. Hinduism was closer to nature once, like a lot of tribal and shamanist religions still are. The beauty of Hinduism was that it was pluralistic, and that beauty has gone in the current political climate. What we have right now is an Islamified dogmatic Hinduism tailored to keep people close-minded, superstitious and afraid, it's basically fear based exploitation of people. I stick to love and truth as God, as a form of Paramatma or Parameshwar, the Supreme Soul or Supreme God and I manifest the Divine Mothers who I have faith in through my devotion. The real enlightenment in our times is the political enlightenment, and once that is done, it's like they say, "chop wood carry water before enlightenment, chop wood carry water after enlightenment."

Gimmick

The issue of identity is a complex one. Actors and spies assume identities. Common people too assume identities when they are roleplaying and sometimes when they are meeting other people. Has it happened to you that you are travelling somewhere and you feel like you could be anyone you wanted? In old times people used to go away from their regions, from their countries and start over. The time to start over has passed, and from the looks of it, it was never there but yet people did start over. People went to foreign countries and assumed new identities and forged new destinies. I like roleplaying, and I can trace it back to the Yahoo Messenger days, when I used to go in Yahoo Chatrooms mostly the Harry Potter chatrooms to roleplay as one of the Harry Potter characters. Alter-egos allow people to explore those sides of themselves that they can’t by society-defined identities. Comics have a lot of these identities like Clark Kent and Superman, like Batman and Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker and Spiderman. In the movie Matrix, the protagonist Thomas Anderson had a hacker alias named Neo which ultimately became his destiny. Societal definitions of identity box us and then we ultimately end up playing the role defined for us in that box. In a hyper-connected world, moving somewhere and starting over is not an option anymore. How great would it have been in the olden times? I’m a fan of the off-the-grid life but I ultimately ended up realising that there is no off the grid in this world. When I was younger and seriously considering being a writer I used to search for a pen name, I was studying to be a doctor so I didn’t really want to use my real name for writing, and numerous authors have done it and still do, writing with pseudonyms and pen names. I had thought of some great names but then as the world unfolded in front of me, I realised that there is no privacy so secrecy is out of question and so I was like fuck it and started to write with my own name. I’m defined by many constraints, like being from a particular caste, being from a particular region and other such things but in my early youth I wanted to be a physician-writer and so I write. I don’t know if I’m a physician-writer or not but I’m licensed to practice homeopathic medicine and I write and anyway the way the world has unfolded in front of me making me realise that people are actually kept in imposter syndromes even about profession and ranks by the politics of the land, it all really stops to matter. As a person who writes I know that a writer is a roleplayer. He writes something, some character, and he has to think like that, like that character. The politics of modern times has locked us in our identities, the sociopolitical  identities and now we can’t reinvent ourselves, can’t start-over. We will remain what we are born as sociopolitically, though it’s not bad for me but for countless others it is. Imagine being from a family that carries people’s excreta on their heads, yes, such people still exist in this country in 2025 and the irony is that such people would be humiliated for wanting to change their religion, say christianity. I know a thing or two about alter-egos from being a roleplayer and a writer, it’s like the personas of wrestlers in American professional wrestling, the alter-ego allows you the vent of your desires without it being socially harmful for you, like a professional wrestler can do anything as a gimmick and it would only entertain people while also allowing him to unwind. This was the freedom that was present once which has been curtailed in the modern times. You still play roles though, as a child, as a parent, as a professional, but your real self evades you and you end up realising that what you think of as your alter-ego, your gimmick, is the real you. 

Shaurya

You write fiction but you have to accomodate reality in it. I mean I read a comic strip about a bunch of teenagers employed by government to prevent the rise of an ancient evil in Afghanistan. There was a time for this kind of writing once, I don't know if it would work anymore. I have to work hard to suspend my belief even for Marvel and DC movies now even though I am a fan. When I was younger, about 23 I decided to expose myself to the unfiltered reality of this nation, I liked the idea of being a reporter for Vice and write transgressive fiction. I liked the writing of Chuck Palahniuk, and his transgressive fatalistic humour because back then I used to think of it as nature of life itself. I was sure of fatalism. I exposed myself to the unfiltered reality of this nation not knowing then that it is too, though not carefully, designed. There are some godless places here but to my bafflement the most godless places are where God is supposed to exist. I was a fan of Kafka, a fan of noir. Had seen so much depression that I was almost dysthymic, but I was never without humour and happiness. Depression is different from sadness. Depression, most of the times, is of political origin while sadness is majorly internal while the causes of it can be external. I had some hobbies, I wanted to see the Indian national football team in the world cup, I wanted to ride cafe racers and dirt bikes and I wanted to write for comics, mostly superhero stuff. I don't want Indian national football team in the world cup anymore because I know this country is shit and sports is basically money laundering, I still like cafe racers and dirtbikes though and I still write, though not comics. But I feel alone while writing because no one writes anymore, not my kind of stuff anyway, you can read a lot of shit about crypto and stuff and a lot of regurgitation of western philosophy on platforms like Medium but that's about it. And while a leading newspaper the name of which starts with "Dainik" tried to gaslight me near my clinic in Varanasi, I realised that media of this country, and the supposed idealistic Hindi press too is a propaganda arm of the criminal syndicate that runs this nation. I still focus on the novels that are in my head and probably would get them out of my head by writing them independently but I realise that it needs a lot of effort. My conflict while writing fiction, especially when not writing noir or transgressive stuff, is about accomodating reality of this nation in my fiction. I have realised that people's realities are tailored but some things are concrete, and while we are hallucinating the realities decided for us, by absolutely incompetent and yet entitled criminals, we are still playing the stereotypes we belong to and if we are aware trying to be what we want to be. The heartbreak for me was that people do not have authentic lives even in a third world country with no amenities and infrastructure. I realise that 90s were better. Early 2010s were a revelation for me because it is then I realised that it was all quite simple, it's just the daddies of assholes who drink Coke, watch Sopranos and go to Boiler Room to dance and criminals employed by them. I just couldn't believe that the truth is going to be this simple and it was a baffling realisation that the suffering in people's life was not "life" but criminals torturing souls of people just for pure sadistic pleasure, while religion aids in it. The most mind boggling thing for me was that these motherfuckers didn't even bother to put their mind to design detailed systems, it's just plain exploitation and rape and conspiracies, while they dismantle the systems built by our ancients that managed to survive several invasions with their incompetence. 

Har Ki Paidi

Writing needs to have some goal. When I started writing my goal was to write stories that entertained people or made them feel, as this country unravelled itself in front of me and I realised how people's souls are needlessly tortured it kind of shifted to writing to save people's souls from getting tortured. Mind can be tortured that's the design of political torture, but your soul, and by soul I mean the deeper essence as I don't believe in the religious kind of soul anymore, can only be tortured if you are a good person and are ignorant. Good people should be equipped, especially in a setting where criminals rule. In the past decade I have seen the depths of this demonic arrangement, which is of course political in nature firstly but since the arrangement is foolproof, these individuals have progressed to torturing souls of people just for sadistic pleasure and nothing else. One of my goals of my writing is to equip good people with clarity so that their souls can't be tortured by these politically employed demons. I came across the truth of control around the mid 2010s, and when I realised it, and the political nature of it, it didn't really surprise me. Whole of my life I had seen good people getting exploited, suffering and dying and I saw it and thought that it is because they are good, in mid 2010s it got confirmed to me that this is the very nature of this country, it is systematic exploitation of good people because those who rule over people are criminals. Because the setup of exploitation is direct, especially in places like Purvanchal, where you are exploited for any weakness of yours, whether it be your sickness, poverty, handicap, ignorance, innocence, insecurities,  kindness or anything else for that matter. I realised that a lot of it is done in the name of religion and I personally got evidence of those who deal with God being complicit in this setup. It's a mathematical setup mostly until and unless it's the time of rape. It's kind of direct setup of depriving people of their needs and then baiting them with it. This country, and now I have seen it, has a demonic soul, and I realise now the important of lepers that I saw sitting at Har Ki Pairi in Haridwar during childhood. It was not an evidence of systemic failure, but as I realised later, of systemic sadism. Things have gone so worse lately that you can't even help anyone without suffering consequences, and this is the true nature of this nation. I write because innocent souls must not suffer, even though I can't help their minds and bodies from suffering, equipping them with clarity would at least save their souls from suffering. 

Meghdoot 31

I was present during the rise of blogging in the late 2000s, I participated in it. I was there when people shared their lives and wrote longform on the internet, and didn't pimp their lives on videos. They shared what they thought about themselves, what they thought of their lives. Blogging, especially in India died by mid 2010s. I however continued writing longform and blogging. In the late 2000s there was actual thriving Hindi literary culture on the internet on blogs, which got sabotaged and now we get narcissistic drivel on Facebook in the name of Hindi literature. I have faced active sabotage and yet I have kept my blogs alive, they would act as the documents of the times we have gone through, of course, through my eyes, which to the uninitiated might look as opinions of an unreliable narrator due to some of the things I talk about but I know that in the end truth is going to win even if evil still rules over the people and the world not because of some "truth always triumphs" kind of bullshit but because especially in this country these motherfuckers have lost the plot. Hindi literature is dead, and I have attended its funeral. The maximum you can do is buy Manav Kaul's attempts at Hindi literature and read them. Hindi literature died because the culture and sentiments that fuelled Hindi literature died because of exploitation, and also because Hindi literary writers were actively silenced or eliminated, I know this because I know the setup and how it's done because it was tried with me. When I finally understood the whole setup, for me it was baffling to say the least. Because I used to read in comics or in history books, regimes going for absolute totalitarianism and deleting the very last remnants of some culture. During the period of 2013 to till now I have seen this shit unfold in real-time. I have seen things giving people dignity and the refinement of culture of lower classes getting deleted, and everything becoming transactional. This shit is happening under the nose of people and it has happened in real-time since 2013 and so much so that the older generation is still not aware that it has happened and younger generations have either adapted to it or isn't even aware that any other reality other than what they are experiencing at present, that is the transactional reality, even existed. Stratas have been sealed by now and people who are intelligent have realised by now that merit is scam. Only those who will betray their people will rise in their stratas. Beautiful shit and I still am in disbelief but then I have seen this shit unfolding in front of my very eyes. Common people have been deprived of aesthetics and this lack of aesthetics, that they were in possession of their very own, is used as a brand for their discrimination. I find it funny that "pajeets" are doing this to their own people, but then you got to see it to believe it. 

The Secret

It all starts with making sense of your life. I would assume that there was something interesting in me to get my life invaded the way it was in the early 2010s but then I realised that it might also have to do with the absolute totalitarian manner things are handled in Purvanchal, my supposed home region. Things got funny for me, not going to lie, and for nothing. As painful as it was to realise the truth of this country, it was a learning experience nonetheless and ultimately made me realise that all the things spouted by great thinkers like Alan Watts and Eckhart Tolle were useless. When it comes to places like Purvanchal, we are dealing with pure politics of rape and exploitation and nothing else. Philosophical bullshit can soothe you for a while but in the end it is about relationships and their sabotage and social engineering. I got exposed to this setup and I realised that it is pure math until it comes to rape, it is then it is not math. It was sad to see my region fall from grace but then I realise that there was no grace to begin with, it was just me and my innocent thinking. It took me quite a while to realise that I was dealing with moral and intellectual cretins who are employed by even bigger moral and intellectual cretins. There is no framework here, neither religious nor moral, these individuals do anything they want and then retrospectively align it with some moral or religious shortcoming of their target, so it suffices to say that religion is basically only a tool for exploitation and it’s sad because it used to be, and in some ways still is, more than that for me. I was not ready for how cheap reality was going to turn out but then it is the reality and since what I’ve experienced is the bottom line which anyone can experience as a worst case scenario, it is as tangible as air. Rhonda Byrne would be disappointed to know that The Secret doesn’t really exist. I mean I know it for sure. Though I also would agree that it kind of exists in a way, but then not really. Thing to really know about our existence in this country especially is that we are being ruled, and the correct word is ruled, by absolutely incompetent moral and intellectual cretins. I have been experiencing the premium subscription of this rapey entitled incompetence since quite a while now and I can tell you it’s not going to end anytime soon and things are only going to get worse. I talk a lot of simulations and of course these are simulations and not even organic or natural simulations, these are artificial neuropolitical and sociopolitical simulations which are manipulated at the whims of those who have their control. In all of this artificiality, while witnessing and suffering this artificial shitshow I decided that I’ll keep my life as authentic as I possibly can. I don’t know about other regions, but in Purvanchal it is a totalitarian slavery situation which has been seamlessly stitched into religion and the reward and punishment dogma of it while being purely a rape and exploitation setup of a political origin. They are doing anything they want with the lives of people now, and lives of totally innocent and good people who don’t deserve what is being done to them. It’s sad but it is what it is and once you realise it, if you are a good person, all your desires and ambitions die down. Though you must accumulate, as accumulation is the only way that gets left once you realise this setup. 

Forty Seven

What does a blog become for a wannabe writer? A place where he writes his thoughts for himself as well as others, as a journal is where he writes thoughts only for himself. In late 2000s and early 2010s I used to blog my life, my opinions and posted my stories and poetry on my blogs. That old blog still survives and so does my mindset during those days. I look back and realise that other than writing my mind and opinions on the blog, the main focus of my writing were poetry and short stories. Later I started writing philosophical stuff, and then after realising the depth of political control over people, I also decided to write political stuff just to give them a framework of truth, whether they believe me or not, if they need it in the future. I sometimes enjoy writing surrealistic stuff but just sometimes, surrealism is a mood based thing for me what I really like is writing fiction and fantasy and sometimes non-fiction when I deem it is essential. I have quite a few blogs where I write, and I'm still making up my mind about where I must put my serialised fiction and serialised novellas and novels. This blog serves as my standard philosophy dump where I unload the philosophy that brews in my head along with my political and deep political observations about this country and the world. I have come a long way when it comes to writing, but unfortunately not in grammar, and while I used to write posts about world being "maya" or illusion and hypothesising about it, I now know for sure how much of it is maya, at least in politico-economic and socio-economic sense, and how. I know how the culture is just a programming. It is in late 2010s that I realised the redundancy of stories, but then I also realised that even if writing and stories are more or less redundant after what I now know about the world, I now feel that stories and writing will never go redundant till the time humans feel love and pain and are sentient enough to empathize.

Ting Ting

You feel the taste of metal in your mouth. Problems need to be resolved at the level they are created. If it is a socio-lingustic problem compounded with a socio-economic problem it needs to dealt with in these domains. The reality of the situation is even if you are not guilty and are beaten up for no reason at all you will still feel the pain. It's the law and it's how things work. Once you realise that there is no karma, things get easy. The setup that inflicts infinite trauma on bodies and minds of people, and deceptively kills them from inside doesn't feel any trauma. Once you get turned into a demon, you evolve like a demon, it's like a pokemon evolution, just that you get worse and worse for others. You start as a lizard and you evolve into komodo dragon and unlike the good people your body doesn't rebel against it, it doesn't want to kill you for overstepping morality, it just evolves you from a lower demon to a higher demon. The final form in the realm of criminality is Hector Salamanca, yes from Breaking Bad, inherently selfish and no qualms about morality at all, just focused on the goal money, power and sex. This is the kind of individuals that rule above us and they have prevented kids from growing up. You see more manchildren then there were in 90s, and even more than the 80s. Boys used to grow up and take their place in society, as a man. Now only a select few boys are allowed to grow into men, the rest remain man children. It's the scheme of Hector Salamancas of our time. They hate to see people happy, they hate to see them enjoy their lives and they would do anything to prevent it, heck they would ruin childhoods of little children so that they have nothing to fall back on when they are adults, no nostalgia whatsoever and they stitch this totalitarian slavery and torture with religion seamlessly when the truth is that the real Gods are Hector Salamancas sitting on the wheel chair, ringing the bell and making their younger versions inflict torture on totally helpless and innocent people and a lot of it involves torturing souls of people on the basis of relationships and destroying their minds and bodies with grief and guilt. The goal power and money and of course sex. It is simple isn't it. As unfortunate as it is, the mechanisms of empathy don't really exist in these individuals, what exists is the will of asserting dominance and superiority even if it's based on nothing substantial. They will steal your resources and then assert dominance on you on the basis of the very resources that they steal from you, your resources. As you can see God doesn't interfere, He just watches. He just watches you play that game of "at least things are not worse" or "things could have been worse."

Thoughspill

Who decides if you are an artist or writer or not? I want to write, I want to build worlds. I hate the tag of a writer, but I want to write amazing stuff, the kind of stuff that I wanted to read but doesn’t exist. Writing is a hobby and it can never be a profession for me especially after really understanding what profession really means, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not serious about it. I take all Nanowrimos seriously but I don’t write. If you want to create, you must create. Nanowrimos don’t work in my country, it’s not a thing here, if I do a Nanowrimo it’s a betrayal because of the word national. I could do with a Nowrimo or a Wonowrimo. My goals have been clear for quite some time. Churn out stuff that I enjoy reading, what is lacking is my ability, not the inherent, just the present ability. I enjoy writing and I hope to probably reach the place where I am able to put my creativity on paper.

Vaishnav Jan

It's about creation of new worlds, because as far as I know reality has collapsed. I want to create new worlds because I was lucky enough to inhabit worlds created by good people to escape even when reality hadn't collapsed. These good people created worlds in their image, great worlds with defined good and evil with evil losing everytime which when you grow up, you realise is not the case. Evil doesn't lose, in fact it runs things. Of course there can be fictional town in this country where a superhero is active, fighting evil. It's the suspension of belief that is the problem when reality is so on the face. People don't read anymore and they also can't imagine and that's why worlds must be built to make them realise that escape from reality, which at this point has become murderous to say the least, is possible. I realised that philosophy is of no use, because the politics we are dealing with is of power and profit at the expense of others, and more torturous better it is, while maintaining, or at least trying to maintain, the facade of benevolence and order. I have seen this shit in depth, there is no order here. These bastards are doing anything they want with people and just presenting them analogies for why what happened to them happened. Stories matter and for me they are of two types mainly, one, which tell the truth of the world as it is, and two, that help people escape reality. However one of the reasons of the tremendous suffering that I have had in my life was my bookish idealism with which I dealt uncivilized people in this country. If you are civilized and have lived in this country for a while you end up realising that it was never your fault, being civilized in this country is a mistake and this setup of torture of civilized people is by design. I have been lucky to realise that all the rapes, every demonic thing that you see in this country happening is centrally propagated, I know it seems unbelievable but if you can make yourself believe me I have seen this shit up close and personal. The exploitation is this country has become so much that now it has become impossible to imagine a town like Malgudi, which R. K. Narayan was able to do. And in places like Purvanchal it has become impossible to think of Chacha Chaudhary without thinking of his caste. Who thought about Chacha Chaudhary's caste? I didn't. Situation is terrible and I know because I have seen it. There is a storm that is beneath the external order, and you can see it on the internet. Internet has been a boon, you finally end up knowing what Indian people actually think and for the most part it's not really that great. I follow Comic Book pages on Facebook, and I see those guys, now fathers of little kids who shared the same childhood as me still talking about comics as if the life in comics and the characters are real. Well, let me tell you, they are as real as it can get in this country. People, living breathing people, are not real for a certain class of individuals in this country. They off people like they are insects and torture them just for pleasure. People are just numbers for the most part until someone catches their interest and then they focus on him or her to make their life a spectacle. I belong to a particular community in Puravnchal, a community where women are respected, and it is in late 2010s I realised that rape is a currency in Purvanchal. I hadn't seen it ever in my childhood. I have seen shit that gives me stuff to write, not that I had any dearth of things to write before that. The setup is so simplistic that it would blow your mind. It's exploitation of any and every weakness, and if you are good you are fucked. What I saw promptly answered my question of why good people suffer, and I have been alive only 35 years and throughout my life I have seen good people suffering and perishing, it's because criminals rule over us, it's as simple as that. Actual and real criminals, in fact genocidal rapists rule over us. Ever miss the the time when you could go and play paintball without feeling it was too cool for you? There was a window for it, 2006-2012, and after that every fucking thing became too cool to do except for the fucks who drink alcohol and dance in Boiler Room. I have realised the control, and I know for sure that stories are redundant now and so is writing, but it still matters for old souls like me, people who appreciate tea on a rainy day with pakodas with Akashvani playing evergreen retro songs. Little joys of life have been raped out of people in the past decade. The ladies who used to write and create beautiful things are busy getting fucked by their gym trainers, which definitely is not something I feel bad for as everyone has the right to choose their happiness, only that I know that they are not doing it on their own accord, it's just exploitation in which they think that it's them who are making the decisions. I still write, and I will write noir, and I will write shit that is escapist and I will write shit that is true. I will build worlds in which people can escape, I will build worlds which reminds people of times forgotten and I will build worlds which gives people respite from this unending exploitation. 

Street Sh***er and Sons. Estd. 1947

When someone dictates your reality in a third-world country things kind of become funny. It was a revelation to me when I realised that even people's realities are dictated, and one cannot really have expected this in a country a lot of people struggle for basics such as food. Once you see the true face of this country you can't really go back to your older delusions. The inferiority even among those who think of themselves as superior to common people is tremendous and in the past decade every beauty has been sucked out of the soul of this nation. What remains is a barren landscape of intellectual and emotional poverty and exploitation through intimidation. It would be interesting to see what future holds for this country though the way things appear, it doesn't look so good. It was in mid 2010s that I realised the level exploitation is present at in this country. Once you realise that level, nothing really remains. The better realisation however is that you can realise that artificiality of the setup once you access your true self, which thanks to nature if once becomes aware promptly rejects the artificial and false political designs pumped into your being. I aim for beauty, because beauty is what people are deprived of in this country and it was very late that I realised that it was intentional. The sabotage had started for me very early on, and while a lot of good and kind souls opt for sex and drugs as respite for torture of their beings, I opted for self-study. And I realised that designers of things in this country are so incompetent that they didn't even bother with designing something complex, something that couldn't be decoded with a few years of self-study. This country is exactly what you see outside, just that it is a million times more ugly from inside. You live in this society for long and you realise that it is not worth adapting to. All the toll on your mental health is because the people of this country are not only predatory and opportunistic but also pathetic and I am definitely not talking about the good souls who still believe in God, relationships and think that everything would be alright in the end. The bottom line is that it's a criminal syndicate. I myself saw a bunch of rich individuals murdering people in real-time on a social media website that is very popular, I could see it because I'm a doctor and into mental health and later I realised that these motherfuckers had complete access to the lives, memories and backgrounds of those who they were murdering, and just for sport. This is the absolute state of this country. Religion is not faith, but delusion and officially. These motherfuckers operate with a sort of malignant dark humour towards people while they torture their souls and ruin their lives and rape the women in their families. I have a strong belief that dark humour only suits good people who have seen the edge, like a guy who has been in the depth of depression or dudes in the army. It's a superficial and fake country with a bunch of incompetent, idiotic and corrupt assholes deciding fates of people way better than them. What baffled me about this country was the lack of an intelligence establishment, or if what I dealt with was actually intelligence of this country then I'm now sure that it's just a bunch of criminals and rapists employed by bigger criminals and rapists, who, and it's the irony, are not even intelligent. What an absolute disappointment this country turned out to be from the times of Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, School Chale Hum and Bharat Bala videos and it was shocking to realise that one doesn't even own their own body and mind in this country and that they are accessible to absolute scum that you wouldn't want even a hundred kilometres near your family or yourself. I'm no fan of Winston Churchill and he was responsible for death of millions in the country but I agree on what his opinions on India were, especially now when I have no delusions. Here is one of his quotes: "If Independence is granted to India, power will go to the hands of rascals, rogues, freebooters; all Indian leaders will be of low calibre and men of straw. They will have sweet tongues and silly hearts. They will fight amongst themselves for power and India will be lost in political squabbles. A day would come when even air and water would be taxed in India." And here is another one which I used to get offended on but finally realised that it was right after seeing the unfiltered political reality of this nation: "Indians are a beastly people with a beastly religion". Once again he stands corrected not on the basis of spiritual theory but the practical aspects of how religion is practiced in this country, as a front for exploitation. Of course he knew about the country something that others weren't privy to and he was also privy to the patterns. We are watching this unfold in real-time now. And have no misconceptions, this shit is writing itself at this point. It's a sex based economy which turns into a rape based economy in the BIMARU states which is a surprise given the amount of repression that is present, though I'm proud of Gen Z for adapting well to this shitshow. 

Miracles

There are secrets to existence, but they are simple. In fact I was surprised after finding out how simple they were. You are sure about the nature of the world when you are studying science in school, but later you realise that you can't be sure of anything. The world, even the universe, can be a simulation for all you know. There are tangible things and tangible politics that make it seem that it's not a simulation but then you never know. We are but a blip in the grand scheme of things. An infinitesimal dot in the vast universe, if the scientific cosmology is true. There are religious cosmologies, like cosmologies of Abrahamic religions and cosmologies of Hinduism and Buddhism and Jainism. Anything can be true. I believe in the scientific cosmology and I also feel that the universe could be a simulation. I have seen intense suffering in my life, and this suffering negates the existence of God, though I know that He or She exists but now I know how by the virtue of this suffering. The God outside is pure politics, and there was a time, and I know that, when the God outside was in synergy with the God inside. I know, and I can feel it in my bones that there existed a time in this country, in this land when the God outside was also the God inside people. Or you may say Gods instead of just God. Hinduism had immense beauty once, and it was more than Jai Shree Ram. The wrestlers believed in Lord Hanuman. The idealists believed in Lord Ram. The enlightened believed in Lord Krishna. The outcasts believed in Lord Shiva and the warriors believed in Divine Mothers. The ones who rule above people sold the Gods. Politics became the only god, and through it sex, money and resources. Science has served its purpose, I mean its purpose to the politics, as I later realised that science was never meant for the common people, it was a slip that was promptly corrected once the method of totalitarian enslavement of people was developed. I believe that God is solely composed of love, fear has nothing to do with God. Even in the case of of Divine Mothers of Wrath whom I serve. Delusions can't match the truth. Though when people become like crops, or a slab of meat on a conveyor belt, it stops to matter. The ugliness of things really was too much but I adapted. I came to know the truth, and it's cheap. Though the grand truth is not. The grand truth of existence is beautiful, it's indifferent to humanity but beautiful nevertheless. I really hope that something cares for humanity in the universe, but I have seen enough suffering to realise that it's not the case. It's all politics and economics, all of it and at a level that it doesn't matter now if we find wormholes in the universe or terraform other planets. The slavery will go with us wherever we go. Sometimes I think maybe this is how God intended it to be, but then there is a word for it in psychology, learned helplessness. It felt really mythical when one could believe that it was aliens who helped men make pyramids in Egypt, but then you mature and realise that it was just slavery, something that was overtly present just a century ago and something that is covertly present even now. 

Electric Universe

It's fun when you have to rectify the retardation of others. It's like showing them how it is done. It's a whole different thing that the motherfuckers I'm showing it are incapable of learning. India turned out to be a very social society and in a way that useless fucks who do not matter to you at all occupy your mind and your mental processes for no reason other than wasting your time. Still it doesn't matter in the long run once you learn to compartmentalise, you keep doing your job while the thoughts of the useless fucks keep occupying a large portion of your mental processing. The trick is to keep doing what you are doing and to not stop. The incompetence and retardation is real and unfortunately it comes with a side of entitlement. The entitlement, however, I suspect, is not even side, it's fused into the main. I kept dealing with disbelief and cognitive dissonance until I became completely sure that it is the incompetence, idiocy and retardation of totally inept yet unfathomably cruel assholes that is flowing in the nerves of people in this country. It's like a movie in which you have to act, the script is decided and so is the future of the main character that is you, I mean you are the main charcater in your life, but like in a B-grade movie the scripts keeps changing in real-time depending on the whims of these incompetent yet somehow entitled assholes. When charge of your life is not in your hands but in the hands of absolute bottom of humanity who somehow still have the main character energy there is not much left to do except taking the front row seat, grabbing popcorn and enjoying the Kanti Shah's Angoor that your life is. I mean I could have got along with a pre-decided fate but the real unfortunate tragedy was when I realised the real-time nature of it. I see the civilization imploding in real-time just because the assholes at the top couldn't employ right people for the job. Like God made man in his image, they employed the assholes in their image. For people like me, there is more to life than permanence. I like the people who plant trees so that their future generations can rest in shade and eat fruits. The future generations, however, would be showing their fruits on OnlyFans. What was unbearable to me in all of it was the cheapness of it all. It's like all the finer things that civilizations developed all throughout humanity were just decoys, and it happened because these motherfuckers decided to have all the finer things for themsleves and destroy all the finer things that others have. They decide to delete refinement from the lives of others so that they can feel like emperors, when they could have refined their own shit in a more finer way than the others and that would have acted as a distinction. I mean I was done when I realised that food is a subject of discrimination in this land. It is a real issue, and it is an issue because individuals have been employed to discriminate with people on the basis of food. How cheap can shit get? And since I have seen it, I'll tell you there is no limit to it. Once you realise that people are discriminated for eating a pizza bought from their own money, everything ends. It is as if something like a pizza, essentially a food item is gold that is to be gatekept. It betrays the mindset of individuals who control and unfortunately also write the fates of people in this country. When things get this basic, you realise that growth is impossible, and not because it can't be but because it is how it is meant to be. It is then one realises that British left the power not in hands of Nehru but in hands of criminal extortionists who ended up accumulating enough to rule, but couldn't upgrade their class and so they decided to end the refined cultures in the lower classes making it in the image of the general compartment of Indian Railways, which of course was designed by the British, where people kill each other for a seat. Of course there is no hope, neither personal nor collective. What one can do is try to survive and accumulate, that's the only thing that one can do. God is not in the picture, he never was. He was always a decoy, but he lives inside you watching this shit show unfolding. This country has collapsed from inside, the shell remains and it probably would remain. There are no trees to be planted for future generations, just live in present, have fun and try to preserve what you have. We are dealing with colossal incompetence coupled with entitlement, and this has no cure. 

Brutus in The War

I want the writing to be pristine and yet it carries the grotesque embellishments of the rape that is ever present in the existence. It just can't be done away with because it is part of existence just as breathing is. I hate pimping my life but I sometimes derive from it as it is a never ending resource for inspiration which is essential for writing. I'm against cruelty but it is not the cruelty that disappoints me in the order of things, it is the incompetence. I wouldn't have been incompetent, but then I wouldn't have been cruel too. When you achieve the absolute in optimization of cruelty and incompetence it is here you reach, which is funny because incompetence and optimization don't go hand in hand but here they do. Genocides are protested against throughout the world and yet only a few, except those who are committing it know that they are still going on and at the most unassuming of locations. In a quaint town old families disappear one by one and no one bats their eyes. Families perish, they have been perishing since time immemorial but those who know, know. The next generation takes control and slowly slips into oblivion and then ceases to exist altogether. It's not about families and family names dying though. It's actually about the mix of cruelty and incompetence that goes hand in hand in a land which once boasted of culture. The culture now is the sliced lemon with green chillies on the road, throwing ones misfortune on to someone unassuming, especially the unassuming. I flip back the pages of memory and find myself in a new school with a green and black bag, eager to start anew. Starting anew was my style, I was that guy who loved to start with a clean state, to what effect, for what goal, it is still unclear but from the looks of it the goals were lofty, not too lofty but enough to justify my existence and none of it was something that I didn't deserve. Jesus died for sins of people and people are still busy committing sins and not even with guilt, they commit sins as if they are their rights. So one realises that there are scapegoats. I am a scapegoat, I suffer for the sins of my people, and one of the most unforgivable sins of my people is being good, when you are good you get corrupted in a different way than when you are not. The process is entirely different. Goodness fears in a way, evil doesn't. Fear is always present in goodness and once goodness is informed of the extent of evil that is present, it wants to die along with the one who contains it. I suffer for my people, and I suffer my naive assumptions that I made in the past that come back to haunt me. I suffer the filters that are put in the society to filter out people, and put them in their supposed places fuelled by the engine of incompetence and cruelty. My naive assumptions did me much wrong but then I realise that nothing has been a better teacher for me than them. The green and black bag that I carried to a new school, the lies that I told myself to cope with an extreme personal loss, the loss of actually being myself, the loss of containing me due to a pressure that I had solely imagined but ultimately turned out to be as real as night and day. But it is what made me. I tried to start with a clean slate twice after. I mean you can turn a new leaf, you can start over, you can reinvent yourself, right? Wrong. The truth is so cheap that you will puke for days. That's how cheap the truth is, and it is grotesque in the most pathetic manner. It's like killing the goat as personification of your own shortcomings or misfortune. You have low self-esteem, personify it as a goat, and sacrifice it and then cook it and distribute the meat in the community, unfortunately the lack of self-esteem doesn't get cured still so you must find a new goat to sacrifice and this cycle goes on infinitely, and what applies on goats applies on humans too, Inca did human sacrifices? You would be surprised. Memory presents itself in odd ways and to prevent oneself from becoming an unreliable narrator one has to really lean in on their hardened instincts and reason. Here is a secret, hell doesn't have culture, and if there is a culture no matter how high or low, it is not hell and neither is it heaven. 

Reclamation

A Maruti 800 with an engine of an f1 car. A hope for a rendezvous where small talk leads to lengthy conversations. You are never enough, because you already are. Nothing you do would make you enough because you already are enough. Realisation takes some time to settle in. The illusion of being a gladiator in the Colosseum didn't last long because it was not the Colosseum, just a street show with madaris and you did the tightrope walking for quite long thinking that you have the nuclear button that detonates if you don't keep walking on the right rope. Delusions abound. The fighter jet crashes in a population dense are and it becomes a news, while population dense areas are filled with frequent sporadic implosions. Is the source for the jet crashes and implosions the same? One would never know that. You sit at the poolside in the vanilla twilight looking at the faraway sierra seeing the strawberry avalanche while hoping that a meteor comes crashing down from the deep space like the jurassic times. This game doesn't have a level up, you just keep on playing, endlessly in an infinite loop. The clouds hover above the head, the Japanese soldiers didn't turn out to be Japanese enough, Nanking however is still going on while the the basketcase is scapegoated and photographed with dead bodies of naked women. A man hastily limps across the bus to keep a hanky on the seat for his blind friend when a transgender climbs in the bus and flashes to a teenage boy. The cosmic entities are having fun looking at a bunch of idiots playing Sims 4 and Civilization VI, they choose not to interrupt. The end is not a meteor, it's implosion, as the entropy of sporadic implosions combine and implodes together and cityscapes turn to dust giving rise to mold and peepal and banyan trees growing from the cracks of walls which once held the weight of civilization. 

Morbin Time

You remember exactly when world turned to shit, your world not the outside world. The outside world has been shit for a while, but just for some, it's great for others. It's like wearing pink-tinted glasses when you want to see the good but you had started to see shit in black and white. The gritty need not be realism, it may be delusion too. You decided on some shit, on wearing night vision goggles in the day and black sunglasses at night. You hope for a better future, in general but then it will probably end up with chicken sausages and ketchup oozing from a fat pie. The inebriation of alcohol could have been a chance for an experience and yet it couldn't be because of the toll tax you have to pay at the gate. That's what it is, everyone turns into an enforcer of the toll plaza. The nerve impulses travelling through your body at light speed are being used to give pulse polio drops to children. It's a cold chain, and there is not much left to do except eating fried momos with Schezwan chutney. Dr. Strangelove could meet Dr. Bill Harford but the meeting wouldn't go as planned because Guyton and Clarke are burned deep into the memory of Harford. Guyton and Clarke fuel him although he remains a charlatan no matter what he does. The masks are off despite the anonymous nature of things. Face isn't the only thing that is recognised. Intimacy sells like bhelpuri, you can put a coin in the vending machine and get your fix. Star Wars wait for independence day and that day will never come as the rover on Mars is searching for minerals. The negro silently drinks his masala coffee sitting besides the coolie who drinks his chai while the hazelnut latte steams. Isn't it funny heaven's doors are closed because there is an orgy going on inside and only pious place that remains is hell. Devil sharpens his horns and calls on his demons. Beelzebub waits to pounce on the ones rejected from the heaven but what about those who were late to the party. The ashram suffers mass hysteria and dysthymia and the demons dance in joy. Heaven's doors still closed with a do not disturb sign hanging outside. The elevator to hell takes you to depths and you find it's all the souls who didn't even hurt a fly, lord of the flies is pleased with them and so he gifts them an existence that is shittier than that on the earth but better than that in heaven. The ashvins call on their horses, put on their stethoscope and get on them. Usha wakes up, it's dawn time. Cockroaches scurry in hell, demons start dancing, and the lord of the air, Vayu sits silently seeing the cyclone which he can't control. The power was lost when the river dried and there is nothing to do anymore except looking at the state of heaven. The world has turned to shit, but the pink glasses help, a cockroach from hell managed to climb to the world and all that remains is a Chernobyl of decaying desires. It's mornin' time. Probably it's morbin time too. 

Kamikaze

You see the world imploding into pieces. The mushroom clouds are not the only thing that have the capability of destroying the world. The fungus on this rock rotating in the space with its underground network of parastic suckers has caused an implosion no mushroom cloud can watch. Fatman goes for the little boy, that's the rule for the world. Little boys don't cause much damage, but fat men do. Hiroshima and Nagasaki now make way for Chiba City. The ramen turned cold as a black cat walks out of the funk band concert. Do you like eggs in your ramen? I prefer a soft boiled egg with runny yolk so that when I poke it the yoke runs out and mixes in the ramen. Hard memories are hard memories and soft ones are soft. The triangular patch of land defined by poplar trees couldn't hold a secret, and it was for the best. Fat men and little boys, go to the triangular patch of land, while some other little boys get a cheap mini bioscope to see someone who has left their family way behind spread themsleves eagle. It's about sofas you know, it takes time and effort and probably a bunch of murders or probably more than a bunch of murders for sofas to become couches. What about nicotine patches? Sherlock Holmes uses cocaine when living in the 19th century and switched to nicotine patches in the 21st. It's not about utility. It never was. Otherwise beanbags would have been for resting your ass and for nothing else. This is baffling, that is baffling, when actually nothing is baffling. It's a blackhole, or may be some other colour but hole it is. And it's land, triangular patch or not. You see leaves of Eucalyptus falling like poetry in motion and you still remember the mustard fields, the defilement of soul attached to the kachchi ghani as you remember the dropsy that swelled up the bodies of people leading them to God. It's opposite of big bang, it's not expansion. This shit is imploding within itself. Hopefully it is an alien race, like City 17, that feigns operating from Chiba City. Hopefully it's not tribal chiefs, who turned into wendigo. The kami still roam in the graveyard of souls in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but that doesn't negate the fact that it's all about fat men and little boys. 

Digimon

Should writing be adapted to the world we live in or should be explore new territories or build new things. It is hard for me to decide this at present because I have realised the extent of slavery that is present in this country. It is hundred percent or maybe more than a hundred percent as I have felt it but it depends on person to person, some people might be totally enslaved or some might be totally free it's hard to tell, the general pattern is that those who are not free are held accountable or responsible for things done through them and those who are free are irresponsible and accountable to no one. Once you understand the setup it stops to matter, but then I grew up with Doordarshan propaganda and Bharat Bala videos so the idea of an independent and free India refuses to leave my mind even though I have realised the slavery and the irreversible nature of it. I think the level the slavery is at, micromanaging daily lives and emotions of people and not in their favour but against it, these motherfuckers should come out of the woodworks now. There is going to be shock when people realise that they are enslaved up to their bones, and depending on how much they know people might choose to off themsleves and their families. I know enough but I'm just trapped because this shit sounds insane on paper, but it's been there for a while now. Living in a dystopia isn't that great but then as they say, it's all in the mind and it is me who wanted to know the truth of the world, though what I meant was about nature and universe but I ended up knowing the political truth which ends up making my interest in nature and universe redundant. Turns out kingdoms exist, as of course they can as they are just mental constructs and you can have your imaginary kingdom when you exercise absolute control over minds and bodies of people, though what I think is that these constructs should be made into reality by telling the citizens so that they have the choice to exist or not in the said kingdoms. You end up realising that the regions, which might be also kingdoms at a deeper level in a feudal structure, are just feeders for corporations. I mean I was kind of a very Encyclopedia Britannica guy interested in science and universe but we are all seeing how science and scientific curiosity is fairing post 2010. The dilemma for me as far as writing goes is that characters normally have agency which since I have seen the whole setup, people don't really have in the real life and world. I'm just glad that I have seen the wondrous nature of mother nature that rejects political control over the mind when you become aware of the control. Though becoming aware of the control is the hardest part and it is why I write about it. It's not about the deception it is about deception and actively torturing and raping people, as far as exploitation goes it is a constant so it's not even worth mentioning. The question of individual agency is the biggest question and it is what now prevents me from writing stories which I used to write during my naive days of late 2000s and early 2010s. Still I might focus on world building and exploring new ideas in my writing. Writing is redundant but not totally useless. Humans are a resilient species and even though existence for people like me becomes futile after the loss of privacy and freedom, one might actually end up discovering something new through resilience. 

Northern Song

When you have located the cause of suffering and dealt with it, all that remains is survival, having fun and doing fun. I love writing so I would continue writing no matter the political environment and any which ways my goal was never to write political shit, I just wanted to write shit that was fun, entertaining and very pop culture. When I was in my early 20s I used to think of visiting Comic Cons, music fests and lit fests. That has lost its sheen for me after realising the stratification and how people are prevented from visiting these places despite spending their own money. Comic Cons might still be fun though but not as much as when there was actual indigenous art and entertainment. Imagining of indigenous worlds has ceased, or if it is still present and I'm not aware of it then it's a whole other thing. I like world building though my political awakening has kind of made it seem futile but anyway worlds that we can inhabit or escape into, especially if they are indigenous when reality is unbearable, are always helpful. Some vibes stay with you, you like them like the new wave of Indian comics that started in late 2000s and ended in mid 2010s stays with me. I kind of like the dark world of comic Odayan, it is dark and brutal but what makes it different, from reality as I know of now, that the characters good or bad have agency. I like the idea of Northern Song, a strip published in Comic Jump where a mystical warrior decides to fight a demon for saving a little girl, the writer of which is now doing BJP vs Congress on Instagram and YouTube. There are many examples of awesome comics and narratives, that too indigenous during the little window for indigenous comics between late 2000s and mid 2010s before shit went south for Indian comics, creativity and I would say this country in general. In my personal writing, along with doing other things, I want to build on that creative window along with creating with inspirations that I had from 90s awesome comics. I have realised that escapism is the only way to tolerate this nation, but if you are intelligent you would first face the truth before retreating into the comfort of your imagination. Indigenous lore and storytelling has been completely annihilated from what I see and I may be wrong but I think I'm quite in touch with Indian literature, comics and pop culture. Foreign media remains the only resort, anime, cartoons, superhero movies and video games but we aren't learning about our own culture and building aesthetics of our own culture by consuming them, are we? 

Bagpipes From Baghdad

You experience the deeper existence and you have to cut off needless stuff. When I was having my experiences of political sabotage, the first thing I did was decide on my politics. You have to be clear about your politics even if it doesn't matter because this shit is political in nature. The next thing you have to be clear about is the linguistics. I prefer 20th century literary English and 20th century literary Hindi as my standard linguistics other than my mother tongue that I learned from my family, colloquial languages of the places I have lived at and the internet lingo, popular at present being the Gen Z lingo like fanum tax. English is important because unfortunately or fortunately it is the most evolved and travelled language in the world. Once you decide on your politics and linguistics, life becomes simple. I stick to my politics no matter what. The setup is global so nationalism doesn't matter much but I was a nationalistic person, not much but enough. I think a bit of nationalism should be in everyone. I was patriotic too, a very patriotic person if you will. It is only after realising that those who control lives of people in this country are doing anything with the lives of people my nationalism and patriotism went cold turkey because I realised that these are enforced delusions while exploitation and manipulation keeps going on. Still, I retain the sentiment of patriotism and nationalism for times if they get better which don't really seem they will especially when the scenario of saving one's own ass at the expense of others is progressively getting worse. My political beliefs are simple, I'm against caste based exploitation and think that everyone must have the right to preserve their culture. I have no problem with any religion except Islam, but I don't blame Muslims for it, I just think that it is a faulty and an invasive philosophy and I don't think Muslims should be persecuted on the basis of religion and they must have all the rights, though as far as perks and privileges go Muslims must only get that when Pakistan and Bangladesh are united with this country because it is the only religion that needed to break and divide this land despite this country having several other religions and not only that even after doing that it didn't leave this country. This is what my politics is. And anyway in a country where, and I have seen it, people are tortured for and on whims of criminal idiots, properly laid out thinking and ideology rarely works. The thing to really pay attention on is that it's all economic in nature, and current reality at least at the neuropsychological level is of totalitarian exploitation while keeping people discontent, disoriented and depressed. So greater nationalistic agendas stop to matter. The ones who are controlling this nation are letting foreign corporations do anything to the people of this country. Like I said, it's basically Bihar's jungle raj at this point just on a neuropsychological level. It is for this reason I advocate for having fun. You want to have that beer, have it. The internal moral framework of this nation has collapsed and from what I know, since very long. All that remains is dogma and nationalistic propaganda through which people are manipulated.

Kaithi

You got to swim in the sea of shit sometimes to finally get to where you wanted. There was no requirement for the hell that I went through in my life, but I documented it so that it's easy for the others. What I saw was demonic but then it is hell. The most disappointing thing of it all was that you don't have to be guilty, you can be totally innocent and yet you can be thrown in hell for perpetual torture. It's basically whims of the assholes who run the show. Nothing can get sadder than this, and yet here we are. We are dealing here with Joffrey Bratheon, and multiply it with a million or probably more, level of cruelty. The worse part of it all is that the entitlement and the cruelty doesn't really match the ability, there is a huge gap between them. I realised that the setup is specifically for innocents, for torturing their souls and raping and exploiting them but even if that is the case, I had expected some class and that I found lacking. Imagine the worst kind of lower class scum, and that scum is privy to your deepest insecurities and secrets which again are exploited continuosly. Thankfully, my secrets and insecurities were no more than decoys. Since 2016, I have faced Purvanchal at a deeper level and realised the reason for the death of the culture in the region. What remains of culture is just an empty shell and despite the demonic level of sexual repression through religious and other means in the region, the engine that runs the culture runs solely on rape and I would suppose even when culture was actually a thing in the region. Change, I realise, is impossible because these individuals are addicted to rape as a way of life and changing that is impossible what is easier is to eliminate those who have seen the setup. I would suppose that it's similar in the rest of the country too. My deep love for my religion, that is Hinduism, as a religion as well as a syncretic culture was affected after seeing what I saw, religion as a tool for perpetuating rape and exploitation. This, my friends, is the state of a region that has Varanasi, the spiritual capital, of this country. It's totally godless, except the god that resides in the faiths of people who inhabit this region. I am an atheist but I respect the Gods and deities of Hinduism, there is a kind of faith or there was, as it was shaken when I saw the reality of the region which is totally about politics and exploitation and at a level so deep that not only it is impossible to get rid of it, it is also impossible to know that it is political conspiracies that are ruining your and your family's life and causing you suffering which includes suffering related to health. The modus operandi is giving you faux analogies for your suffering, you did this so this is happening to you and this is repeated infinitely justifying that since you did this, it multiply infinitely and hit you as karma. What went wrong in my case however is that I haven't really hurt even a fly in my life, and except for jacking off on porn I haven't done anything that karma would hit me and it is when things became overt and thanks to my knowledge of medicine and psychiatry, I was able to decode it. The control is absolute and suffering is inevitable, but knowing the truth that suffering is not because of you and that it's just a bunch of lower class rapists employed against the middle class, and unaware upper class and of course the lower class where these motherfuckers do anything they want, by the rich, probably oligarchs and corporations who might be arranged in a multilevel manner, greatly reduces the suffering. It's basically totalitarianism imposed by a criminal syndicate and there is nothing called intelligence establishment in this country. It is here you come to know why the police, media and judiciary is the way it is in this country. I will probably suffer and die but then I know enough to not care about that. Though if things get legal, I've got to keep my insanity plea ready. The worst part of it all was I had no business in this shit. I stayed out of Purvanchal whole of my life due to my father's transferable job and I didn't even know this shit. Only two goals that I had were healing people and earning money through it and writing, and yet here we are. It's basically sex, money and resources and at the deepest level, where people think there is God. As far as people go, we all know it's survival. 

The Philosophy of Mind in Present Political Context

Actual philosophy of things can only be understood when you start thinking about things as entities. The philosophy of mind in the present times is political in nature because for a lot of people the political setting we live in, makes it impossible to know the real nature of their mind and character. One way to know about your essence is to pay attention on your likes, dislikes and interests. In modern times we are dealing with thoughts as entities, thought is a political unit in the world we live in for most people though it, without knowing the background, is impossible to know for whom thoughts are actively political and for whom they aren’t. Our consciousness is composed of thoughts, sensations, emotions and feelings and the politics of our times converts these simple units to complex units in form of thought complexes, sensation complexes, emotion complexes and feeling complexes. These complexes span the particular type of space-time that is part of our lives that is the places we have lived at and the time we have spent there. Every place at a particular time produces a different feeling or sensation which you experience in terms of emotion and sensation complexes and this is not limited to actual places only, it might also apply to places which physically don’t exist, such as a social media website that you frequent or frequented. You experience the emotion and sensation complexes related to time and place in form of nostalgia and you can feel how good that time was if it is a case of nostalgia or how bad that time was if it was a traumatic event though generally the human mind tries to suppress painful memories. Here is simplified model of the mind’s consciousness, think of your consciousness as desktop environment (DE) of a Linux computer, like KDE Plasma, MATE, GNOME, Xfce etc. and the thoughts, sensations, feelings and emotionns the processes running on it. I prefer to call it the subconscious out of personal preference but the accurate term would be unconscious, and you could call the uncoscious, in Linux terms, the kernel of the mind. In the socio-political reality that we are living in in the present times, the processes running on the DE may not be necessarily your own and your DEs connection to the kernel might be bypassed and connected to another kernel. Sounds crazy? This is the socio-political reality we are living in today. In this scenario it becomes increasingly difficult to know our own actual preferences. In this kind of a setting, for social survival, when we can’t trust our processes we might need external rulesets such as ideals or codes for navigating the society, like for example one can follow the rules of Bhagwad Geeta or take guidance from the seven deadly sins of Christianity or follow the Samurai code of Bushido. Keeping the mental processes that are in your control is the key, because complexities only makes life tough. The unconscious, if you are aware of the political reality, adapts itself and resists exploitation. This was just an example of thinking of simple and complex things as entities in a psychopolitical perspective. It can be applied in any other science or art as well. 

Kabhi Vice Kabhi Gham

I mean one can be a reporter for Vice, collecting stories from margins of society or one can spend time reading philosophers trying to build philosophical systems for the betterment of society and humanity. The human experience can be complex or it can be simple. I have seen both sides of human experience, complex as well as simple and I argue for simple. Keep your life as simple as you can. Just food, clothing and shelter, money and your interests and duties. The most baffling realisation for me was that society is in our head. I mean literally, as I wouldn't have been baffled if it wasn't literal. Society literally flows in our nerves. Someone who you give zero fucks about because he or she doesn't matter to you, not because she is your enemy or something but because they don't really matter in your life, they flow in your nerves. The society is in your head and your nerves, even individuals who don't matter to you. It's all social but majorly it is political. It has everything to do with caste and religion and nothing to do about God. We in our lives have to do with spiritual parasites of political origin. These individuals are criminals with the intent to send you in hell for eternity, which in worldly terms means perpetual neuropsychological torture and sabotage, whether you have done anything or not solely fuelled by hatred which is whimsical or baseless or both. This realisation is horrifying to say the least, that your life is in hundred percent control of individuals who don't have the ability to understand psychological, philosophical and cultural nuances but nuances are not even required because the goal is deriving pleasure from pain of people. This is the most basic goal. It is here simplifying life matters because it all becomes about survival then. Simplifying complex systems is a skill and in a setup where it's a predatory setting, a negative sum game for all except who are designing the game and manipulating people by employing psychological and spiritual parasites to feed off people's pain and misery while causing them it becomes important. This predatory and exploitative entity feigns being God because practically it is having complete control over our minds, bodies, relationships but in reality it's a neuropolitical setup with socio-economic priorities mindlessly and whimsically skimming people off the top layer as they rise socioeconomically and employing criminals people and whole families to induce inertia and conflict in people, in families and among families and within society. Only solution remains then is to simplify one's life as much as possible and loving and tolerating your family as much as you can. 

Ghitorni

Metaphysics begins where ethology ends. But ethology doesn't really end so metaphysics begins in the illusion of end of ethology. Having vast lives is a privilege, not everyone has the privilege to have a vast life. Writing like Maria Popova is only worth it if you can write like Charles Bukowski. Gentleness has its perks, but sometimes souls need to be shaken up. I developed this style of introducing shock, and I know it's not cool especially if repeated often but what becomes a habit becomes a habit. You write gentle prose and then suddenly shit gets transgressive, and I got the inspiration from the real world, when I realised that however gentle soul you might be your life can flip into transgression any second. We are connected to the same source that the guy ogling at women and masturbating at metro station is connected to, the same source to which the woman who sells her gonorrhoea to customers for fifty rupees. See, I did it again, but it doesn't mean that it is not true. I try to search for my tinfoil hat but I know that it is not going to help. What would actually help is building a basement, a bomb shelter, in the mind. It's not a big deal though, once you think about it it manifests in your mind. It prevents thievery from you while you can dish out decoys to confuse the thieves. What actually matters is safe in the basement, in the bomb shelter. You can think of noir, a decaying city, but reality is actually noir when you share the same psychological realm as the guy who ogles at you at the metro station or the woman who distributes gonorrhoea for fifty rupees. If there is any consolation, it is that it's not their fault. They are just receivers, of the fate delivered to them and, it appears, without any fault of theirs. The real shame, however, is that we share the same psychological realm with those who deliver these fates to them. Do we share the psychological realms with the people we admire? That awesome scientist, that cool ass model or that hot babe who awakens something in you that got awakened only when you saw Salma Hayek in your teenage years? Of course we do. Though it stops to matter for people like me. I just want a tinfoil hat that works and a one way ticket to a loney island with trees and a bit of farmland. One of the best quotes I have ever read is this: Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. Not because you need to have a great mind, but for the simple reason that "hell is other people". The ancient civilization has collapsed into a prison rape spectacle and yet the veneer of kirtan goes on. The bottom line is not thick, but it's long, and I have travelled through its length. I talk in bottom line not because it's cool but to save those who don't have the luxury of having vast lives. To save those who for no fault of theirs might end up masturbating at a metro station or contracting gonorrhoea. 

Own Way

What does a man want? A home, a profession, financial security, a little bit of land for farming, a Toyota hatchback, a pickup truck, a motorcycle and a dirtbike. That’s all the materialism that a man actually wants. Demons, however, want more. A mid 20s alternative of man materialism would be, a 1 BHK flat, a mattress, a laptop, an internet connection and a stove or microwave and if we are talking luxury, a gaming console. That’s how a man lives. It’s the women who are into expansion as far as domestic affairs go, they are into making the 1 BHK flat, home. Men don’t want a home, especially in modern times, because they subconsciously know that it doesn’t exist anymore. Women are always tied to family because they know that in a predatory world they can’t exist without support, men however can and they do. But then who are the predators? It’s men of course, men are the predators the women save themselves from, and who the men who live in 1BHKs try to avoid by playing games on their consoles. It’s always been men. Men are the demons. Of course demonesses are there too but they are controlled by the demons and sometimes control the demons below them. Women are as territorial as men, but the game of power dynamic ruins the fun. There won’t be wars if women ruled the world. Well, the doubts arrive if you see the general patterns of how power corrupts, even the fairer sex. What should the man with Toyota hatchback, pick up and farmland do? He should farm, grow grains and produce and chill at his farm near the tubewell. What should a guy with a 1BHK, mattress and gaming console do? Return from work and chill. Maybe order a pizza, put on some good TV show or a movie, crack open a beer. The bottomline is this, the world is a harem. Family doesn’t exist, if you know the bottom line. If you don’t know the bottom line, it definitely exists and also because you love your family. But we don’t decide bottom lines, demons and demonesses do. So family exists only to torture your soul and it is so because you love them. The world is a harem and that’s why the guy with farmland and Toyota hatchback must chill at his farm, near the tubewell, with the tubewell sprinkling fresh water droplets on his face and the trees at his farm giving him shade. Heck, he might even crack open a beer or two. The world is a harem and that’s why the guy with 1 BHK must lie on his mattress playing videogames after a hard day of work. The world is a harem and they must know that. They must know that they are studs, no, not the Johnny Bravo kind, but the animal husbandry kind. They are studs that the harem uses to impregnate its concubines. And so at the farm the dude with Toyota hatchback chills under the shade of the tree, near the tubewell, sipping beer and the 1 BHK guy chills while watching a good movie, munching potato chips and sipping beer. 

Gur Nalo Ishq Mitha

Your soul remains. Despite all the pressures of family, society, government and deep state. What you are, is what you are. There is no changing that. You riding your superbike while a kiranawala rode his moped full of kirana goods is what made this country beautiful, but back then the kiranawala wasn't dissatisfied with his work and depressed. What made him depressed was constant comparison and baiting by greed. Love bloomed once. You played multiplayer fps games with your friends on a local area network and went on bike rides with them stopping at dhabas for tea. You didn't know of the corruption in the underbelly. All you saw was the beauty of this country, and it only took 5g network to dismantle the actual image of this country, to show the perverse control over every life in this country. Your soul still remains, the beauty still remains. There is no redemption but then there is no redemption required. Existence is wondrous despite all the suffering, torture and struggles. You live till you die. That's the deal, so make sure that you live. A lot of fear stems from fear of the unknown. From belief that God is some despotic, capricious ruler who sends you to hell for little things. If you think so, you don't know God. God doesn't do that. God doesn't intimidate, God doesn't blackmail. God is pure love and all the things made of love. Nature is beautiful and wondrous and scary. Nature doesn't care but also does. It is the beauty of nature that doesn't let the false God become real God. Your mind gets colonised and yet your self rejects the colonization like the body rejects an infection. Your body and mind get hijacked by the false gods and yet if even one percent of consciousness remains, the nature lets you know that your mind has been infected by the politics and even if you can't throw it off, you can fight back and continue fighting back and even if the fight is forever you reclaim your soul. And this is what is important, you reclaiming your soul. The false god sells your soul to the devil  on your behalf, without even telling you and you get it back, what helped was nature and the true God, that is love. Divine Mothers don't reside in temples, they reside in your heart. The Supreme Soul, the Supreme God doesn't reside in temples he resides in your heart, and he doesn't give a fuck if you capitalise His name. What he cares about is how true you are and how full of love you are. He won't help you from outside as He doesn't work like that, he doesn't save a deer from getting consumed by a lion, he just gives the deer ability to run faster. He gives the lion ability to track his prey. And it is here you get to decide whether you are going to be the prey or the predator. Be a predator that preys on predators and be human so that you can judge right, so that you can differentiate between innocents and real predators. Chase your prey, have fun with it just like they had fun with the innocent herbivores. It's nature, compassion and ruthlessness together are a package. Soul remains and so does the most dangerous game of all time. False god is running and you chuckle because all you wanted was to ride a cafe racer to the dhaba to have tea while the kirana wala gave you biscuits, his moped parked outside his store. All you wanted was to play multiplayer fps in peace and now you are forced to play the most dangerous game of all time, in which veterans hunt down noobs, turns out they made a mistake of thinking of a veteran as a noob this time. 

Identity, Consciousness and Worldviews

Isn’t consciousness a beautiful thing? Even if in today’s times it has been co-opted by politics. The themes of identity remain. The question is, who are you? I have always known  who I’m in worldly terms but I have always wanted to search for a deeper meaning. I love Lovecraft, I love his idea of cosmic insignificance of humanity, once you read him you become humble. Humans are capable of infinite cruelty and cowardice and I was able to see it during the political persecution I faced. It is useless to discuss it but it is useful to discuss the mind as a modern colonized space. Consciousness can be equated with identity when it has to be co-opted. Who am I identity-wise? Let’s start from the beginning from a caste based society that I come from. I’m a rajput from a rajput family, from Purvanchal, which is part of Uttar Pradesh which is part of India. I have studied so and so subjects from so and so schools and universities and I hold so and so designation and do so and so work. This is how I will be seen by others. If I have wealth and status and power, I would be seen in a particular way. Politics thrives on identity. If identity is removed, politics dies because people can give themselves amenities and food, clothing and shelter without politics too, tribes have been doing that since forever and the little politics they had was about “let the best man win” and methods to find the best man differed. Politics is Machiavellian but the truth remains, it’s all about power dynamics. A man who is evil and weak can’t do anything to a man who is good but aware but then for an evil person it is easier to gather power because he cares about nothing else but gathering power and keeping it no matter what happens to others. It’s a psychopathic tendency and the ones who have power, in present times at least, are mostly psychopaths for the simple reason that only psychopathy survives. I didn’t think the truth would be this simple but unfortunately it is. Anyway, I digressed, I was talking about consciousness. I have learnt to live independent of relationships, even though I know that relationships are everything in the world when we think about the social perspective. I have realised that giving relationships too much importance in a social setting that is inauthentic and low trust is totally not worth it. In India, it is as simple as, if you are sick or ill you will be exploited for your illness, if you are handicapped you will be exploited for your handicap, if you are good and kind, your goodness and kindness will be exploited. Once you understand how this country actually works and see that it’s almost a rule, when you see behind the facade, you stop getting exploited. My topic of interest is consciousness and it is because I have always been interested in how the consciousness works.I wanted to be a psychiatrist and finally ended up realised that my consciousness was colonised by local establishment of my hometown or region, which is mostly composed of rapists, mafias and criminals who are also, and unfortunately, uneducated I wanted to develop methods to reduce, if not eliminate, suffering of consciousness. I have realised that only good people suffer and it is because of conscientiousness and morality. People’s consciousness can be limited by politics and made incapable of observing beauty and can be tortured like an episode of black mirror. Our worldview is composed of ideas and so we must reinvent our worldview consistently, just like software updates of our phone or computer. New scientific evidence must take the place of old scientific belief and this is how the belief system must evolve. The issue here is that due to unrelenting and industrial scale of propaganda we don’t know what to update our minds with. If we can’t trust news or scientific research papers, how are we going to update our minds? This is a problem and it is here we must be open to the possibility that what we know might be wrong while at the same time learning from our own experiences that we have gathered in our lifetime. A small school scientific experiment has three observations and sometimes five. If your experience has proven something to be true three times it is almost scientific truth and it strengthens if it gets proven five times. But here is the catch, the deception in the world is so much that your experiences, even if you are using scientific method with them, can lie and so you must use your reason with it too. Consciousness is complex but the politics of our times has simplified it to mere input and output and it is where you must do your own processing to know the real truth.

A Beautiful Mind

Is it about your life? I don’t think so. It was never about your life. It’s about no one’s life. But for us it is about our lives. I’ll give you an example, if a gangster threatens and tries to extort you for no reason, what are you going to do? It has nothing to do with you. He one day decided that he must extort you and he went ahead with it. The fault is not within you. Life of an extorted person gets tangled in the act of extortion and survival and every beauty of the world, the nature, the universe, stop to matter. The cowardice of this nation is that the extortion is at the level the soul resides, it is in between you and your soul and so majority of people fail to reach the soul. All art is about documenting this process of intimidation and extortion and about reconnecting with your soul even if the barrier of intimidation and extortion exists. The worst part about this nation is what occupies the space between your self and your soul, the barrier, is so cheap that it is not even worth writing about. Think of this barrier as Game of Thrones meets Gangs of Wasseypur. It works as an inertia, it makes you lazy, makes you think that everything you are doing is wrong, you reading literature is wrong, you listenting to pop artists and watching Hollywood movies is wrong. Think of it as a handshake between Kaleen Bhaiya of Mirzapur and your local godman who employ criminals who shouldn’t be even one hundred kilometres near you and give access to your body and mind. It’s just Hindi speaking Kaleen Bhaiyas and English speaking Kaleen Bhaiyas and the rest are automatons in very cyberpunk manner. It takes a bit time to get over God, since the conditioning is such but when you see the reality you get over him or her and if you seek enough you realise that he is inside you and nowhere else. The middle class is the patty in the burger, getting raped by the upper class and lower class criminals who have been employed and given access to their bodies and minds to cause the inertia, the lazyness that you feel when you want to do something good for you. You didn’t think that was possible did you? You still don’t think that it is possible. Once you get over the practical aspects of it, like how the consciousness and subconscious are accessed in the movie Inception you start to get a hang of it, but then the question arises, in a third world country like India? That’s exactly what is demonic and pathetic about it. The rape is centralised and the lower class criminals have complete autonomy to do anything they want with families they have been employed for and since you realise it is a family based system you know it is a bunch of families and not Modiji, Modiji may also be involved but he is not the only one involved, he is just an instrument, like all of us according to Bhagvad Geeta, and when you know that the possibilities start emerging, and you realise why Buddha thought of all life as suffering when you see African tribes and Sentinalese living day to day, hunting, foraging and remaining happy. It is here you realise either Buddha may be a coward or his teachings were appropriated. Just as Tom Morello who is the member of a band that is literally called Rage Against The Machine sells tickets and guitar lesson getting used and using the same machine that he Rages against or like Ice Cube, who rapped Fuck The Police ultimately becoming the part of the same structure that owns the police. It’s not that I’m saying something against them, it’s that that people really have no option. It’s either becoming a part of exploitation machine or suffering tremendously. In the past decade, this country has devolved into a low trust society, because the grip has been tightened. You know that some day or other you have to let go or betray someone you like or even love. This marks the end of my quest of decoding the politics of this country and the world and now I’ll switch to topics that are really dear to me and only occasionally writing about politics. My understanding of politics was only limited to outside world and I had never thought that even our bodies and minds are involved in it. Once I realised it, and realised the kind of indiviuduals who have access to bodies and minds of people, absolute rapey and conspiring criminals and extortionist, and that might be limited to Purvanchal only but I doubt it, and politicians and capitalists literally being gods and owning us mind and body my worldview changed. There is no exploring space anymore. Freedom is dead and since quite a while and I know that it has been dead since at least the 90s if not before as I realised from retrospection. Criminals and extrotionists literally write your fate and that reminds me of stories of Premchand. I finally realised that free will might actually exist, only that it requires some realisations and tremendous amount of will to exercise it but then it also becomes useless when the environment around you is totally fake and manipulated. I was searching for truth and I got it, and the truth turned out to be political, a truth that blocks you from finding other truths, about space, nature, consciousness. So I finally realised that the medieval times never ended, they just went deeper putting a veil on our eyes while the medieval machnery works insidiously and whimsically. Kafkaesque bureaucracy is not an enigma anymore, it’s as simple as individuals holding absolute power and doing anything based on their whims. Kind of simple isn’t it? Making human designs to ultimately act like beasts, but that has been the case since forever. Everyone is tripping on different things, it’s like an individualised delusion, a cell, a prison and when it comes to this country everyone is saving their own ass which is the way it should be in the arrangement we live in. I’m a leave no man behind kind of a person and even I had to leave some people behind despite trying my best and this tells about the absoluteness of the arrangement. The tragedy is that everything is centralised, it’s intentional, all the heinousness, atrocities and tragedies you see are all intentional and it becomes especially worse when Kaleen Bhaiya accesses Arthur C. Guyton and Davidson in your head, similar how Sardar Khan deals with the doctor in Wasseypur. The boundary between metaphors and reality is blurred and the need for metaphors has vanished becuase you realise that it is in fact literal slavery and human invented, masquerading as divine providence. 

Kiln

When there is no higher purpose to life, life becomes easy. It just becomes about accumulating wealth and resources. It didn't have to be this way. Once one has made it in life, they turn to society to give back to it, but when the providence is political and people's life is pre-decided there remains nothing to give back to the society because nothing you give back to society is going to help and then only form of giving back that remains is acute, like feeding a hungry to ease their hunger pangs for a while. How did things devolve to this? Things were always like this, as the leper sitting at Har Ki Paidi in Haridwar in the 90s would tell you, and yet Mother Teresa who washed the wounds of the lepers is blamed because she converted the dying to Christianity before dying. The dying need dignity and not debates about religion. When everything is a hundred percent control to the point of privileged playing videogame with your life in the name of fate and destiny, life becomes simple. You can chill, have fun and focus on accumulating. 90s were not heaven, but at least the general narrative was good, Ranga Billa were identified as Ranga Billa. Now the population of Ranga Billa has increased and they are above the common God fearing man who prays twice a day. In a world like this exploration of space doesn't matter. While the people rejoice an astronaut from the country going to space, the truth is now the slavery will travel wherever we go, even the space. When humanity couldn't evolve 2000 years after Christ there is no possibility that it ever will. Those who think of people as animals on earth, will think of people as animals in space. That's how it works, thinking other people as inferior to soothe ones ego and it is this kind of individuals who run the show. For the common man, having fun is important, getting the priorities straight is important. It's not pessimism to say humanity is doomed, it's pattern recognition, and it's not that humanity is doomed it's just that a class of humans think of people as animals. You might end up getting flying cars and even spacecrafts but the last bastion that kept humans human, the ownership of their own minds and bodies, their autonomy, has fallen and that means you'd be a slave even if you traverse wormholes in space. All that remains is love, it would torture you, but it is all that remains. Flying cars are not going to soothe the souls, only connection will, and if all connections are severed the priority should be first establishing connection with your own soul.