Competent Authority

You imagine a girl painting a picture of you as Tyler Durden from fight club. A pizza delivery boy goes to deliver a pizza at a whorehouse. Glances exchanged, pizza delivered. A tree is being seen by a thousand eyes. Main aisa kyun hoon, the guy asks despite it never being the question, despite it not being the question he wants to ask, despite it never being the question he had in the mind and heart to ask. Guantanamo opens and he is waterboarded by blind enforcers to ask, main aisa kyun hun. Guantanamo is a subsidiary of Stanford. Yes the prison experiment one. Johnny Quest goes into the QuestWorld but he longs for the astral plane. Unfortunately astral plane doesn‘t really exists. It’s just a rebranded QuestWorld. A lot of witches got burnt, burning sage for the QuestWorld. Vacuum sucks! I mean it literally sucks, sometimes knowledge as it wants to fill the empty space. Everyone is searching for emancipation. Well not everyone. Some are searching for souls to consume and bodies to deplete. That’s the fun part about it all, body gets depleted by itself with time. You never liked Tyler Durden. You are not a violent person. You don‘t like Fight Club. You are not a violent person until it is authorised by competent authority and then the realisation strikes that all competent authority is dead. Quest World sucks you in for a show you didn‘t buy tickets to. It’s a happening place. You just don’t want to be there. You search for exits, you are still searching for them. You feel God inside you, along with the devil. God is a bit deeper and less active, almost passive. The centre of gravity is inside. Nature is outside. But to search for exits, centre of gravity must be both inside and outside. The external centre of gravity as a focus that saves internal centre of gravity from choking. Nature keeps doing its magic. Mothers are never evil, the most they can be are neutral. You are still searching for exits in the QuestWorld. It’s like The Matrix. How funny that Trinity is Tiffany. The code needs to be manageable. People climb mountains, some people do it lying on their beds. No point in climbing mountains unless you are bored to death. The avalanche of boredom can make you want to climb mountains. Ideally the external centre of gravity should be in temples, but those who can see it can see it. You have to build your own temple for the external centre of gravity, doesn‘t matter if it’s in Minecraft or VR. God might not exist but centre of gravity does, and so does the Nature. Is it cool to smoke cigarettes? After an age it is not. It clogs your arteries. Blind enforcers accusing the man being waterboarded of heresy when it was just hearsay. Sometimes you just have to wear the suits competent authority wears and use their perfume.

Sulabh

It’s funny that it’s mostly the ones who are proponents of open source who support right to privacy, kind of ironical. Privacy was a debate a decade ago, it isn‘t now. Survival beats privacy hands down. It’s only after you mature that you realise that it is illusion that runs by logic, the reality runs by power. Power has the ability of changing ontology of things especially when it comes to metaphysics. You sit in a Mumbai local, reading Nietzsche. Once you have seen the Mumbai local you come to know that people are animals, that’s their ontology. Higher concepts die in the stampede of catching the last local. I sometimes put myself in the place of a handicapped man or woman trying to catch the last local, and it is here I feel footwears on my face but also a boot, a huge boot. You see autorickshaw drivers, some of them are stylish, like Mithun Chakraborty. They have chosen a style for themselves. Their autos are extravagant with Bollywood actresses as brides. Even an autowala has the decency to imagine Bollywood actresses as brides and not whores. There is a time in life where you have to choose between a Windows command prompt and a Linux terminal. Sometimes you choose both, the command prompt to save time and the terminal because your heart lies there no matter how cumbersome Linux syntaxes are. Reality is the place where dreams come to die. Shekhar Kapoor wrote comics in the early late 2000s and one could feel the myth of the Indic civilization and then enlightenment arrives, the myth replaced by street-shitting. There is no mythic demon except within. Modi jackets decide the policy, but no one knows who decides the SOPs of biopolitics and necropolitics. Shekhar Kapoor gave hope, that people could write fantasies but fantasies need breathing room; they don't survive mathematics placed atop street-shitting. How long does it take for a civilization to collpase? Depends. But what if it has already collapsed? Illusions run by logic, reality runs by power. Though power has its own mathematics it’s just that it’s a little advanced.

Wheeler

People have things in their lives that work as milestones of lives, or if not at least like relics. Some people have post offices and banks as these milestones, these relics, thankfully not police stations as those who have them as milestones or relics have only two options, either a lifetime of hell or a life time of chasing and retaining power. Some people also have buses and quizzes as their life milestones or relics. Some people can have all four, post offices, banks, buses and quizzes. Enlightenment is a crazy thing. It allows you to separate the world from the earth. Flat earthers believe the earth is flat. There must be some reason, as flat earthers are not dumb. They too work, earn, raise a family and while doing these things they believe the earth is flat. What if the round earth is a hoax? I haven‘t seen “what goes around comes around” in modern times. Do good and forget about it. Karma is flatlining like a departed patient in an ICU. This happens when there is total inversion of the providence. When criminals become judges. It was bound to happen. This is supposed to be Kaliyuga. When criminals are judges, they would empathise with the criminals and punish the innocents. Can criminals and psychopaths empathise? You would be surprised. You go to a bank and fill forms. Government banks are sweaty, messy and filled with people wearing dhotis, private banks shine probably due to the fine they levy on people for not maintaining the minimum balance. Post office is kind of dead, couples had beautiful intimacy when post offices actually worked but now you can just send a kilo of homemade pickle to kids living in the hostels or some books or anything that is measured in kgs. Buses open minds, and are not as depressive as modern day trains. Depression gets worse when you open the door of the train toilet. Trains were good when A. H. Wheeler hadn‘t gotten extinct, now you just have to leave your lower berth for some old man or woman because they have knee pain and they are entitled to the lower berth due to their age, though IRCTC didn‘t think so. A. H. Wheeler died, and so did train rides though they still are the chief mode of transport for the cattle. Quizzes don't exist anymore. Losing a quiz competition is like failing an exam, you were thinking about something else when it was your time to perform. The lady in a corporate suit is eyeing room number 420, the boss is there. It’s normal until someone comes to know about it, and it has nothing to do with quizzes. Quizzes are just for fun, like Nature made a Venus Flytrap. Just for fun. You know what do rape victims have as life’s milestones? No, not banks, post offices, buses or quizzes. It’s a quiz but there are no prizes for guessing the right answer. 

Ram Rajya

You take a deep breath. Old times flash in front of your eyes. Everyone, well almost everyone, had Ram in their name in your region. Men, women, everyone. Ram was the ideal, he gave the meaning to people’s lives. He was not the Ram of today. He was not a tool for division. Ram was the preserver, he was the prefix in almost every name. If he was in the surname that meant Bahujan Samaj Party of today, but then the Bahujans too had Ram as prefix to their name as well as surname. Ram doesn’t divide. He doesn‘t destroy. For he is the ideal man. He let his beloved wife walk into fire, because a king had to do it. He let his beloved wife go to raise their sons alone, because a king had to do it. But before that, he went into an exile because a son must do that. There is no feminism here because an ideal man feels the pain of his beloved as his own. He was the ideal. He crossed the sea for love, fought an army with an army of monkeys and yet for his ideals he took damage, not because he was weak but because a son, a king must do that, a son, a king must sacrifice. That Ram was in the name of everyone as a prefix. You stand outside a mall in Gurgaon, you see prostitutes, some high class escorts, some cheaper ones, some trannies, some even cheaper ones. Cars stop and they climb in. Ramayana is over. People chasing ideals are dead and so are the prefixes of the name. The name of our King, the avatar of the preserver, the one who sacrificed things he loved for us now is used to identify Bahujans. They are the only ones who retain his name as their surnames. The eyes are wide shut. A tiered whorehouse and a harem has replaced the land of scion of Ikshvaku. The ones who should have been living the ideals of the avatar of the preserver, our great king our Ram are putting their dicks in the pussies of prostitutes. You know who would get the most respect in Ram Rajya? Prostitutes and garbage men and septic tank cleaners, because they do the jobs no one wants to do. My King was like that. It’s okay. Everything comes to an end and it’s okay. It’s just that people have forgotten that once there was a time when people had his name, the name of our King, the scion of Ilshwaku, the avatar of the preserver, as prefix in their name, men and women both. The avatar who sacrificed everything for the ideals and ended up becoming one. But it’s okay.  

Ideal Machine

How do you compensate? If you have to compensate, compensate by being efficient. You sit in an exam hall and you see a girl getting caught for cheating, in board exams. The poor soul had a whole physics textbook hidden in her blazer. Fear makes people do things they would never do otherwise. Fear of death, harm to loved ones, of shame, of humiliation, fear of failure. It’s like in the Marvel universe, different earths in the same universe. The earth is one, and this is the biggest discovery of the century, especially for the damned. People have accounts on Pornhub. A common man cannot fathom having an account on pornhub, having a subscription. He is content watching advertisements of a bhabhi near you or of Only Fans models before every video. People have accounts, subscriptions just like a Facebook account or a YouTube subscription. They don‘t need to compensate but some do, and so those who watch ads on Pornhub be extra kind to their parents, be extra good to people. Though these are just two character sketches of the kind of people in the world. There are also the kind of individuals who traffic the women featured in the videos. As said before, it’s like in the Marvel universe; different earths in the same universe. People have limits, like most of the people would never think of having a whole ass textbook in their blazer in the board exam. Fear makes you do things and then you do it again and then it becomes a habit. Some people believe in sins, and they compensate by doing penance. Penance is good, it keeps the world good unless and until penance becomes a transaction and people start buying their place in heaven through it. A saint whips himself for getting lustful thoughts, a doctor jacks off and goes back to work without giving it a second thought. There is too much suffering in the world to give a thought to silly things. The Varah avatar lifts the earth on his tusks. Which earth is the question. The job of the preserver is to preserve. He doesn’t bother about optics. He does what he has to do. The preserver knows that the earth is one. Not unlike the one shown in the movie Apocalypto where Jaguar Paw lives. And then comes Huxley and imagines that the world we live in is hell of some other planet. Devtas have been drinking soma for quite a while now, they are allowed to do it. By whom? By themselves. Once Soma gets injected into the nerves of humans, all the worries die. Thoughts depend on circumstances. While the girl who got caught cheating in the exam faces the terror, the topper is having fun solving differential equations in the same fucking room. People carry their hells inside themselves. For some killing even an insect is a sin and they compensate. The most efficient way of compensation is efficiency and efficiency arrives gradually with mindful repetition. The topper having a gala time solving differential equations in the examination hall knows that. There is an earth where a bhabhi waits for you 5 kilometres away, but real knowledge is that that earth doesn‘t exist. Jaguar Paw runs, and now it’s the chance of Turtles Run and Turtles Run while running realises that just like Soma, hell can be injected into people‘s nerves. Who gave devtas the right to do this, they themselves did. Varah avatar does a slam dunk with the earth he was carrying on his tusks.

Jaane Kya Hoga Rama Re

You get off the bus. Your brain is craving nicotine. It’s an expressway and you see people going to the toilet, eating patties and Maggi and drinking chai and cold drinks. You go to the outlet and inquire if he had a cigarette. He said that there is an eggwala and he has cigarettes. You go to the eggwala, an extended part of the same establishment and inquire about cigarettes and he pulls out a pack of Choti Goldflake. Cigarettes are non-veg now. Interesting. Your whole life you saw your babu, who worked at your home, chewing khaini from his dabba and smoking beedi. Beedi are Indian cigarettes. And they are non-veg now, and as expensive as non-veg. You have been in healthcare long enough to know that this country does covert population control and what better tool to do covert population control than cigarettes? Indonesia has cigarettes and people smoke and healthcare mints money, China does the same. But here is the catch. Cigarettes make you feel good for a while. In this land it’s not enough that you die, you have to suffer and die and the more you suffer the better it is. I don‘t eat non-veg on Thursday and now as my family is turning Brahmin, I can‘t eat non-veg Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. Jumma is safe I’d suppose. Though I don’t give a shit about any of it. Cigarettes are non-veg now. Freud would have equated it with a blowjob, but then he corrected himself, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar”, and he was the expert so he was the authority on judging whether he had an oral fixation or not. He dies by oral cancer. Gutka Kings of Uttar Pradesh getting richer day by day, buying Mercedes and Audi while people are going crazy painting the town red. When I was a kid I got myself a Nintendo bootleg for the price of two cigarette packs of today, even today I can get a bunch of games on Steam for the same price. And it’s not about quitting. It’s about cigarettes becoming non-veg.  I stand in front of bathroom mirror, looking at myself standing in a fog of smoke like a noir detective, actually I'm hiding from my wife and she would suspect something is off when she smells room freshener in the bathroom. I try to see in the future seeing impeding lung or mouth cancer or emphysema but at least death then will be on my own terms which is rare in this country. Cigarettes are non-veg now, well, rape should be non-veg but then that’s just my opinion.

Return The Slab

Suffering is terrible if one doesn’t know its reason. Suffering is worse if it is devoid of meaning. That’s what old shayars  did, they might not know the reason behind their suffering but they sure did find meaning in it. What would Johnny Quest think about the ghazals the shayars wrote, and the singers sang. Hadji would have a thing or two to say about it. What would Bhallaladeva know about suffering? What would Bahubali know about the meaning? Mahishmati changes, with every administration though the best time to visit is during Bhallaladeva’s reign. The weather is good but you can‘t feel it on your skin, and things can‘t get any worse than this. And since things can‘t get worse the worst case scenario turns out to be the best case scenario. Courage sees Muriel in trouble and AR 15 ends up being the only answer. It didn't have to, but there is nothing Courage can do about it. The Unabomber sleeps tightly in his prison cell, knowing that he was in a prison even when he was outside. Prison in a prison in a prison. Bhallaladeva  cracks his whip on workers pulling huge stones for his massive statue, Unabomber sees it through his mind’s eye and smiles. He would’ve sent anthrax laced envelopes to Bhallaladeva but he doesn't care anymore he has already done enough, now he picks up soap in the jail bathroom and then goes to his solitary confinement. Threats are getting bigger and Courage loves Muriel too much. He is thinking of getting a mini gun. Johnny Quest doesn’t trust Hadji anymore after getting scammed by Rnicrosoft. Hadji orders Axe Africa 3 in 1 body wash that is for sale in every place except for Europe, paraben free. Cypher mocks Neo while he tastes the juicy steak. Neo is trapped in a cycle of rebirth. Trinity is gone forever and Morpheus is now gender fluid. Neo knows what suffering is. It’s being trapped in a cycle of rebirth. It’s a feeling of being buried alive. Satis of India know what it was like to be burnt alive and so did the women who committed Johar. Being buried alive is a new thing. Threats have overwhelmed Muriel, Eustace is long dead and she commits Johar. Courage sees that, gets his samurai sword from his kennel and commits seppuku there and then.

Write Concepts #28

I think I have written enough and mostly don't need to write much anymore. I wanted my body of work to be about health and medicine and fiction but I ended up writing about psychosocial and sociopolitical realities of the country we live in. I have my plans of writing the novels, novellas, short stories and flash fiction that I have already conceptualized and if my cognitive bandwidth allows I will execute my plans. I don't do poetry anymore, at least not of the public sort and I'm kind of done with psychosocial and sociopolitical writing and will be using this place for them very infrequently from now on. I want to focus on my first love that is fiction but that depends on my cognitive bandwidth. Two things that I might post on this blog other than infrequent psychosocial and sociopolitical writings, are gonzo and prose poetry and I hope to write a couple of prose poems and one gonzo per week. I'm not giving up on fiction, I just realised that I am more incapable of writing it from the imagination point of view than I was in 2013. And although I might churn out a bunch of flash fiction once in a while, short stories, novellas and novels need planning and dedication, and above all imagination which is hard to find in the current political economy. My output then is going to be a bunch of flash fiction once in a while and a couple of prose poems and gonzo a week. I will try to work on the novellas I'm already working on and have started posting on my fiction blog. 

Vyomanaut

The space, the universe, is something that I was genuinely interested in. I grew up with TV serials on Doordarshan, like Brahmand, The Great Experiments and Captain Vyom and magazines like Vigyan Pragati. Developing scientific temper is one of the fundamental duties in the constitution. I read books like Children's Knowledge Bank and Encyclopedia Britannica was sold those days by traveling salesmen. In the Matrix the machines designed the Matrix to simulate the late 90s and it was inferred in the movie that it was the peak of human civilization. Looking at the present it seems true. In Matrix humans were farmed for electricity and today the resource is data. This realisation didn't have the capacity to surprise me until I realised how invasive this data farming and mining is. The Kafkaesque scenarios that began in my life in 2013, and on retrospection at a low intensity since quite before that, and I realised all four things that I had aligned myself to: my religion, my culture, the civilization and the constitution have been defiled and just exist as a programming and while one can trip on existence of these things, this is the bottom line. I still think Indian constitution is one of the most beautiful documents in the world, though I am not very savvy about the civilization, the culture and the religion anymore as they don't retain the depth and warmth of earlier days and are only present as dogma and a hyperreality. When I had my realisations I decided to align myself to nature. I am a homeopath by training and it's the art and science I have dedicated my life to, and it is in itself is about aligning yourself to nature. Gentle healing arts don't survive in a setting of making people sick and then selling them the cure. In the early 2000s when I was watching Discovery channel shows and The Jetsons I had really thought we will have flying cars today but instead we ended up getting a prison with a panopticon. This realisation when it struck me, failed to surprise me and this is because I had been seeing the truth of this nation throughout my life it's just that I chose to believe in the national narrative while ignoring the truth that I saw with my own eyes. The space or the universe is out of reach of majority and going to space for common people would be not unlike girmitias going to West Indian sugarcane fields. When one realises the truth of the situation it becomes increasingly important to have fun. Grow flowering and fruit plants in your balcony, get that griller from Amazon and make chicken or if you are vegetarian, paneer tikka in amidst your garden in balcony. Freedom is foreclosed for the majority, and needless hustle except when it comes to money, is futile. I write diagnoses because I like to let people know what's wrong lest they blame themselves. Since mid 2010s I follow the rule of only helping people when they ask for help, and this is the way to go in this country. If I write two things that this country is run with in the depth, they would be hypocrisy and jealousy and this is a deep policy decision, it is intentional. The depth of existence in this land is the same as driving on the road the only difference is that on the road you can see the assholes coming at you with Thar, Fortuner or Scorpio. Discovery channel promised flying cars and this country delivered Thar, Fortuner and Scorpio.

Oregano

When I realised that deep adminstration of this nation relies on petty things like preventing people from eating foreign food items like pizzas and croissants bought from their own money and gatekeeping them from Western media and music, it changed my worldview completely. You see symptoms of this on Instagram, people drinking matcha and calling croissants Prashant and while it is a laughing matter, things can get quite serious about these things. When I realised the arrangement it is then I realised why poor people do not go to Pizza Hut or Dominos or McDonalds, I ended up realising that reason is not purely financial. It gave me insights into the kind of individuals who rule this nation are, no not the government, but those who actually rule this nation. It is then I decided to align myself to two things that are free of co-optation and hegemony, that is the nature and the night sky. Exploitation and persecution can be retrospective and so all that you have bought, experiencd and learned and gotten entertained from can be presented as favours despite it being result of hard work of your family so it makes all kinds of pop culture and material comfort redundant. What remains without any blemishes is, however, the nature and night sky. Take heritage hotels for example. People go to these hotels, pay for them, to experience a particular lifestyle for as many days they have paid for, the same applies to five star hotels but the way this nation operates you have to treat them as a pilgrimage and put it on social media. This country doesn't even know how to do capitalism properly. If I talk personally I haven't really had any material ambitions except for financial security of my family and this is why probably I was able to see through this bullshit. My idea of a good time is sitting in a goan taverna drinking chilled beer, and discuss pop culture like comic book movies with friends. I don't really like upscale pubs except those which play rock music, like Hard Rock café and there was one which I wanted to visit during my college days and which shut down called Blue Frog. It's curious that indigenous rock music is totally extinct from the national narrative and is now only accessible in upscale pubs and concerts. It's sad because I'm a hardcore rock fan and have followed Indian and Pakistani rock bands since my teenage.

Write Concepts #27

In the late 2000s and early 2010s I wanted to be a novelist. I had my ideas about my first novel and at present if you'd ask me about the kind of novels I would want to write my answer will be literary quality pulp novels. From early 2010s to now I realised that novels are structurally impossible in this nation now except for rich housewives. Or maybe it's just for me, but I don't see many novels in popular culture since the early 2010s. I was motivated back in the day and I could've written the stories that I wanted but I was waiting to get better and I realise that that time never really arrives. I have my cognitive handicaps but then I see social media, Facebook, Instagram and X and see that majority of artists are rehashing their old works instead of creating something new. I have plans of two or three novels and a couple of novellas and a bunch of short stories and flash fiction and I am hoping that despite my cognitive decline in the past decade I am able to execute the plans. I have stopped writing poetry because I am not as romantic as I used to be before and at present my poems are just for one muse. I, however, write prose poetry based on my experiences and imagination which more often turns out to be surrealistic and with political subtext but I don't need to fret because all art is political and unfortunately all life too. I have seen and experienced kafkaesque scenarios and when that happens to a person regularly they first see the biopolitics of the world and then their eyes open to the necropolitics of the world. It's hard to find good stories anymore except the ones that I have already read, but since I love comics, graphic novels and superhero movies I keep myself occupied with entertainment whenever I feel the need to get entertained. I wanted to be pulp-literary novelist and a comic book writer and I recently saw a doctor, an ophthalmologist, writing Hindi comics though I have realised that time of comics in this nation has passed and I say this because in the past decade I got acquainted to the root of all problems in this nation. Though whoever is getting involved with indigenous comics has my best wishes.

C Major

There are things that you do for money, that is your professional competencies which you become better at by doing and then there are things that you are interested in and are naturally good at. The trick is to never desert things that you are naturally good at and to practice them daily. It's better to have more than one professional competency, I have two. You might be average at your professional competencies but things that you are naturally good at prevent you from exploitation and that's why regular practice of what you are already good at, what comes naturally to you, is important. Artificial Intelligence has made a lot of things redundant but that is isn't an excuse for being lax about your competence. AI art can never match the real art. AI writing, although grammatically accurate can never have the soul, struggle and pain of real writing. The most important thing is to never be demotivated by family about what you do. Family is the only entity that genuinely loves you for you are but they don't know who and what you are exactly, what they know however is how the world works through their experiences and accordingly they tell you what they think is the best for you. I have taken advice from family about my life, I did what they wanted me to do, but I made sure that I also do what I really wanted to do even if there is less time for it. This helps you in not being bitter. A person who ignores himself for others, takes advice from others be it even their family, is seldom content and ends up being better. Do what makes you happy even if the time you get for doing it is half an hour. In modern times knowing one thing is extremely important, the old method of repetition making you good at something doesn't apply anymore. It is why individuals diagnosed with dyslexia or ADHD fail to be better at the things they do. Being diagnosed as dyslexic is a privilege, most of the people who suffer from dyslexia are seen as incompetent just like most of the people suffering with mental health issues are seen problematic. Mental health issues mostly affect good people because they refuse to make others the victim of their suffering. The core of this nation is demonic and it wants you to propagate your suffering though one can choose to have catharsis in a controlled environment and choose to sublimate their suffering in higher forms. Repetition only helps in becoming better if it is done mindfully and that too only if there is not a neurological component to it. However try to read or if you can't read try to be aware of the world around you through social media. Awareness is the key to not to get exploited.

PlinkIt

Identity can be a tricky thing. I have always been sure of my identity but I have also seen what an identity crisis looks like. I focus on bottom line truths of this nation which can also be bottom line truths of the world and the bottom line truth about the question of identity in this nation is: your family. This is where you should derive your identity from. The nation will try to confuse you about your identity and if you are from backward places like Purvanchal, Bihar or Jharkhand, or for that matter any place else caste will play an important role in determining your identity. You have to be clear that that your caste is more or less a community of shared culture and habits. In places like Purvanchal, castes are used as covert rape gangs. After my return to Purvanchal, I realised that while everything looks fine on the surface in Purvanchal, the core of existence is rape which is brilliantly hidden by religion and performance of culture, which is more or less dead by now except as a hyperreality and the same can be said for the rest of the country too. At the core this country has Pakistan style feudal and tribal mindset which I would assume has been learnt from the tribals (and no, not the Jharkhand or North East kind), first thing to do when you get power is giving yourself the right to rape people. I am an Indian and Purvanchali and I know my culture intimately and I know that my culture is not tribal, it is or was a highly intricate, refined and sophisticated culture and mode of being, which by now has been totally destroyed. Exploitation psychology is rampant and I am sure by now that true friendship is not really possible in this country anymore unless you really click and instinctively decide to sacrifice for each other. Caste at this point is just a technology for divide and rule and, eugenics and discrimination but I ended up realising that in this country it flows from a deeper place, deeper even than the government. Casteism is in the bones of these motherfuckers and is irreversible. The word feudal represents to me a sort class, but unfortunately these classless motherfuckers are essentially mafias and not even the Yakuza kind. All bets were off for me when I saw rape as the core of existence, external spiritual drama matters shit to me. Misogyny is rampant, and I used to wonder how can these motherfuckers hate women when they consider them inferior until I realised that it is inherent and deeply entrenched in their bones and for no reason at all. I realise that lower class women of Purvanchal are actively deprived of nutrition and nutritious food and as much as I love my region I realised that in past twenty years it has been made into a gutter. One important thing that you should always remember is to retain your personal faith, it helps you channelize your will and helps you in tough times; it doesn't matter whether God exists or not. 

Soorajmukhi

People can trip on ideas all they want but my focus remains on bottom lines. It is midway through my college that I realised that this country is linguistically stratified and that English is not just a language but a mode of being in this country. To me English is just a language and despite being a colonial language it is one of my favourite languages because because it is the most traveled language, most of the literature in the world is in English and it brings cultures together as it is the lingua franca of the world. The best part of English is that it allows for naming exploitation happening with you which the working Hindi, the Hindi of common people has been disarmed with. My grandfather spoke a mix of administrative, literary and shudh Hindi. In all respects it was Shudh Hindi but shudh Hindi, if you speak, you become an object of ridicule. How odd it is, isn't it. In a majority Hindu nation Shudh Hindi is ridiculed and persianised Hindi is what people think of as classy. Hindi tinged with colloquial affectations is still fine. I gravitate towards literary Hindi because I know that writers, except propagandists, are mostly good people. Literary Hindi has been murdered in this nation. I write my blogs in English because if I wrote them in Hindi no one would read them. I don't believe in linguistic chauvinism and I think Urdu is a beautiful language, and it is indigenous to India, but it is beautiful because Muslims ruled India and made it beautiful, made its register high. Shudh or even literary Hindi is a highly evolved language and it has been disarmed of its emotional component and now it is not even in the common narrative except being in the administrative documents of North Indian states. Here is an assignment: Go on YouTube and search for the song Soorajmukhi by Bhupinder Singh, listen to it. You would get what I am saying about disarming of emotional component. As far as colloquial languages go, they are at the bottom. I wouldn't even say that my mother tongue bhojpuri has been destroyed, I would say it has been raped. And it all happend since the economic liberalisation of this country. I don't know whether what rules this country is extremely evil or extremely incompetent.

Worthshastra

I was optimistic about this nation in the late 2000s. I am a believer in the constitution though as one matures and see the practicality of life one realises that constitution doesn't mean much though Indian constitution is one of the most beautiful documents in the world. The drama in this nation will go on and you have to prioritise, the baseline are your money, your family, your job, nature and the night sky. Everything else you can be made to pay interest on and while you can be made to pay interest on the things I mentioned before, one doesn't really mind paying interest for the family. It is by late 2010s I realised that casteism in this country is here to stay permanently because it is entrenched deep in the system and those who do the deep adminstration of people's lives have have casteism somatised in their bodies. Somatisation is a process in which a psychological idea gets embedded in your nerves and muscles and there is no reversal for it. This country doesn't really have an intelligence establishment, the main mode of intelligence as well as providential administration is feudal-corporate and I have no idea if it merges with the government or not. This feudal-corporate intelligence cum providence is composed of rape and grooming gangs and is arranged in a decentralised multilevel fashion in the country with I would hope, oligarchs of this country at the top. I had read news about children of Iranian elites, who do not follow the religion and own lamborghinis, and I was able to witness the same with this country and although I had no business with it I mention it because I saw a rabid dog impunity which I think is worth mentioning. The indigenous religion has been completely defiled and from what I have seen there is no recovery for it because as I have seen it religion is directly connected to the mafia that runs your locality. Your local town, local godmen, mafia, businessmen and politicians and they connect to the bigger daddies in multilevel fashion and while this sounds filmy unfortunately it is true. Rape, I ended up realising through my experiences is the primary mode of being. The folk culture and it's refinement and refined culture of the middle classes have been totally destroyed by now. The kavi sammelans, Hindi literature, folk expressions all have ended and you know they have ended because they would have been present on social media if they existed. These motherfuckers are destroying the registers in which people converse, destroying dignity of life, destroying contentment, traditions, cultures while hoarding aesthetics for themselves. They destroy refinement in the lower classes and then discriminate with them for lack of refinement. The level of retardation that I ended up seeing was baffling. I have nothing to lose because my culture, except as a hyperreality, has been destroyed by now. Languages like Hindi have been left impotent with no way to name exploitation. At present it is just rape and a cycle of production and consumption at the base. My personal belief is that there is no point in ordering quick commerce or food delivery for convenience if you are not content, which is a far cry. I'd rather take pleasure and feel meaning in making pots on a pottery wheel and be called a kumhar. The media ecosystem is filled with industry plants and political props, indigenous myth-making has collpased and so has the comic book industry while one gets voyeuristic crime dramas or shitty movies to watch as from a lot of people Western media is actively gatekept.

Muktibodh

You smell death at the ghats of Ganga. Bodies burning. People achieving mukti. Mukti from what? That's the whole thing. Many philosophers have have pondered if Earth is hell? What is hell actually? For good people hell is their conscience, but what is hell actually? Dr. Faustus is the story of Dr. John Faustus, a brilliant scholar who becomes dissatisfied with the limits of ordinary human knowledge. Desiring unlimited power, wealth, knowledge, and pleasure, he turns to magic and makes a pact with Lucifer. In exchange for his soul, the demon Mephistopheles serves him for twenty-four years. Faustus spends these years using supernatural powers for amusement, travel, and personal glory rather than achieving anything truly meaningful. Although he repeatedly thinks about repenting and seeking God’s mercy, his pride, fear, and attachment to worldly pleasures prevent him from breaking the pact. As the twenty-four years come to an end, Faustus becomes terrified of his approaching damnation. He desperately wishes to escape his fate, but it is too late. At midnight, devils arrive and carry his soul away to Hell. The tragedy of Dr. Faustus lies in his desire to transcend human limitations and his failure to recognize the value of repentance until the final moment. It explores ambition, temptation, free will, knowledge, sin, and the consequences of making a destructive bargain. 

You read the story. Now imagine what kind of a person would conceive this story? There are a few possibilities but this is a fun thought experiment. I due to the nature of my work meet people who live in hell. A majority of them, good people with capacity of goodness. I live in a subjective hell and I enjoy it especially when the movies and television of this country has started sucking ass. I am an atheist but I also have faith at a personal level, my idea of heaven is dying and ending up in the womb of the primordial mother forever. People have their ideas of hell and heaven and personally I think hell can't be worse than what I have seen and experienced on earth though I am open for surprises. I have seen the mechanism of sending innocent people to hell and like the biblical devil it's not even through temptation. I live in a subjective hell and I have lived in for quite long though despite this I have never lost my objective perception of the world. I have not seen the famed two girls one cup but I have heard about it. But since I have known hell intimately I know that reality is way worse. I have been in hell since long before I had the capacity to make a Faustian bargain and my personality is not the kind that would make a Faustian bargain. I am not built like that. My hell was my conscience and when I ended up seeing that conscience of totally innocent people can be weaponised against them that hell dissipated. My hell subjective and real as far as suffering is concerned but it's potency has decreased significantly when I realised the hell is mostly feudal in nature. One of my childhood heroes Anant Kushwaha, the editor of Balhans had prepared me for it. Such heroes are either all dead, or have faded into obscurity. It baffled my mind that idealistic people living on their ideals, quietly doing their work, are sent to hells by impune, spoiled and degenerate scum but I know the history well enough to know that this has been the arrangement since forever. I prefer biblical hell to feudal or Black Mirror kind of technofeudal hell because I like my hell to have a lore. There is no mukti except death. And the more you understand the world and history the more you realise that this mukti is like the mukti of chicken kept at a butcher's shop. 

Saanson Ki Zaroorat

Anyone who remembers 90s remembers that culture was real-time back then, even in small towns. Nadeem Shravan songs released and everyone used to listen to them be it the rich or the poor, the rich also used to listen Western pop and rock music because they had access to it but at least the culture was real-time. Economic liberalisation in India began in 1991 under Prime Minister P.V. Narasimha Rao and Finance Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and by the late 90s early 2000s there started to be a temporal distance between the culture of lower classes and the rich. Even today the privileged listen to Karan Aujla and AP Dhillon and the lower classes no matter their age listen to 90s music. There is a temporal difference between the mode of existence of the rich and the lower classes. Indians are an emotional breed, or they were before they turned into scammers. Gadar 2 still became a hit. David Dhawan movies, except the new movies, are still popular. And while I think entertainment of all kind must exist, even voyeuristic, hyperreal crap like Mirzapur and Patal Lok that only show the "reality" and offer no solutions to that reality, people must have options. These motherfuckers can make a Gadar, they can make a Sajan Chale Sasural and seeing the success of Gadar 2, it is possible that they will give returns, but they don't. The rich stick to latest Hollywood and Western music, while the poor stick to the the 90s Kumar Sanu and people like me stick to the late 2000s early 2010s Pakistani Rock bands and bollywood music which was not only subjectively but in my opinion objectively great. What do people want? Employment, spending time with their family and good entertainment and this nation deprives them even of these basics. After weaponisation of relationships, there is only one thing that remains in this nation, money. Retired Army officers are being scammed through digital arrests. I understand the age factor, but how can an Army officer can get scammed by digital arrest is the question. This country has collpased internally although it will never collpase externally because good people do the load bearing of this nation voluntarily or if they wake up, through existential blackmail while criminals do anything they want with their lives. 

Fugly

A person, man or woman, needs an anchor in their life. For a large majority of people that anchor is their family. Family has been my anchor but not overtly and there is a reason behind it. I grew up during the Star Movies era, there were movies in which you saw children in Hollywood movies as paper boys and generally also 2000s was about becoming independent as soon as possible and so I wanted to become independent as soon as possible, not that you desert your family, but become independent as soon as possible. Unfortunately I ended up studying medicine which takes time in making you independent, but mentally I was independent as soon as I turned eighteen. The days of MTV Select passed and now even though people want to become independent, those times, that window of aspiring to become independent has disappeared completely and now it's all about who your daddy is. How do you end up realising that the nation is run by not the government but a few families from regional to the national level? When it becomes all about your family. These days it is all about your family. You wouldn't have cared less about your family when your were independent from your family's identity making a name for yourself during the Star Movies and MTV Select days, but now you have to sacrifice your individuality for the name of your family to prove that you don't care less about them or you are not ashamed of them? Who the fuck is ashamed of their family? I have seen the world quite a bit in the past twenty years and I know that there are people who actually are ashamed of their families and not like their families are criminals, it's just that they don't fit in the modern society and follow the old ways. This is how enlightenment happens, it happens when the things you didn't think were possible confront you and you have to accept them, like "kanjoos makkhichoos", it seems like a hyperbole, but maturity is realising that there actually exist people who would drink their tea when a fly drowns in it but also suck the fly before throwing it away. America is the most visible nation on the social media and you see Americans, each an individual, expressing their individuality while acknowledging their families. In India, it seems that families kill the individuality of their children but if you look closer it's not the families, it's the system. A system making your individuality impotent differs from you sacrificing your individuality for your family. I did the latter so I don't have any regrets and actually I am absolutely content but a lot of kids get their individuality crushed by the system, through their families. The more you look at the nation we live in the uglier it gets. I wear boxers and T-shirt at home and checked shirt and trousers outside, but I keep the modules of my individuality and I follow my interests. I watch Baiju Dharmajan playing Carnatic metal on YouTube, I check out cafè racers on Tumblr, I watch freestyle motocross reels on Instagram. I have a tattoo of Japanese kanji spelling Ronin on my chest, and I wear my figurative leather jacket inside my checked shirt. It's a crushing machine, that crushes your individuality, your dreams, so that you become that frustrated uncle and aunty that you hate. I won't become that, but a lot of others whose individuality and dreams got crushed by the system run by greedy oldies, their litter and the criminals employed by them, will. 

Write Concepts #26

I think long and hard about the kind of things that I want to write about. It's hard to be able to hit the spot in this political economy in the things you want to write about. My writing style if I talk about modern writers, as far as I have seen, is close to China Mieville and Caitlin R. Kiernan which is too much to ask in the modern Indian political economy. Writing is anyway redundant and indigenous myth-making has collapsed. There are some comic book hobbyist trying to make collections of old Indian comics on Facebook but I don't think it is going to last long. You go on Facebook and find a lot of comic book readers who used to read comics in Hindi can't even express themselves properly even in Hindi, survival does that to you. I wanted to experiment with mythofiction, yes, like Kalki 2898 AD, but then I ended up realising the base of the polity is rape, and mythology, mythofiction and rape don't go together, though the itch of mythofiction might end up making me write a bunch of mythofiction short stories. My favourite superheroes are John Constantine and The Punisher, though I like all the superheroes, each one of them, but comics in India is dead by now and the way this country is going it doesn't matter if it's dead. I have found the singularity in the genres I want to write in though I have realised by now that good never wins and although one can make-believe if one is privileged enough, this make-believe is not for everyone. Books have anyway stopped coming out mostly and now campy romances are also useless because the way this country is evolving one has to get license for romance and anyway there is no romance without dignity. What is left are privileged rich housewives pumping books that have that elaborate privileged struggle, and don't get me wrong any struggle is struggle it's just not my thing, and poverty porn. I am glad that comics are dead, it is one of my favourite mediums of storytelling and it's great that they are dead in this shithole of a country. And anyway they are so expensive that very few people can afford them, yes, even the indigenous ones. The only true entertainment this country deserves is that in which there is a bhabhi waiting for you 2 kms away. Helps in sleeping good. Isn't it? 

Bread and Butter

I have no idea how deep states of other regions operate but I have idea about Purvanchal, and although the regions are connected modus operandi changes depends upon the cultural machine. Purvanchal deep state uses a method which I call breadcrumbing, though it is different from the popular breadcrumbing. In this version of breadcrumbing people are made to transgress their conscience or do things throughout their lives so that they can be exploited or blackmailed on the basis of them. There is also perpetual gaslighting where you have a vague feeling of having done something wrong but what wrong you have done is never disclosed and you are perpetually made to feel guilty on small things and then that guilt is exploited. Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, intimidation, blackmail, victim blaming, blame shifting and credit stealing are rampant and done at a very intimate level where most people think that God resides. Most people aren't even aware that there is a mode of existence, a level of existence beyond this level too because that requires knowing oneself thoroughly and self-knowledge only comes through knowledge and awareness and watching oneself closely and the saddest thing of it all is that the process of knowing oneself can be sabotaged too so that what one knows as their self might not be their self at all. In the past decade I have realised that Purvanchal at the psychological plane is mafia dictatorship with rape as its core and the deep state of this country is essentially a criminal syndicate with a layer of religion, culture and administration. What I witnessed is impunity, doing anything to anyone and this turns into that person's fate. Here is the deal, however good you are, however talented you are, if a person having a status of not more than a rickshawala has access and control to your life, mind and body everything becomes redundant. Dignity is hard to come by in that situation because the top weaponises criminals and rapists of genocidal intent towards the middle and lower classes and they always play on the offensive and they are careless about lives of people because as I have seen it, they don't have any consideration about lives of people. People are made to carry the delusions and cognitive dissonances of these motherfuckers. The setup of the deep state is inverted, instead of good people knowing how criminals function it's criminals knowing how good people function and their lives are casually interfered with and conspiracies are hatched. The most unfortunate part is that these bastards entitled as well as incompetent and only permanent residents of the land people live in are their daddies while everyone else is a tenant meant to be exploited. The setup itself is of exploitation, rape, manipulation, social engineering and eugenics. And the level things happen to people at is the level of existence people are aware about there is only one level after that but delusions keep them from accessing that level and becoming self-aware. In short people are sentient automatons being fed nerve impulses and manipulated through Pavlovian psychology of fear, desire and baits while breeding them through eugenics. There is a lot to the world, there are a lot of complex, refined things but this is the bottom line truth of this country.