Shaanpatti

Past decade I have had the full experience of this country and the worst thing that I ended up realising that existence in this country is totalising. There is no cosmic fate, though personally after realising this, I would still like to believe in cosmic fate, but the demonic arrangement of this country which I think I one of the few people who has been actually able to see in detail other than those who perpetuate it. The thumb rule is that there is no benevolence beneath the demonic and this is one thing this country has masterd in, giving the illusion of benevolence while dishing out terrible fates to people and people end up believing that there must be some reason behind their terrible suffering. Whatever you think would end up becoming true, but the best part of it all is that only the negative that you think would become true and this is the case for the majority and then you'd be told it is you who thought or wished for it. That tongue or in this case the mind has Saraswati on it. The worst part of it all is that this religious and metaphysical management of people's thoughts is done for Municipal and comissionery level goons. It's an existential blackmail. The chaos that you see in India, the low trust, the mismanagement, is actually a symptom of impunity that is done on the metaphysical plane. Fates of majority of people are foreclosed and as I was baffled to realise just based on whims. There is no legal, moral or religious rule operating behind people's fates as I was able to realise fate is whimsical and then it is retrospectively aligned to people essentially victim blaming. There are two possibilities that arise, either this country is a colony or it has autonomy over its people and from what I have seen, impunity coupled with incompetence, entitlement and cowardice I would wish that this country is actually a colony and not autonomous because while BJP and Congress do what the do, in the background this country is ruled by literal demons who project benevolence and while personally that doesn't affect me what affects me is the total incompetence coupled with entitlement. The base of the actual administration of this country if at all we can call it an administration or simply the deep state which unfortunately is also the providence of this country is jealousy, incompetence, impunity, rape and hatred and weaponised psychiatric conditions like psychopathy and narcissism against the common people. A lot of fates of of the people of this country are written by lower class criminals employed by the deep state and a lot of it is whimsical and retroactively attirubted as religious reasons doing what this country does the best, victim blaming. Not only these incompetent motherfuckers deleted the surviving cultures by acting oversmart and consistently conspiring against the people they also defiled the very soul of this nation which was already defiled by invaders and colonizers and yet ended up retaining a semblance of identity. Dignity and decency don't stand a chance anymore and when one retrospects they actually never did it's just that the culture ccushioned the damage which has been, after the death of older generation, thoroughly destroyed. People and families are culturally dispossessed carrying cultures devoid of their actual substance. This setup is against good people because it is composed of criminals. In this kind of setting only good person who is inherently superior would survive and this is why I write because good people, no matter if they are superior or inferior deserve to survive or in the current state extreme psychological slavery people, except the elites and privileged, of this country are living in, they deserve to know the diagnosis of their suffering and that it is not their fault. This country poses benevolence but is demonic which is worse than just being demonic. The civilization has collapsed from within and so has indigenous religion except as a tool for victim blaming in small towns and hinterlands. All that remains is empty bullet train rides, pop culture made with bad intention and e-commerce and for the stupid and the lower middle class the carrot of IIT and IAS. 

Scribe Part-timer

When I was younger, in high school, I wanted to keep an account of my life and this is one of the reasons I journal. When blogging came in picture in my life I first started by blogging my life while still doing creative stuff like poetry, short stories and light hearted satire on my blogs. One of things I like to do is take a snapshot, a photo, a picture from my life and write the account of that day, I liked to do that on my blogs and I still do that, now on my digital journal. When the cyber landscape of this country, and probably the world,changed in the early 2010s I failed to get the memo and kept blogging and writing longform. Back then I used to different blogs for different styles of writing, it was due to my eccentricity that I needed different blogs for different type of content and it was my process around early to mid 2010s. Back then I had an adventure novel planned in my head and I used to collect inspirations for it on Tumblr. I have had two Tumblr accounts, one got deleted with my writings and poetry in the early 2010s and later I got myself a new Tumblr though I wish that I hadn't deleted my old Tumblr, Tumblr was mostly for sentimental artistic type people back then and it is the same now but now Gen Z crowd on Tumblr have way less depth than the older millennial crowd that was present in late 2000s and early 2010s and a lot of crowd on Tumblr at present is of LGBTQ youngsters escaping real life though creativity is still present there just not of my type now though I still use it as a blog. Early to late 2010s saw commercialization of life itself and thus depth ended up getting eroded from people and people with depth became liable to state persecution directly, indirectly or covertly. There is not much that can be done about this as things for people other than the privileged are going to get even worse. I still write longform and I still write on my blogs. Though no one reads longform writing in the age of shortform videos. Back in late 2000s and early 2010s people used to share their lives and their experiences on their blogs, they used to tell how a book they read made them feel or how a movie they watched made them feel or the kind of music they listen to or the kind of flowers they grow in their garden. It was a great time for sharing experiences and community but then mid 2010s came and internet like all other things was commercialised and weaponised and became equivalent to real-life and a ledger for data and dirt on people's lives. I still write my journals, handwritten and digital and I still write my blogs and while I don't have the cognitive resources for writing the novels I had planned, I am like what the hell and I would probably end up writing those. I'm not making any more plans than my daily journaling and blogging and writing the novels and short story series I have already planned. Flash fiction, prose poetry and short stories are exceptions because if I get good ideas I, if my cognitive abilities allow, would execute them. 

Deep End Mapping

It kind of funny how people find themselves at the deep end despite not doing anything to deserve that. It keeps happening to people. The abyss is not a metaphysical or esoteric place, it is a criminal and political place where one can end up reaching just for fulfilling whims and fancies of individuals who don't like some particular trait of you which can be anything including your physical looks. Though when one is deep enough one realises that the criminal and political shit is metaphysical and esoteric on its own. It's just like MMORPGs people play, kingdoms using magic to retain power. A person who finds himself at the deep end without anything to deserve it has an opportunity to survey and what he would find places where crime, the esoteric, politics and metaphysics meet. There are reasons why places like de-addiction centres and mental asylums are disagreeable to most people. I once wanted to be a psychiatrist and so when the opportunity of surveying the abyss presented itself to me, I first checked whether I have any options or not and when I realised that I don't have any options I decided to dive head first, sort of bungee jumping, in the abyss. I have misconceptions in my life, like one has to have charisma to commit atrocities to people like Hitler had. Hitler, whatever one says about him, was an idealistic man. He had idealism and he was a nationalist. The country we live in, if it exists at all except on paper, from what I observed seems to be ruled by individuals who sell their mothers. It's shocking as well as unfortunate. Esoteric systems are interesting things but they lose their appeal to me when their end goals are found to be power, sex and money. Truth is, criminals except the ones who function on ideals, the ones who are forced on the path of crime or the ones who are framed are at the esoteric level, demons. They can't be rehabilitated. These kind of individuals are criminals by law and demons at a spiritual level and have developed particular survival mechanism which can be analogous to the animal kingdom, like designing a detailed conspiracy to frame people like a spider makes a web to catch its prey, change colour to save their lives like a chameleon does and latch themselves to a host and drain his life force and resources until he or she dies, there can be numerous other examples. I have been exposed shit and I have seen the parasites going for the weakest point of a person has like one's children and unfortunately these kind of individuals are the real administration of this country, yep it sounds unbelievable but it is actually the case, if this country is autonomous and is not just on paper otherwise it's a cultural machine based global feudal-corporate setup. It's funny because I was a physician and I did not need to know all this. Abyss came to me to be surveyed and I did it. The truth is that this country, its civilization and it's indigenous religion has completely collapsed from within. What exists is a metaphysical stratification that is enforced by biopolitical means while keeping pretence of law and due process where there isn't any. Things aren't that bad people would say, while the truth is that they are it's just that people feel how bad things are individually and sporadically. The best part is you can imagine the worst and most inferior kind of scum and he would privy to private lives of people and their personal and family history and if not they can be acquainted to them. Suffices to say the concepts of family heritage and family legacies end here. Here is the most probable concept of this country as I have seen it, in the same country there are people who live like an upper class USA, with Mexico like cartels controlling stuff, while a majority lives like sub-saharan Africa. It's a bad case of state capture and possibly unannounced colonisation by global hegemons facilitated by comprador elite of this country while majority of people suffer the baseless dogma of religion which fails even to give them respite, bad governance and infrastructure and random predation and persecution which hits them like an act of God or fate. 

Transaction Complete

You think you would write about general things, about your interests and hobbies, about pop culture, literature and philosophy but writing tends to get personalised, the "I" comes in sometime or the other especially when pop culture, literature and philosophy are decimated along with science and culture or are made to be unequally distributed so that talking about these things to people around you becomes a privilege. I'm not an "I" kind of guy, I neither want nor like to be present in my own writings but we are living in times where any art or "content" as it is called requires an identity confirmation and it got confirmed to me in the past decade that in this country and probably in the greater world, the real identity card, or the real Aadhaar card is our DNA and our family background and it is through these a single person can be singled out from the crowd and made an example of, or can be made to go through a humiliation ritual and the worst part about it is that the person need not to be morally, ethically or legally wrong, he just need to be at a wrong place at a wrong time and get in the eyes of the entitled whimsy that runs this nation which also, technically speaking, is entitled incompetence so much that it in combination of uncontrolled base instincts of those in power has taken the form of predation as it is, in the presence of absolute control and absolute edge in power dynamic, easier than a proper logic based dealing with people. Do whatever you want to do with people and that shall be the law and then victim blame the people for the ruin inflicted on them and kill them with the last thought being in their head that whatever monstrous thing that happened with them was their own fault. The machine keeps running and people keep taking the baits that are hanging in front of them and keep getting punished for taking the bait. It doesn't matter if you don't take the bait too, the designs are prepackaged, they are presets and can be applied on anyone irrespective of whether they are guilty or not, you get into the humiliation ritual program because someone didn't like the nose on your face and he or she will activate the program and you would experience the humiliation ritual as authentically as someone who is guilty would. We have criminals playing judge here in fact they are not just playing judge, they are the real judges while the real actual judges are just mannequins and props. We live in the times of content, and every content that is made should have the identity of the person, identifiable identity, like when you make a shortform video your face, or when "I" write the circumstances of my life and what made me or what is modifying me into the next phase of my life. It's like all of us are on Only Fans, and those who know the obscured truth of existence know that they actually are but as far as cyber existence goes, the only difference between an OnlyFan model and common people is that they are selling views of their private parts and others are selling some other private things and in quite a few cases even their souls. Intimacy is a long shot in this arrangement because the very basis of existence has become transactional. I have to talk about "my" experiences which I used to talk about anyway in the blogosphere of late 2000s and early 2010s but then at that time sharing still existed, now just transactions exist and people who share in this economy are the biggest fools even if they share without any hope of return because they would be exploited until they have shared all the flesh on their body.

7-08-26

Little things matter, but they do not matter as much as one thinks they do. Higher purpose matters but not in the world we live in. What actually matters? Basics. And for other things that actually matter, one has to ask themselves and ensure it is them and only them who are answering. Sociopolitical existence is like fighting a pig, that too a pig that is spawn of Satan. The pig will first drag you in the muck and then try to beat you in your own game because it knows all about your game. One moment you are in your own made up wonderland and the next moment you are in the muck and you look around and there is nothing except muck and then you find yourself getting beaten in a game that you thought was your own. Anyone who has ever felt the walls closing in on them know the feeling, the only difference is someone has to commit a sin or crime for the walls close in on them and others, the unfortunate ones, just have to exist for the walls to close in on them. The walls can close in so much that it gets difficult to breathe. Little things don't matter that much but they do matter, and in the world we live in they matter more than the higher purpose. Like peeing after holding the pee for long, like sitting in the quilt and drinking tea with the family in winters, like chai and pakoras on a rainy holiday. Little things matter more than most things, in fact they matter the most but in the bigger picture they don't matter as much one thinks they do because there is a background to our lives, a background that is obscured from our view, and yet life itself is composed of little things and little moments. Higher purpose, when the background that is obscured from our view is considered doesn't matter but everyone should have a higher purpose, the most common one, mastery in their art or calling. We are all slaves to the obscured reality, and the God that we grew up believing in seems to be just in our faith and nowhere else. It seems that the God that is in our faith and the God that gave spiders the power to make webs, a venus flytrap the ability to catch a fly, a whale the thick milk to breastfeed their young ones in the vast ocean are different. It makes no difference until one knows who they are, what are there strength and weaknesses and know their ethical framework and value system. Pigs rely on exploiting people's ethical framework and value system, they rely on weaponising people's conscience against them. The true enlightenment arrives when one realises that little things matter, higher purpose matters. And that they don't matter too but only because the background that is obscured from our view is composed solely of muck.

Manasvi

Memories are silly things. Life needs good memories to be livable though if the head is full of bad memories and good memories are scarce that doesn't mean life is unlivable. One has to choose to live a good life nevertheless. People in depths of mental health crises experience absence of happiness and happy memories, some take drugs, some alcohol and try to make their lived experience livable and drugs and alcohol are just acute management when the problem is deeper. To persist without happiness and happy memories one has to be able to like themselves. Here is the rule: only good people do not like themselves and this is because they employ the same moral judgement that they employ in general on themselves. Narcissists and psychopaths love themselves, they are extremely selfish and hypocritical and they would do as much harm they can to other person for their slight convenience or slight difficulty or disturbance. And unfortunately in a survival oriented society it is them who end up winning. For good people it is extremely important to know the principles and ideals they function on. There are two types of sadness, one psychosocial origin of which cannot be traced and one personal grief, based on personal losses and failures. One might argue that life is not that important, but the real thing is when one sees the truth of the society and realises the kind of scum who are not only living but also thriving at the expense of others especially the innocent deciding to live the best life one can live among whatever constraints one has seems to be the only option. People who take one's own life are judged harshly in the society but the truth is that life can get extremely hard, so hard that there seems to be no other way than to take one's life though this scenario is not as common as suicides are, what one thinks to be the end might not be and it could be only known if it is or it is not by going through it and taking one's life ends that opportunity. Good people who live by the same rules that they have for the world, the ones who are not hypocrites must learn to navigate spaces filled with narcissists and psychopaths. It's important to go easy on oneself sometimes and it is important to have fun. If one doesn't have good and happy memories there are other ways to feel better than drugs and alcohol also happy memories can be created and it all begins by starting to do things that makes one like themselves.

Diet Choke

I write a lot of psychosocial stuff because my experiences have been psychosocial. I have had some baffling realisations as I matured but nothing that I couldn't process. It is this processed data that becomes the fodder for my writing. I ended up simplifying my life and it is money, family, work and academics, knowledge, interests and hobbies. Then there are nature and the universe through the night sky. Social life in India is basically like that bird building a nest which the monkeys destroy once they see the bird cozy during the monsoon while they were getting wet in the rain. I realise that this is the simplest example of how society operates in this country at depth. This country is a low trust society for a reason and those who have seen the 90s know that it was not. One of the basic issues in this country is people taking pride and being entitled in things that they have no hand in like being born in a particular caste or a rich family. The country showed its colours to me and I ended up retrospecting and realised how things like caste entitlement work. What people don't know is that your caste might not be in your subconscious or unconscious but it definitely flows in your nerves because caste is a psychosocial concept. The past decade taught me that what were considered social evils, like casteism, misogyny, rape, discrimination, superstition and other social evils are propagated from the base reality of this country and that means while the government brings policies to fight them what runs the government in the depth actively fortifies and propagates these social evils. This realisation made me absolutely free as a person as I realised that future is going to be a state of totalitarian slavery in a surveillance state full of hatred, divisiveness and discrimination for the majority as a minority enjoys absolute heaven on earth. This is the arrangement even today but the grip is going to be even more tighter in the future and slow and peaceful life for the majority would become a distant dream, even the basic necessities and civil amenities and provisions will require bootlicking of totally undeserving individuals who hold their position either due to nepotism, patronage or cronyism. For the lower class this future is now but as middle class is totally dismantled as the process has been since the early 2010s, with middle class literature and their access to middle class media like magazines, ghazals, kavi sammelans is destroyed in the name of modernity and language is gradually disarmed of the capacity of naming techniques used in exploitation the middle class again would become as dispossessed as the lower class. This is nothing but a combination of neofeudalism and extractive surveillance capitalism in which data is the new resource. In short the middle class who are not selected as official slaves of the rulers will be as dispossessed as the lower class with their cultural capital drained and destroyed. I personally have no hopes from this country because in the past decade I have seen the true nature of what actually rules this country and it is entitlement, incompetence, rapaciousness and undeserved capriciousness. Unfortunately what rules this country is also extremely cowardly so high chances are there that this country would end up becoming a colony of global hegemons without announcing it. What remains in this setting is to modulate one's own psychosocial reality and to take one day at a time and have fun.