Sansmaran

It’s all about understanding. Once you make sense of the culture around you and realise that it is not the continuation of authentic culture but a hyperreality wearing costume of the authentic culture along with manipulation, exploitation and discrimination from the base itself. What is to be done in that scenario? When I was a kid in the 90s I used to read yatra sansmaran where people used to describe their experiences of travel, I remember one such sansmaran where a woman described cold droplets of water falling on her face from the Bhedaghat falls in Bhedaghat. I was a kid and when I read that sansmaran I felt cool droplets of Bhedaghat falls on my face. Bhedaghat is not a tier 1 tourist place but the experience of that woman was tier 1 and thus I was able to feel that tier 1 experience. It is what the politics or should I say deep politics of our times is doing, sabotaging people’s authentic experiences and damaging their ability to have good experiences. That woman wrote that sansmaran in Balhans, so I would imagine it she was middle class like me, and the setup today is that experiences are tiered, only tier 1 people would have tier 1 experiences and tier 4 people must have tier 4 experiences, and in the deep politics of this country as I have experienced it in the past decade it is an unsaid rule. Not to mention the predatory commercialization of all our beloved hill stations, beaches and tourist destinations. You can be tier 3 and feel the predation or you can be tier 1 and spend your time in a resort in the same place and have a curated experience which is only as real as the curation. When I used to read folk comics that Anant Kushwaha made in Balhans back then, there was still some culture left and now all culture, if your eyes are open, is fake. Now it’s not about feeling the droplets of water at a waterfall but going to place and eating a pizza or croissant and taking foodpic to show people that you in fact had the croissant in this tier 1 restaurant and save it as a memory which is subconsciously saving a class marker, a class checkpoint. This much is enough to make out that this country at the deepest level is governed by absoutely retarded, incompetent and exploitative scum. I have done analysis of past and present, what remains is future and one can’t analyse the future but can only conceptualise about it. The culture that Anant Kushwaha propagated through his chitrakathas is dead and what remains is pizzas and croissants and people clicking them to show in future that they could afford it in the past. As a writer, since I have analysed the past and present, what remains for me is the future, which at this point seems like slavery. What I can do and probably would do, at a personal level, is mythmaking. Creating modules for the younger generation so that they can negotiate memes and the authentic culture within the framework of class based exploitation and deletion of the actual cultures of the land and their replacement with a mongrel hyperreality mimicking the real culture but is actually at base is political technology of exploitation and destruction of beauty from the classes below tier 1.

 

Shortform Therapy

We live in times when mental health is everything. India as a country is governed through psychosocial designs and thus a lot of mental health depends on social relations. My personal approach is of defining my relationships and I had to do this when I realised that the bottom line reality of this country doesn’t allow for sentimentality in relationships and when it does it is bound to get exploited in future and so “choosing the ones one is ready to suffer for” is the better approach. Another approach I took was that I stopped thinking about people at all, unless of course it is necessary for survival or otherwise. I think about ideas and things and so when I get thoughts about people I end up knowing that it is not me but psychosocial designs. In India, hell is other people. You don’t suffer yourself, you suffer others and so simplification is absolutely necessary. Another thing that is important is to keep a journal and to learn to find your voice in the rubble of psychosocial and psychopolitical designs. And one should always ask questions to oneself. Asking questions to oneself is absolutely required in the political reality we are living in present because this is the only way you’d end up knowing what you truly want though it is absolutely important that you are confirm that the answer is yours and not bypassed through the politics in your head. There are psychosocial thought complexes, of fear, of shame and other emotions especially negative emotions and to keep your mental health good you must be able to simplify and resolve these thought complex. It is important to resolve the conflicts in your mind and you must ask yourself first the answers you are seeking. Poverty and dysfunctional families not only cause mental health issues but also sustain it. Money and love of family are very important for mental health as they are for survival in fact they are the primary treatment for mental health issues. Most mental health issues are not true mental diseases but of sociopolitical origin and finding out whether one has a genuine mental issue or sociopolitical oppression helps with self-blame. Mental health is a stigma for the sole reason that what rules people in this country doesn’t want the people, especially those who don’t have the hand of providence on their heads, to become the best version of themselves. When you can’t talk about mental health you can’t take corrective steps because all action begins with acknowledgement of issues that one has. Resolution of thought complexes are important and one can play it as a game of solution, giving solutions to self like they are giving advice to someone in their position. Having second person and third person perspectives of one’s problems helps immensely. It all ultimately boils down to money and family support if we are talking mental health though it doesn’t mean a person lacking them can’t survive without them, it would just be more difficult. Having an ideological and ethical framework according to one’s beliefs and personality is important so that one knows that they are actually playing their own game and not of others.

 

Life Forty-seven

I love literature and I love writing. I first started writing in the late 2000s and that time was different. People used to have personal blogs back then where they used to express themselves or document their lives. Just recently I saw people doing that again on my Wordpress feed and on Substack. I look back at my late 2000s and early 2010s blog with me expressing my will to help people with my knowledge of medicine and writing slice-of-life, travelogues and poems and short stories. Back then I did not know that this country is run by a criminal syndicate projecting itself as providence and my supposed home region of Purvanchal is run by protection racket. Back then I took life as it came and while I still do that I also tend to anticipate things. I have lived an extremely tough life but I have thoroughly enjoyed it because I know that if my life was not tough I would have made it tough by choosing an interest like mountaineering. In late 2000s I recorded my life and thoughts on a blog and now in late 2020s I still to the same however redundant it might have become. I have made and discarded numerous blogs along the way because I wanted to have the vibe just right and now I think it is in case of my blogs. I proofread my formal blogs such as my Substack and Medium with AI because I do not get time to correct grammar and other mistakes, the main goal however is conveying the idea. This particular blog is for intimate writing but it ended up becoming political as I ended up realising personal is in fact political and if one is not privileged all art ends up becoming political. I write about my interests such as book, comic books and pop culture on my Wordpress blog and I also maintain a lifestyle blog. I think I have written enough for the diagnosis of human condition in present times and for awareness and now I must focus on my interests, which is writing fiction. I think my writing would pass the test of writing but I also believe that one shouldn't hesitate in writing just because they are afraid their writing wouldn't pass the test of time because writings are evidence of the times people have lived in and it doesn't matter whether they pass the test of the time. Long form writing is mostly extinct in this country except the recent small peak that I saw on Substack and Wordpress feeds and some longform writing in Hindi that is present on Facebook. I however continue to write and hope to write some fiction that satisfies and entertains me above all. When one can't find the fiction that entertains them they must create it and it is especially true in today's times, the era of shortform videos. The issue with fiction I face is negotiating it with the reality I have faced in my life that is stranger than fiction and it is the reason for the inertia in my fiction writing though I hope that it would get resolved. Writing is a hobby, an interest and a vocation, and for me it is mostly a hobby and a vocation and I practice it as an art and for bringing awareness to those who read me. I had given up the thought of having writing as my vocation when I realised becoming a published author is not an organic thing based on talent but a game of contacts in this country though I might end up self-publishing some of my work later in life. 

Chicken Salami and Virgin Mojito

One of the most important skills is to be able to talk to yourself. You can do it on paper or you can do it vocally though you will crazy talking to yourself and so I recommend doing it on paper and keeping a journal is the best way to do that. It is important to know what you truly want and talking to yourself allows you to do that. Keeping a journal is important for mental health and always stress on keeping a journal. I live without preferences and it is through this habit I was able to find out my innate preferences though I can live without them too. I was a friendly guy till 2013, and it is after my experiences post 2013 that I became consciousness and it is through my experiences post 2013 along with my professional skills that I developed an ability to identify people. One has understand that some people in this country are born with their fates sealed and it is to be recognised that this sealing of fate is not of a divine origin but of a political origin and from here comes my philosophy of doing the best you can within the constraints you have, if nothing you don't have regrets of not trying enough later. There is one thing that should be learned deeply about the country we live in, that it functions more on perception than actual substance though people who are honest will always chase substance over perception. There was a time post 2013 that everything I did felt wrong and it can happen due to political interference in one's life. Anything you do will feel wrong as political frameworks governing one's life can be tightened by the entity that governs live of people in this country. Here is an example: laughing at a man slipping on a banana peel would feel like an unforgivable crime but it is human to laugh at such a thing and it doesn't make one a bad person especially if one runs to help that person after or while having a good laugh. The discovery that I made about this nation post 2013 is that the employed workforce that governs lives of people in this country is composed of tyrannical potential genocidal rapists, it is their conditioning and that means with all the drama of kundalis and horoscopes people's lives at the deepest level is at the mercy of potential genocidal rapists who are also incompetent and here is how it works: they function on extremes and that means absolute anarchic freedom for themselves and absolute tyranny for their victims and that means extremely selfish criminals who have impossible standards of moral, and in case of places like Purvanchal, religious, conduct for people. When someone is sabotaged by the deep state of this country it works at all the levels, familial, economic, professional and social and the most important, their reputation. I have faith, but organised religion of this nation ended for me when I experienced the feudal-criminal core of this nation that connects seamlessly with the corporate. While this might seem paranoid I agree on Kejriwal's assessment of the situation that "sab mile huye hain ji". When shit got real for me in the mid 2010s I thought maybe I made some mistake and was experiencing hell, though on retrospection I realised only mistake or if we are pushing it "sin" that I did was jacking off on internet pornography in my college days. So as it turns out while I was in hell it was not of a divine or for that matter even demonic origin it was political and socio-economic for the most part though it is enforced by criminals who are essentially spiritual parasites who weaponise a person's own self against them. The motherfuckers are demonic and murder of people and families is their daily business and this is how events like Burari murders happen or it is how marriages get ruined and become a humiliation ritual in hinterlands of Uttar Pradesh. Marriages were a sacred thing up until the 90s and I know because I have participated in them during 90s. People's lives are now spectacle and it is so because these motherfuckers feed on people's suffering they enjoy the humiliation of the bride or groom when the wedding gets cancelled due to someone getting offended due to absence of gulaab jaamun in the wedding menu. It is here it is important to always keep in mind that the origin of all of it are feudal-criminal and socio-economic. The base layer of existence in this country as I ended up realising is rape and that sustains at a subconscious level, and thrives on the amnesia of people. These individuals are technically gods because the surveillance as well as control is total and awareness is gained only when psychic immunity kicks in against the false consciousness. While this might all seem like a delusional conspiracy theory I write it because people for whom shit hits the fan can identify the mechanisms and do not feel alone as shit hitting the fan in this country doesn't depend on how good or moral you are, in fact it only makes you more vulnerable as the base reality itself is rape and predation, it might just be someone you don't even know not liking your face. 

Tarantino Barjatya

I diagnose suffering through my writing but what's the treatment? There is no cure for this condition, especially in a socio-political and feudal arrangement where people's family histories and memories are being destroyed in retrospect to, for the most part, prevent them from socio-economic mobility. I have seen it and it's like an elevator ride through the socio-economic strata. I'm from considerably well off family by its own standards but I have seen poverty, and this poverty wasn't poverty actually as I was eating what I wanted to, watching OTTs, sleeping in air-conditioning. The kind of poverty that I felt was an induced mental state despite being skilled in what I do, and my work not being dependent on job creators, an inability in becoming self-reliant. I did my best and I do my best, but then imagine someone in my condition and without food, contacts and air-conditioning. The violence on me has not been purely structural or psychological, it has been physiological and without any basis, and by basis I mean basis in morality, ethics, social conventions and law. It's funny that after my medical degree I wanted to specialise in physiology, the same domain in which I was violated but then as my knowledge and experience grew I realised that this is a systemic arrangement and at a deeper level whimsical hatecrimes or predation is committed and then the victim is blamed for their own downfall and then eliminated and it all ends up looking like fate or God's will. When actually God is nowhere in this arrangement except being a tranquilizer or something that accompanies one in their suffering. Since there is no cure for this arrangement only prescription that I have in such a setting is having fun and as much as possible, creating good memories for oneself. Unfortunately ability to create good memories too is a structural allowance, a provision by the so-called providence which in this country is a criminal syndicate populated by informal participants and possibly from individual who hold formal positions too. So, as it goes, only prescription remains in this case is to have fun. A rickshawala who drinks his desi pouch in the evening knows this thing subconsciously and acts accordingly. The privileged can have vast lives but unfortunately they are what they are, privileges. The best part of it was that I had no business in it, I had offended no one who was in power, did nothing that would offend power and took the violence for more than a decade until I realised that there is predation of totally helpless and dispossessed going on in this country by individuals totally undeserving of the power they have been given to exercise. I couldn't do much so I just decided to name the mechanisms and I can't really be blamed for it because since the start my style was to do my work and mind my business and when I became the earning edge I quietly chose my corner, social, professional and economic wanting to silently devote my time to my work. There is zero authenticity in a country even in the backward regions in which you would expect organic existence, when there is no authentic and organic existence in a third world country then there is not much left to discuss and debate after that. 

Robodogs of Pavlov

The past decade for me has been a decade of realisations and it ended up destroying most of my illusions. I ended up realising that there is nothing deeper to humans other than earning money, eating, shitting and sleeping and things like love, in the political setting we live in, is a privilege and majorly a tool for exploitation. Depth of humans, in the present times is just an additional design. Though I am a deep man and I feel deeply and that's why I used to write poetry when I was in college. However feeling deeply is not enough you need intellectual depth too which I cultivated intentionally. My goal was to cultivate a depth that was present in people of early 20th century, a depth similar to my grandfather's while understanding that the deeper arrangement of this conducive to intellectual depth as it profits from keeping people psychologically sedated. Here are the basic truths of socio-economic existence of this country, money and contacts. The deeper reality however is composed of money, resources and sex which due to the absolute edge in power dynamic of the ruling class expresses itself as exploitation and rape which the common person experiences as fate or just life. I simplified life, realising that emotions are just additional designs especially after realising that a false consciousnesses can be imposed on people politically. Though the silver lining was the realisation of the beauty of nature, the realisation that our mind or consciousness posseses a psychic immunity similar to body's immunity which rejects the false consciousness once it becomes aware of it however it can't overcome the false consciousnesses and has to live with it and negotiate with it constantly due to the psychopolitical design throughout life. One has to understand that majority of what we see as spiritual afflictions are actually psychopolitical designs which mimic spiritual afflictions, I however, am an open minded person so I don't reject paranormal and supernatural though given the empirical reading of the society it seems that even the paranormal and supernatural can be used as technologies and if paranormal and supernatural existed independent of power and class the fate of the lower classes wouldn't have been as consistent as an empirical reading of the society shows it to be. Depth, except the ability to feel deeply which might be innate, is an additional module though intellectual depth, other than through deep study and experience, is also helped by the ability to feel deeply. In the present society depth serves no function except being a module, which for the majority and especially the lower classes only increases their suffering as it makes them more exploitable than the others. The deep "adminstration" of this country is Pavlovian in nature and that means it relies on manipulating perception and experession and guiding people through conditioning based on fear, desire and repetition. It's simple manipulation of input and output of the unit that is the individual and guiding them like a dog salivating at the sound of bell even though the real food never arrives and leading people by hanging of carrot like in the carrot and stick arrangement. While depth is totally not required in the present society we live in, those who already feel deeply must engage intellectually to develop intellectual depth especially for being able to name the mechanisms of exploitation. 

Opposing Force

Ph.D. is a stressful degree but I wanted to do it for quite a few reasons, first it would help me specialise in research through understanding of subjects such as Research Methodology and Statistics and second my father is a Ph.D., the third reason is related to my childhood when I used to play Half-Life, a great game which is one of top games of all time, where the protagonist is a Ph.D. When it used to flash "Gordon Freeman, Ph.D., MIT, Theoretical Physics" on screen, it looked very cool. Real PhD, specially in the shithole we live in isn't really cool, it's humiliating and like all other domains riddled with mafia. My main goal is being able to be better in research methodology so that I can design my personal research and use statistics/biostatistics for my research as till now most of my research has been empirical in nature. At a personal level I specialise in psychosomatology but I do not have a specific formal credentials for this specialisation though I do have general credentials to deal with psychosomatology. It is through my research in psychosomatology that I ended up knowing the psychopolitical nature of our existence and when shit hits the fan psychopolitically people can end up losing hundred percent of their autonomy and yet would be held a hundred percent responsible, accountable and if wrong, which in most cases they will be due to lack of autonomy, for their thoughts, speech and actions. I am aware that a lot of what I talk about might look like delusion of persecution and paranoia for those who are not aware of the deep reality of this country which would be the majority, because the majority only experiences the deep reality and deep politics, and that includes social engineering, of this country as fate. I majorly write for people who are suffering and for those for whom shit has already hit the fan and I think I have built enough body of work for awareness and now I can do something constructive and creative with my writing. I would try work on counter measures for exploitation and if that is not possible, which in many cases isn't, than at least methods to live one's best life within the exploitation. I specialise in empirical research and a Ph.D. give me tools to do standard scientific research. Which I might also use for my work with literature and culture to create a body of work that helps people exist peacefully in the increasingly exploitative reality that people experience as fate.