Mastikhor

Freedom is a beautiful thing. I'm possibly one of the most free people on the planet but that took a bit of effort. When you actually see the overreach and invasive nature of politics in our lives and beings things really stop to surprise you. Imagine spending thousands for an MRI scan while your mind and body are invaded and tortured for free. Of course it is a hypothetical situation until it is not for you. The absolute bottom line is someone trapped in a cave and slowly dying while his mind is still connected to the politics of the world relaying their slow death for those who are interested in snuff. I have realised that India is Bihar of the world, and not in a good way as Bihar has nothing good to offer in the state it is in present and has been in for a long time. As far as Purvanchal goes, things are basically performative, everything is performative including faith and religion the funny thing is that those who have access to all the knowledge in this region learn by imitation instead of actual learning, it's a sad state of affairs, a shitshow of deprivation and useless conspiracies and needless torture of people and it's basically a tyrannical situation here with no actual regard for the lives of people, but then it's the general pattern of the nation, disregard for the lives of people and the dignity of human life. It's impossible to negotiate with incompetence coupled with entitlement and lack of education. I lived outside Purvanchal whole of my life but what stood out finally when I came back to the region which once I proudly used to call my region was the realisation that what I thought to be real in the region, and let me mention Varanasi the spiritual capital of India is in this region, is just performative. Of course it is not performative for the lower classes but then they are the ones who are tortured the most. What actually defines the very soul of what I considered once to be my region is rape. It's very unfortunate, that my race is such a cowardly and lowly race of people, the hilarious thing is that these motherfuckers do not even have guts to do things in the open. What I thought of as "adulthood" was basically politically inflicted conspiracies, rape, deprivation and exploitation. It's unfortunate that my race of people, well at least the ones who control the culture and are effectively shitting on it, are cucked. While performative aspects of my so called region might fool you, the very soul of this shithole that once was a heaven, is defined by rape and silencing. Rape is the number one thing in the minds of those who run this region. Unfortunate isn't it? But that also tells me that this might be the case with the rest of the nation too, though in a less cowardly and cheap way than my supposed region. And anyway I have realised that there is no "your hometown" or "your region" only thing that is truly yours is your family and nothing else.

Earthbound

Is life beautiful? Well it depends. Is the world beautiful? Again, it depends. The earth though is beautiful and there is no doubt about that. Most of our lives are about getting our suffering justified, of course for the lesser mortals the higher mortals inflict the suffering. Imagine my bafflement when I realised that the setting I thought to be vast is pretty simple and straight-forward but I did survive that bafflement and got to know more about life. I mean I have come a long way from writing love letters to my crush on e-mail and talking to her on Gtalk, ultimately realising that love is something that should be handled carefully in the world because it can cause you pain and get you exploited to no end. Love is a force that can move mountains, but it is also something that can get you intimidated, blackmailed, exploited and tortured to no end. Loving someone is being ready for consequences that loving entails, and it wouldn’t have happened if politics didn’t meddle in personal affairs of people but it not only meddles in them it also calls the shots and from where I’m, unfortunately it also micromanages lives of people. The standard setting is that love causes more pain than pleasure or happiness, at least for common people but it is still worth it because even if our lives are governed by exploitative politics, it is the only thing that gives our lives meaning and elevates us above animals. There is no foolproof method of living life except living it as it comes to us, what we can do however is prepare for what comes to us though as far as my experience goes, things hit us when we are least prepared but then again I realised that it is too of a political origin. What not only saved me when “things” hit me but also allowed me to get a bigger picture was my alertness. The actual politics of this land, the politics that resides where people think God does, is composed of individuals who are equivalent to rabid dogs who do anything to the lives of people. It’s sad but this is our reality. Life is exceptionally beautiful for some, but for those whom it is not, they also have to carry on for the sake of love, for the sake of people they love. I experience life as it is, and I see the good, bad and outright evil without flinching and I escape when I want to. I keep it real and I keep it natural, well as much as the politics of my region allows me to. What I won’t do however is stop seeking truth and creating beauty.

Heelclicker

You got to carry your style. I remember during college when I whizzed past the streets on my white and blue Yamaha RX 100 or when I came back home drove in my Toyota Etios listening to Sexual Healing by Kygo. The truth is however not many people make it to college and not many make it through college. In the process of growing up something breaks in people, something dies, and they carry their corpse everyday to work. It doesn't happen to everyone though, for some the lines that exclude them are more defined and the disappointing thing is that it's not a rule that applies to all, this shit is whimsical. The tragic thing is that for those whom the lines are more defined than the others can't even choose their corners and do their work in peace. When even wanting peace let alone happiness and comfort feels illegal you know that something is not right. When doing your work quietly in the corner feel like rebellion what choice does one have other than rebellion? This is the beauty of incompetence, it makes competence, or the desire for it, feel like rebellion. When a peace loving man or woman who just wants to exist is forced to rebel by making the walls around him close in so much that it becomes difficult to breath, I mean it does seem that rebellion is the only option. But that's the deal with peace loving men and women, they keep the rebellion gentle but then incompetent and uncivilized scum with more power than they should have don't really understand gentleness. Personal style is style though, it can be flamboyant, it can be understated and it can be gentle and there is nothing wrong with having a flamboyant style as the end result for all style is the same, death. I was under the illusion that we suffer the consequences for our actions, in this country however we suffer projections of understanding of others of our selves and actions. When fate is pre-decided one is free to chill, and that's what one should do primarily in the modern age, chill. Chilling should be the primary agenda, of course after ensuring economic survival. When the law is pleasure at the expense of others, pleasure without harming anyone becomes a rebellion. And if such is the case, so be it. You wish to go to lit fests, comic cons and rock concerts after work but what's the point when it's all just superficial. What's the point of anything for that matter when even the right to earn a livelihood has to be deserved, when you are baited for wanting to earn a livelihood. It's your life on the line in this case and for some individuals it's just dark humour and very unfortunately they are not even deserving enough to pull this prank on you or, for that matter, anyone. Style is essential and it is individual to you. Don't fear in flaunting your style because, remember, end result for all style is the same, death. 

Whims and Funerals

What are you going to do with your depth when the your reality itself is cheap. There is nothing that can be done in that scenario except carrying on with your life, doing the things you have to do for your survival and the things you love. It's a lot about chances and luck too but most of all it is about decision and making right decisions requires education or at least knowledge which again, in the setting we live in, is gatekept. It was a revelation to me that our lives in this country are at the literal whims of totally inept and incompetent individuals but once you come to know that, life becomes considerably easy. Personally, things took quite an interesting turn for me in early 2010s and for absolutely no reason but I had it coming for long, not because of something that I did, but because it was planned that way. When you are dealing with an entity that is ready to murder hundreds or even thousands just based on their whims, you would at least hope them to be competent enough to be as capricious to murder people at their whims, but no that's not the case. When entitlement comes to due to absolute edge in power dynamic instead of competence this is how things turn out to be. The saddest part in this country is that people take this whimsical, capricious, entitled incompetence to be act of God when it's just a bunch of pathetic rapists with more power than they should have. It's a game of faux analogies and false justifications, which kind of seems odd for an entity that has absolute access to the truth of people and of the world but this is what we are dealing with. This entity at present is as a whole is suffering with cognitive dissonance because they can't negotiate the power they have with their incompetence, though when you have a habit of killing innocents for your own faults there is no scope of debate left. It's an entity that employs individuals whose first instinct when they see something gentle and beautiful is to crush it, and it is because this entity wants to have all the beauty for itself and deprive others of it and the worst part of it all is that it pretends to be God. Incompetence, as I realise, is a feature and not a bug, just as, and I was baffled to realise, corruption is. This is a shitshow that I'm forced to watch because I woke up, and it's kind of good because I would prefer to be murdered while awake than while sleeping.

Dorothy Says Bye Bye

It's all about perception in the end and we for the most part control ours. Though it should be perception and not delusion. The grip of politics on our minds dictates our perception but we can still choose what to believe though I like ascertain that what I believe is not a delusion. When I was younger I used to enjoy movies like Anacondas: The Hunt for The Blood Orchid. It's almost a B movie but it is thoroughly enjoyable. What is not to enjoy in a movie about a bunch of scientists going through a rainforest flooded river to find an orchid that contains the key for eternal youth and has deadly anacondas all around it. It was a time when world had mystery and it was great. I think whether this kind of movie can still work and the answer is, yes. Just the setting needs to be changed. Since the earth has been mapped by the satellites leaving no scope for intrigue or mystique the next setting for such stories is space. There are devices for introducing escapism in the reality we live in, they can be space, or they can be portals to different dimensions or worlds. Portals are singularly the most beautiful things that make me still want to imagine stories after I became aware about the actual political reality of this country and the world. The wardrobe in The Chronicles of Narnia, the rabbit hole in Alive in The Wonderland and there are quite a few examples of portals. Matrix was a genre defining movie and while you can consider a entering the matrix by connecting your nervous system to it a portal as technically it is, the truth is we all are already connected to it and it's the very reason we are trying to find our portals. The concept of time machine is a portal. Imagine a portal that directly opens into 1920s or 1000 BC. And so portals remain, in my opinion, the only device that could allow us to escape the hyperreal reality that we live in today. The equivalent of portal in space is a wormhole. Imagine extreme far ends of space connected through a wormhole, or wormholes between different universes. So, I can have a portal that opens into a rainforest from late 90s to the time when scientists could search for the blood orchid, or I can open it into a mystical or mythical imaginary world without compromising the reality and believability of our world, just like C. S. Lewis did for World War II England. Books are actually portals and I can open portals in the current world to the worlds of all the books I have read. It's about perception and while I choose to see the hyperreality that I live as it is, I also make portals. The trick is to not be delusional. The trick, in matrix terms, is to choose the red pill and manufacture your own blue pill. Cypher was not wrong, he was an asshole. 

Childswan

I just got myself Ursula K. Le Guin's fantasy series The Books of Earthsea. I already have Lord of The Rings and Dune series and was thinking of getting myself Game of Thrones too but then last book of the series hasn't been released yet. Since 2013 there has been a lot of hampering with my reading western literature but with time I realised that it is in fact particular to me and not really general for this nation. I have been reading fantasy throughout my life so it was a bit odd but then that's my political reality at present. Fantasy is great, even though at present it feels like I have lost the taste for western fantasy and nobody in this country has the guts or capability to write good indigenous fantasy. I miss people like Anant Kushwaha who could truly portray rustic fantasies of this country, but then they were never valued because the so called elites of this country had their heads in West's asshole. Reading is hard work for me at present because imagination is, though I can read non-fiction well so I read books about writing, history, as I have realised through my past decade's experiences, is hogwash and everyone believes the history that is convenient to them. Fantasy and superhero stuff is only authentic entertainment that there is. Rest all can be considered, at least in the present political climate, as propaganda. It's sad that the concept of the novel I had in the late 2000s and early 2010s is redundant now due to the shift in the political reality of this nation, but I would write it anyway. The concepts for the novels I have in my head are great and despite the lack in psychological capital at present I might end up writing it. I would have loved to write a metaphorical novel or novella, because what is fantasy if not a metaphor for reality, but I think this country is so uneducated that it doesn't really deserve metaphors. I'm glad that I exposed myself to noir and transgressive fiction in my early youth because no matter what genre I write now, I get to have that punch that only genres like noir, hardboiled and transgressive fiction can deliver. Here is the image that I conjured up in my youth for one of my novels, an antihero helping the protagonist fight and suddenly gets shot in the head with a shotgun and his head is splattered on the wall and he is never talked about in the whole story again, this is actually the metaphor for a common good man's life in this country, it is not dissimilar to the role of Shahrukh Khan in the movie Shakti and I have thought about using this approach for so long that it has lost its relevance now, I use this approach in my general writing too, shocking readers so that they take a bit longer to process it and actually get the point. The media of this country has been compromised, and as far as books go I think from now on we'll only get books of planted stooges like Amish or kids of the rich who want to become "writers". I checked Substack recently and found a lot of Indians writing on it, and it was like a breath of fresh air and reminded me of early days of blogging in late 2000s and early 2010s, these kids and young men and women are delusional and unaware of the actual current political reality of this nation but they are writing their truths and sooner or later they would come to the actual truth of this country and world, it's inevitable. I, in the meantime, am trying to focus on fantasy and specifically Indian mythofantasy and folk fantasy in the style of Anant Kushwaha. It is extremely hard to imitate Anant Kushwaha in English because he was a man connected to the roots and also if I'm able to imagine like him translating his vibe in English language is extremely difficult, but that's what the challenge is. 

Satyanarayan Katha

Emotional deprivation as a tactic in this country is a recent development and it started in 2000s. It was there but it was passive because till the late 90s people were still traditional and once married they thought of it as their fate and whatever they did, even if they fought they knew that there was no other option than continuing the marriage. Divorce was less than 1% in the 90s and then there was 30 - 150 % increase in divorce cases in 2000s in urban centres going by the data. Emotional deprivation was there earlier too but it was people thinking of it as their fate that changed in 2000s. Thanks to the neurofascism of today that I can reflect back and see the patterns and how this country has devolved. It does seem incredible that neurological control over people and neuropolitical manipulation of their personal lives is present in this country and it seems almost paranoid on the part of someone writing such a thing but unfortunately it is a reality. And things start to settle in when one realises that the real government of this country is permanent and there is a elaborate mechanism in this country of neurological manipulation of people's thoughts, consciousness and relationships in which religion plays a major role. My experiences in the past decade have proven to me that it is in fact political just at a deeper level than the politics in newspaper and on television. The worst part of this setup is the individualised nature of it, someone can suffer unbearable mental or physical pain, conditions like bipolarity, depression, dysthymia or a condition known as schizophrenia which I have realised that it's nothing but neuropolitical torture. As internet became popular there has been a steady increase in cases of "remote neural monitoring" and "gangstalking" which were earlier diagnosed as schizophrenia by  psychiatrists. There are two types of psychiatrists one who are aware of the setup and are in on it, and another who are not and go by the medical jargon and both don't help the patient. In India it's basically a feudal corporate nexus who employ extremely cruel rapist criminals from the lower classes to torture minds of people, keep the culture low and prevent social mobility, I won't go into technicalities but Elon Musk is "about to discover" the technology. You see the culture of this country has collapsed in the past decade. I don't think it is magic or occult as if it was, it would have been blind of class and social standing which it isn't. The issue with places like India is that shit is direct here, those who bullied you in school are the same who end up getting literal access to your consciousness, mind and body for the most part. Thankfully I never got bullied in school. So you can realise that there is no actual intelligence establishment in this country. A meme I saw a decade or so back that "India doesn't need CCTVs because it has Indian aunties" is literally true, they are actually relaying neurosensory data for the "intelligence" which is basically corporations and ones incharge of religion. The government is just a working arm of these motherfuckers. My issue is not this, the issue is that these motherfuckers have devolved to fulfilling political vendettas and casual schadenfreude and they are casually deleting old classy families from existence one by one. These motherfuckers had it good for long torturing and raping anyone they want based on their whims and internet just started making people aware, if not of the actual setup, then at least in general. Hence you see all the shitshow of this country on social media despite the algorithmic manipulation of your feed. I'm just saying all this for one simple reason, family. It is the only thing that matters, and it is what these motherfuckers are going after for three simple reasons, for preventing upward social mobility, for schadenfreude and for selling more soaps. So love your family and forgive them. It is all you have truly got.