Escalation

People think things, I have thought things. When I was younger and had just passed my college I used to think a lot about emotional trauma but then I saw the Indian society with a clinical lens for a decade and realised that emotional trauma is the norm and that some suffer that trauma silently and some carry that trauma forward to others and then there is another breed that has no trauma and yet inflicts trauma on people and this breed is employed by the entity that rules this land. In the present times metacognition, logic and being updated about current affairs is extremely important because if you are to be sabotaged by the entity ruling this land it would do that by disarming you of knowledge, pumping delusions in you and intimidating you with the information edge that it has over you which is inevitable due to absolute and disproportionate edge in power dynamic it has. It's not a fight, it's just capriciousness of power that it has to show itself to you despite having absolute control over your life so much that it influences all of your thoughts and decisions and so if persecution ends up progressing it is all about your identity and your family history. Good people base their beliefs in logic and evidence, assholes form beliefs based on selfishness, narcissism, self-interest, survivalism and ideas of domination. I have seen individuals with beliefs that people who are fair complexioned, tall and strong are superior and this is India's answer to the Aryan race theory of Hitler and you would see this thread running all throughout the narrative of this nation unfortunately this narrative is actively believed and propagated from the core that runs this nation and so is casteism and rape. It's a country with a feudal core joined with a corporate core at the top. While the core remains intact, everything is kept deniable and when someone is persecuted it is brushed off as a singular case while the machinery of individalised tyranny and despotism keeps working. I ended up realising that what rules this nation employs lower class criminals as surveillance personnel in an informal manner with each of them having psychopathologies like megalomania, narcissism and psychopathy which the establishment cum providence weaponises against the good people. In short, for the majority of people in this country their fates are being written by rapist criminals, I'm not totally sure if it is true for whole of the nation but it is true for Purvanchal and possibly Bihar and Jharkhand. In the times we live in it is important to pay attention on one's thoughts and thought associations. To know what one thought is associated to. In simple terms what one thing reminds you of. Like when I think of children's magazines I get reminded of Campco Chocolate ad from my childhood printed on one of the magazines. The unfortunate part of the life today is that even one's thought associations might not be one's own. You can be made to hate a totally innocent person by associating him or her to something you hate or dislike. This is exactly what the British did, divide and rule, it's just done at a deeper level where one thinks God exists. Suffices to say when I noticed this i realised that there is nothing called God, at least not the kind I grew up believing in my childhood. In Indian contexts, God is just the rich, seths, zamindars and politicians and very unfortunately lower class criminals employed by them who consistently conspire against people with targic consequences which expresses them their fate or will of God. 

Fireside Smartass

You are sitting at a small taverna in Goa in a languid afternoon and you are discussing philosophy, literature and pop culture with friends. Or you have gone camping at a hill station and talk about horror stuff or conspiracies by the fireside or by the campfire. My goal is writing this kind of stuff though shit kept on becoming darker and darker and ultimately I decide that I'd also experiment with gonzo journalism. It excites me, things like gonzo journalism and guerilla filmmaking. Things like languid conversations are a luxury anymore. My exposure to transgressive fiction got me in the habit of saying the truth as it is and so I use the words like shit and fuck when they are required and present dark truths as it is especially when I'm writing for a mature audience. I have personally seen how life becomes when it is turned into a Stanford Prison Experiment or a Guantanamo. The thing to know is that you don't have to travel anywhere for your life to become a Guantanamo, a Stanford Prison Experiment, a penal colony or a gulag. The web of relationships you have around you can end up becoming the torture devices as well as the prison and pain can be directly and as potent and just a little less, but minus the cellular damage, as physical pain be delivered to you. People study psychology and subjects like psychology, I studied psychology from a therapeutic perspective but then I realised  that people study Pavlovian psychology, dark psychology and marketing psychology too but ten years back I used to believe that people who have real knowledge behave ethically though as I matured in my field I realised that it is not the case individuals in domains of psychology like Pavlovian psychology, dark psychology and marketing psychology go to any extent it doesn't matter how many people they harm, ethics don't stop them and it's all about domination which was at first unbelievable to my therapeutic psychology mind. I was at odds here, because I was against the current. The game is that the more delusional people are the more beneficial they are to the individuals who are in domains other than therapeutic psychology. It's easier to blackmail and coerce a delusional individual than it is to a person who is aware. It's easier to sell a product to a delusional individual than to a person who knows what he wants. I ended up realising that these individuals are first making people sick and then selling them medicines and treatment which again reduce years from lives of people which is equivalent to soft genocide or that they first make people lazy and then make them order from quick commerce. You speak or think about something and the next moment that thing is on your Instagram feed, this is extractive surveillance capitalism but there is nothing that can be done about it because all exits are closed by now. The base state is of slavery and anyone can devolve into the state of slavery due to whims or arbitrary laws. When laws and ethics are used arbitrarily or applied selectively to target people then it just becomes about perception management and not justice and after seeing the things happening I realised that justice was never in the picture ever it's about criminals having safety, it's easier and safer for white collared criminals to manipulate and apply laws and ethics to target people than to break the outright law thought the end result is same, desecration of justice. One matures and realises that eighty percent of things in a country like India happen like this just in the background. There is no smartness in this but unfortunately these motherfuckers think of them as smart by hatching conspiracies misusing rules, ethics and laws. The bottom line is that justice doesn't really exist in this country and everyone is on his or her own while gangs of rapists ruling this country and its regions rape bodies, minds and souls of good people of this country and making their sufferings look like fate.

Shaanpatti

Past decade I have had the full experience of this country and the worst thing that I ended up realising that existence in this country is totalising. There is no cosmic fate, though personally after realising this, I would still like to believe in cosmic fate, but the demonic arrangement of this country which I think I one of the few people who has been actually able to see in detail other than those who perpetuate it. The thumb rule is that there is no benevolence beneath the demonic and this is one thing this country has masterd in, giving the illusion of benevolence while dishing out terrible fates to people and people end up believing that there must be some reason behind their terrible suffering. Whatever you think would end up becoming true, but the best part of it all is that only the negative that you think would become true and this is the case for the majority and then you'd be told it is you who thought or wished for it. That tongue or in this case the mind has Saraswati on it. The worst part of it all is that this religious and metaphysical management of people's thoughts is done for Municipal and comissionery level goons. It's an existential blackmail. The chaos that you see in India, the low trust, the mismanagement, is actually a symptom of impunity that is done on the metaphysical plane. Fates of majority of people are foreclosed and as I was baffled to realise just based on whims. There is no legal, moral or religious rule operating behind people's fates as I was able to realise fate is whimsical and then it is retrospectively aligned to people essentially victim blaming. There are two possibilities that arise, either this country is a colony or it has autonomy over its people and from what I have seen, impunity coupled with incompetence, entitlement and cowardice I would wish that this country is actually a colony and not autonomous because while BJP and Congress do what the do, in the background this country is ruled by literal demons who project benevolence and while personally that doesn't affect me what affects me is the total incompetence coupled with entitlement. The base of the actual administration of this country if at all we can call it an administration or simply the deep state which unfortunately is also the providence of this country is jealousy, incompetence, impunity, rape and hatred and weaponised psychiatric conditions like psychopathy and narcissism against the common people. A lot of fates of of the people of this country are written by lower class criminals employed by the deep state and a lot of it is whimsical and retroactively attirubted as religious reasons doing what this country does the best, victim blaming. Not only these incompetent motherfuckers deleted the surviving cultures by acting oversmart and consistently conspiring against the people they also defiled the very soul of this nation which was already defiled by invaders and colonizers and yet ended up retaining a semblance of identity. Dignity and decency don't stand a chance anymore and when one retrospects they actually never did it's just that the culture ccushioned the damage which has been, after the death of older generation, thoroughly destroyed. People and families are culturally dispossessed carrying cultures devoid of their actual substance. This setup is against good people because it is composed of criminals. In this kind of setting only good person who is inherently superior would survive and this is why I write because good people, no matter if they are superior or inferior deserve to survive or in the current state extreme psychological slavery people, except the elites and privileged, of this country are living in, they deserve to know the diagnosis of their suffering and that it is not their fault. This country poses benevolence but is demonic which is worse than just being demonic. The civilization has collapsed from within and so has indigenous religion except as a tool for victim blaming in small towns and hinterlands. All that remains is empty bullet train rides, pop culture made with bad intention and e-commerce and for the stupid and the lower middle class the carrot of IIT and IAS. 

Scribe Part-timer

When I was younger, in high school, I wanted to keep an account of my life and this is one of the reasons I journal. When blogging came in picture in my life I first started by blogging my life while still doing creative stuff like poetry, short stories and light hearted satire on my blogs. One of things I like to do is take a snapshot, a photo, a picture from my life and write the account of that day, I liked to do that on my blogs and I still do that, now on my digital journal. When the cyber landscape of this country, and probably the world,changed in the early 2010s I failed to get the memo and kept blogging and writing longform. Back then I used to different blogs for different styles of writing, it was due to my eccentricity that I needed different blogs for different type of content and it was my process around early to mid 2010s. Back then I had an adventure novel planned in my head and I used to collect inspirations for it on Tumblr. I have had two Tumblr accounts, one got deleted with my writings and poetry in the early 2010s and later I got myself a new Tumblr though I wish that I hadn't deleted my old Tumblr, Tumblr was mostly for sentimental artistic type people back then and it is the same now but now Gen Z crowd on Tumblr have way less depth than the older millennial crowd that was present in late 2000s and early 2010s and a lot of crowd on Tumblr at present is of LGBTQ youngsters escaping real life though creativity is still present there just not of my type now though I still use it as a blog. Early to late 2010s saw commercialization of life itself and thus depth ended up getting eroded from people and people with depth became liable to state persecution directly, indirectly or covertly. There is not much that can be done about this as things for people other than the privileged are going to get even worse. I still write longform and I still write on my blogs. Though no one reads longform writing in the age of shortform videos. Back in late 2000s and early 2010s people used to share their lives and their experiences on their blogs, they used to tell how a book they read made them feel or how a movie they watched made them feel or the kind of music they listen to or the kind of flowers they grow in their garden. It was a great time for sharing experiences and community but then mid 2010s came and internet like all other things was commercialised and weaponised and became equivalent to real-life and a ledger for data and dirt on people's lives. I still write my journals, handwritten and digital and I still write my blogs and while I don't have the cognitive resources for writing the novels I had planned, I am like what the hell and I would probably end up writing those. I'm not making any more plans than my daily journaling and blogging and writing the novels and short story series I have already planned. Flash fiction, prose poetry and short stories are exceptions because if I get good ideas I, if my cognitive abilities allow, would execute them. 

Deep End Mapping

It kind of funny how people find themselves at the deep end despite not doing anything to deserve that. It keeps happening to people. The abyss is not a metaphysical or esoteric place, it is a criminal and political place where one can end up reaching just for fulfilling whims and fancies of individuals who don't like some particular trait of you which can be anything including your physical looks. Though when one is deep enough one realises that the criminal and political shit is metaphysical and esoteric on its own. It's just like MMORPGs people play, kingdoms using magic to retain power. A person who finds himself at the deep end without anything to deserve it has an opportunity to survey and what he would find places where crime, the esoteric, politics and metaphysics meet. There are reasons why places like de-addiction centres and mental asylums are disagreeable to most people. I once wanted to be a psychiatrist and so when the opportunity of surveying the abyss presented itself to me, I first checked whether I have any options or not and when I realised that I don't have any options I decided to dive head first, sort of bungee jumping, in the abyss. I have misconceptions in my life, like one has to have charisma to commit atrocities to people like Hitler had. Hitler, whatever one says about him, was an idealistic man. He had idealism and he was a nationalist. The country we live in, if it exists at all except on paper, from what I observed seems to be ruled by individuals who sell their mothers. It's shocking as well as unfortunate. Esoteric systems are interesting things but they lose their appeal to me when their end goals are found to be power, sex and money. Truth is, criminals except the ones who function on ideals, the ones who are forced on the path of crime or the ones who are framed are at the esoteric level, demons. They can't be rehabilitated. These kind of individuals are criminals by law and demons at a spiritual level and have developed particular survival mechanism which can be analogous to the animal kingdom, like designing a detailed conspiracy to frame people like a spider makes a web to catch its prey, change colour to save their lives like a chameleon does and latch themselves to a host and drain his life force and resources until he or she dies, there can be numerous other examples. I have been exposed shit and I have seen the parasites going for the weakest point of a person has like one's children and unfortunately these kind of individuals are the real administration of this country, yep it sounds unbelievable but it is actually the case, if this country is autonomous and is not just on paper otherwise it's a cultural machine based global feudal-corporate setup. It's funny because I was a physician and I did not need to know all this. Abyss came to me to be surveyed and I did it. The truth is that this country, its civilization and it's indigenous religion has completely collapsed from within. What exists is a metaphysical stratification that is enforced by biopolitical means while keeping pretence of law and due process where there isn't any. Things aren't that bad people would say, while the truth is that they are it's just that people feel how bad things are individually and sporadically. The best part is you can imagine the worst and most inferior kind of scum and he would privy to private lives of people and their personal and family history and if not they can be acquainted to them. Suffices to say the concepts of family heritage and family legacies end here. Here is the most probable concept of this country as I have seen it, in the same country there are people who live like an upper class USA, with Mexico like cartels controlling stuff, while a majority lives like sub-saharan Africa. It's a bad case of state capture and possibly unannounced colonisation by global hegemons facilitated by comprador elite of this country while majority of people suffer the baseless dogma of religion which fails even to give them respite, bad governance and infrastructure and random predation and persecution which hits them like an act of God or fate. 

Transaction Complete

You think you would write about general things, about your interests and hobbies, about pop culture, literature and philosophy but writing tends to get personalised, the "I" comes in sometime or the other especially when pop culture, literature and philosophy are decimated along with science and culture or are made to be unequally distributed so that talking about these things to people around you becomes a privilege. I'm not an "I" kind of guy, I neither want nor like to be present in my own writings but we are living in times where any art or "content" as it is called requires an identity confirmation and it got confirmed to me in the past decade that in this country and probably in the greater world, the real identity card, or the real Aadhaar card is our DNA and our family background and it is through these a single person can be singled out from the crowd and made an example of, or can be made to go through a humiliation ritual and the worst part about it is that the person need not to be morally, ethically or legally wrong, he just need to be at a wrong place at a wrong time and get in the eyes of the entitled whimsy that runs this nation which also, technically speaking, is entitled incompetence so much that it in combination of uncontrolled base instincts of those in power has taken the form of predation as it is, in the presence of absolute control and absolute edge in power dynamic, easier than a proper logic based dealing with people. Do whatever you want to do with people and that shall be the law and then victim blame the people for the ruin inflicted on them and kill them with the last thought being in their head that whatever monstrous thing that happened with them was their own fault. The machine keeps running and people keep taking the baits that are hanging in front of them and keep getting punished for taking the bait. It doesn't matter if you don't take the bait too, the designs are prepackaged, they are presets and can be applied on anyone irrespective of whether they are guilty or not, you get into the humiliation ritual program because someone didn't like the nose on your face and he or she will activate the program and you would experience the humiliation ritual as authentically as someone who is guilty would. We have criminals playing judge here in fact they are not just playing judge, they are the real judges while the real actual judges are just mannequins and props. We live in the times of content, and every content that is made should have the identity of the person, identifiable identity, like when you make a shortform video your face, or when "I" write the circumstances of my life and what made me or what is modifying me into the next phase of my life. It's like all of us are on Only Fans, and those who know the obscured truth of existence know that they actually are but as far as cyber existence goes, the only difference between an OnlyFan model and common people is that they are selling views of their private parts and others are selling some other private things and in quite a few cases even their souls. Intimacy is a long shot in this arrangement because the very basis of existence has become transactional. I have to talk about "my" experiences which I used to talk about anyway in the blogosphere of late 2000s and early 2010s but then at that time sharing still existed, now just transactions exist and people who share in this economy are the biggest fools even if they share without any hope of return because they would be exploited until they have shared all the flesh on their body.

7-08-26

Little things matter, but they do not matter as much as one thinks they do. Higher purpose matters but not in the world we live in. What actually matters? Basics. And for other things that actually matter, one has to ask themselves and ensure it is them and only them who are answering. Sociopolitical existence is like fighting a pig, that too a pig that is spawn of Satan. The pig will first drag you in the muck and then try to beat you in your own game because it knows all about your game. One moment you are in your own made up wonderland and the next moment you are in the muck and you look around and there is nothing except muck and then you find yourself getting beaten in a game that you thought was your own. Anyone who has ever felt the walls closing in on them know the feeling, the only difference is someone has to commit a sin or crime for the walls close in on them and others, the unfortunate ones, just have to exist for the walls to close in on them. The walls can close in so much that it gets difficult to breathe. Little things don't matter that much but they do matter, and in the world we live in they matter more than the higher purpose. Like peeing after holding the pee for long, like sitting in the quilt and drinking tea with the family in winters, like chai and pakoras on a rainy holiday. Little things matter more than most things, in fact they matter the most but in the bigger picture they don't matter as much one thinks they do because there is a background to our lives, a background that is obscured from our view, and yet life itself is composed of little things and little moments. Higher purpose, when the background that is obscured from our view is considered doesn't matter but everyone should have a higher purpose, the most common one, mastery in their art or calling. We are all slaves to the obscured reality, and the God that we grew up believing in seems to be just in our faith and nowhere else. It seems that the God that is in our faith and the God that gave spiders the power to make webs, a venus flytrap the ability to catch a fly, a whale the thick milk to breastfeed their young ones in the vast ocean are different. It makes no difference until one knows who they are, what are there strength and weaknesses and know their ethical framework and value system. Pigs rely on exploiting people's ethical framework and value system, they rely on weaponising people's conscience against them. The true enlightenment arrives when one realises that little things matter, higher purpose matters. And that they don't matter too but only because the background that is obscured from our view is composed solely of muck.