Strangelove

There are simple things and there are complex things. Not every particular thing can be generalized and not every particular thing can be generalized. I write a lot of generalised stuff but it is only so because I have seen the bottom line, the base. When you connect the base of a vessel that contains shit to a water pipe, the water at top will have shit in it too. I have seen the state of hypervigilance, and as far as paranoia goes my take is that paranoia in most cases is accurate, the mind assumes or sees a threat and becomes paranoid it's only that the cause judged by it for the paranoia can be wrong and is wrong in most cases. Not everyone is equipped to find out the accurate cause of paranoia. In the times we live in, I have personally stopped thinking about people, unless and until it's of direct consequence or related to survival, it's a practice like meditation. You stop thinking about people and yet if they come into the mind it means there is political interference. One more practice that I do is told in many meditation traditions, not thinking and watching the thoughts in your mind. Meditation was very popular before social media and surveillance capitalism established their foothold in this country and then people stopped finding it useful and the practice faded from the popular narrative in the past ten years. Another practice that I do is also done in progressive relaxation, watching the sensations in your body and individual body parts. Life is a lot about realationships, I have seen how relationships can be sabotaged, how social engineering can be done. When I ended up seeing into the soul of this nation I was baffled how inauthentic life was in this essentially third world country. If one can't even get an authentic life in a third world country, where can he get it. The answer is: nowhere. It's a panopticon setup essentially which can shapeshift into a prison, a torture chamber or a hunting ground and the worst part is that the entertainment which you but with your own money is not even as good as before. I mean it's not every day movies like Doomsday and Mummy 4 release, and since I realised history is a hogwash I am not interested in watching period pieces. I like reading books and it doesn't matter whether they are accurate or not, books give a person ideas and they contain vibes, I still remember vibes of individual comics I had during my childhood. This is the reason books are among the first things to be burnt during a conquest or a coup. There is also a better way to do away with books, saturate the ecosystem with bullshit media and make reading difficult or unpopular. When one sees the bottom line experience as totalised they realise that the freedom people feel is conditional and can deteriorate into a totalising experience any day. I have personally seen the absolute absence of God but faith should be retained and there are three reasons for it, one, to avoid persecution by being labelled as a heretic, two there actually exists an internal priciple that harmonizes the self and gives strength and three, a God that can be projected outwards gives a person focus. 

Pesto Sauce

Living authentically is important. I didn't give shit to these new age wisdom kind of things earlier, but then in 2013 I started to have the real taste of this nation. Spoiler alert: it's not Amul. I suffered mostly the whims, arrogance, entitlement and delusions of individuals I might not even know but unfortunately or fortunately I was equipped to make sense of things happening to me because I was preparing, due to scope of my job, to heal people, until I realised that healing is not really possible in this country. People are sick because they are supposed to be sick as it helps sell medicines and hospital beds. It's demonic necropolitics posing as a democracy at its finest. As a physician I don't meddle with cases that I can't handle though accidents and misjudgment are bound to happen but I have seen doctors at critical places not equipped, and I mean that at a personal level, to handle cases that come to them. I retrospected on my life and I realised I was in the soup since the start and it is my suffering that pushed me into being a physician ultimately leading me to realise that I live in a necropolitical kleptocratic decentralised oligarchy posing as a democracy and I absolutely had no business with knowing all this shit I just wanted to do my job peacefully. In the 90s retreat in your cocoon of safety was possible, now all the avenues have been closed and in the name of entertainment you have substandard hyperreal mafia shows or voyeuristic staged reality shows. These bastards copy the west but they can't because artists in the West are authentic artists as well as as authentic as people as their politics allows them to be. They have deleted refinement from the lower classes, rooted cultures, folk cultures and traditions and replaced them with dogmatic beliefs and superstitions. I have experienced it and so I know that it's absolute slavery coupled with focused exploitation. Like it happened to me, all avenues where I could express my authentic self, my real me had been blocked. Expression is not that important though, the problem began when others ideas of what and who I am were imposed upon me. I always wanted to be a writer, long before I knew the truth of existence and by the time I was capable writing as an art itself became redundant. The base engine of this nation is operated by extremely rapey, entitled and incompetent individuals and what they decide ends up becoming fate for the people. Just like in Jesus's time they don't know what they are doing, I mean they know what they doing as far as intent is concerned but they don't have the ability to understand the technicalities of means they are using to translate their intent into reality. The method used on me was suppressing my authenticity and imposing a made up personality which extremely disagreeable to me on me and I am not the kind of a guy who asserts himself I adapt according to the people in front of me but the beauty of the shithole that we live in is they don't bother about the amount of force that is used on people and this happens when the drama of democracy keeps going on. 

Train Crack

I have had extreme experiences in my life and I was amazed that what I witnessed happening was possible. I chase authenticity. I have seen illness, both objectively and subjectively. My job is to see illness. After sometime when you deeply understand theory of illness you realise that it's mainly getting weak enough to get affected by something more strong than you. Except of course infections that can't be negotiated with. Society has its disease and sometimes society itself is a disease. I think personally I am at a place where don't need to know more about the world. Anything I come to know will just be the missing pieces in jigsaw puzzle that the world or life is. I'm an idealistic person and I strive for my ideals and I have been able to achieve them. People generally end up achieving their ideals at my age and I did the same. Then there are people who are not idealistic and are materialists and they live in a hell that is continuous, hoard and if can't hoard, deprive others to have more than them. I am glad that since start I have had the habit of prioritising. I prioritise. I also have habit of making philosophies that I have follow. Codes that I try to live by. There are two philosophies: one is, one bag man, and that means extreme minimalism as a personal philosophy. This doesn't mean that I don't acquire things, it just means at the base I am a man who can live with one bag worth of things. There is another philosophy that I developed when life became extremely hard and that was The Philosophy of The Dog and this means you got to live life like a dog. Eat, sleep, wander and one fine day get run over by a vehicle. Getting run over is not mandatory. Philosophy of the Dog went through some tests and passed them. I believed in it, then I ended up thinking that humans are more complex than that but after I came to know about the deep politics that runs the world I realised that it is a perfectly okay philosophy for the times we live in because the time of making art, music and writing poetry or even making computer programs has passed. We live in times where we have to consume with our own money and get fat with whatever we are consuming so that we can be extracted or exploited for it and this shit is non-negotiable and the only difference is some people are aware of it and some are not. Just as there are infections of microorganisms, there are social infections too. You can contract them if you become visible to social pathogens and this is a thing that you can't really avoid. There is no cure, there is prophylaxis. Only thing that helps is awareness and education. You have to be aware of your self, your patterns and your actual leanings so that you can make out what is real you and what is not, inside you. There is a particular philosophy that I developed, which was being like a detachable component as far as society is concerned. Being able to function on my own and be part of a larger whole when required. Functioning on one's own requires a degree of autonomy which is a privilege in today's times and the irony is that those who have the autonomy are too privileged to exercise it. The interference of politics in personal especially in the country we live in makes one promptly realise that they are ruled by extremely incompetent and cruel individuals and that's why the ability to adapt to situation is essentiaI though I know that it would end of me if I have to forgo my principles but it's the individual who decides what they want to die for. I know the things that I want to spend my time and life on and this is a good thing especially in a setting of chaos and especially in a setting where people are running around purposelessly. As far as I have experienced, and it's not the general truth but my own experience, that one creates their purpose themselves, and I used to believe in a higher purpose of existence but ended up realising that there isn't because it is blocked by the politics that runs the world and if it can be done, for me at least, higher purposes cease to exist and anyway we are born with an inbuilt purpose, our and our families survival. It's just that the politics pervading our life decides whether we are in survival mode or in the thriving mode. The evidences of thriving art, culture, literature and poetry are now being done by machines so all that remains is to enjoy whatever vocation one has chosen for self and the job that brings food on the table while negotiating with non-negotiable social infections and the dealing with predators through awareness and continued education.

Thousand Cuts

It's about the contrast of what do you think the world is and what it turns out to be. This is a conversation that one ought to have with themselves. It's all about the contrast. High human capabilities and emotions do not thrive in a survivalist situation. And high human capabilities and emotions do not take birth when you try to nurture and grow them from a place of privilege. A compassionate and empathetic person place in a setting of survivalism is already living the worst hell possible. But it is not about him. It is about those who are doing the placing. It's all in the mind they say, and they are right, but but it is also embodied. Suffering, and any amount of mental suffering won't be that big of a suffering if it is not embodied. Someone weaponises your conscience, the limits of your conscience are the torture chamber you are in and will be tortured in that torture chamber and in this setting the individual with no conscience at all experiences radical freedom and hence if you talk about India, the better the person you are the more you suffer it is either this or you are always on your toes which again is a form of suffering. Places where intimate and elaborate political torture can be applied on whims and not even on actual reasons lose their legitimacy and legitimacy then only remains as forced control. That place is just functioning on might makes right. Here is an example, the newly famous influencers of social media going through humiliation rituals as they go through like their MMS clips going viral or they getting in some online arguments that blows up, a state that sets this up through deep state so that crowd keeps getting their circus of breads and circuses if revealed to be the state itself in front of the crowd the whole legitimacy of the state would become redundant. What is the deep state? And I know this answer in detail. Sex, rape, drugs, humiliation rituals, blackmail, extortion and all such things of this kind. Where this country has made itself illegitimate is that this deep state has access and control over a kindergarten boy or girl. You understand what this implies? The whole country is at its base a rape chamber. The best part is people only get circuses not because the state wants to keep them pacified through them it's because the ones organizing the circuses revel in the misery of those whose mms clip went viral, because everyone knows how hard, unless you are privileged, it is to earn bread in this country. I have seen cases where the whimsical recreational sadistic torture has evolved into state persecution. The implication of it is one single individual can weaponise the whole state machinery against people and rewrite their past and future. You know who can do that? God. Some depraved asshole out there is God. Anyone can be made dispossessed because the machinery for humiliation rituals and dispossession with its mechanisms already exists, you offend someone in power or as I have seen you don't even need to offend sometimes you are walking on the road and someone in power doesn't like your face and your whole family history, your whole life your future can be rewritten and when this can be done the promise of the state collpases and it just remains as a travesty. I have seen cultures getting weaponised. Personally if I talk about my culture the motherfuckers ruling it have weaponised what were the merits of my culture, they weaponised the authenticity of my beautiful beautiful culture and now my culture only remains as a fake hyperreality with machinery of divide and rule working overtime.

Chicken Dominator

What do you do when you achieve absolute calm. When what's happening around doesn't really bother you. There are things to do still like earning a living, doing your duties. There is a difference between being dead inside and achieving absolute calm. You become dead inside when the pressure is overwhelming, you achieve absolute calm when you realise that you have done your best and there's nothing more that you could do. There is quote by Che Guevara "One has to grow hard but without ever losing tenderness." I'm just glad that I read this quote in my youth and I ended up getting hardened without losing my tenderness. Right ideas at right time can be lifesavers. If you have children you must teach them that two best friends they have, especially in today's world, are plants and books. I don't know if human to human friendships will survive the political times we live in, but plants and books will have humanities back for as long as they are in the picture. I have been alive for quite a while and I have seen the pattern of everything getting either commercialized or weaponised. This is a never ending process because humanity if it didn't overcome its tribalism 2000 years after Jesus it's not going to do that ever. It's a simple idea of a bunch of individuals with similar goals coming together to dominate another group of individuals and the goal itself might be domination, wealth and women it has always been and when the curtain of civilization lifts from a person's eyes they realise it will always be like that. I have read Thich Nhat Hanh, I have read Eckhart Tolle and while these were people who had ascended one suffers the politics and in doing so understands it and realises that ascension in itself is dependent on political permission but this doesn't make these people not great because they had their tribulations and tests. There are ways people can ascend, it's either by deprivation or excess. What rules over people ascends by excess and ascension by excess always is dependent on others, it requires a slave class permanently and having a slave class necessitates domination. When you remain in the business of domination being predatory becomes your nature and it is here the group dynamic helps, tribalism helps, you gather a bunch of individuals and dominate and prey on a group of people and if you can do it without being seen you become, at least at the physical plane, God. I do not consider myself ascended. My job is of seeing patterns and I see the patterns and after a while one achieves singularity in what they do. I, after I became responsible for myself, checked myself from becoming greedy. I was never greedy however I realised a thing that the worldly God might have different plans for you than what you have for yourself. Here comes a state where you get everything you want, of course through your own hard work, but nothing that you truly need. It's frustrating but as I ended up realising that it is a feudal technique used in the country we live in for keep people from becoming content so that the discontent can be weaponised at will and this thing is done by weaponising lower class functionaries who are jealous of what you have. Here is an example, you wanted to become a doctor for your grandfather but your grandfather dies before you could really become a doctor. Or you wanted to marry a man or a woman who understands what you say or vibe with you but you get a discontent or greedy spouse who only think about themselves. Imagine the amount of cruelty involved in executing these kinds of scenarios. And this cruelty is not the kind of cruelty done by Hitler or Ghengis Khan, it is a cruelty that lives with you, it is cruelty which is seen when tribalism establishes itself and sets up its network well enough to engage in biopolitics and necropolitics. While people like Hitler end up getting etched in history for being monsters, mini Hitlers infinitely more cruel than him engage in biopolitics and necropolitics in your small town or city which doesn't even have proper infrastructure. When you get aware of this setup, all your needs die and this is because you realise that even fulfillment of your needs is not organic, you are just an Pavlovian dog, a pawn in a greater 6D social chess. What is the bait for a man? Pussy. What is the bait for a woman? Wealth. And I say this because refinement in the present world has been deleted. Now you can't think like a man wanting a kushal grihani with Hawkins pressure cooker or a girl wanting a office worker wearing a suit. People have switched to basics because they have subconsciously realised the game. What rules doesn't even allow people to even be fully human and with civilization and traditions collapsing and a faux mongrel culture being setup, chances are very low that people would ever get to feel human again. It's knowing the truth of existence that gives calm. A slave can be calm because he knows what the truth is, while his master with his greed for more doesn't even have an idea that in his greed he has destroyed the meaningfulness of everything he wanted.

Prasaran

The hallmark of impune authority and unchecked power is that the person on the recieving end is forced to question his thoughts, speech and actions again and again despite being right. It's a sort of gaslighting through intimidation and at the base of it all is either survival or a person who wants to do the right thing. Indian epics are beautiful things, when you are happy you see the gods doing their dharma like Lord Rama and Lord Krishna and Arjuna doing his dharma through teachings of Lord Krishna. When you are in pain, you see that it is in fact about wealth and women. Ramayana, wealth and women. Mahabharata, wealth and women. The monkey business goes on no matter how supposedly evolved the humans become. Like they say in corrupt circles of this country, it's not wrong until you get caught and this whole country works on this principle. One of my favourite movies, 16 December, had a dialogue, "mera Bharat mahaan, sau main se ninyanbe baiman". It's an understood thing when one thinks about this country and we have been living with it. The bafflement for me arrived when I realised that the very core, the very soul of this nation is corrupt. Being a physician I can guess what can recover and what can not. It's basically islands of necropolitics connected at the top with individuals who lie to themselves and can't see things properly in their true form but they can see everything. Their idea of you is not what you really are but what they think you should be and they will make you carry their delusions of what you are on your back. The cognitive dissonance is mind boggling. The story does end here. A good man who only gets involved in corruption when it comes to the question of survival of their family and them is at the maximum risk of getting scapegoated because they don't know the trick of not getting caught. Living your life without getting involved in corruption in this land is a privilege and if you are able to do that that means the hand of God is on your head. Personally since I realised that family is the only authentic institution left I have been personally open to the game, I play it. The worst thing about this country is that it breaks the souls of people and this means a shopkeeper or a potter can't enjoy their shopkeeping or pottery because first their souls are broken in a way that says they couldn't crack the UPSC or couldn't do their intermediate with science or the more unfortunate one, didn't have an education at all and then that shopkeeper sells his or her bitterness with his items or the potter makes his pottery with bitterness and not with flow that comes with the art of pottery which is also his business. It's unfortunate but this what we have to live with and it is when you realise that at least the current BJP is not lying like older BJP and Congress into letting people believe School Chale Hum or Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.

Valentine Swayamvar

If there is one thing that you need to deeply understand about this nation it is that all the projection of benevolence, welfare and order is fake and all the cruelty and chaos is real. Life gets easier once you accept this fact. The only institution that matters and yet can be weaponised is family. At present, and actually since the start, this nation is a pay to win videogame. Earlier I used to think that goons who harass couples in parks on valentine day believed in dharma, I mean not the actual dharma but at least their interpretation of it, I become mature and realise they are just opportunists who search for an opportunity to harass and rape people, there is context here that a lot of them may not have awareness and might be bots but what guides them has. There is no solution to this problem because of several reasons and those reasons are that these motherfuckers feel entitled to lives and bodies of people and that's non-negotiable, they are incompetent, they are cowardly, they are extremely cruel, hypocritical and opportunistic and differential in the power dynamic is absolute. Rape is the core of this nation and once one understands it things become easier. The metaphysical arrangement of this nation stratified and there are two stratas, impunity in the upper and chaos in the lower. The most hilarious thing that I witnessed is that these bastards are hoarding beauty for themselves and depriving other people of beauty and aesthetics one of reasons folk and traditional aesthetics either went extinct or became performative. You can't really know or preserve aesthetics if your priority is rape and creating discord between people and communities plus there is an added benefit of people becoming rootless and dispossessed if folk and traditional aesthetics go extinct or become performative with all the substance beneath them getting eroded. The ultimate of being able to identify this happening is that every institution whether the government or regional will betray you, except family which too can be manipulated to betray you but anyone who truly loves their family doesn't mind that. Other than the major stratification the lower half of the strata has mindless stratifications in every level where people are made to compensate for faults that are not even theirs, it's an option between targetless compensation and suffering and you have to choose your poison and if you choose suffering there are chances that you will propagate it on your family or weak people. There might come a time when what your family and you have done in life, if they have done good, the whole credit of it will be taken by the whatever entity it is, while all the transgressions you have committed are exclusively yours. It's quite unbearable to realise that your life is a gift from incompetent rapists who only know the art of negative attention. Solution to all this: family, money, work, nature and the night sky, your hobbies and interests which give your life meaning. 

Ginti

You have a dirt bike and you sit in a village temple compound writing poems to The Mother. Or writing literature. You seek what you are. People are into slow living and those who are into fast living, most of them are reaching nowhere. I got myself an Xpulse 200 the closest thing to dirt bike you can have in this country. It was not for style some people are dirt bike people. Some people are cafe racer people. Some people are man bun people. I have two modes, a man bun mode and a military haircut mode, a dirt bike mode and cafe racer mode and the work, occupation, the job, the livelihood fills the space between these two modes. I see my weight, I check my HbA1C and I realise that I am on a journey of becoming a diabetic fatass. At least I don't have discontent, at least I'm not bitter. The work, the occupation, the job, the livelihood demands me to choose a drip to access it. Fat rimmed glasses and a checked half sleeve shirt it is though you don't bother about it, you wear anything that you get your hands on, drip is for when you are who you think. The one who you think you are has been choked inside you. And you see people putting anything and going to work and you do the same. Always remember work is more important than the drip. Drip is for mating season mostly and my kind of women don't bother about the drip, they don't bother about aura or its farming and they don't mind my negative aura. Work is more important than the drip. Always. You read a poem and identify the vibe. That vibe is now consumed by survival, the actual slow living. Gone. What remains is the memory of a poet, a poem that is not mine and yet spoke to me and you can see if it speaks to you:

याद है तुमको एक दोपहर

बिस्तर पे आँधी, लिपटी सी

अधजागी आँखों से तुमने

नापी थी जिस्मों की दूरी

और कांपते होठों से तब

नाप लिया था बदन तुम्हारा-

तीन लंबों की सुर्ख उँगलियाँ

चौदह का एक हाथ मखमली

चार लंबों की प्यासी गर्दन

तीन के गाल, पाँच के तलवे

याद है तुमको कैसे दिनभर

उलझे थे हम इस गिनती में?

और आज तक ये पैमाना

गिनता ही रह गया है तुमको

तुम जो नहीं तो गिन लेता है

सूने बिस्तर की हर सिलवट

छिलता जिस्म उधेड़ती करवट

साँसों का गहरा सन्नाटा

बंद लिफ़ाफ़े, कुछ खाली ख़त

बस जो वो गिन सका नहीं है

चार कदम जो तुम तक पहुँचे

बाक़ी तो सब गिन रखा है...

- https://www.tumblr.com/ankush-music

It's not necessary that a poet suffers, but he loves and loving is suffering in most cases. Doing is what matters, not becoming. People who do do not bother about becoming and this is a thing that people should know early in their lives. A fatass with increased HbA1C doesn't bother about what he becomes for he knows that you are what you seek and he is happy in the journey of seeking. 

Story of Two Gods

Being clear about one's own story is important. If you do not know the truth others will exploit you and as far as the country we live in goes, even God will exploit you. There are two types of God, a God that gets you a job, gets you status and money, and second God, which I believe in, is a principle. The first God watches children die of cancer and the second gives you the results of the kind of thoughts you think, the kind of actions you do as what you become on the inside. To become comfortable with yourself only what you are inside yourself matters, if you are at peace with what you are inside you will remain comfortable. I was in my youth when I realised that the second God is the real God. He or She would not give you money, fame or anything materialistic but finding Him or Her within you will give you immense peace. He also helps you with your health because you tend to remain in harmony with yourself but He or She is not going to protect you against bad air, adulterated food or habit of smoking. The second God, which is my first God, teaches that actions have consequences and good actions have good consequences within you, and not outside you. The God that gives a person fame, wealth and things like that grants harmony to only those whom he pleases, for others He actively prevents harmony and promotes discord, within them and outside them. He not only watches people die of diseases but also actively causes them. One can not know the truth of existence, but one can get enough knowledge if they follow the basic principles that are common in all religions and when you follow them and for long, the real face of the world comes out and you realise that not only it's only the good and pious who suffer they also live in the constant fear of God becoming angry with them. The first God prevents the realisation of the second God. There are two things the first God uses, one the promise of heaven and the second the fear of hell or eternal damnation. The promise is if you suffer on earth you will go to heaven. The fear is that if you do a mistake you will be eternally damned and it doesn't matter whether you make one mistake or thousand mistakes. Good people are God fearing, in many cases they don't fear God because of hell or punishment, they fear God because he is God and they don't want to bad in His eyes. This is what is meant by God fearing. These God fearing individuals when they see individuals doing impunity get baffled that the ones doing the impunity and them who did a bunch of silly mistakes would be going to the same hell. The first God when he sees someone believing in the second God ensures that believer is forced into a lifestyle that can ensure that they end up in hell. The second God is a passive God and it can't do anything about it. But when something changes in life and person of the God-fearing man the second God has some approaches that would help the person differentiate between what within him or her is him or her and what is the gift of the first God. Ones true self is identified the harmony establishes itself and the God fearing man can carry around the hell with ease with internal bliss and harmony even if there is physical and mental pain. 

Pager

I got to know the greater reality of the world through Purvanchal but when things are in the edge you become glad that you know the truth of existence. In my teenage and youth I was obsessed with the space and the universe. I used to think that there would be space exploration and terraforming of other planets in future but I ended up knowing the irreversible slavery that humanity lives in all my dreams of space exploration and terraforming ended up going to the waste basket. I'm still interested in the space and universe it's just that I don't pursue it enthusiastically as before. What can I say the government propaganda to make children interested in science was great in the 90s and I was a product of it until by the end of 2000s the reality totally ended up becoming feudal-corporate, secretly of course. Anything can be weaponised and so religion and culture were first to get weaponised. What gave community and liberated ended up becoming chains in the feet. I ended up realising that rape and religion in Purvanchal, my supposed home region are related so I ended up denouncing religion while keeping my personal faith intact. It's cyclical all this shit, there are many people who have denounced religion, the truth is that power is absolute truth and in the times we live it is invisible, but as I got to see it first hand just because it is invisible doesn't mean it has stopped being mediaeval and capricious. The punishment for offending power is still beheading it's just that you wouldn't know who you offended just by thinking a thought and why you are being beheaded. Each district is essentially a feudal kingdom in its own right just not the kind ruled by benevolent rulers as one ended up reading in Chandamama while growing up. These motherfuckers are essentially mini Aurangzebs and as I have felt it possibly dhimmis too and that would explain why a religion that that is less than 20 percent is always in the news and current affairs. I through my experiences in the past decade have realised that internally at least the culture and indigenous religion of this country have irreversibly collpased but don't worry you can still order Blinkit from the comfort of your home. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy with actual substance of it eroded and it is now extinct along with the last generation of grandmothers and grandfathers. I say this because I have personally seen my village getting destroyed in the past 20 years. America made its culture from scratch and these motherfuckers destroyed something that was more than a millenia old and had survived repeated onslaughts in just about eighty years. The way I felt it post 2013 was about access to pop culture, appliances and vehicles and who got them first and it made me realise that it is the turncoats and Ramadhirs (yes the Gangs of Wasseypur one) of the British times who made fortunes during and after the British and they went after the same thing in other people that they don't have as they were busy copying the left hand knife and right hand fork of the British, the culture. The lower class men and women spit and carve their love stories on ASI's monument and I don't blame them. Government is just a tool and one has to thank BJP for bringing out the disease that Congress had contracted all through these years. What remains? Money, family and keeping breathing till you can.

Squid Games Slum Edition

Because I write, I chase some aesthetics. Two particular aesthetics that I came across in my youth, one on a blogger blog and one on a Tumblr blog spoke to me at a deeper level. Those are youthful aesthetics for my now but wish to retain them in me. Riding my bike to the villages and sitting besides village kids, giving them some knowledge that could be useful to them and watch them play. Villages have been destroyed by politics and I know it to be the case with whole of the North India, I do not know about the South. I was fine with it till the time I believed it to be organic, normal human behaviour, normal primate behaviour. Then politics hits me and I realise that it is not organic it is a byproduct of invasive politics which invades minds and bodies of people. Power dictates how villages would be, and I have seen how they were when community decided how they would be. Power operates differently from nature. Although power too is nature in a way but if one thinks like that one has to accept cancer as nature too. I first got the taste of power in 2013, for the simple reason that I wrote on the internet. I was a happy go lucky wannabe writer and med student wanting to specialise in psychiatry and medical physiology. Imagine my bafflement when I realised that psychiatry and medical physiology are as redundant as how writing is in today's times of artificial intelligence. I tasted the blunt force of power, back then I was interested in superheroes, science fiction, rock music, experimental music like dubstep, and that blunt force when it hit me made me realise that none of it matters. What matters is family and money and just that. Aesthetics matter shit when you are not free. And no one is. The truth of the world is gnostic in nature. An example of how this functions would be imagining self as a fish. You are in the water eating algae minding your own business and then you see a worm which is also a food and go towards, fast forward you find yourself gasping for air and if you are still alive then you will find yourself in a pan or over fire. But before that you'd be blamed for your demise that it's you who tried to eat the worm. This was scenario one. Scenario two is you are minding your business and a fishnet catches you and you find yourself, again, gasping, for breath. The difference between you and fish is that what catches the fish for the most part is impersonal. I due to my experiences ended up realising that hate and lust are drugs. What rules over people retains and accumulates hate and lust to have more fun with catching the fish, hate acts as the spice when you are depriving it of oxygen and slicing it and lust acts as a condiment when you are putting your dick in the sliced fish's mouth (too graphic?). I was too young to understand that while I may have plans of becoming a fantasy novelist, wanting to write literary quality pulp there might be people who may have all the money in the world and nothing to do except going fishing with their box of spices with the brand name Seven Deadly Sins. Seven deadly sins are sins for peasants. When I realised this fact I also realised other facts like Indian train toilets are like how they are because of a reason. There is a reason old widowed women Vrindavan suffer, because something or someone enjoys their daily grief like heroin being shot up in the vein difference being heroin destroys the body and this doesn't. Sadism is one hell of a drug when you have too much money and nothing to do with it. Though if you have too much money you would want more of it, I mean I can only guess it form what I have seen although I personally wouldn't. Each village is an ecosystem, earlier a community now a playground of little games of power which become more and more high stakes as you move to the city. The excuse for why is it so? Because Eve and Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge. That's the excuse. You see enough and you realise that Buddha was an escapist, but there is nothing wrong with it. Aesthetics matter shit when there is no freedom, but you should be loyal to yours and your families personal aesthetics, aka, keeping it real. The aesthetics your are genuinely attracted to are yours, unless they are fuelled by greed and power, and you should chase them. Greed and power, especially incompetent power, only destroy aesthetics aka beauty. There is nothing that can be done about it. And it's okay. Earth is just a small dot, in the small blip that is the universe, which again is a small blip in the space-time unless God created the earth or Varaha lifted it on his tusks.

Sewer on The Ganges

People behave differently at places where there is safety, like within the family. The deep structure of Purvanchal and by extension this nation exploits the kind of behaviour that one has with the family, it is a very intimate exploitation. When it has to sabotage people, the reason could be anything including baseless hatred or whims, it exploits ego, self-respect and capriciousness of people, like people's passive aggressiveness or self-destruction or self-harm when angry and weaponise them against them, disarming them and then they prey on them. The ego and self-respect weaponisation works by insisting that when one has said something they can't really go back on it even if the person doesn't believe in it, it is a method of sabotage in which a person is made to stay in a predicament and prevented from getting out of it. The deep state of Purvanchal exploits people by disarming them of information, knowledge or media so that they are easy to prey upon. The control is absolute and a person disarmed of knowledge and a sense of reality is easy to prey upon, it's essentially predation that happens directly from where God resides in this nation. Sources of knowledge are gatekept and that includes foreign media. To deprive people of global sources of information, knowledge and experiences like movies and music which might end up giving the ability to name their exploitation various methods are used and those include appealing to nationalism in them while national media peddles delusion, lies and superstitions and sometimes insinuating that they (the people) do not deserve to consume global media and sometimes combination of these kinds of methods are used to disarm people of knowledge and information. 

The deep state of this country functions, and I have seen especially in case of Purvanchal, by exploiting IPRs, sowing distrust between people and destroying relationships and a background machine permanently runs socially engineering the society mostly inorganically. For individuals there are accounts made for each person's relationship with another person they might know and falsely created facts are stored in that IPRs changing the way people think about the person they have relationship with and relationships are weaponised by inducing hatred, contempt, anger through false facts accumulated in the relationship account. People are disarmed of contacts and socially sabotaged so that they can't find support when they are being preyed upon. This gives the victim a feeling of being trapped with all the avenues of escape being shut while they are being preyed upon. The deep state of this country populated by lower class criminals functionaries employed by possibly politicians, corporations, godmen, mafia, and such individuals, play on mapping possibilities. The whole thing lies on playing with infinity at a sociological and psychosocial level and weaponation of imagination turning victims imagination into doubting his innocence with perpetrators playing with predatory imagination and with infinite possibilities of manipulation, framing and existential entrapment of the victim. Inducing self-sabotage through negative thinking is the standard method. Play on words as representatives of concepts is done and the play is of possible meanings and choosing the worst possible meaning which might also include sexual meaning if sexual exploitation is involved.

Monkey Slum

You are quietly doing your work and then you start feeling psychosocioeconomic assertion. You realise of course some entity doesn't like you quietly doing your work and unfortunately when it was the time to choose your art, you chose writing. The journey of an educated unfortunate man or woman starts at Kafka and ends at Frantz Fanon. One would like to assume that the deep state of this nation is centralised though it is more complex than that, it is decentralised at the bottom with diffetent cultural machines and centralised at the top with Monsoon Wedding culture. Although it is shape shifting and can take any shape you can imagine, the commonest shape is that of a democracy. This is to avoid any responsibility it is easier to disavow anything that has gone out of hands and to scapegoat lower level functionaries. Though the arrangement is already foolproof so chances of that happening is zero. Lower level functionaries are essentially individuals who, as shown in Slumdog Millionaire, scoop out eyes of children with a hot spoon to make them beg at signals and profit from it. I got to see this country in depth and it broke my heart. It's like monkeys having laser guns or, worse, monkeys having the key to nuclear arsenal just at an individual scale which can be applied sporadically, endemically or at a mass scale too. Getting class consciousness is realising that individuals neck deep in materialism and excesses accuse you of some vague thing and it gets funny because you aren't materialistic at all, you just believe in doing your work properly. You see people not having toilet etiquettes, you see people littering, you see people not following traffic rules, the real enlightenment arrives when you realise that it is all intentional, it is the way it is supposed to be. Monkeys having laser guns is intentional, it is a form of optimisation, so that monkeys are happy using laser guns on innocents not knowing the effect of lasers on the body of victim or not knowing how the laser gun functions. The collpase is total but it is from within. It helps to see the bottom line because it is then you are able to prioritise. Is life important? Not if you end up seeing the real setup but it's all about breathing till you can. It's about a barrage of micro-accusations which are false and you'd deny it at first of course because they are false but then you realise that these are monkeys and they do not have the capacity to understand anything, they are just glad that they have laser guns and they are trigger happy. Civilisation, culture, and dharma collpases here and you think a bit and realise that it was never there it's just that the last batch of those who embodied civilization, culture and who practiced dharma expired recently. There is no actual hell. There is an illusion of hell which would feel as real as anything and it would be told that you are in hell because of yourself, you believing this lie would be real hell. 

Write Concepts #29

I have personal journals for my personal writing and this place is for the writing that I consider to be important, kind of writing I think should see the sun. A lot of it might seem as rant or some type of paranoid rambling but it is designed to surface in your mind when the times get tough and I decided to do it after I had a confrontation with the deep state of this nation after I came to know how mindless, criminal, rapey and impune it is. I have been writing on the internet since early 2010s. I lost my voice in 2013-14 and I finally found my voice in late 2010s. It's great to find your voice and it is great to find your voice especially in politically repressive times though in such times you have to double check whether what you are writing actually belongs to you or not. Majority of the people, except propagandists have stopped writing. People have shifted to short-form videos but nothing gets ideas across like writing. Writing is magic and you realise it when you spend time with it. It allows you to experience the life and times of writers other than learning the things they have written about. Back in the day, from 2011 to 2015, I used to be a poet, I learnt the hard way that being a poet has its consequences. Being a poet, a true poet and not the poet that arranges words or describes things, means sharing your subconscious and when you share your subconscious you are essentially exposing what your self your has been through which helps other souls identify it within themselves and this is why all kinds of political power fear poetry, it exposes the kind of brutality they inflict on human souls. I stopped writing poetry after I realised that mathematical sociopolitics of this country, sentimentality and empathy is only going to get you killed in this nation though I do write prose poems which might seem angry but are just a chosen style. They might end up being surrealistic but that's because I have suffered the consequences of my poetry being unintentionally surrealistic. I haven't made any new writing plans. I decided to not write much but I change my mind when I have something to say, and I would try to write what I already have decided to write. A couple of novels, a couple of novellas, a couple of short stories series, a bunch of short stories and a bit of flash fiction. Writing has consequences plus it needs cognitive bandwidth which is hard to get in the political times we live in so I would rather not make more plans and try to do what I have already decide to do. Even doing what I have already decided to do is a big deal in today's times. I'm not a commercial writer. I write to make people feel solidarity, to heal them, to educate them and to make them feel warm and above all to make them aware so that they can know the cause of their suffering as being a physician I know that knowing your diagnosis takes away half of your suffering. The country we live in is fake, and it amuses me how elaborate the fake hyperreality that hides rape, coercion, exploitation and impune sadism is. Though this elaborate hyperreality is going to change nothing about the real nature of this country.

Kachra Seth

I have seen the absolute base of the abyss this nation is and I documented it so I can tell it to people so that they can prioritise accordingly. A decade ago I used to believe that this is country beautiful and it is but then a country is only as beautiful as what administers it. When the base is depraved every beautiful thing ends up becoming an exception, a hyperreality because when people look beyond the bubbles of delusions they will see the base which is composed of depravity and impunity. I have no delusion and I find that it is better this way. Life to me now is like a Bollywood movie, I keep the brain at home. You have to realise that hypocrisy, opportunism, jealousy and incompetence are the base states of this nation and it functions on generalised gaslighting, coercion and existential blackmail. You are kept alive to torture by making you think of your family. A full-blown existential situation can arrive through a cause an effect chain of a simple hate crime of a sort in which the hated doesn't even have attributes that the ones who are hating hate him for. It's pure projection from their own mind and they are too incompetent to know it. The worst kind of assholes whom you save your family outside your house have intimate access to your personal information and your history including your family's. The real power is informal. Once I realised this fact all bets were off for me and it is then I decided to write. God is only within you though suggestion is that you keep the centre of gravity of your faith outside too. The democracy that is on paper gives these motherfuckers a bigger field to play with. You are living at a place with particular norms and then if you are to be persecuted you would be metaphysically transferred to a place with different norms and then your life would be judged retrospectively with the new norms. It's like taking a fish out of water and torturing it for not breathing when it is already suffering lack of oxygen. The environment you carry in your head can be changed completely and your circumstantial reactions to that environment would be taken as something to further torture you. Truth is everything can be weaponised and exploited and unfortunately in the land we live in it is done so and it meets the eyes of people as fate or act of God when it is lower class criminal rapists employed by whatever truly runs this country. Resistance is impossible but awareness is important. Hatred might be a consequence of suffering especially of evil but there is one thing to remember: never generalise your hatred to the whole group of people until it is rape gangs or caste gangs, gangs and not castes. In general if you feel hate never let it generalise. Personally speaking sometimes retribution is important but I like to keep it pinpointed. Power doesn't understand any constitution, law or morality especially of the kind that is tampered with intent of domination and one sees all the beliefs, like in ethics, morality, religious or social conventions and traditions, getting falsified one by one it is then one must opt for tangible truths while being aware that they are not practiced and mostly weaponised. The deep structure creates false facts in the lives of people, and facts can't be falsified even if they are false because they are facts. It is these facts that are later exploited as truths. One has to know the difference between false facts and truth and also know that the actual truth, other people's truth and personal truth are different entities. One must believe in their personal truth and also know the objective truth. Here is an example, a person who is adopted and not told that he is adopted until very late in life knows his parents are his true parents and and he loves them like that, the objective truth is that they are his adopted parents but the truth of that person is that they are his parents and he loves them. The deep entity of this nation exploits the gap between different kinds of truth and false facts and actual truth so that people remain delusional and as much as I have seen they socially engineer the society with impunity just based on their whims, people are essentially dispensable to these motherfuckers. It's important to never take yourself or life seriously until it is time to because what rules this nation doesn't take people's lives seriously and the whole country while the hyperreality of karma, fate and God goes on, is being run on whims. There surveillance and attention but for the majority it's a hundred percent negative attention and that means you are not going to get help when you are in trouble but you'll get sabotaged if you are getting successful in your endeavours. It is essentially a predatory setting with surface level benevolence and illusion of choice. Free will in this kind of a setting is a complicated thing because you'll have to salvage it from the gaps between the illusion of choice and this about deep political free will, I don't know about cosmic free will though lack of deep political free will renders cosmic free will redundant.

Fic and Shun

How does one enjoy fiction when all the discrimination and hatred of the world makes itself visible to you? It's a real problem. Fiction I would suppose was invented for this purpose. Either to name and sublimate the hatred and discrimination faced in to a work of art that others can read and make sense of. Or to escape it. Our country boasts of high ideals in print, on television from the mouths of political leaders, godmen and bureaucrats but it is factually at the base a hollow and shallow country being run on either feudal impunity or corporate greed. If you remember Nana Patekar from Krantiveer and Jaspal Bhatti from Flop Show you'd realise the problems are the same just with more technology and more interior design and architecture and evolved superficial aesthetics and it's your hint to realise that things are never going to get better, they will just become more and more shiny while cultures are uprooted and mauled so that people who are tied to their land are dispossessed and have nothing except the daily grind dependent on the mercy of those who doing the uprooting. What you can do however is make your little corner of world warm and comfortable and the way the things are at the base it's not sure that you'd be able to do that, you can only try. There are a few pleasures better than reading good fiction. I enjoy a good science fiction or weird fiction or cosmic horror. The question remains. How does one enjoy fiction when all the discrimination and hatred of the world makes itself visible to you? The answer is, as mentioned above, fiction was invented to name and sublimate the hatred and discrimination faced in to a work of art that others can read and make sense of. Or to escape it. If I read a superhero comic book or watch a superhero movie and I see the caste of the superhero or race of the superhero. I am doing fiction wrong. Fiction is about experiences, imagination and good and bad. The world has had pattern of evolution since the 90s. Earlier the distinction between good and bad was clear. There was a Mr. India and there was a Mogambo. Then comes the 2000s and narrative changed, and it changed because people who were good at heart but felt guilty of something invented the colour grey, the antihero, the confusion between the good and bad. But if you see the core of grey characters and not see the from the perspective of law or conventions you would find that they too are either good or bad. A simple definition of good and bad I believe in is whether a person would harm the other person for their gain if they are not under pressure of some kind. Take complex characters as Rorschach from Watchmen for example. He is a grey character but deep inside he is a good man because his base intent is good, it's just that his beliefs are tampered with moral absolutism, he only thinks in terms of black and white and kills people and that's what makes him grey. Similarly, there are people who are evil from inside but might appear grey. The problem arises when there is inversion, when absolute evil starts to think itself as right as the hero of the movie the world is. Here is the problem and we are living in the times of absolute inversion where absolute evil has learnt to mimic the absolute good. Fiction deals with the blacks, whites, greys and colour of life and fiction's job is to share either experience or imagination or help you escape the drudgery of life, and when you start seeing caste, race and colour of skin in fiction, you must realise that fiction is redundant, it has reached its extinction. In case of India where fiction in any form is also gatekept and possessing of it is seen as status symbol, a thing of escaping the drudgery of life as status symbol, you can guess how shallow and hollow the place might actually be.

Rex

When I was younger I used to read comics of Phantom. Then there were strips of James Bond and Batman. These were Western comics but they had warmth. This why people read, to feel warmth. Sometimes people read Stephen King to get the feel of horror, to get frightened. Phantom, James Bond and Batman strips had warmth that I doubt I would feel now. Then there were Indian comics too, and I remember sitting with my grandfather on his bed in summers, with the room made dark and the desert cooler sprinkling cool water droplets on my body, reading comics. I have not wanted much in my adulthood too, just doing my work and come back and read books. I realised very early that hustling in this country is useless because even a thing like hustling is rigged and this rigging is directly from the place where God resides. The country exploits the generation gap between parents and children, exploits the technological illiteracy in fact anything under the sun including illnesses and handicaps. It's a sort of predatory exploitation. I have tried to find God in this country but I couldn't find it at all though I recommend having faith because it strengthens your will and suggest that centre of gravity of your faith must be both within you and outside you, although I couldn't really find a God outside at all. The arrangement is such that if you are a good person and fail to fast instead for one day in nine days of fasting the consequences are severe and then they are victim blamed on you. Tyranny is quite mathematical and faith is transactional. You fast and donate to God and God gives you the results if you that and if you don't do that He gives you punishment which can be fatal although this would happen only if you are a good person. So God essentially behaves like a pimp which unfortunately is not my idea of God. This country runs, even at the deepest level, on jugaad and this means it runs on manipulation of perception and keeping track of cause and effect in people's lives in a very mathematical manner. When I was younger I didn't pay much attention on comfort, I was young and I wanted to expose myself to elements, physically as well as psychologically and it's useless because the way the setup of this country is those who have comfort have it permanently and those who have discomfort have it permanently too. The warm worlds of the past have shut down. I wonder how would I feel about warm jungles of Denkali now in which Phantom had his cave, a man watching 60s and 70s movies in the Batcave, or a vendor celling cigarettes at a place where James Bond was on assignment. I want to write warm things but does it matter? If I can't write warm things then at least I must write the truth. 

Doctrine of Lapse

One of the the chief features of the country we live in is to make a person think that the way he or she thinks is wrong. It's called institutional gaslighting. Thankfully I was able to see that the base of this country is rape so I stopped to care that existing with my rock music and scientific mindset and artistic bent is wrong way to exist. I mean it is better than rape. At the deepest level, where most people think God exists, this country functions by disarming people of knowledge, of skills, of relationships and contacts, of moral support, of money and even things like belonging. Your whole generations can live in a town for decades and still you would live at the place you live at, as an outsider and as I have seen in the case of Purvanchal, what rules Purvanchal relishes getting people from the region get exploited and humiliated by individuals of other regions. I have seen the pattern so often that it has become a rule and anyway I ended up seeing that base of Purvanchal is only money and sex in form of exploitation and rape and they never did away with the divide and rule of the British and to hide the rape, which they do very well, they decided to enforce severe repression. The dispossession of people is engineered even if people aren't rebellious. There is one thing to understand, unlike the common misconception that knowledge has levels, it actually doesn't. Sociopolitics has levels not knowledge. Knowledge is knowledge, you gain some knowledge and then interpret more knowledge through that knowledge, technically it can be called as levelling up but you understand when I say that the visible levels belong to sociopolitics; a scientist in a premier institute and a scientist at tier-3 institute might have the same level of knowledge but opportunities and access to resources might differ for both of them. There is one more thing to realise that if power has decided that you are wrong you will always be wrong, it doesn't matter that you have been following rules and conventions throughout your life. Power, by habit, excuses itself from following the rules it makes for people. It's a sort of hypocrisy but people are more often ruled by petty tyrants than by philosopher kings. Prioritisation is the most important thing and family and money must be top priorities. Food, clothing, shelter, financial and social security, knowledge and interests and hobbies is the way one must prioritise and I did this when I saw established people getting dispossessed and perished. In terrible political times existentialism comes forward as an option. Relationships are everything for man as a social animal but they extract value from people, you pay the price for relationships especially when the relationships don't vibe at the same level and when combination of love and forgiveness is not involved also it can and it is weaponised by the sociopolitical base of this country. Friendship practically doesn't exist anymore in this country unless you are friends with zen monks who understands how politics works on daily life and it is one of the first relationships that is weaponised. If you have a friend that understands the political reality and limits of friendship in the society and genuinely wishes you well and is happy with your growth, count yourself lucky. I for a long time ended up thinking that the way I think and approach things might be wrong, it was a product of institutional gaslighting, and it was when the way I think was a product of my family values and scientific upbringing not to mention the effect of Doordarshan propaganda, MTV and Star Movies and the rock music while I was growing up but then I got exposed to the base reality which was rape and I realised that whatever way I think is at least better than thinking in terms of rape. After I made sense I realised that it is the basic pattern of the deep state of this country to disarm and make people dispossessed people and to practice divide and rule to make them keep hustling for scraps.

Coffee

Life has two kinds of people, one, the ones who do hardwork to get by, and others who snatch and seize what others have. More often than not it is the second kind which ends up having power. The first kind believes in law, morality, ethics and conventions and consequently traditions and the second kind depends on instrumentalism, using it as a strategic instrument to gain more wealth and and power and cement consolidation. The second kind's whole game is based on ignorance, innocence and population of the first kind. The first kind until and unless they have had experiences and they have learned from them can't believe that someone can manipulate the law, ethics, morality, conventions and this ignorance becomes the root cause of their exploitation. When the second kind has established power firmly, when they have consolidated it and the power dynamic has become absolute, irreversible and non-negotiable it is when the game of impunity starts. Habitual impunity is like a drug. Being in power means you can't be punished and that leads to impunity, but like a drug impunity demands a bigger dose everytime to release the chemicals that it releases, mostly the pleasure felt from the suffering of others, sadism or schadenfreude, and it when the second kind starts being creative with sadistic games, it's like experimenting with new drugs, which a common man thinks of as an act of God. The first kind, as I ended up realising, is exposed, he has no security and is at the mercy of the second kind which is way too deep in sadism, schadenfreude and megalomania to even understand the mind of those who believe in following ideals, laws and rules. Good people are exposed because power is predatory, and a good man or woman always has to think about saving their asses whereas predators' full focus is on finding an innocent person and playing sadistic games. Sadism is institutionalised in in this country and the idealism of post-independence is gone. When we talk about power it is better to think of the TV series The Game of Thrones as documentary. Power is almost exclusively seized through deception, conspiracies and brute force and so it always goes to scoundrels, and these scoundrels then employ more scoundrels through patronage and impunity as an incentive which includes rape. A good person who is an idealist, or who is diligent, who wants to do his work in the best way possible then becomes a target because there is inherent jealousy towards the good person in the scoundrels employed by the scoundrels. Law-abiding, diligent citizen is then just cattle which the scoundrels rear to achieve their goals which of course are more wealth and greater consolidation of power. Law in this kind of setting just becomes an expression of existential entrapment at the physical plane and an instrument of lawfare.

Ghee Khatam

I have occupied a liminal space in my life for quite long. I have seen the life at the margins. When I was younger Vice, the magazine and the documentary film maker, used to attract me. Vice has collapsed like all good things and probably might have shut down too. I on the other hand have had experience although at the metaphysical plane which I would say are quite Vice-like and so I report because actual reporters are busy doing sycophancy and since I have seen it I wouldn't blame them as the terror is existential on you and your family once you know enough about this nation and the way it operates. Though a lot of media in this is like Jack Gyllenhaal in Nightcrawler minus the charm of course. The best part about this nation is that even if you quietly get raped by, what I would call the base structure which as I realised in the past decade is all about rape and no it is not an understatement it's quite literal it just that it is not visible, there are no existential guarantees of survival. The inversion is absolute. Habitual, entitled and career rapists make decisions on morality and law in this country and it happens at the base itself. A career rapist whose primary "skill" is rape (if we can even call it that) and other skills are secondary would judge you on how many times you jack off in a day. Rape is a way of compensation to the enforcers of divide and rule. When I witnessed this thing, and this is a thing that you can only witness at a personal level and would sound batshit when you put it into words though I decided to go ahead with it anyway, I realised that all the knowledge of culture and civilization I had was redundant because when culture doesn't emanate form the base and the base is operated by feudal rape gangs it has no meaning. The incompetent feudal and capitalist (the assholes who have their heads in west's asshole) assholes completely destroyed my refined and intricate culture, last carriers of it being the grandfathers and grandmothers who have now passed away, and replaced it with a mongrel performative hyperreality. The suffering in the past decade for me has been intense but I'm glad that I had it because someone had to go down the rabbithole to fetch the truth. Because I have seen the bottom of abyss I am sure that this country has internally collpased and civilization doesn't really exist except as a hyperreality and that you can see in the "ghee khatam" boys and "chatpati" girls of Gen Z. I have already mourned and grieved and what remains for me is just personal.