The Luxury of Grief

Grief is a very personal thing. I have seen grief up close, and so have many others. Not many have the time to allow themselves to grieve, they have to continue with their lives. My grief led me to feel that I was seperated from the world. That I was alone in it. That I had no future in front of me. Imagine a scenario at a party where your acquaintances are gathered and you feel seperated from all of them, despite them being your mates technically. I have grieved losing my world, my future. I have grieved trying to get away with my loved ones just because my anxiety won't let me have a future and I thought distancing with my loved ones was the only way to have a future. I later realised that I would never do that, I would never trade my loved ones for a better future, but that I thought about it caused me a lot of grief. Now, imagine, there are villages in this country in which men solicit the women in their homes for prostitution. It is their generational way of living. The women in the house sell their bodies to feed the men in the family and there are so many villages like these in this country. I can't even think about the kind of grief it must bring to those women and men, and I suppose they take solace in the fact that it is their traditional and generational way of making a living, or probably they don't grieve at all, probably they process grief totally different than we think about it. Queen Elizabeth II had said

Grief is the price we pay for love.

Normally we connect grief with death. It is true, but it is not only when someone we love dies, but also when something intangible dies. Like in my case the death of the future I had imagined. I grieved, I tried to resuscitate my dying future and I grieved its imminent and ultimately death. I loved the future I had in my mind for myself. Though after a long time I realised that it doesn't really exist in the first place and it was a delusion in my mind, but I suffered what I suffered. Freud had said

Love and work... work and love, that's all there is.

I love a lot, I work a lot. I do not like wasting my time and I have learnt to love the right people with time. I used to think that living is grieving but it is not, it is the principle for the majority, but the majority is smart and recovers from the grief because most of them can't afford to grieve. Survival overcomes grief, though the grief stays in the corners of heart, when survival comes to the fore, grief takes the backseat. Grieving is the luxury of the ones who have not the problem of survival. There is a lot of grief in the world, and despite what people say, I do not think that empathy is a good thing, because those who cause suffering to others in this world would never empathise and those who are capable of empathy and choose to empathise would suffer more. People who love, invariably go through more grief than the ones who do not, and for people who love it is hard to believe that there are people in this world without an iota of love within them. Vincent Van Gogh had said

I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

And look how tortured he was. I have come to terms with my grief because as matured I realised that there is an indescribable amount of grief in this world and most of it, if not all of it is designed. I can't waste my time grieving on fake shit. In fact, I find myself lucky that I have the luxury to grieve about things, which the majority of people in this nation and the world do not have.