Internet is a trap

Dec 4, 2016

Last year at this time i had my things almost figured out despite having severe liver infection, hepatomegaly, and increased liver enzymes. I had relapsed twice, and my enzymes were at dangerous levels leading to an imminent liver failure. I lost my attendance and a few subjects, but i was never bothered about that because i my only plan was to be average and just be good enough to qualify for a PhD, while i worked on my projects on the side.

I was managing a lot of things, and battling severe depression due to a breakup and then a sudden arrangement of marriage that i did not approve of. I tried my best to convince my folks, threw tantrums, did drama, talk logic but it had to be the old school way, and i believe in peaceful solution and not taking the drama outside.

While all this was happening in my life, the bullying, stalking and spying continued, and i kept ignoring because i didn’t think i was so important, and also neither my intentions and nor i was wrong in any way.

I never thought that will go to the extent of digging up my past, my friendship, relationships, past and present affairs or the kind of pornographic material i prefer to watch, or stumble upon.

Neither did i think that it would go to the level of fixing mics and cams inside the house, and live expression of my sexual activities will happen on social media.

All this happened when it was i who was branded as a sexual pervert/predator, a cyber terrorist and what not to malign my reputation.

You can talk anything about a person, spread it and poof! You can see his reputation and credibility disappearing. You can wiretap a phone call and use those calls to ruin relationships. I was prepared for it, but then the social maligning comes and it is such a thing that becomes hard on anyone.

I’m a private person, and i need my space to continue with my work, and thus instead of trying to change the beliefs of people around me whom i love and associate with, i tend to agree with their ideas, informing them my ideas when they are ready to accept them. It is the most sane and logical thing to do as people tend to react violently when their ideas are opposed. Well, this approach of mine was used against me. My sexuality was used against me, and thus since then i have almost discarded sexual activity.

These people who did this to me, are either extremely stupid or have a deluded sense of vigilantism without having enough understanding of how it all works.

I pushed it when i saw it, only to see them respond. I’m being proved as being against the system and the establishment which is never the case. I responded to injustice and stupidity. You do not destroy people for actually, almost, no real harm done. But the percepts freedom, and equality are bookish and thus you actually can. I was aware of my mistakes, and they stemmed from personal, especially health, and social issues i was undergoing back then. Still, i took responsibility for it, apologized.

One of my major faults was having a Guy Fawkes mask as my DP, and showing a revolutionary attitude, which i actually have in some amount but i doubt it was destructive in any manner until i was forced to fight and respond to attacks against me. Funnily enough my responses were again used against me.

There has to be a resistance, but i believe in the positive kind, helping people with health, educating them and other such things, but then as one thinks more, he keeps getting trapped in conspiracy theories. My main agendas were to continue my research, which after i was forced to drop out of my course is very difficult; and have a motorcycle and chest-box of medicine and go out and provide for people who can’t reach out to health benefits. Before that i wanted to know enough, about medicine, and about the system, and i was pretty much quiet about it until i was psychologically torchered to blurt everything out like a tape-recorder, since i’m neither a well trained secret agent nor a hardened criminal.

I was waiting for my family to get stabilised, because i believe that one has his dues. Once i would have become free, i could’ve worked on my things, but this external stupidity has ruined it for me. Now my life is in pieces, i get gangstalked on a regular basis, i have to watch my language and watch what i click or watch over the internet, and it is difficult to work as a physician because you got to work on your cases and with so much on your head, it compromises the health of people.

Worst part of this ordeal has been that i was not able to reach out to anyone. Because talking things like, cameras seeing you, you being recorded, followed, people watching over you are sure-shot signs of schizophrenia, and one of the major steps in keeping yourself sane is not letting people think you are crazy when you’re not.