When your worst fears come true, life starts looking unreal. Unluckily for me, i'm well versed in the business of worst fears coming true and now i'm optimistic enough to not to believe that it is ever going to stop being that. Worse times filter the friends one have, and this flood has done the cleaning job for me which i would've personally found very difficult due to the hurting sentiments part.

My baba, one of the greatest men i've ever known is in ICU. Being the tough man he is, he survived a brain surgery at 90, though being a doctor i have no misconceptions about whether his body will be able to endure for long.

This said, i will resort to the best medicine humankind has, and that is hope. I'm finished and whatever wreck of me is remaining, if it survives at all, will be put in paying back the debts of people.

I've seen the beauty of it, the beauty of ugliness. The beauty of desires and the beauty of offence and of offence to power. Though unintentional in all respects, i find myself lucky to have seen it.

Funniest thing of it all is that after going through all this hell, the worst enemy of myself is still me. Looks like i'm too hard on myself. I don't even find myself getting angry on everything that has happened to me, the only thing i do is marvelling on the grandiosity of it all, and that too for a person like me.

I fight my animal, but the beasts are in full unrestrained play everywhere. I knew where i was wrong and even after not giving the benefit of doubts and the concession of knowledge i give to others i did fine. I'm living through the nightmare as one of the greatest man i've ever known looks at me helplessly from his bed. A joke which takes lives, this is what it was, it took my future, and most probably will take my life, but it gave me knowledge about the 8th sin, and that is trust.