Major

 Dec 29, 2021

When you go into depth, you see stuff. You see hidden designs. The loss is not so much of a problem than the feeling of loss and of it being irreparable. It’s just strange how people think. My fear was continuous and I spent that time utilising it for the good. I watched cartoons, listened to good music, and tried to DJ. Me wanting to be a DJ was not due to the desire of making people dance but just the appreciation for good music and wanting to create good music. It’s just so good when establishment is after you. For what it is not known, but then you expect that there is a system in place and everyone does their job diligently, which is not really true in case of India. With time you understand the system, but time can’t go back and you can’t get what’s lost. Only way is way forward. You gave yourself an impossible target and good thing about impossible targets is that you achieve the best you can do. In the meantime you got to see how low can the establishment stoop, and I must tell you that there is no limit to it. The establishment can stoop below the abyss and continue going down, there is no actual limit. You have been to the abyss. You are familiar with it. You know its nook and corners. When you visited the mental hospital for academic purposes you saw people talking to the American president and filmstars. Normal helpless people, common people. You saw a lawyer losing it, muttering the beliefs about castes he had, or maybe those were not even his beliefs. You see the system, the local system and how it is controlled. It’s all so boring, and things are kept boring. There is a structure to that system. A set of beliefs that drive that system and that system can be called as cruel. The beliefs are simple, you got to tie yourself to the study table and qualify a government exam and then you are considered to be successful, people other than that are expected to do business (not respectable), become criminals or join politics (to later control the government officials). I have no regrets for not walking on the beaten path, one, because I just couldn’t do it because of my disability and handicaps and two because later in life I realised that it was really a waste of time.

What do you get when you try to force someone’s twitter persona on his personality? You get an ass fucking that you will remember whole of your life. It was fun while it lasted. It’s actually strange how people not only think the people from underdeveloped areas are beneath them (that may be wrong but actually people can’t be blamed because of their conditioning) but do concerted efforts to sabotage them, I mean if you really considered them beneath you why make so much effort unless it is sadism or naked show of power ofcourse. The establishment here is busy stealing my mental designs and mocking me for it, I find it hilarious, I am an artist I can create more, I have no issues with it, even though it’s petty thievery. But doesn’t capitalism also mean paying people for their ideas? I am not against capitalism but consider me against it if it is petty thievery. What if the government is stealing my mental designs, well, then I will just consider it a tax and service to my nation, I am a patriot you see.