Mancave Caveman

A lot has changed in the past years. In the past decade I have learnt a lot about life and the world. I used to have interests, like books, music, literature, comicbooks, movies. I used to have interest diffrent genres of literature and music. Some of which I still have. I like rock and Indian classical when it comes to music and I also appreciate genres like funk, Dubstep and quite a few others. In literature I like noir, weird fiction, gothic fiction, science fiction and cosmic horror. I used to love quite a few videogames when I was young, and I still collect videogames. I used to play Motocross Madness, Half-Life, Max Payne, Tribes and countless other games, not to forget the 8-bit Nintendo games. The world has changed and I suppose, for the worse. The optimist in me has been overpowered by the realist in me who believes in scientific evidence and looking at the world at present it seems like the crabs in a bucket game has advanced to the next level. Other than work I'm happy to be in my imaginary mancave with my books, games and hobbies. I keep myself busy with writing and hobbies so that I do not have time to get depressed. I have a few blogs that I write regularly in, including a blog for homeopathy and another for books and philosophical content. It was a tough past decade but then I braved it making it way easier for myself then it was supposed to be and now I'm at a quite peaceful place. The country is ill-managed and people are mannerless but it all stops to matter once you are at home and in your mancave with your books and games. 

Vice Town

I got attracted to transgressive fiction after I had dabbled in noir. I took it as reality of the society as I judge life and the world by its bottom-line. And I was not wrong. Transgressive fiction lives with us, just behind the curtains. It's the things in our life that we shove beneath the carpets. It's the truth that is visible in the shady parts of the town. It's the truth that is not explicitly detailed in the newspapers. The writer that introduced me to transgressive fiction was Chuck Palahniuk. He was already famous by writing Fight Club back then. Then I got acquainted with Bret Easton Ellis of American Psycho fame. I grew and realise that transgressive fiction is actually the actual truth of the society. Sex is a taboo in our society and yet we collectively think of nothing but sex as it is clearly visible on social media now. Crime is documented by the newspapers on a daily basis. We meet psychopathic and narcissistic egoists on a daily basis, without identifying them most of the times. The truth of this nation is transgressive and it probably applies on every nation in the world. This kind of fiction is not built for every stomach though. But it is the actual truth of the society. You go in shady parts of the town and you see women selling their bodies and men selling drugs, and you find no law there. The same law that reaches you instantly if you don't turn off your loud  music post ten pm. Transgressive fiction lies in the lies women have told about how many men they have slept with and how many of them have manipulated them to sleep with them, it lies in drug habits of men that they have hidden from their families. A writer just speaks the totality of truth and it becomes transgressive fiction, capable of shaking up the society. 

Not Enough Bad To Be Antihero

 I was in college when I discovered noir. It was and probably still is one my most favourite genre of storytelling. I found the idea of a cynical lone detective or a lonely guy fighting with rampant criminality and corruption around him. Noir has a cynical tone to it. The hero, often an antihero, doesn't trust anyone. One of the best noir I have personally read is in the short story anthology, "The Baum Plan for Financial Independence"  by John Kessel (I recommend you read it) . I have a collection of American pulp noir but never actually found the time to read it. In the present world noir has lost its relevance except of course in comic books and graphic novels and probably superhero media. Noir can't be written in an Indian setting because corruption is a norm in this country at every level. Anyone who stands against corruption here invariably finds himself dead or in jail. That doesn't mean that one can't read good noir here. A lot of my early short stories that I had written had a cynical tone to it. But then you mature and realise that there is already enough negativity in the world so you stop writing cynical stuff. Though what I write now (some of it) can be branded as outright crazy. A good noir is a pleasure to read, I don't watch film noir and I'm not interested in them. I like written stuff. The country would be developed and westernised enough in a few years to base an American style noir here. Though by then people would have been so locked in their identities, socially, financially, psychologically and digitally that if would stop to matter. Another genre I like is transgressive fiction but that would make another post. 

The Tea Stall Ride

I have always liked riding bikes. I prefer light off-roaders and cafe racers instead of heavy superbikes and cruisers. I like dirt bikes but they are not actually available in India for mass use. There was a time in this country when you could ride into the countryside and drink tea at a chai stall. The chai stalls still exist, just the innocence in those chai stalls is a bit less. I'm not a biker. I just like riding bikes sometimes to get away from my problems. Recently when I was thinking of buying a bike, an off-roader, my family pursued me to buy a scooter as it will be more useful for doing daily chores, and I reluctantly agreed, for who has the time to ride bikes into the countryside anymore. Riding bikes needs a mindset. Otherwise it's just a means of commute. A vast majority of people in this country use bikes as a means of commute, as they can't afford cars. They ride ugly bikes designed to be useful and save fuel. So, here, riding for leisure starts to feel like entitlement. I have owned three bikes, one was an XCD 125 when I was in school, another was a Pulsar 150, and then during college, I had an RX 100. All of them were courtesy of my family, and the first two were for commute. The RX 100 I had during college was for commute as well as for what they call "shauq". It was a great bike and I thoroughly enjoyed riding it. My family owns a Royal Enfield too but I have never been a fan of heavy bikes. I like light and nimble bikes, and now, mostly off-roaders. I don't have the time to ride anymore, otherwise I would have got myself a bike instead of a scooter. I would have had four bikes in my collection, an Xpulse 200, a Royal Enfield Himalayan, a cafe racer and one other for city commute, either a light cruiser or a street bike. I gave away my RX 100, but I think if I ever start collecting bikes RX 100 would definitely be in my collection. 

Biking is fun when you have a group of friends. You ride to your destination, stop at dhabas and chai stalls, have a bit of fun and then again get back on the journey. Though when life starts to get real, these fun things get left behind and then you book a taxi for where ever you want to go. You can ride solo or you can go with friends. Depends on the kind of person you are and the mood you are in. There are bike clubs, and people go to Ladakh on their Royal Enfields. I'm way past the stage of going to Ladakh on a bike because it's a cool thing to do. Though riding besides the tea gardens of Kerala, with friends or alone, still seems like a cool thing to do. 

Ashtabhuj

I was working on a novel since 2011. It's a fine concept, though the idea for it is basic so I would reveal it now that I'm not planning to write it anymore. It was about two factions who were fighting for dominance, one was a secret university and the other was a corporation. The novel went into history, archeological relics and Indian folklore and beings such as Asuras, Daityas, Pishachas and others. There was a lot of tradecraft, style and adventure in the novel. Unfortunately in the present world it all becomes redundant, so I decided not to write it, even though I might write it for personal pleasure.  The deal about writing a novel is that all stories have been told before, it's how you write it, present it and the treatment you give it. At present I'm not able to exercise my imagination as I was able to do before due to the daily hand to mouth survival, but I do get ideas. I had gotten an idea for a space opera, a neo-mythological noir and some other ideas. 

I have come across comic books that effortlessly blend Indian mythology in to modernity and those which present Indian mythology with a style that doesn't look cringe and yet is stylish. The growth in me as a writer is that now I have depth. Even though language still remains a concern for me as I have not been able to be as good in English Grammar as I would like to be. Even in my daily writing, I never check or edit my drafts, and just post it. I find editing and checking my drafts as a waste of time until it is a body of work I really want to be presented well. 

Indian pop culture has collapsed. Though there are still a few comicbook companies that are producing average to good content and incorporating Indian mythology and folklore in their stories. I, however l, don't pay much attention on the collapse of Indian pop culture. I read a good comicbook when I get it, and I write, though not much of fantasy and fiction now, but I write a lot. The novel I was working on had a working title of Ashtabhuj (eight handed), which would probably also have been its final title. It was generic concept but the work I had done was good enough to make it a good, interesting novel with a lot of adventure, tradecraft, mythological and folklore elements. 

Standup Comics

People have different interests, some are movie buffs, some collect fishes, some build terrariums, some collect stamps, some read books etcetera. I like reading. I had a collection of comics when I was a kid. Recently, post coronavirus, I saw comics readers connecting with each other on Facebook. Memories of my childhood came flooding back to me when I saw them discussing comics that I had read in my childhood. It was odd at first to see grown men discussing comics books, but then I realised that they have no shame discussing comic books and actually there should be no shame. I thought, then, to rinkindle my childhood love for comicbooks. I'm not a collector anymore, and I'm unable to go deep inside comic book worlds as I used to in childhood, but my love for comicbooks is a relic from childhood that I can preserve. It is a expensive hobby, collecting comic books, so I just read them, now mostly on my kindle. The problem now is suspension of belief. In the grown up world you gotta be on your toes all the time to survive and suspension of belief becomes a very difficult then, even if you are enlightened enough to know that there is no reality. The problem with knowing that there is no reality is that other person who is neck deep in survivalistic approach and a master in crabs in the bucket game doesn't know that there is no reality. There are other more practical reasons for why I'm not able to suspend my belief for reading comics but those are political and not worth discussing. There should be no shame in reading comics at the age of 34. Why? It is better than getting involved in useless politics and harming or sabotaging others, which is a national sport in the offices and workplaces of this country. Following your hobbies is like practicing non-violence. You are putting your energy in something productive instead of getting involved in useless survival games. Though one should not believe that those who have hobbies do not play the survival game. People can have hobbies and they can be assholes. People can read comics and they can be assholes. But there is also a population with hobbies that is enlightened enough to put their energy in their hobbies instead of playing useless survival games. These people choose their corner and be in it with their hobbies. Though in this country there is no guarantee that even if you are quietly in a corner minding your own business, you won't be harmed. The soul of this country is rotten, despite having one of the best philosophy, literature, scriptures, mythology and civilization in the world. How can soul of country be rotten despite having such a diverse and rich culture? Because those who run this country believe in only three things, resources, power and pussy. A person quietly reading books and comics in a corner, minding his or her own business is not safe. But that's okay, because it is here this person gets the chance to use the superpowers he gained from the comics. 

Lithium Eon

 A blog should be presentable. Life should be happening to write a blog. People show off their lifestyles on Instagram and blogs are not a rage as they were in the mid to late 2000s. People have chosen social media on blogs. I prefer blogs and I write, mostly because in school and college I wanted to be a writer. What do you write in a blog when life is not happening but just hand to mouth? You just write your thoughts. I write a lot. I start a lot and then it takes a downward spiral into existential philosophy, not this one though, or maybe just a little. 

Even though I write a lot and have been writing since a decade, I don't want to call myself a writer because I do not fulfill my standards for calling myself a writer. This blog actually is made for being a cozy place where I discuss less of existentialism and more of things and subjects of my interests. The tragedy with me is that I unintentionally found out the knowledge that makes every good or bad thing about life redundant, but then I still have interests, mostly because I'm still breathing. My interests are mostly books and wonders of nature and the universe. I'm not a very materialistic man except for what is needed for survival and security. The past decade has not been very kind to me but then I have learnt a lot and that counts for something. As I said this blog is just my cozy place, because I write my existential bullshit elsewhere, but then as I write I realise that due to the tremendous suffering I have gone through in the past decade even my cozy place has become dark. Though hopefully I would be able to salvage it. 

Since the past few years I have been trying to salvage my interests. They are mostly comic books, off road bikes and things related to martial arts, I won't be bragging when I say that I have a tenth dan black belt in Bullshido. It's a lot of work, knowing how shit the world actually is and still trying to salvage your interests to fight off the anhedonia. I remember during college when I used to sit in the balcony and smoke Dunhills alone, listening to Kurt Cobain. I found him cool back then and listened to him because I thought I was cool. It was a great time. Looking at the night sky watching wisps of smoke from my mouth trying to reach the moon. Back then I had a lot of hope for my future. I used to think that I would be able to work in the field of neuropsychiatry and would be able to save a lot of people. But just a couple of years later the truth dawned on me that I can't save shit, I can just alleviate temporary suffering in exchange for money and I can save a few lives to extend their suffering, knowing that those who don't suffer won't be coming to me in the first place. I used to think Kurt Cobain was cool, I don't think so anymore. Now I just find him a good painter who left his masterpiece for the forensic guys. Listening to Lithium now just aggravates my dysthymia.