Mad Ramblings

Mar 112 min read

I wonder how it should go. There is so much reality that being delusional is not much of a thing. I look at her daily and it pisses me off sometimes. She is just too out of way. I do not like such people, who are too good at theirand too cocky and extremely selfish at the same time, but isn’t it all the ingredients for success? I was like that once except the extreme selfishness and cocky part. She is right most of the times, and i can’t let her see my perspectives so that’s a no go. Remedy needs to be on my part, why am i being troubled is due to the opportunistic and rude behaviour which gets on my nerves but then it is an epidemic now a days or as i suspect since always.
There is a remedy to this and that remedy is the single remedy to all the situations. Implementation is important and as much as it is important, it is to be done correctly. Finding out the reason is important because if it is important enough to trouble me, steps need to be taken.
‘Do not’ is the thing here. At any cost.
My days are just passing and there is a lot of work to do. I need to finish my work and presentation because college is getting tough these days. And then i have exams too. Jaundice fucked my semester along with other things which includes my own disinterest which stemmed out of conditions. So basically its a topic per day and it will be done with. I hope. The thought and the reason should fuel this. This is cool.
Mar 12

There is no substitute to hardwork and their is no substitute to pushing the wall. To be really clear about the principles, information and values is not that difficult. Afterall being a master means that. So here when the fear tends to creep in the heart, one is reminded of environmental studies. It is funny how judgemental people are, and survival of the fittest seems to be the motto of all those who are either fit or wicked. I avoid playing with people especially lower class fucks but then i love it how they put all their energy into peaking in other peoples soul. Thanks to my x ray vision that i do not have to peek a boo much and it is all like a naked dance which people do in front of me.
Subjects give a fine dopamine release, but it should give serotonin too.
Cells, respiratory, circulatory, and so many more system arranged so neatly and connected with fibers and chemicals to perform one function that is survival. It does sound like magic.
The problem is on whole different scale and there is no need for solution. The desire forces you to seek the solution and you know that you won’t be able to know it ever but seeker needs to seek. Need is the word here.
Mar 132 min read

The worst thing about not knowing is that you can not know what you do not know, not at the time you do not know it. Things can be better or worse but when barriers are lifted, it feels like a release anyway. The road looks clear, and the horizon looks as if we can reach there.
The level at which things are, i can only imagine. Skills do not have end, they may have limitations but they are endless. The amount of botherance that is taken, is unbelievable. For the controllers, control is keeping the others ignorant, and if you can’t do that make them afraid or confuse them. We may believe in one god or a bunch of controllers. The nature of controllers and the skills are divided for every department. This is how it is in hindu and greek philosophy. Gods divided according to philosophies.
In the system, anarchists are always demons. Gods in hindu mythos live in utopian settings, where it is all fun and pleasure. Demons do not live in hell. Hell is a factory for demons. It is where they are produced, not the original ones, the factory made ones. Original demons have godly qualities. Factory made ones are disfigured and ugly.
A strange thing would be to be demigod with a demonic curse. The one from the mythos who suffers due to fate. Paradise and heaven are not the same thing.
Anarchy is a truth, just as how control is. It should be known. But you can not practice controlled anarchy, can you? And i really doubt if there is anything like respobsible anarchy. Anarchy is just chaos, and i think this is what it is meant to be. The fun thing is that it is difficult to deny the order in the chaos.
Mar 132 min read

This gets on this level. The thought travels through nerve imulses and chemical messangers to bring about changes. Belief works like that. Things work like this. The potential unleashes like this. It will feel different at first. I am not this but this has already happened and from here who will take the reigns is the thing that matters. Let everything and everyone do the part of work that they a required to do. Getting down on this level and when faced with the thought and the setting, the thing to know is to decide and to do it and to have a choice is an option. And when the reality is not working, while going back it is necessary to face the setting in a better way since the other original setting is causing a closure the best option is another extremely and if possible best suitable setting should be used to dwelve deeper and to steer according to wish. It is true that originality will lack but it will be complete in its own way.

The hatred for disordered means an extreme fondness of order. Is order stability? Or stability a form of order? It gets difficult to know.
Something being too heavy that it crushes. It crushes so bad that the effect goes down a few levels down.
The option here is either taking away the force for rebuilding or creating an alternate universe where the force loses its power or the effect. Other thing which also could be done is rebuilding while fighting the force and pushing it further while gaining so much strength that it can’t crush or even break anymore.
Mar 162 min read

So i take up this heavy work and hope to continue it. I think i should not only hope but also do it for sure. It matters a lot to me and when i REALLY take up a job i tend to finish it.
The past year has been a hiatus, an incubus upon me. I have had made my presumptions and am unsure if my assumptions are right.
I can work according to my plan or completely change it accordingly. It has been extremely risk and i am totally aware of the lack of smartness it contains with in itself.
Planning was never my thing as far as my personal life was concerned. I plan my assignments, my work, my cases but i do not plan my life. I tend to throw myself in, which ofcourse like all things has a reason.

It has been a long long time and the awareness refuses to settle down. I have actually reached somewhere in this thing and i think it will do pretty good.
I have a little priorities of my own. Whenever i go home i am reminded of what should i be actually doing instead of doing all the other things. But i have done those ‘actually’ things so much that it has bored the shit out of me.
The level of escapism that i wish to find out is extremely difficult. After so much of a struggle a little escape from a bored pathetic life is not bad.
Escape to the lala land. As i had decided earlier. Lala land is fun and frolic, actually.
Mar 21

I want to pursue somethings, but deep down i know that it is all about pleasure and pain. A culture which is so suppressive, so oppressive but still a good system. I have worked, fought, have been misunderstood, have mistaken myself and still persisted. What to do with all this pain?
One answer you should take me for sure, whatever good doing, greatness, efforts for others people do, it is all very selfish.
I am so good that i was almost destroyed. This is what people do to goodness, they trample it. One can only escape, either by fighting, running or crushing the competition. Now when the competition is more what people do is whine. Seeing thing as they really are is a difficult thing. One got to be very practical and pragmatic about it.
Mar 27

If i have this belief now and all of tbis that has happened to me is actually reality then how shall i take it. This is a great time to be alive and i have done much effort now to prove myself right.
It was when i still used to feel the same pain and the reason behind it was seething slowly continuously. It is a harm which is only a harm because of a belief and a desire. This has come to this level now and it gets even better. Pain tends to be fotgotten but my best moments are all pain. They are painted in pain, twisted in a strange manner which i would really find awkward. I must have thought of it as shameful sometime but shame has a very short halflife with a reptilian brain functioning in the background.
Banks, paperwork, stamps and such things and here the real problem comes to picture.
This is solvable and first requirement is limiting it. Self-limiting things and diseases have way to much in common. Now what is responsible should be responsible and thus when we think of the background and ideas arising with it, we can have much fun with it.
It was all about doing it and then having fun. Before that it was all conditional and this is how you do it. This has one option and this is the option.
Well fuck this shit. Crazy men should walk on the face if earth with their balls hanging beyond the rainbow. I am good enough to know that he is being good. It was all deep and dead. Nobody knows how something like yellow soil gets around.

Naked bodies lying around. Nakedness and such things. Nakedness is a process of unhiding. Only when one is strong or has nothing to lose or is extremely brave.
Be naked. Get naked. Show off the organs you hide but the ones that detoxify you and give you a new life. People are fucked up. Just as the way they are. People are really fucked up.

Vaginas and penises walking around in the world. Copulating for various reasons. Sometimes just for fun. Many a times just for fun.

Hot chics with nice ass as they call em. Women are meant to smell good to men. Many of them.

It happens like this and one can get fucked beyond repair.
Now it is like humans can have emotions and fight the wrongs and can see how strange it all is. What does it matter? People do matter. Only reason one can fight beyond any reason and reasonable doubt. In the light of the day beyond a reasonable doubt i should right one page a day to return to the light saber we have.